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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Friday, July 06, 2007

 

Gloomy Again!

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Aiyoh! Gloomy again!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

 

Where's Your Heart?

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Just came back from office. Well, I was kinda working but rather, was working on my other job as a cell leader; preparing for cell discussion tomorrow. The more I work on my cell discussion, the more amazed I become at how God works in my life. I mean, it is either (a) I am very good at conjuring up things and tend to always try to make sense of things, even though when they don't, or (b) God is real in my life.

Will I Ever Choose to be Cell Leader Again?
Frankly, if you asked me "Given a chance to choose whether you will be cell leader again, would you say yes?", it would not be a definite "yes" because there are really uncertainties that can really kill me. But then, as the weeks go by, I can really rest assured that as God has called me for this purpose, He has also blessed and guided me through the past few weeks. Being a cell leader, I have come to learn much about God and every time I prepare for cell, things just click together; the theme that week, all the experiences, the devotions I read, the encouraging smses I get, all tends to point to the same topic. It is just too far from coincidence.

Led to Cover Race
Take this week for example, church covered 1 Samuel during Sunday sermon last week and it was about placing confidence in God and not on man and human wisdom. That message has ministered to me, especially since I have a burden for people who are spiritually misled by man. And I went through the initial part of this week thinking that I am going to touch on this topic for this week's cell group discussion.

But then, as I read the Old Testament readings again, I felt led to touch on the Christian walk as a race and how it is not about whether we will run the race but how we will run the race; about how King Saul started the race well but was never able to finish the race well because of his heart (or lack of heart) towards God.

Then Tuesday's staff devotion was on revering God and how King Herod was struck dead when he was exalted by people to be God but did nothing to protest that; his failure to "give glory to God" cost him (Acts 12:20-24). It was simply about reverence of God or simply, our heart towards God. Then through my devotional reading on Wednesday for my prayer fast, it was from Matthew 3 about the Pharisees and Sadducees. Here's an excerpt from the July 4 devotional:


... Pharisees were like the President’s scholars of Jesus’ day. They were knowledgeable men who
studied the Law of Moses under the most famous teachers. The ancient historian Josephus tells us that they were deeply religious, known for following the Law carefully, and had the favour of the common people...

... The Sadducees, on the other hand, were from another Jewish sect, and clashed with the Pharisees on the interpretation of the Torah. They were known to be stricter, and drew support from the wealthier classes...

... But John the Baptist reserved some of his harshest words for this group of religious people. Think about it: the people who claimed to know God the most, missed the day of His visitation completely. Why? Because they had religion but no revelation...

... They were proud and pleased with themselves...

... ponder this: Self-conceit is dangerous. It is the road to deception. It will cause our hearts to turn hard and cold. Those who glory in their own achievements, social standing, educational background, clerical rank, denominational origin or family connections soon have no room for God in their hearts. The Lord is not impressed with any of these. If need be, He
will raise up sons and daughters from stones.

Chariots of Fire
There you go, another devotional on heart for God. Then, as I was doing research on the Christian walk being like a race, the story of Eric Liddell surfaced. His true story of how he won a Olympic medal and broke a world record. Wikipedia said:

During the summer of 1924, the Olympics were hosted by the city of Paris. Liddell was a committed Christian and refused to race on Sunday, with the consequence that he was forced to withdraw from the Men's 100 metres, his best event. The schedule had been published several months earlier, and his decision was made well before the Games began. Liddell spent the intervening months training for the 400 metres, an event in which he had previously excelled. Even so, his success in the 400 m was largely unexpected. The day of 400 meters race came, and as Liddell went to the starting blocks, an unknown man slipped a piece of paper in his hand with a quotation from 1 Samuel 2:30, "Those who honor Me I will honor." He not only won the race but broke the existing world record with a time of 47.6 seconds.


He subsequently returned to China as a missionary and died during World War 2. His story later became the movie "Chariots of Fire" which, unfortunately, I have not watched. Yet another story about developing the heart for God.

Work Ethics
And this week's theme also seems to be about my heart; my heart for God and work. Frankly, I thank God for an affirmation that I received from a fellow colleague this morning, about my work ethics. I shared with her that it is really by God's grace that I had been able to achieve so much thus far because the fact is that I have never worked as a volunteer coordinator before. But the fact that I have achieved what I have so far amazes me even. So, I thank God for guiding me and blessing me in my work. As I reflect, my work ethics is simple: I just believe in doing my best and committing it to God. I have been called to this role and this organisation and so seek to glorify God's name through my work. I may have undoubtedly placed high expectations on myself and in the process causing myself to feel real tired, but it is amazing how God blesses the work I do when I commit it to Him.

But at times, my work ethics will also land me into trouble. Take for example within this week, I have got into trouble with others because of my work ethics. Yesterday, I got into a minor situation with a colleague. Well to cut a long story short, it is one of those kind of "you don't do this, I can't do this" kind of minor problem. I guess the tension occurred because we were both focused on different aspects of the problem. On her end, she was feeling I was too uptight about the matter and felt that she will get down to it once she finishes her other tasks on hand. But my view is that we should always work to avoid lapses in systems; that work processes are intertwined and there is a reason for certain work sequence. Once work sequences get messed up, problems will occur. Yes, I am rigid and I guess it is the "J" part of my ISFJ personality acting up. But, one thing I am also glad about is my work ethics and belief that I should, as far as possible, sit down to talk things through when I sensed that there is a possible conflict with anyone at work. I apologised to my colleague and tried to clarify that I am not doubting her but was concerned about workflows. I am glad things are OK.

Then, yesterday, I was shocked when I received a call from a volunteer telling me she is confused whether they can go ahead with a project they are proposing to our organisation. On one hand, I and another boss said OK to the project but then this colleague called the volunteer yesterday and asked her why she is creating so much trouble for herself, when she can just simply come to sort donations. According to the volunteer, this staff sounded angry over the phone. That got me so upset because the miscommuncation reflected bad on my organisation and this is not the first time I have to firefight because of this colleague. Also, I believe that if a volunteer has a passion in something, do not dampen it and we can see how we can partner them, as long as they learn something from it and the beneficiaries also benefit from it. I made an effort to speak to this colleague to get her side of the story. Maybe, I am expecting too much on others with my work ethics.

Today, I was also approached by my boss to caution me to not, in my eagerness to help, unintentionally overstep my work boundary into other department's function. I know she had good intentions in reminding me this but then I was kind of surprised she was talking to me about all these in the open office. I also felt bad defending myself there and then too, sighhh... It all started with a group of volunteers wanting to organise some fundraising projects but because they are lost as to what to do, I have decided to put together an infokit and a template for them to guide them along. But on hindsight, I would agree with my boss that I seem to have overstepped my work boundary into the functions of my fellow department.

Actually, as I type all these, I find that maybe my work ethics would need some changing. Maybe, I should just be less "kay poh", less demanding on others and on myself and also less uptight about systems and structures. The more I type, the more horrible I feel about my work ethics, OK time for some change.

Thanksgiving
I thank God:
  • for passionate people in my cell group, who motivates me to carry on leading the cell,
  • that things turned out well for this sister-in-christ at her accident trial yesterday morning
  • that I was able to sit down to talk about the tension with my colleague
  • that I was able to share my testimony with another colleague, who seem to not be walking steadily in her spiritual walk
  • for being ministered to by a little book given to me by another colleague on accepting Jesus Christ to make a home in our hearts
  • for appointing me to cell leadership and for realising how He is blessing my leadership, speaking to me every week and helping me to learn more about Him every week
  • for a colleague who happens to be going to J8 and so helped me to collect my Ajisen card, which saved me the extra trip there
  • that I am doing well in my fasting
  • that I am learning more about cell leadership; that it is the heart to seek God, to serve and to minister and not so much the "ingredient" or doing the "right things". I pray that I will not lose this heart to seek, serve and minister.
  • for peace amidst all the troubles recently

 

It's Lying on its Back!

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When I logged on to my blog today, I almost got a shock of my life... thought I went to the wrong blog because there on the right side, I saw my moji lying on its back... ever since I put moji on my blog a couple of weeks ago, it has been this wet and gloomy thingy under the rain. But today, it is all sunny and it is lying happily on the tree hahaha... Yippy!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

 

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

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Just came back from church and a long chit chat session with "the girl who I am wondering if I am taking a liking for". Well, I am not sure how I feel towards her (since I have never been in a relationship) but then I do wonder how things will be like if we are indeed together :) She is a sweet, caring, genuine and very thoughtful girl. Today's the second time I sent her home from church in my cab and somehow there is this funny feeling inside me whenever I think about her on my way home. And as if not drama enough, the ride home will always be filled with English love songs; today's one is Can You Feel the Love Tonight? I don't know... maybe it is wishful thinking on my end but then it was really good time fellowshipping with her today :) Oh thank God the taxi driver was nice enough not to charge me $0.60... fare was $14.60 but then he gave me $6 back when I gave him $20. He even asked me to take care as I alighted from the cab. Nice right?

Remember liking the song from The Lion King, nice song...





OK, today's the first day of my fasting and I would say it is somewhat successful :) Started with the intention to do a fluid fast but then later convinced by one of my colleague to include fruits as well, which means I will be taking just fluids and fruits during the time of fast. Was easy and managed to resist buying food even though I saw my colleagues eating. Tough I agree but then the first day is always not easy to begin with la. Tomorrow, I am going to start to pray for the things on my prayer list and also for "the girl who I am wondering if I am taking a liking for" because I promised to pray for her. Will also be starting on my devotional reading of the 40-day fast devotion guide.

Monday, July 02, 2007

 

Blessed Birthday

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The Rain's Over!
Hmmm, realised my "moji" pet on the right has been "wet" for days liaoz (has been gloomy because somehow it seems to detect my blog entries have been gloomy). But then, for the record, things are better and I give thanks for a blessed birthday today. I really hope to see moji in sunny weather again :)

Sharing my Birthday
I also just realised today that I am sharing my birthday with my organisation's founders' day. Apparently, 2 July is supposed to be the day that our founder first preached the gospel in a Tent Meeting. Am also sharing my birthday with my director's daughter and also the welcome of my No. 2 boss to the organisation. What an eventful day :)

Blessed Birthday
I am indeed grateful for all the birthday wishes and smses and gifts I have received so far. Frankly, birthday this year has somewhat a different feeling, because I thank God for this life and for all His blessings throughout the years.

Starting my Liquid Fast
Today has also been a "full" and "bloated" day for me... never have I eaten so much that I felt literally "pregnant" and my shirt bursting at its seams :) But then, to be able to have food to eat is indeed a blessings; many in the world don't really have anything to eat. Anyway, talking about that, 40 day fast by Love Singapore seems to have started and I have missed it! Haven't done it before and not sure when it starts. But anyway, I have decided that given all my blessings, I will start tomorrow with my liquid fast for the whole duration of 8 hours while at work (except on days I am jogging with my colleagues), nothing much. During this time, I will specifically be praying for my cell's spiritual growth, my spiritual growth, for my church, for those who are walking away, lost and misled to be reconciled with God and for Singapore and the nations. Wow, a little 8-hour fast but then a whole lot of requests hahaha... but of course, though I know this is not supposed to be the spirit but I do of course hope to shed some pounds in the process hehehe though that is not the main focus.

The Day I Felt Bloated
Oh, ya, as I mentioned, had a full and bloated day today... had morning refreshments to welcome my No. 2 big boss to our organisation, then went for a "8-course" birthday lunch treat from my department colleagues at a chinese restaurant, followed by a birthday dinner treat by stitch-giver and another colleague friend in the evening. Woah! Full beyond words :)

Initially, I thought that I will just let it be a normal day and go jogging with my other two colleagues since today is "healthy lifestyle" day. But then, that did not seem to go down well with my colleagues and friends who exclaimed "are you kidding?! Spending your birthday jogging away in the park?!" Hahaha, I do know it sounded quite weird la but then had wanted to come back to maybe work on cell stuff and maybe just chill and watch some TV. Anyway, my guardian angel came back for lunch with us and upon knowing I had planned to go jogging, she said "don't go la" and jokingly "prophesied" that it would rain and have thunder and lightning.

Sweet Sweet Surprise
But what was really a sweet surprise was how stitch-giver and another colleague friend planned a little surprise birthday dinner for me. Frankly, I was really really touched because I really least expected it. I went to J8 with stitch-giver thinking that it is a simple dinner. But soon after, she excused herself saying that she needs to check the price of something for her mum. As I waited for her to return, I heard the voice of my colleague friend (who was supposed to be on leave today) and when I turned around, I saw them walking towards me with a small birthday cake. I am really very touched by the small gesture! Touched beyond words. Thank God for wonderful friends. Then, it was a simple dinner fellowship and we just had a good time chit chatting with one another... we laughed ourselves crazy at how "cryptic" my colleague was when they were preparing to come with the cake, that even in sms, he would say something like "the rooster is in the pen" i.e. to mean that he has brought the cake. It was a wonderful fellowship time with my fellow ISFJs (which I just found out). Thanks again stitch-giver and "A" :)

Thank You God
As I was looking through my blog for my testimony to share on my CG blog, I came across a letter I wrote to God in October last year and the thanksgiving is still genuinely from my heart, how God has delivered me and is still continuing to bless me. Thank you God for the work you have done in my life.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

 

It's Not the Words

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I am continuing to learn about being God's leader. As time goes by, it becomes clearer and clearer to me that it is not about the words i.e. what to say etc (which is my biggest struggle and fear in life). I continue to read about and see how God uses and blesses people, despite their flaws and shortcomings, as long as one has the desire to be in relationship with God and do His will.

Blessed Fellowship
I kind of worried myself sick about cell fellowship because it seems that not many people will be coming and one of my cell group members is also bringing a pre-believing friend. I was worrying about:
  • how the fellowship will turn out given the turnout
  • whether the fellowship will be successful since it is not planned and I really didn't know what it going to happen; there is no itinerary whatever
  • how I would relate to my cell members being the introvert that I am
  • how I would relate to the pre-believing friend given that I am such an introvert
  • whether the decision to proceed with beach volleyball in Sentosa is a good choice
  • whether the weather will be good
I worried and worried and worried. But there came a point I just decided that I am just going to leave it in the hands of God. I prayed to God to bless the fellowship and also sent an sms to everyone in cell for their prayers for the fellowship. I give thanks because:
  • the fellowship just went well
  • the weather was wonderfully fine (and I had a little tan as well, yoohoo!)
  • there was an available volleyball court and palawan beach was quiet given that there seems to be a family day and a games event going on, we were pleasantly surprised to be able to find an available volleyball court
  • it was a good time fellowshipping with my cell members and got to know them better even though I was like quiet most of the time; we even travelled to a quiet cafe in the CBD area to just chill out and chit-chat for almost 2-3 hours
  • our new friend seem to be interacting well and comfortable with everyone
So despite coming home with minor bruises on my hand and foot, I thank God for His blessing of the fellowship

"Saliva More Than Tea"
As a cell leader, I began with a great emphasis on numbers and I would not fail to become upset when I see few people coming to cell. For me, it made me feel rejected by my members. But recently, God has helped me to develop further to not focus on the numbers but to genuinely develop a burden for people who are walking away from God. It is not an easy burden to have because on one hand, I am concerned about my members' walk but on the other hand, I am a passive person and will seldom make the first move to approach to talk to my members about their walk. But, I thank God for opportunities to do so whenever there was the chance.

Just last Friday, I had the opportunity to meet up with a friend who has visited our cell but has since not been coming to service and cell regularly. I do know she is struggling with some issues and as such, has avoided coming to service and cell. I felt burdened and had wanted to talk to her but do not know how. Thank God for the opportunity on Friday when she asked if I would be keen to meet up with her and her friend. I agreed but her friend could not join us in the end. So it was just the two of us. We had a heart-to-heart talk and I thank God for:
  • Opportunity to share with her my burden about her spiritual walk with God
  • words just flowed out naturally; for once I did not have to worry about what to say next
  • bible verses and sharings just came naturally to encourage her on
I do not know if I had been "preachy" but then one thing I know is that I am not one who is good with words, so to have all the right words coming at the right time is a blessing from God. I hope God has used me to minister to my friend.

Lessons of a Cell Leader
I thank God for all the valuable lessons I have learnt as His cell leader. I have learnt:
  • It is not the attendance and number of people in cell but how many are ministered to
  • it is not the words we say but the word God speaks through the cell leader
  • it is not about programmes in cell but how the cell develops a heart of worship
  • it is not only about developing knowledge about the bible but also learning to experience God
  • it is not about the cell leader but about how he/she becomes a conduit for God
  • it is about a heart of service and servanthood
  • it is not about how much I prepare but how much room I also leave for the Holy Spirit to work in cell (does not mean we totally do not prepare)
  • it is not about the cell leader running the whole cell but everyone knowing his/her spiritual gifting and using it to grow the cell
  • it is about how we engage everyone in prayer and trust in prayer; that a christian life is not one free of troubles but one filled with God and trusting that He knows our struggles and will deliver us in one way or another and that we grow through the trials (reminded of a sms I received sometime back about how when faced we problem, we should not only say "God we have a big problem but also problem, we have a big God)
  • it is how transparent the cell leader is and shares his walk with his/her members and also walking the talk
  • it is not about God gone but whether we choose to hear God
Other Thanksgiving
I thank God for:
  • being able to finish tidying my office. Now it is much more tidier and the pile up on my intray is gone, my resources in my resource library is all tagged and shelved properly. So proud of my office now
  • being able to catch transformers with my friends... totally enjoyed the movie though the ending is a little lame and the bad guy just died too easily.
  • the birthday gifts my friends have blessed me with (though when people ask me what I would like for my birthday, I would not really know). I thank them for the wonderful sandals and earphones I received. Thanks guys!
  • the "surprise" birthday celebration I received from my church friends today; it made me feel appreciated. I really have to thank this sister-in-christ who helped put everything together. It is wonderful to see how fired up she is for Christ and how enthusiastic she is in cell. I did feel bad though because:
    (i) she thought there was going to be cell dinner yesterday and so made arrangements with everyone to celebrate my birthday. But then later I told her I could not make it, and so she had to change the date
    (ii) I was late for my ministry team worker training in church today because on one hand I did not want to disappoint her and cell for all the arrangements she has made but on the other hand also do not want to miss the training, so in the end had to rush to both places
    (iii) I had to abandon my friends for the training
    (iv) maybe I am too sensitive but then I only had five from my cell at the birthday celebration, the rest were from the other cell and when they sang "happy birthday", they sang it so slowly, almost like reluctant, sighhh... maybe too sensitive
    (v) I did not know how to react when my cell brought the cake into swesens and sang happy birthday there... I mean, maybe I am not used having the limelight to myself; I have always been used to giving but not receiving so I hope I did not react too unnaturally
    (vi) my sister later shared with me that we did not include another brother's name into the cake because he also had his birthday in June.
Praying for Others
Yup, today went for the ministry team worker training in church. So happy when I received my ministry team worker badge today... means that I get to pray for people in need whenever there is any healing at the communion sessions or at events... even taught about how to catch people when they collapse but I do worry about demonic manifestation :) Anyway, as I receive my badge today, I kept wondering if I would do a good job as a MTW. I keep reminding myself that being a MTW is not so much about the status but the desire to help to pray for people in need...

I felt quite bad because, even though my dad was facing some medical uncertainties now, when the pastor called for people who need prayer or those who would like to stand in proxy for family and friends who need prayer, it took for my sister to turn to me to ask if I would like to go to the altar with her to pray for my dad before I moved... then also, after service, ran into a sister-in-christ, the one with OCD, and I just didn't know how to react with her. On one hand, I can emphatise with her and want to tal to her when I see her walking behind my cell members but not wanting to come over but on the other hand, I had previous bad experiences before that whenever I start talking to her, she would start to "hound" me again and again asking questions about other people.

But one thing is true, my spiritual gifting is mercy and I do cringe whenever I see people hurting. Just yesterday, I was on NEL line with my cell members and I keep seeing this early 20s guy sitting in one corner of the train and tearing but yet trying to remain inconspicuous. I do feel hurt to see him hurting but then do not know what to do. I just hope that I will serve as a good MTW.

I Would Need to Work It Out
I received news from my NS unit that they will be calling me back for in-camp training in Sep. And I thought I was forgotten about. I really fear going back because everytime I go back for reservist and come back to work, the work that piled up in office would be quite a big deal to clear. Last year, I went for 2 weeks and ended up clearing my work for 2 months. And now, they tell me I need to wear my uniform back when I report. But the problem is, I have grown and I can't fit into my uniform liaoz. OK, work out time to work off those fast before Sep! And remember the girl I was talking about, whom I was interested in? Yesterday, my friends were talking about match-making this girl with another friend. Deep inside me, I am thinking" now again. It happened in JC and don't tell me it is going to happen once again. Don't know what to do, sighhh.

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