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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Monday, January 12, 2009

 

Through It All

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Hmmm, it's a new year and so I am really hoping that I can come back in more often to journal... have found back the joy of blogging, mainly because it helps me to put my life in perspective as I reflect on the happenings in life and frankly, it is also exciting that sometimes through it all, I can see God work. But then, one thing I have to admit that, given all that is on my "plate" now and with a new relationship, I do have to balance things because the reality is that I do not have as much time as often to come in and blog. And especially since I have made a resolution to be there for people more, that would means to say there is going to be a shift in my priorities. So blogging, unfortunately, would have to be lower in my list of priorities. In anyway, still hope to be able to come in often, if not regularly, to journal and reflect... I still like that.

The past week had been a little exciting with many things happening:

7 Jan 2009 (Wed) - Wow, I finally managed to get myself started gyming again and stop procrastinating about the whole thing. After all, I paid so much for the gym and especially after how they handled my suspension request, the more I wanted to make sure I used the gym. Wow, still sound a bit upset but then hahaha, nonetheless, felt that maybe it will also be good since I am not getting any younger and could do with more exercise. And since I have the gym membership, why not? Over the months, managed to cut down my weight a bit from 92kg to 89kg :D (but it's probably due to stress more than anything else since I have not been working out at the gym for the longest time). But yet, different people tell me different things: "you have put on weight" vs "you have lost weight"... confusing...

8 Jan 2009 (Thu) - Today marks the first day I took the bold step to meet my cell members to catch up. I had always fear asking people out one-to-one because I fear that there is nothing to say to one another since I am such an introvert. And yeah, it was really so... there was awkward silence in the beginning but then as time went by, we shared things and I had been able to understand my cell member more. A good start to my new resolution to focus on people more this year. I thank God for helping with everything. Now I have to think who else I need to connect with :D

Today, KM is also rushing her assignment to be completed by tomorrow. Frankly, it does pain me a lot to see her all stressed up about her assignment. And I know she had also been kept away from working on her assignment because of her lethargy at work, volleyball practice and also ministry so by this time, I was getting real worried for her. But thank God, she managed to get "off" tomorrow so she would be having a little more time to work on her assignment. After meeting up with my cell member, bought coffee for her, hoping to motivate her. Reached her house at 9 but then soon after meeting her, our AO called us to discuss about ministry and that conversation took almost an hour. So by the time we finished the conversation, I prayed for her and bid her goodbye...

Also thank God for speaking to me today about encouraging my cell members. For the past few days, I have been sensing a strong prompting to pray for my cell members (although I do not know specifically what some of them are going through). But I sensed that quite a few are going through challenges and prayed to God to show me how to encourage them. The first day I prayed, I flipped open my devotional and it was on the book of Job and about responding to adversities. The very next day, I prayed again and randomly opened my bible to a short devotional and well, it was about the book of Job again. And God later also brought me 2 verses from Isaiah 40 about adversities which interestingly fitted well... Thank God for the timely verses and managed to send an email to my cell with what God has set in my heart. Do not know if it made any difference but then I trust in God and just did what I felt I was prompted to do. Hope it ministered (though I received a sms from one of my friends saying I was "naggy").

9 Jan 2009 (Fri) - Today is the 7th month of knowing KM. But then since she was rushing her assignment and I had leaders' meeting later on in the night at church, we decided to celebrate our month-sary on Sunday instead. It was a happy day. In the morning, I received a message from KM telling me she has completed her assignment and was on her way to submit the assignment. Not sure why but then I felt a strong sense of relief, both for her as well as for myself. I have to admit that the past few weeks have not been easy because she had been stressed and it was painful to see her that way. And it did not help that while she was stressed, so was I and I did feel a bit bad not being able to support her much being in such a stressed up state myself. So when she mentioned she has completed her assignment, you can imagine how elated I was. Did not have time to get her a bouquet but got her 3 stalks of pink roses and I think I blushed when her mum asked me what 3 stalks of roses meant. :D

Later that day after lunch, I managed to finish printing all the 300 letters to certify my volunteers' involvement in a recent fundraising project. I thank God that I was able to pull it off successfully because all my colleagues chipped in to help in the "production line" (as they would fondly call this kind of work) and help me slot the letters into the envelop. As I saw how everyone responded to request for help, I once again thank God for this group of colleagues who are ever so genuine and helpful. I thank God for each and everyone of them and pray that this friendship with them will last.

Then later that day, I was supposed to work on the last 3 month's report and 4th quarter report on volunteer management to our organisation's management meeting because I had been putting it off for sometime, with all the projects I was busy with. Frankly, I have always enjoyed doing reports because, even though it is really tedious getting the report done, it bears witness to how much God has helped me through and blessed me through my work ministry, without fail. Everytime I look at the completed reports and it becomes clear that with all that is achieved, it could not have been me myself but with God's grace...

Over the past 3 months, with half a manpower's help from my colleague, we had been able to work with close to 400 volunteers, survived through the whole fundraising project which worked with another 600 volunteers, discussed and prepare the relevant reports and materials for a funding programme, send Christmas greetings to all our partners and volunteers, celebrated International Volunteer Managers Day and International Volunteer Day, attend to other organisation's study tour of our volunteer programme, work on the budget for the new year, make refinements to the volunteer management forms... wow! It has been 3 crazy months but I just find it amazing I was able to sustain through all these... glory to God!

That evening, I was to attend the leaders' meeting to hear our Senior Pastor share the direction for 2009. The ministry leaders will always do this every year and this is also a time to renew our commitments as leaders to shepherding God's flock. For the past 2 years, I have always struggled with the decision whether to continue with cell ministry but the funny thing this year is that, despite knowing how challenging it can gets sometimes in cell ministry, I signed the covenant without much hesitation. Something in me went "God, I have seen you at work through all these times, transforming lives and also blessing others through me. You have seen me through all these times and despite all the pains and challenges, I still trust in You and believe in the purpose you have for this cell to reach out to hurting people, misled and backslided people. I have seen it. You yourself has also drawn me closer to You and I just love to be part of what You are doing. In fact, it is always so cool to see You at work... things which I know is more than coincidence because there just are too many 'coincidences'". And so, yes, I am here to stay, knowing that the road may not be smooth-going. Nonetheless, I did pray for Him to allow my ministry to take shape this year and for things to be smooth going. Whatever it is, still I will trust in Him.


Through It All
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
Im carried in everlasting arms
Youll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Oh yes, after cell that day, went home with my sister and the blur me left my wallet in the cab. At 12 plus, past midnight, my doorbell went off and it did get me a bit puzzled who it could be at this hour. I struggled to the door and the cabbie asked with a deep voice "codfishy? you left your wallet behind". I was caught by surprise and said nothing as I took over the wallet, not knowing what to say next because I did not even realise I lost my wallet. Before long, the cabbie turned and walked away. When my dad found out about it, he asked if I had gave him a few dollars to reward him for the effort. But it was only then did I realised what I had not done. But thank God for a honest cabbie. If I am not wrong, I vaguely remember his name and will be writing to his company to commend him.

A recent incident at work made me wonder if I am a person who is really very stubborn and who speaks very harshly?

10 Jan (Sat) - Yeah! Stitch-Giver is getting married today! Woke up early in the morning because I needed to be back in my office by 9am to help with car park marshalling because her wedding would be held there. Managed to reach there slightly past 9 and as I was walking to office, met one of my friends who was on her way to run some errands. The interesting thing was how later, we realised that she had forgotten her keys home and so, I can only say that it was timely that we met each other and we just spent the afternoon away reminiscing old times and talking about our friendships, relationships and also briefly about our spiritual walk. I still thank God for the timely catching-up because I do not go to office in Saturdays and it was just great to be able to meet up with her and catch up. Hope God had used me to encourage her as He had used her to encourage me in relationship.

I do not know why but it seems like this year, I kept being asked to do car park marshalling for weddings. Just within 2 months, I will be doing car park marshal duty for 2 of my friend's wedding. But then, I must say that it was quite an experience and it did make me appreciate my church car park marshalls more. I have come to appreciate how they have to sometimes face difficult people. Other than 2 person who made things difficult for us, the rest were OK and cooperated with us. There was this gentleman who drove his car right in despite us telling him that there are no lots. I realised that I was not assertive enough but still I thank God that there were no hiccups and God brought another 4 people to help me. I also thank God for keeping me safe because several times I realised how I was standing so close to the cars that the tyres could have just went over my feet. But thank God I am OK.

There was one incident which disturbed me quite a bit... There was someone who drove up to us and I gestured for him to stop his car. When he wound down his window, I realised he was one of the tenant pastors who is renting a place in our organisation. The moment he wound down his window, he looked at me with this stern look and asked "what's the problem?" and when my friend came over and assured him that his lot is still available, he exclaimed "I am a tenant, why was I not informed about this function?" I was rather disappointed that a leader of God would behave in this manner. I am just someone who is a volunteer and one who would like to bless a friend for her wedding. Is there a need to be so ungracious. Frankly, I was rather disappointed, angry and disturbed by his remarks and I think I was affected the whole day... as a cell leader, I have learnt from God to love His people, be humble and gracious (though I still fall short in many ways) but his reactions really disgust me... I guess maybe that's why some mentioned that I looked rather deep in thought the whole day...

But nonetheless, I am still very happy to see my friend getting married :D

11 Jan (Sun) - I kind of look forward to meeting KM today because we are going to celebrate our month-sary. Though we still have little small conflicts here and there, we are still learning to be with each other. I thank God for helping us through the seasons of our relationship. And today, we will be celebrating God's faithfulness in our relationship for the past 7 months. Today, I was late again for 15 minutes because I had stood and waited for the Downtown East shuttle bus for close to 15 minutes but it did not come. But thank God that though KM seemed a little unhappy, there was no conflict about it.

Felt a prompting to pray for our cell members and I was able to get quite a few members to gather outside the worship centre after service to pray for one another... one of my members shared a miracle about how after he prayed for one of his wayward brother, an opportunity suddenly came for him to sit down peacefully with him this morning to talk things through and share Christ with him. It was also amazing how this brother actually for the first time listened and changed a little after the talk. It was even more amazing how he made his way to my member's house and described how he was lost but remember there was a church near his house and it eventually led him to his house. And it was amazing how he was also open to visiting the church. Maybe God is finally doing something in his life. For me, it is always inspiring to hear him share because though he is a new believer, I can already see how his life has changed so much and how he is in turn having so much passion to want to share Christ with his family and to see lives change. Seriously, he puts me to shame sometimes... Though I had been a little disappointed earlier this morning when I learnt that 4 of my friends had skipped service but his sharing inspired me.

Halfway through the prayer, we heard screaming and it was really scary because it seemed that someone was doing deliverance. And what made me shrivel more is that I realised how I had been praying for the same person moments ago and would he had manisfested, I would not have known what to do. But thank God that as we prayed, KM prayed for the person screaming away and as soon as we stopped, the screaming soon stopped too... I really hope the person is OK.

That evening, we went to celebrate our month-sary and watched Bedtime Stories. Though it had been a simple outing and there was a call in between to provide ministry support, I still enjoyed the night out with KM.

12 Jan (Mon) - Today, I made a decision and sent an email out to the Pastor to share how I felt about his behaviour. Though I pray and did not feel as angry as Saturday, I still made the decision to send the email. Frankly, I am not sure if I made the right choice sending the email but there is a part of me who wanted to express my anger and yet another part in me who wanted to edify by bringing this to his attention, hoping he will pay attention to it. But yet, there is the other part in me which wondered who I am to correct him and whether I am really doing it for the right reasons. Whatever the reason, I do not expect him to respond.

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