Remain in me, and I will remain in you.

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I always amaze at how God speaks throughout the week; to teach me object lessons about the topic to be discussed in cell that very week. It has been some time since I last felt this way, maybe it is also because cell had recently taken quite a long break.

This week, the sermon was on John 15:1-17, which gave the analogy of Jesus as the vine and how, we the branches, are to remain in the vine in order to be fruitful. And yup, at some point in the middle of the week, I just became so heavily weary that I had just wanted to call it quits for God's ministry; I had wanted to just let go of it all because it was becoming too tiring to care for people, to worry and be burdened for them, to get upset when I see people not walking closely with the Lord and yet not know what to do and I can do is just feel disappointed and even sometimes rejected. I was tired and weary and just as I was working on an life challenge with one member another crops up. Soon, I found myself asking if someone else would indeed do a better job than me because I had recently come to realisation that it is human lives we are talking about here.

But yet, if I take it objectively and think it through, it is true that God's purpose for this cell is indeed taking shape... I had slightly more than a year ago sensed from God that this cell was to be a cell for people to be restored; to be restored to Him and also to be restored after being beaten down in life. And from what I can see from what God is doing in the cell, I can really see it happening. And also, with all the various issues surfacing up, does it not show that people are opening up their personal lives for restoration? And hadn't I made a resolution to "be there for people" at the beginning of the year? Whoever mentioned that it would be easy? Someone has ever commented to me that my ministry seems "colourful" and indeed, as I reflect upon it, it is really by God's grace that I managed to survive through it all, all the highs and lows, the dramas in cell ministry. And I still strongly believe that God has a purpose for bringing the various people into this cell because the profile is so different and so is the calling.

But then, I had shared with KM on Thursday that though I still believe in God and trust in Him (because He had been so real in my life), I am just telling God that I can no longer take it. In the past, everytime there is a challenge, I will lift it up to Him and believe that His hands will be upon it. And yes, I can see how He works but then after a while, my confidence in myself in ministry just wanes and I ask God that I am not sure if I can hang on because I am not even sure what I am doing is indeed bearing fruit. Frankly, I do not have it easy either in my personal life and with all the challenges and also occasional unhappiness and misunderstanding between me and KM, I jst do not know how to proceed anymore.

But still, I thank God for bringing KM to my office on Thursday to just talk about it. She reminded me about the verse that brought my back to God, Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future), and I started asking myself why am I doubting when I can see God every step of the way? So, it began to got me thinking real hard again about the whole thing. KM has also made me realise once again that there are a lot of things which happen which I do not need to blame myself because they are conscious choice made by themselves and we have no control about it. I guess that is something I have to learn, not to self-blame for the decision of others. By the end of the week, I ended with the conviction again that I am going to walk right with God and just do my part, frankly, people, whether they choose to walk with the Lord or to walk with the Lord closely, it is their choice. All I can do is facilitate. God gave freewill in human to choose, just as the moment Adam and Eve chose to sin against God. Ultimately, if the Christian faith is to be a relationship with God the Father, then, in any relationship, one cannot force to love.

Just before cell started, I started to give thanks to God for everything that has happened this week:

• I thank God for having the taxi driver bring back my wallet which I unknowingly lost and for helping me to be able to find him again through his company. Sent his company an email to thank him for what he did and it does feel good to send my thanks (since I was so blur the other time when I last saw him and did not know how to react)
• I thank God that the pastor who I got disappointed with last Saturday wrote back to apologise for stumbling. Frankly, when I sent out the email on Monday, I was still a bit angry (though I had prayed for peace). But as I prayed, I asked God to help me pen the email and help me do it more with the purpose of edifying than venting my anger. I had sent out the email and had expected not to receive a response. But thank God the pastor responded and apologised. I guess the apology did comfort my heart to know that there is hope. We ended the email "conversation" wishes each other well.
• I thank God for helping me with devotion on Tuesday and for giving me the analogy of the Christian faith being like the airport. Everything just fitted together nicely and I was amazed how it came together and how God gave me that analogy which, in my own opinion, helps to conceptualise and explain the Christian faith rather clearly to me. I am now in the midst of preparing it for devotion with the whole building 2 thursdays later and I am actually rather excited and have so many ideas how to carry it out. May God bless my preparation and use me to edify and encourage others.
• I thank God for the cell coming together for prayers on Sunday and even though it was just a small group, I still thank God that the people had came together.
• I thank God for being chosen to be featured as a graduate on my college website and how they have helped photoshopped my face so now it is smoother and less oily and shiny. Well but I still look fat hahaha.
• I thank God for continuing to speak to me through Psalm 1 throughout the week for cell discussion yesterday. As I was typing the cell email on Wednesday night, Psalm 1 on the tree planted by streams of water came to mind. On the very next day, Psalm 1 was covered for my corporate devotion. Personally, I am blessed by the verse and it spoke of how I needed to continue to remain in God and be planted by "streams of water", as the tree had been, to be nourished.
• I still thank God for wonderful colleagues
• I thank God for bringing a volunteer to come to visit on Thursday and how we talked about our spiritual walk. I thank God for using me to encourage this volunteer and for also using him to show me about remaining in God's word. It was really evident that God used the session because I can tell He is present whenever conversations just flowed and I become amazed at the things I say; things that in the end also blessed me. Though I had not been prepared for the talk, God had helped me share about my own walk and how I had come to see God's word as powerful and also ministering, always at the right time. This young volunteer had shared how he is not part of any church (though he is looking) and how he is inspired by praise and worship music but finds reading the bible rather a chore. He was taught by someone that as long he prays, it will be OK. But I felt a prompting to share with him how I too jad struggle to read the bible but over the past 3 years, God had spoken through His word far too many times and soon it became cool to read His word because I had wanted to know what He had to say about certain things in my life and also to get to know Him better. And as I shared, stories of several people like Horatio Spafford, John Newton and Eric Liddell (as portrayed in the movie "Chariots of Fire") came to mind. I personally did not know how blessed he was but I personally was blessed through the words that God had gave me and spoken through my mouth.
• I thank God for showing me, before cell started, that what has happened throughout the week, has showed me what it means to "remain in Him" (John 15:4) i.e. to remain in His WILL for me and my ministry and his WORK of reaching out to people, to remain in His WAY from my reflection on the disappointment with the pastor, to remain in His WORD from my reflection on my talk with the young volunteer, to remain in His WORSHIP even through the darkest of moments, remembering His faithfulness, grace, love, hope and promise.
  
• I finally thank God for a fundraiser project that went well. Over the past few entries, I had mentioned how I had a terrible time managing the project last December but then as we came together to debrief with the staff, I thank God I was able to do up the debrief slides, to carry out the debrief confidently and to also motivate (I hope I did) with all the stories and affirmations from volunteers about the impact the project had on their lives. It was really great hearing some of the things that came out from my staff, who shared about their experience working with volunteers and how it was a joy working with them, how some of them became regular volunteers, donors and also supporters etc. I really feel great that after 3 years of hard work developing the programme, some are beginning to get the potential of volunteerism.

And cell went wonderfully well yesterday with many unexpecteds. Firstly, I thank God for putting into my heart to sing a beautiful song which I had heard recently, 有一位神，when I visited a colleague's mother's wake. As we talked at the Buddhist wake, my colleague shared how her siblings and family had allowed her to sing and pray for her late mother and when I saw the lyrics, something just spoke in my heart how maybe this song can be used at cell tonight. But I was doubtful because we have never sang Chinese worship songs before and I am not sure if the others know how to sing.

Anyway, the other amazing thing is how my cell is also one of the unique cells in my zone with young working adults and English speaking but has recently conducted our sessions in both English and mandarin. When I think back how everyone understood and felt at ease about sharing in both languages, it was just amazing.

Anyway, I thank God how when I went to the cell and when I asked about the lyrics, KM's mum actually had the lyrics. And KM chose yet another song, 一切歌颂赞美. Yesterday was so cool, singing 2 Chinese worship songs and 2 English worship songs.

有一位神


一切歌颂赞美


Spirit Touch Your Church


There are still so many things I want to thank God for cell:

• I thank God how the 2 Chinese worship song was timely because I actually found myself asking both KM's mother and sister to join us for cell for the first time and they agreed.
  
• I thank God that things just flowed during cell discussion and the words just came and people shared
• I thank God how both KM's mother and sister also shared
• I thank God for being confident in leading cell yesterday
  
• I thank God how another sister-in-christ shared about her struggle... both me and KM had been very concerned about how she was and we both, in a way, pretended that everything was the same to help make her feel comfortable. But it was great to hear her share her struggle during the sharing and how the sisters prayed for her later. I think it might also had been timely because her husband was away for his company D&D and maybe that opened her up in a timely manner to share her struggle.
• I thank God how she shared about how she is trying to cope with the struggle she is facing and how the love and grace of God had propelled her in surprising ways. I also thank God when she shared about how God answered them in a timely manner during their devotion time on Thursday evening when her husband started to doubt God and said there is no hope but the devotion just happens to be on having hope in God.
• I thank God that the Chinese worship CD which I had bought for this sister-in-christ came in handy and how it comforted her during this difficult period
• I thank God how I had the opportunity to speak to a brother-in-christ yesterday and for once saw him like opening himself up again and was able to pray for him. I had been rather affected by this brother and worried but also angry because I felt he wanted to go separate ways from God.
• I thank God when I hear how KM's situation at work turned around a bit and again how the love of God helped her in it.
• I thank God for all the material that I had been able to find for this discussion from Our Daily Bread, the worship songs, the analogy given by my sister about how the Velcro is useless when alone but is only useful when it is stuck to one another (another parallel to the vine and branches analogy) and the verse from Psalm 1.
  

At the end of the day, there were just too many coincidences and I thank God for working in all the various ways I had seen Him work throughout the week. Thank you Lord.