What's Gotten Into Me?

Listen to this article

Somehow, I do not know what's gotten into me? This week is a gloomy week; maybe because it started off on a bad note. Yesterday, I was just so restless at work, not in the mood the do much... in the end, I just felt that it wasn't a productive day at all, I totally didn't do much in office. Somehow no mood. Things has gotten so bad, I decided that it would be pointless to go to work today in this current state and so I took leave. Feel kind of guilty not doing much at work so I rather be at home resting and preparing for cell group later. And the funny thing is that I don't even have a lot to do at work recently.

So much so I was contemplating to do a little spring cleaning in my office yesterday because my office was becoming a real mess (just like my home). I felt real bad when my boss walked in on Wednesday evening and casually remarked and requested me to maybe clear my in-tray, which had piles of paper on it, so much so the top tray is bent, threatening to give way anytime. No, don't be mistaken. Those are not work but rather things and documents I have put aside to work on at a later stage. But that day seems to never come. Somehow I kind of feel bad not being a good steward to the room that was given to me. I am indeed blessed to be given a huge office to myself but I do not seem to be taking care of it. Although my boss was not upset and made that request in an almost joking manner, I can't help but feel like the servant, in the parable of talents (Matthew 25:14-28), who dug a hole to hide the talent (which was believed to be money during that time).

The Parable of the Talents
14. "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them.
15. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.
16. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more.
17. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more.
18. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19. "After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.
20. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21. "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22. "The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23. "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24. "Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.
25. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26. "His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?
27. Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28. " 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents.
29. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
30. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

Even though I would hate to admit this, but cell leadership, at this point in time, is taking its toll on me liaoz. I do not know whether it is because of the combined effect of this week's gloom that I am feeling this way but then as usual, I keep telling myself that I cannot do it because it is just so difficult. But even as I type this, it is clear that things hasn't been easy but then one thing is true: that God has again and again for the past few weeks, allowed different parts of the bible to minister to me as I prepare for cell. This has been so week after week.

The Lesson from Naomi
This week, for various reasons, I decided to cover about the book of Ruth. But rather focusing on Ruth and Boaz, which was the characters discussed during sermon, I just seem to have the feeling that I should cover Naomi instead in the book of Ruth. It was a radical choice (and last week's sermon, which was to be covered for cell today, is on radical obedience, demonstrated by Ruth and Boaz) because nothing much is written about Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, except that:

• she had moved away from Bethlehem down to Moab to escape a famine,
  
• she lost her husband and two sons,
  
• lamented that her life is bitter,
  
• was blessed with Ruth (her daughter-in-law, a Moabitess) who decided to stay with her and follow her back to Bethlehem and
  
• later advised Ruth how to go about expressing her love for Boaz

But what we know is that Naomi:

• Has suffered badly because she had moved away from Bethlehem (God's land) for a Moabite land (similar cases also seen in:
• Abraham - he moved down to Egypt to escape a famine [Gen 12:10-20],
  
• Lot - who chose the "greener pastures" when the quarreling beween the herdsmen of Abraham and Lot made it necessary to "split ways". He chose the "greener pastures" which seemed like a good choice, but it was near Sodom and Gomorrah, full of sin and which was later destroyed by God. He also lost his wife [Gen 13 & 19]. And from later a family tragedy between Lot and his daughters which caused them to be pregnant by their father, who became the father of the Moabites (drama right?)
• Jonah - who refused to hear God's call to preach the word of God in Nineveh but went the other way, only to be swallowed by a big fish)

• Had been such a powerful witness of the reality of God so much so Ruth decided to follow her and her God.
  
• Does things in love, even the request to her daughters-in-law to leave her when Naomi lost her husband and her two sons and later even advised Ruth to express her love to Boaz

I have decided to cover Naomi, instead of Ruth and Boaz for various reasons: (i) I somehow had the feeling to cover Naomi and when I read in my bible commentary:

"obviously, Naomi's life was a powerful witness to the reality of God, Ruth was drawn to her - and to the God she worshipped... she (Ruth) became the great-grandmother of David and an ancestor in the line of the Messiah. What a profound impact Naomi's life made!"

I just suddenly felt compelled to cover Naomi, despite the sermon being otherwise, (ii) it would tie in with the line of cell discussion so far: two discussion ago it was about choices, then last week was about gifting and so this week about being an impact in others' lives and lastly (iii) it would tie in nicely with the call to our cell to reach out to people for the upcoming outreach event.

Naomi Laments about God & her Life
Yes, sometimes God do seem far away, as lamented by Naomi (Ruth 1:20-21):

20. "Don't call me Naomi, " she told them. "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.
21. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."

Psalm 9:10 and 112:4 reminds us of God's presence that all who are righteous will have light even in darkness:
Psalm 9:10: 10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 112:4: Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Having God in our lives doesn't mean it will be free of trouble but that we have someone Almighty within us when we are in darkness, trusting that He will deliver us in one way or another, just like Job, when he was tested by satan.

Sometimes, we turn away from God and God allows trials to help us grow. Leviticus 26:40-45 tells us:

40 " 'But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees. 44 Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them. I am the LORD their God. 45 But for their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I brought out of Egypt in the sight of the nations to be their God. I am the LORD.' "

Ruth further illustrates this point that sometimes God do not deliver in miraculous ways but will sure do, guiding our every day lives.

Naomi As Having Spiritual Impact
Then passages about God's salvation being for all people keep coming out:

• Ruth, who is a Moabite but became part of lineage of Jesus Christ
• Jonah who refused to preach to the people of Nineveh who he thought was evil and worthy of God's salvation, and also
  
• Isaiah 56:3-8

3. Let no foreigner who has bound himself to the LORD say,
"The LORD will surely exclude me from his people."
And let not any eunuch complain,
"I am only a dry tree."

4. For this is what the LORD says:
"To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose what pleases me
and hold fast to my covenant-

5. to them I will give within my temple and its walls
a memorial and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that will not be cut off.

6. And foreigners who bind themselves to the LORD
to serve him,
to love the name of the LORD,
and to worship him,
all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it
and who hold fast to my covenant-

7. these I will bring to my holy mountain
and give them joy in my house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and sacrifices
will be accepted on my altar;
for my house will be called
a house of prayer for all nations."

8. The Sovereign LORD declares—
he who gathers the exiles of Israel:
"I will gather still others to them
besides those already gathered."

Naomi has had a profound spiritual impact on Ruth so much so they became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ. What about us? What have we been doing/are going to do to become a spiritual impact?

Philippian 2: 14-15
14. Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15. so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Mark 4:21:
21He said to them, "Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand?

Then I remember a devotional I came across some time back: Let your Light Shine.

Yesterday, our devotion was on Mark 13 and the second coming of Christ, starting with the first word spoken by Jesus: "watch" and ending with the last word in the chapter "watch". Now this morning, I am reminded of the parable of the talents.

What are we doing with our gifting? Are we letting our light shine and are we behaving in Christ-like manner? Are we joining the ranks of people like Abraham, Noah, Joshua etc?

OK, what has began as a grumbling entry has showed me how God has continue to guide me in cell preparation. Yes, it is tough and I will still continue to lament sometimes because I have not learnt to let go and let God. Let's see how it goes. For now, I pray for tonight's cell discussion.

Let Your Light Shine

Listen to this article

Put Your Bible Down for a Day. Let your light shine.

by Dennis Stout
From: http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/areas/biblestudies/articles/070221.html

Recently, I was in Cincinnati for a conference. Our activities were at the Duke Energy Center where the entire west facade is a sign of 77 lights that spell out Cincinnati. The sign can be seen for miles as it adorns the skyline and has become somewhat of an icon of the city. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the lights were not lights at all. In fact they are just flat panels angled to reflect the light below. The result is a huge sign that impacts the surrounding community.

Isn't this our call as Christians as well? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be shining? Jesus tells us that we are the "light of the world." However we are merely reflections because Jesus is the true light of the world. We're just mirrors. But here is the catch. In order to be a mirror for Christ, we must be clean, focused on him, and in the world. Obviously a mirror is much more effective if it doesn't have dirt and grime impeding its ability to reflect light. I know at my house or on my car, cleaning the mirrors is a regular activity. The spiritual parallel is also true in that we must continually work to keep our mirror clean. Secondly, we must also focus on Jesus if we want to reflect him. We can have the cleanest mirror in the county but if it is not trained on Jesus, the reflection will be in vain. In fact it will be reflecting something else because you can't turn off a mirror. It always reflects, so take care in what you focus yours on.

Finally, get in the world. If you want to shine light on something, you must get reasonably close to it. Distance makes light less effective; so if you want to give light to a lost world, get in there and do it. You can't cook dinner by staying in the living room. You must go into the kitchen where the stove, pots and pans, pantry and such are. You can't take light to a place in which you don't go. It is important to note that Jesus left his safe, comfortable, and holy place to go into a dark world with the gospel of love. If God considered it necessary to respond in this manner, shouldn't we?

Let me encourage you to try something. For a day, lay down your Bible, pick up a tool, and go "live" the Bible. I'm not saying "don't study the Bible." But you may be the only Bible that someone reads—go live it for them, and live it well. The Bible does mention Jesus reading Scripture and even expounding on it. However, the Gospels are not about how well Jesus read, studied, prayed or even spoke. The Gospels are about the new covenant. God knew that this new covenant would be misunderstood so he brought in the big gun—Jesus. Well, today Jesus is back on his throne and God chooses to use us as his hands, feet, and light. The religious leaders of Jesus' day did not impress God with their knowledge, smooth talk, or strict adherence to the laws. He was impressed by a boy with fish and bread, a centurion with simple faith, and a leper's genuine appreciation.

Today, we have the Good News, but what do we do with it? Hide it under a bushel? No, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let … hmm, sorry, I digressed there. But wait, aren't those our instructions? If we are the light of the world, shouldn't we be shining? And if we are not the true light but simply sharing the light of Christ with others, doesn't that make us like mirrors and our light merely a reflection of his light? Like that sign on Duke Energy Center, shouldn't our impact to the community be great, visible, and even iconic? To put the great commission into today's vernacular, it might go something like this, "Go light your world—with my light. Be a mirror of me to your community. Go make a difference."

As Bad As It Gets

Listen to this article

Starting on the Wrong Footing
This week has really started on a bad note. Within the first few hours back at work on Monday:

• I found out that a couple of my colleagues are not well
• I saw how upset my colleague is because she is having "maid problem"; she is suspecting that her maid is stealing money from home
• I also learnt that another colleague's mother-in-law has got diagnosed with cancer
• I received an rather hostile email from the volunteer coordinator (who proposed to put down statements in her instruction sheets to volunteers saying that she will not accept volunteers with tattoos and ear-rings)
• Just last week, I made a decision to ask a visitor to our cell out for dinner but was rejected by him. Although I know I should not be too sensitive about it but then there is a part of me which will just think "Oh, people just don't enjoy your company".

Big Picture vs Feelings
I am rather upset this week. Just last week, I mentioned how this volunteer coordinator from one of my centres almost made my blood boil because she wanted to specifically put down on paper that we will not accept volunteers with tattoos and ear-rings and that we will also block access to volunteering to volunteers from a specific institute of education, just because of a few black sheeps. Then I responded, sharing my point of view. Early Monday morning, I received an email from her, copied to her boss and my boss, implying that I do not understand the difficulties managing volunteers as a lady and stating that the next time she will get me down to manage the volunteers when the next batch comes.

I thought that it would be useless to continue the "war" over email because both sides will not get our views heard. And so, I called her and affirmed her that I see her point of view and acknowledge her difficulty but also ask that she see the point that she could not do that because it has implications on the image of the organisation. She acknowledged that. Just as I thought that the matter had rested, a few hours later, she shot yet another email to complain about volunteers and this time, she say that there is no point in "saving the face" for our organisation when she cannot protect herself. My blood was at boiling point now and I was so tempted to reply, but I stopped myself from doing so. I later shared with my boss my frustration about sending volunteers to that centre to only get to handle so much backfire. My boss was nice enough to call the coordinator's boss to discuss the issue. The coordinator's boss later replied to say that he will get some male staff to support her in managing the volunteers. The coordinator replied to say that that is better.

My boss later pointed out to me that the issue might have been sparked off because the staff felt unsupported and frustrated by the challenges she faced, which might explain her behaviour. Immediately, I stopped feeling angry with her but became more angry with myself! I was angry why I did not pick that up. Trust me to be social work trained and in this case, I was so engrossed with the "big picture" and neglected the individual's feelings. Felt super horrible!

Thanksgiving
Despite all the things that has happened to me, I still want to give thanks for the following:

• I give thanks for the pain in my throat disappearing
• I give thanks for the opportunity to talk to a sister-in-christ who I was concerned about
• I give thanks for good colleagues again; was taking group photo to welcome our new officer and we had a wonderful time staying back after work to take the group photo. We laughed ourselves crazy when we had to take out phone books so the guys standing behind will not be blocked by the ladies in front
• I give thanks for work which has been manageable
• I give thanks for the chance to take a week's rest from preparing cell
• I give thanks for being affirmed when I was asked if I will consider taking up office in the executive committee in a professional association (which I agreed to think about but will most probably not take up considering I already have enough on my platter)
• I give thanks for a few major tasks being finished this week including finishing the report for the planning retreat last month, prioritising of a list of refinements for the electronic volunteer management system I am working on with my IT department now and also finished penning the welcome greeting and coordinating my department photo for our new officers' welcome
• I give thanks to God for my gifting in the area of IT, making it possible for me to work on the web community for my professional association and also on the blog for my cell
• I give thanks for the opportunity to meet up with an old friend from secondary school who was back in Singapore from the States. We met and visited Jurong Bird Park. Was great feeling going back there after so many years. I think the last time I went there was in secondary school. Also saw his DSLR camera, made me so tempted to get one... always loved photography. But first have to pick up some photography skills first :)
• I give thanks to God for sending people around me to encourage me on in my spiritual walk and for a friend who, despite have not kept in touch for very long, never fail to send me "devotional" smses, which sometimes speak to me and is so apt for the week's cell group discussion. This week, we have covered the book of Ruth in the Old Testament which spoke or Ruth and Boaz's radical obedience, is like a beautiful water lily coming out of muddy waters, in the midst of darkness in the history of Israel as written in Judges and 1 and 2 Samuel. And the sms came on Monday:
  
  "Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness Psalm 112:4. God sometimes puts us in the dark to show us that Jesus is the light"

Frankly, I haven't been getting enough sleep recently... I do not know what to make out of this but then even though I am getting used to serving as cell leader, my weeks are still very stressful, having to prepare for cell and also deal with issues, projects at work and also external commitments. I am cutting down on my external commitments now and proactively trying not to take on projects.

I am also starting to worry about cell; about where we are going to meet when my former cell leader leaves the country, about upcoming events and the biggest worry of all: how to build a relationship with my members. Deep inside me I know that I need to meet them to build a relationship with them but this is causing me much distress because I am just not the kind of person who would ask people out for dinner because I have so many "what ifs", what if there is nothing to say, what if I am rejected etc. Just last week, my former cell leader reminded me again that I needed to spend some time with some of my members. Good reminder. The problem is that I already know that but just find it difficult to do. In fact, I am finding it so difficult to wake up every morning, I feel like taking leave to just sleep at home. I am praying for my situation.

Love the Passion
I thank God for a person who I had just walked in to my organisation. He is this young guy who has a strong passion to work in the social services. It was a wonderful 3 hours of talking to him and sharing about my experience of working in the social services. Talking to him about my job and working in the social services just lightened me up.