Bollywood Nite

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Our finished product... The glittery elephants. Interestingly, just as we were giving the final touches to the elephants, I came across a newspaper article on white elephants outside Buangkok MRT station in today's paper, hahaha, went to "warn" my colleagues to be careful ah, or else we may be mistaken to be staging another protest since there is yet another station not opened :)

Tonight's the night... Tonight is staff appreciation night!. Frankly, I kind of feel worried and dreaded a bit because I know that I will be meeting a lot of people within a short span of few hours and I am always so anxious with meeting people... but thank God for a wonderful night and I have really did enjoy myself... I actually forgot about the anxiety and even "courageously" went about taking photos for people :)

Today also marked many firsts for me... first time running about a clubhouse bare-footed, first time being chosen as "best dressed" (though I cannot understand how I got chosen) and had to dance on stage... first time (believe it or not) holding a lady's hand... well OK more like walking arm-in-arm... can imagine how awkward it initially felt but then I thank my "partner" for being so sporting and we just "went all out" to dance as best as we can... Also got to take a small step to overcoming my fear of cockroaches when I had to climb up and down in the hall as me and my team was putting up the decoration... Anyway, it was real amazing how a group of people who have no experience in interior designing at all, managed to get the whole hall done up in bollywood style, just within a few hours...

codfishy: The Book

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I am really now contemplating converting this blog into a book. I did chance upon Blurb but too bad it does not support blogger as yet.

But why? The blog is not at all interesting and the grammar at times could be atrocious. But, it is not meant to be a book for others or for sale but more for myself.

This blog has been part and parcel of my life and I would like to convert it into something hardcover and offline that I can hold and touch; something that I can take and reminisce from time to time. Not because I am narcissistic or something but this blog has meant a lot to me, it has chronicled my life for the past one year plus and also my walk with God. Although it is not a 100% chronicle of my life but then I try to remain true to it and would say that it is almost 90% a true chronicle. Just as the theme song of this blog, Journey, suggests, it is a journal of my ups and downs and the lessons I learnt.

As such, I would really like to see it become something more than just an online blog. Come to think of it, if one day this blog disappears from the net, I would really find it to be a pity because it would be like my memory has disappeared. Anyway, all I can do now is just wait until Blurb provides support for blogger or a similar service becomes available. I am not sure how much it is going to cost me but as long as it is not extremely expensive, I would go for publishing it for my own keepsake.

Giving Birth to Baby Elephants

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Snip Snip, Spray Spray, Paint Paint... It must have been many years since I last attended art class doing just that... Really never would I have thought that I would be doing something like that again hahaha...

Tomorrow is my organisation's staff appreciation dinner and me and my colleagues were busy with the final preparations for tomorrow's event, anticipating more than 300 people... One thing I like about my current organisation is that despite it being huge, it remains very clear on proper stewardship of what God has blessed us with, focusing on only necessary expenses on the care of our beneficiaries. Over the last one year plus I am here, I can see this from the working culture here, especially in my department; every little thing we do, we try to spend wisely and prudently; using donated furniture, making sure we consolidate our stationary purchases and using discount cards, taking buses whenever we travel for work purposes, whenever possible. So as you may have guessed, we have no fanciful budget for our staff dinner tomorrow. So, literally everything is in-house produced, none other than, by us la :)

By mid afternoon, some of us have already kicked off our shoes, went down (literally) "on all fours" and started cutting white elephants. Nope, we are not planning a "white elephant" protest on some unopened train station, but we were preparing the elephants more for decoration for tomorrow's dinner. :) So I went snip snip snip, spray spray spray while my colleagues went paint paint paint, donning the elephants with golden trimmings :)

Giving the baby elephants the finishing touches :)

It is really fun getting all our hands dirty, working and having fun together as a department :) Guess I won't be able to really experience something like that outside (including how I had to scrub a donated cupboard and how I spent a long time walking around Popular bookstore to maximise the dollar :)). In fact, it was quite paisay that a prospective volunteer walked in and found me "on all fours" without my shoes on, cutting the elephants :)

I really do thank God for bringing me to this place. I am not sure how long I will be here but in the meantime, I am grateful to have such nice colleagues and all the nice people I have met here... really, from the bottom of my heart.

The department's war-torn floor

Stepping Down

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Click to view the enlarged letter

I finally made the decision... I am stepping down from another external commitment... it is just getting tiring and I need to do something for myself... I need rest. So off went my "resignation email" this morning to the chairperson of the council, sharing with him my decision. I hope things will work out fine.

The $2 Dilemma

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As I mentioned in an earlier post, my days seem to be filled to the brim with little time for rest. However, I wasn't feeling well lately so I had to cancel quite a number of appointments and got to go back early to rest.

Today, as I was making my way home, a girl, no more than 14 years old, stopped me in my path just at the void deck of my block. Looking at her, I recognise that she is from a neighboring school because she was donned in their PE attire. Since I was listening to the radio and my handphone earpiece plugged in, I could not hear what she was telling me.

When I finally removed my earpiece, I was caught by surprise when she asked me if I could spare her $2. She told me her ezlink card is empty and she has no money to make her way home. I mean, I have come across older people asking me for money but a young student, well this is the first time. For the first time, I was really caught unaware and didn't know what to do... she seemed sincere. I didn't want to give her the money at first and asked if her teacher knows about it, but she looked like she is afraid to tell her teacher. Then I offered to help her call her mother but she told me that her mother doesn't have a handphone... I really didn't know what to do and the next thing I did, I took my wallet out and just whipped out a $2 note and gave it to her.

Source: Monetary Authority of Singapore

I do not know but somehow I do not feel comfortable doing that and did not understand why I do that too. I mean $2 is not much and giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may need the money. But then on the other hand, I am wondering if she is really genuine. I really don't like the feeling of being cheated. But most importantly, the image of her, a young girl, going around cheating people of their money just didn't go down well with me. Anyway, what is done cannot be undone... perhaps she is really in need of money... I will never know. It is one of those times I let my heart rule over my head. Just hope she is really genuine.

It's Been a Long Time
It's been a long time since I was last hooked onto TV serial... somehow the TV serials nowadays are so boring; nothing can compare to the TV serial in the good old days. But recently, I have started to watch this new TV serial on channel 8 at 9pm... "Happily Ever After". To me, it is a really silly story based on some Chinese folklore characters and deities. To me, it is a simple but funny comedy and for a long time, I have not had my eyes glued to the TV and watched something that made me laugh so badly :)

Source: Mediacorp

Who Do I Tell?

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Hasn't been feeling very well recently... not sure it's stress or what.

Full-House Schedule
Anyway, the weeks that follow all the way till April seems a little daunting, with almost every weekend taken up for meetings, gatherings and also with my cell leader training coming up and also my missions trip, one flag day and also a in-house training workshop to plan at work. In fact, come to think of it, I haven't really had a good weekend's rest since mid Jan... This week is also the same, with 4 engagements on 4 separate evenings but most had to be canceled because I am not feeling well.

In fact, things have gotten so bad that I have even thought of quitting my other portfolio in another professional body to solely concentrate on my work and on leading cell... Somehow felt that work and "CCAs" have consumed me so much I don't have time to really think about rest and also to develop my relationship with family and friends.

Cell Leadership Transition Woes
Anyway, I must admit I am getting a bit discouraged recently, especially with leading cell... I struggle a bit on whether I should blog about it because I didn't know whether it is healthy to grumble about my current transition into cell leadership. I must admit I am not coping well although I know that growth usually requires me to step out of comfort zone.

I know it may be my perception problem but then I just feel that the whole cell leadership transition thingy is not going very well... I get the sense that my current cell leader is no longer keen on leading cell and therefore she is expecting me to take over as quickly as possible. However, given my current work, I wasn't very proactive in taking over initially, which got her rather upset, thinking that I am not trying. I did have a good heart-to-heart talk with her and explained my difficulty but then somehow I still feel that her disappointment with me still seems to be there.

To be fair to her, she is a good person and I have seen her work with the needy before. She is a passionate social service professional and thinks of the needy first. I can empathize with her current situation: Imagine working in the social services and dealing with problems day in and day out and also having to deal with leading a cell which you somehow feel is not where your calling and gifting is in. Hence it is understandable that you have not much interest in continuing with cell leadership. At the same time, you have to also deal with a rookie who seems to be taking forever to take over and keeps citing "no confidence" as excuse... I understand how stressful that can be. But somehow, the pressure of taking over cell group is getting to me.

Then, to make things worse, I feel compared to another cell leader in training, who also stepped up at the same time as me but is also struggling. But somehow, my cell leader seems to feel he puts in more effort than me. And I too keep comparing myself to my cell leader and find that I am not as much an extrovert as she is... I am like a dead wooden block during cell... Then, I don't seem to be taking well to the training style of my leader... she is the frank kind of person and can be stern at times... so she tends to be straightforward and frank with her comments. I can get quite hurt by her frank comments e.g. my cell announcement email is too long, asking me to "mai lo sor" (don't be too long-winded). Maybe, like what stitch-giver has told me recently, I might be the kind of person who needs words of affirmation. Somehow, I feel like I am transported back in time till the time I was her "supervisee"; I really feared supervision with her... the whole thing seems to be repeating itself again.

Frankly, she is a nice person and she is a very faithful Christian. Without her and her prayers, I would not have come back to Christ but then maybe it is just a clash of two very different characters. I don't know how to tell her and I also don't want to tell my area overseer or else I will make things difficult for her. Sighhh... God hear my prayers and be with me and sustain me... Somehow I still feel I am not walking as closely with God as I would like.

Am I There Yet?
And it's getting frustrating that I do not seem to be achieving my resolutions as yet; I made a resolution to be punctual at work but am still late; I made a resolution to be financially prudent and take less cab but I seem to be taking more cab rides recently; I mentioned I would like to grow spiritually but that is something I am not very sure about, in fact, I am asking myself if I am growing spiritually further away from God; I resolved to lead a balanced life but I am still struggling with my work and external commitments. But at least I am making effort to get myself out of a few external commitments and also am starting on my healthy lifestyle routine.

Thank God for the Wonderful Things
Although things haven't been going fine for me in cell leadership transition, I can still see how wonderfully God works, especially these few days when so many good things have happened e.g. news that one of my friends is expecting [Background: yeah! new arrival :0) ] and at work, the right people and resources just seems to come at the right time and the right place... I thank God for that. And I also thank God that, although I was slated to lead cell discussion, I have been blessed with 3 weeks' rest because there was no cell due to prayer meeting, church CNY service etc.

Meet Man-nie

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Hmmm... some may find this post a little kiddish or somewhat unbecoming of a man's blog but then...

Meet Man-nie!!! Man-nie is my latest addition to my work desk... a gift from my boss. On special occasions, she (my boss, not the pig) tries to buy something for her staff. Last year was Don's pie, then Fruit of the Spirit and now... a little cute pig for the new year :) Love it's adorable eyes :)

They Don't Like Me

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Just over the weekend, I just had my cell group outing to Batam. Overall, it was a good trip because it was good having an opportunity for cell group members to come together to fellowship together and it was also the first trip for me to Batam...

Emotionally Draining Weekend
But, by Saturday evening when I came back, I felt so drained that the lethargy carried on till today... I had thought that as a Cell Leader-in-Training (CLT), I should take this opportunity to bond with my members. But even before the trip, I did foresee this is going to be a tough trip because somehow, I always feel so drained when in a group.

True enough, there were occasional awkward silences when I tried to talk to some people and I kept had the thought in my mind that "they don't like me" throughout the trip... Frankly, I didn't really enjoy myself... I know I had harsh on myself and this maybe a unhealthy perception but then somehow it just comes back again and again to plague me.

Throw In the Towel?
A close friend do know a bit of how much I am going through now and had suggested that I give up CLT since it is so tough. Frankly, I did think of giving up but then again, I keep reminding myself, growth does not come easily... the fact that I am struggling means I am coming out of my comfort zone. Anyway, CLT or no CLT, I have to face this issue of mine sooner or later... so why not now? The sermon yesterday was on the overview of the Old Testament and somehow, it was comforting to note that several people during the that historical time also faced struggles in their walk with God... And it is also a good reminder that we should not take God for granted because as much as he is graceful to us, He can also cannot tolerate sin. Maybe I have taken God for granted...

Anyway, I am still trying to see how much more I can grow and overcome my current struggles. I will also continue to remind myself that I must not take God for granted and remember that I have a powerful God; that I need not walk alone.

Thank God For Rest
Anyway, I really thank God for giving me rest this morning. I had quite a draining week and Sunday didn't seem to be enough rest for me. And so I had difficulty waking up. Today, there was to be a presentation to some organisation about volunteering and so I would be needed to report to work in the morning for the presentation. However, the person-in-charge called me on Friday to request for the presentation to be postponed. And so, thank God, that this came in quite timely because I can then take the morning off to recuperate. It was a good rest and I felt way better by noon time (though I can still do with more sleep :D).

10 Missed Calls
Remember I was blogging about this sister-in-christ who I lost my cool with and who my church is helping because of some issues? Well the last we were told to stop all communications with her, so as to help her. But apparently, she has been trying to call me and sms me and my sister, among many other cell group members. By the time service was over yesterday, me and my sister received more than 20 missed calls in just a short span of time. In fact, she has called my home quite a number of times so much so now we do not dare to take calls at home. Frankly, I care for her as a sister-in-christ and many a times, it is tough not to reply her or take her calls. But all I can do now is really pray for her healing as she works with the church who is providing her support.

Dado the Clam
Yesterday, I met up with my friends for a simple dinner. One of my friends brought along a new pet that she and her hubby has found on the beaches of east coast on Saturday; Dado the clam. According to my friend, this clam is a stubborn clam and refuses to open its mouth, hence Dado (Acronym for Die Also Don't Open) :)

Anyway, me and the other friend had a bit of fun teasing her, commenting how nice it would taste in Char Kway Teow or how we should cook it etc... After dinner, we even accompanied this couple to East Coast to collect some sand and sea water for their pet clam. But alas, I received news that Dado passed on last night... Farewell Dado...