God is Real

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I have mentioned in the last entry that the lyrics of one of my favourite songs, "One Thing I Ask of You" spoke to me recently... It's a beautiful song; the words are simple but meaningful and the tune composed is pure music to the ears, adding the "umph" to worshipping God. And to top it up, this song is composed by a fellow Singaporean, talking about national pride :)

Since, I was blogging about the song, I actually visited Gavin's website again today, after a brief visit some time back. His blog is amazing! As I read through his blog, it somehow gave me the impression the this blogger is someone who is much older than me but when I saw his profile, I realised that he is very young... but look at his spiritual maturity. If you have a chance to also look at his portfolio, you will not fail to see that, though he is young, he is a very talented guy who has written many songs and also designed many websites, brochures etc... Really, I am glad that he is using his God-given gifting and frankly it has touched people, just like how it has touched and impacted me in its own ways. His testimony has also shown me that God is real and how God has worked a work of miracle in his and his family's life... Frankly, I do share similar struggles with him and despite all the difficulties, he has continued to stay firm in his faith of God... in a way, it does inspire me because we have an awesome God.

My favourtie verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

A personal appeal: For those who have yet to receive the gift of salvation from God, I make a personal plea to step forth. This is a gift that is unconditional and which requires no purchase. Christianity is not a religion as may be defined by our identity cards but it is actually a relationship with our Creator.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." - Revelation 3:20

I thank God for all He has done in my life, not forgetting me even after I have forgotten about Him for many years. He paved the way for my return and equip me with giftings that I can use for the benefit of others. He has also given me opportunities to be a witness of His great love and grace and He has used me and my experience of being a backslider to further reach out to those who have strayed far away from Him.

Here's a beautiful song by Gavin which I find all so meaningful for indeed I can not be more grateful to God for His mercy and grace...

The Joy of the Lord

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Funny how much difference a few hours can make... I remember feeling rather rotten yesterday, with everything that went horribly wrong. I know it wasn't really a big issue but it really bothered me.

Finding Peace in the Lord
(Picture "Cursi Words" by verzerk) But this morning, as I made my way to work, I somehow felt more peace. For the past few days, I have tried to find time, as I travelled to work on the bus, to have a little private chat with God. As usual, I was having this private chat with God when the words of a song in my mp3 player suddenly spoke to me. Just as I spoke to God and told Him that how weary I am and how I would just like to commit everything at work into His hands, I heard the words from the lyrics of two of my favourite worship songs, "Complete" and "One Thing I Ask of You"...

One Thing I Ask of You
Anyway, this song seems to be written by a Singaporean, Gavin.


From "One Thing I Ask of You":
One thing I ask of You And this is what I seek That I may dwell in Your House O God
Yes, just as I would like to dwell in the house of God, I would also like Him to dwell in me. How then can God dwell in me with all this anger?

From "One Thing I Ask of You":
I'll be joyful Lord always I will pray to You unceasingly I'll give thanks to You In all my circumstances

From "Complete":
So, I lift my eyes to You Lord In Your strength will I break through Lord Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me I know Your love dispels all my fears Through the storm I will hold on Lord And by faith I will walk on Lord Then I’ll see beyond my calvary one day And I will be complete in You

Yes, I would claim James 1:2-4 which says:

2. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3. because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James says that when, not if, one faces trials and tribulations, we should face it with joy because it helps develop us so we may be complete and whole.

Deep inside me, I was thinking to myself:

"Why am I so upset? I can't control how others think and feel, so why am I taking responsibility for the way others feel? Anyway, don't I used to believe that every experience, no matter good or bad, will always leave us with something that we can take away; a lesson. Ain't one of my philosophy in life 'giving others the benefit of the doubt'? So why am I not giving my colleagues the benefit of the doubt that both have reacted this way because they may be stressed up?"

A Good Day
In fact, the day turned out pretty well. Firstly, I give thanks that another friend of mine, who works in my neighbour department and who I also copied my email to her, did not take my email negatively. Then, I give thanks for the opportunity to clear the air when the director from my neighbour department called for a meeting to discuss the issues that we are facing. I do hope that things are indeed well now after the meeting. I also thank God for guiding the mentoring session I had with my new colleague. Today is the first time I am meeting her to see how she is doing at work and I thank God for a good session. I also had the opportunities to share with her about my concerns about the email she sent to the neighbour department yesterday and I thank God she took it rather well and even went on to acknowledge that God maybe teaching her about patience.

A Different Thanksgiving
At cell group meeting this evening, while most gave thanks for things that went well, I was surprised to find myself giving thanks for the problems I faced this week. I thanked God for granting me the wisdom and patience to not react to these challenges and to also provide support to my new colleague. I guess that when you really have the joy of the Lord in you, things would be relatively a breeze. Yes, we will still face challenges but we are assured that God will be watching over us and guiding us as long as we are doing God's will. I also thanked God for watching over my sister who nearly met with an accident when a car did not stop at the pedestrian crossing where she was...

I also thank God for blessing the cell group. It has been a rough few weeks and cell group attendance haven't been regular after we multiplied, mainly because of the dynamics I guess. Not only had we to deal with forging our own identity apart from the people who we have shared our Friday nights together with for a whole year, we also had to adapt to new members from another cell which has merged with ours. Cell groups have been rather quiet and my cell group leader was initially rather frustrated and disappointed.

But yesterday, I truly enjoyed cell, the fellowship and everything went well from ice breaking, to thanksgiving, worship, word and even supper. Everybody seemed to warmed up to one another even though there was a visitor to our cell. There was deep sharing about how God has made a difference in our lives and I think that helped to motivate everyone as well. I even openly shared my experience (again) about how I came back to Christ, my wallet incident and also the struggles of a backslider... In recent weeks, I also noticed that I seem to be praying in tongue though I cannot be very sure if I have really been given the gift of praying in tongue. But one thing is for sure, tongue or no tongue, I am a little more confident about praying now, though not in groups.

Scary People
There was to be some external high level meeting at the ground floor today involving heads of agencies from other organisations and they rented our hall for the meeting. It was tea break time and my boss came to ask me if I was keen to go downstairs to say "hi" to a few of my friends who were also here for the meeting.

I went downstairs but soon felt out of place and so uncomfortable. Other than saying "hi" to my friends and talking to them for a while, most of the time, I found myself standing there alone eating... Frankly, I don't really like such kinds of meetings because I can sometimes see so much "fakeness"and I just refuse to be part of it. For example, some people may have an opinion about something but it is surprising how quick their opinions change when they speak with someone who feels otherwise.

Then, there was this awkward incident which involved me talking to a friend and another person whom I am supposed to have met but forgot her name... we were talking and suddenly my friend asked the other person if she knows me and she said yes and went on to mention that we worked together before. I do find her familiar but since my memory is really failing, I can't recall where I seen her before, let alone her name... So I frankly apologise and asked her for her name. She then told me her name and it yes, it now rang a bell... I used to work with her organisation but it was a horrible experience and I didn't like their organisation. Then, my friend actually joked to say that I only remember pretty girls' name (seriously I also do not know why she said that). There was a bit of silence... I didn't know how to respond... maybe I was like expected to say something condescending like "no la, both of you are such pretty ladies, just my failing memory". Seriously, I don't do such stuff.... ooo scary people.

Thinking of Sabbatical
Seriously, so much have happened recently and with the job offers, I do find myself getting more and more exhausted... In fact, I was so tired of coordinating work I actually turned down my cell groups leader's request for me to co-plan a BBQ session for my cell group and a friend's request for me to coordinate his housewarming. Feels kind of bad but then I am just very tired and would like to take a break from coordination work.

I don't foresee myself leaving my current job because I feel that I have not finished what I have been called to do here by God and I still genuinely enjoy my work and the company here. It is just that I am very tired and am thinking of even proposing to take sabbatical leave to just recuperate.

Better Working in the Backroom

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I have been experiencing quite a bit of negativity these couple of weeks and I am getting just so tired...

Edgy Period
First, I had to deal with the loss of 2 fellow workers, one of which was rather sudden. Then, I hear about some unhappiness arising since this is staff appraisal period for the whole organisation. Then I was taken aback by a colleague's action when she, either intentionally or unintentionally, divulged some info to my boss about another colleague... then I had that incident involving my website chairperson (though it seems to be settled now). Then yesterday, I was greatly upset when my article went through an extreme makeover. Then during this period, I keep getting volunteers coming back to me to ask me about their placement even after I have referred them to the centres... although I know my centres are overloaded but sometimes, I am just annoyed that I have to answer for my centres when they are slow to follow-up. Then today, I had to deal with some people's frustration and also heard about some awkward dynamics at a farewell lunch for a colleague today... I can't help but think this is a peak period for my organisation and everybody seems a bit edgy.

Emotions Fly High
I guess today's incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. I am currently engaged with a large-scale project which requires me to recruit and place a few thousand volunteers to help with fundraising in various locations island-wide, over a period of a month. Although I am not in this alone, I am quite stressed up, given the scale of the project. Maybe I am just giving myself too much stress. So, fearing I couldn't cope, I enlisted the help of a fellow colleague to help me with the scheduling and both of us will work closely with our neighbour department to schedule the volunteers.

However, I observe small hiccups whenever the location i/cs make changes to their shifts but fail to inform us about the change. It caused more confusion because we may have already scheduled a volunteer and now that the shift has changed, we have to call volunteers again to re-schedule them. In a recent case, a couple of volunteers had to be scheduled again and again because of this and this made my fellow colleague a bit upset; she felt kind of paisay (embarrassed) for causing inconveniences to the volunteers. Frankly, this is no good because it may result in volunteers having the impression that our organisation is inefficient. I can understand her frustration of having to deal with the influx of new placements and having to re-schedule existing volunteers.

Early in this morning, I think she decided that enough is enough and I got to deal with her frustration as she expressed her displeasure to me. Apparently, this time, she received a email from another colleague from our neighbour department informing us that another location i/c has made changes to the shift and so we had to re-schedule the volunteers in that shift. I guess that was also the straw that broke the camel's back for her. Many a times, I did explain to her that this is the first time we are trying out this method of scheduling volunteers for the annual project and it is far better compared to the manual method in the past. I keep telling her that these are teething problem and everyone is quite edgy during this period so we need to be cautious and sensitive in the way we go about things. Somehow, I do not know why I am so calm but then maybe it is not me to react or maybe God has already helped me to develop more patience? I did tell her that I will follow-up on the matter with the director from our neighbour department, to see how best we can tackle this issue. I then went on to spend the next few minutes carefully drafting an email about the issue.

I was careful to not finger-point because seriously that won't help during this point of time, what matter most is that we solve the problem. Anyway none of us was at fault since it was the location i/cs who changed the shifts without informing us who have caused all these problems.

Anyway, before sending out the email, I called the director from our neighbour department to discuss the matter. I wanted to call him to talk to him first before I send the email over so he will not misinterpret my intentions for sending the email. I also made sure I copied the email to my colleague and also colleagues from my neighbour department so they all know what is going on rather than just send it over to the director; this is not a complain letter just an email raising a concern to be addressed collaboratively.

The shock came after I clicked "SEND". As I was looking at my inbox, I saw a response sent by my colleague to the colleague from our neighbour department who told her to re-schedule the volunteers. Though it was a short email, it was nonetheless lethal because she said, in the email, that there seems to be some "missing communication link between HQ and the centres" and that this situation is embarrassing. Deep inside me, I sensed that this email shouldn't have been sent out and this might really spell trouble. I kind of resent the fact that my colleague did this because, while I can understand her frustration, I just cannot accept the fact how her email has just spoilt everything. It meant that the time I spent carefully drafting the email is now wasted. Frankly, I am quite upset that the email was sent and felt like telling my colleague that all future mails out should be cleared by me. But I did not want to make her feel I do not trust her. Anyway, I shelved this aside because everyone don't seem to be in the right frame of mind to address this, just in case emotions fly further.

True enough, I heard that the colleague from the neighbour department wasn't exactly thrilled to have received the email from my colleague. To her, it might feel as if both emails were sent to "attack" her even though my email (though long but) was clear that I was highlighting how the actions of the location i/cs has caused much inconvenience to us, including our colleague from the neighbour department. I wasn't even finger-pointing.

Better Working in the Backroom
This is really frustrating! Sometimes, it really feel like working in a backroom with little human interaction could be much easier, since I do not have to deal with human dynamics. This somehow makes me feel like staying as a ka gia (subordinate) forever because it seems that as one moves upwards in the corporate ladder, you will have more people working for and with you. That would means that you have to deal with more dynamics and differing expectations from higher management and your subordinates. So sometimes, better to be ka gia.

Maybe God is developing my patience since I asked for that 2 weeks ago. My friend joked with me and reminded me that I have to be careful what I ask God for because the only way to develop patience is to encounter people who will test your patience... maybe this is a test... sighhhh....

Email as a Tool for Problem-Solving, Not Conflict
(Picture "EMAIL Keys" by OmirOnia ) With email being a very common form of communication in our working world, I guess we have to be very careful how we draft emails and to know the spirit in which we draft the email in. Emails can be a potential source for conflict, as in this case. Over the past few months, I have come to realise that I have developed a style in drafting emails that seem to have went down well for many (although I must admit not all take to my style) and I really thank God for wisdom for that. When I sat down to talk to my colleague about email communications, I realise that my emails, though sometimes very very chiong hey (long-winded), have a few characteristics:

1. It is always drafted in the spirit of wanting to solve a problem rather than finger-point; I talk about the issue at hand or behaviour rather than the person
2. I focus on positives as well e.g. current effort already put in and ask how can things be better?
3. The intentions and rationale for the email is, as far as possible, communicated in the beginning part of the email so as to prevent misinterpretation of intentions
4. As far as possible, I try to talk to the person who I am addressing the email to to at least discuss the issue and prepare him/her that I am sending the email and explain the rationale before I click on "send".
5. There is a focus on "we" rather than "I" or "you" e.g. what can we do to resolve this issue?
6. Assurance of support towards the end of the email to show that I am also committed to doing something to resolve the issue
7. Email is (usually) properly structured to ease understanding
8. Using email as a tool for collaborative problem-solving rather than as a complaining tool i.e. copying to all involved unless it is a very sensitive subject. Leaving people out from communication can cause people to start guessing your intentions.
9. When I receive emails which made me jump out of my seat, I tend to wait a while before I draft a response or best, call the person.
   

Of course, I have more to learn and finetune because I deal with tonnes and tonnes of email communication with people every day; to centres, to colleagues, to volunteers and to other organisations.

codfishy Capture by Satellite

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Buildings spell codfishy... interesting! Make your own geoGreetings @ http://www.geogreeting.com

The Problem with Domineering People

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I sometimes wish working with people can be much easier; without having to deal with dynamics. I do not know what God is trying to teach me but this season, I seem to be meeting people again and again who I feel are controlling and domineering.

Things are Way'OK
Anyway, just a little update... things between me and my website chairman seems to be OK. I sent him an email and he responded. Things seem to be OK because he mentioned he is not much bothered by the incident and went on to give me some positive affirmations. I do hope he is being genuine. Maybe I had been too sensitive.

DIY!
Anyway, I ran into some problems at work again today. Recently, I had been tasked by someone to write an article for an event for a magazine. However, after frantically working to get the article together yesterday and sending it back to her for comments, it came back with amendments in about 60% of the article. This really made me very very upset... I mean, if you have an idea how the article should be then why don't you work on it? Felt like a waste of my time... doesn't help that I am a person who takes great pride in my work and so naturally I am not happy my work has been changed so drastically. And the article was re-edited that it reads more like a report than an article now... anyway, since she is in charge of the project and decided that the article should take shape as such, I also made a decision and removed my name from the bottom of the article... The article is no longer my piece of work and I refuse to sign off the article... In a way, I must also thank this colleague... seriously... because I know that I can be domineering at times and I can also be capable of something like that... so being on the receiving end reminds me that I should be cautious not to do this to others...

A Lesson on Being Domineering
This reminds me of the time I did my student attachment and had a misunderstanding with a fellow student. We were both working on a proposal and both of us did some research... when we tried to put the two components together, we had trouble working with the header and footer and so, me and my silly mouth proposed to put the section into Annex... little did I realise that the part that was supposed to go into annex is actually my fellow student's section. She just kept quiet and the next morning, she went to complain to my supervisor that I steal her ideas... While I had recognised that I was in the wrong but I still feel that this could have been handled better and she could have spoken to me rather than going to the supervisor, which may have affected my attachment grades. To make things worse, she made an allegations that I stole her ideas...

Thank God my supervisor seems to be quite discerning and there was subsequently a crisis that happened in the office which ironically saved me... someone from the office was threatening suicide and was holding a pair of scissors trying to hurt someone else... I didn't know what gave me the courage but I had to go and pin the colleague to the wall with another colleague. We pinned him for close to what must have been an hour and tried to talk to him. The psychologists came but could not get access to him because he was agitated and we could not let go of him... in the end, something told me to do deep breathing exercise to calm him down and we eventually got him settled down... I remember coming out of the whole episode at first not realising what has happened but when I was debriefed by my supervisor... I trembled badly... But anyway, that saved me I guess and I managed to get an "A" for my attachment.

OK back to the topic at hand... although I still know I was at fault for making that silly suggestion to put my fellow student's section into the annex, I still cannot forgive her for approaching the supervisor and even making an allegations that I stole her idea... but one thing is for sure, after this recent incident... I come out with a recognition how frustrating it can be being the victim of a "domineering" person and how I can sometimes be guilty of being domineering . But I still cannot forgive her for the false allegations made at me.

I will be extra mindful the next time I am on the verge of being domineering... so in a way I thank my colleague for showing me this. When I saw her later in the day, she seems to be quite nice to me, especially after I told her that I am going to remove my name from the article because I did not write the article (she did). But alas, something else happened that made me quite upset yet again. I came to the meeting and was told by another person that the domineering colleague of mine have decided that I will do the minutes... why didn't she tell me? I wasn't even asked if I can do it but was assigned to do it! And worst, I was told by a third party I need to do it and not by her! Anyway, because she was treating me quite well during that meeting that somehow, I just couldn't bring myself to be very angry with her. But one thing is for sure, I will think twice the next time I am being asked by her to do something.

The 3Hs of Leadership

"Figures leader 2" by lusi

Was also talking to another fellow colleague of mine in office and we were talking about leadership. He shared that he learnt from his boss that a leader need to remember 3 Hs: Humanity, Humility and Humour... a good reminder that leaders need to be humane and care for their subordinates, exercise humility and not be proud and also injects humour in his management. Good tip!

Making Mountain out of Molehill

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Argghh! This is infuriating! Really pissed off with the website chairperson who I had some issues with.

Today, I responded to a email from the committee asking when we are available for the next meeting. Just before I signed off, I made a small request and asked everyone to help to, in future, direct all emails to my personal mail rather than my work mail because I am trying to better manage my mails in view of the volumes of mails I receive through my work email everyday. Just that simple; a small request. Nothing more nothing less.

But the website chairperson chose to reply to everyone and, in my opinion, gave me a "lecture" telling me that it is "human nature" that people hit "reply all" when they reply and because I sent emails from my work mail account, it is natural it comes back to my work email. He then went on to suggest I should just stick to corresponding to the group using my personal email instead.

HELLO! I have been corresponding using my personal mail and everytime I receive an email to my work mail, I make it an effort to respond from my personal mail and also copy the email back to my personal mail. I frankly do not need him to teach me what to do! The reason why I guess everyone keeps sending to my work mail is maybe because initially I gave everyone my work mail account so they saved that into their address book. So when they send, it is understandable it goes to my work mail.

I know I shouldn't be trying to guess his intentions for doing so but then I can't help but feel he is unhappy with me after the last incident and after I responded to him saying that I do not foresee going back into the server since the project is over and the password has been changed by him so I cannot access the server. I can't help but feel he is trying to make me look silly in front of the whole committee by hinting that I do not know how to use email. Come on, it is a small issue and I wasn't even complaining, just making a small request to send all future mails to my personal account and does he have to make a mountain out of a molehill?

A Scottish Hill by JimmyLemon

In the end, I could not stand it and just drafted a courtesy mail to ask him if things are OK and if he is unhappy with me. In the email, I mentioned that I may be too sensitive but then I sense displeasure with me after the incident. I did also apologise (again) for the accident and mentioned that we all are doing our best for the association and it is just unfortunate this accident had to happen. I went on to also say, as the chairperson for website, I respect his decision for removing my access to the server to prevent future occurrences of such accident from happening, though I was initially taken aback by his move to remove my access rights to the server.

Seriously, he really spoilt my day... if things are not resolved, I will just simply resign from his committee and focus on my committee. Then he can have all the control of the server he wants.

God forgive me for my ranting but sometimes I just cannot tahan such people!