Where's Your Heart?

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Just came back from office. Well, I was kinda working but rather, was working on my other job as a cell leader; preparing for cell discussion tomorrow. The more I work on my cell discussion, the more amazed I become at how God works in my life. I mean, it is either (a) I am very good at conjuring up things and tend to always try to make sense of things, even though when they don't, or (b) God is real in my life.

Will I Ever Choose to be Cell Leader Again?
Frankly, if you asked me "Given a chance to choose whether you will be cell leader again, would you say yes?", it would not be a definite "yes" because there are really uncertainties that can really kill me. But then, as the weeks go by, I can really rest assured that as God has called me for this purpose, He has also blessed and guided me through the past few weeks. Being a cell leader, I have come to learn much about God and every time I prepare for cell, things just click together; the theme that week, all the experiences, the devotions I read, the encouraging smses I get, all tends to point to the same topic. It is just too far from coincidence.

Led to Cover Race
Take this week for example, church covered 1 Samuel during Sunday sermon last week and it was about placing confidence in God and not on man and human wisdom. That message has ministered to me, especially since I have a burden for people who are spiritually misled by man. And I went through the initial part of this week thinking that I am going to touch on this topic for this week's cell group discussion.

But then, as I read the Old Testament readings again, I felt led to touch on the Christian walk as a race and how it is not about whether we will run the race but how we will run the race; about how King Saul started the race well but was never able to finish the race well because of his heart (or lack of heart) towards God.

Then Tuesday's staff devotion was on revering God and how King Herod was struck dead when he was exalted by people to be God but did nothing to protest that; his failure to "give glory to God" cost him (Acts 12:20-24). It was simply about reverence of God or simply, our heart towards God. Then through my devotional reading on Wednesday for my prayer fast, it was from Matthew 3 about the Pharisees and Sadducees. Here's an excerpt from the July 4 devotional:

... Pharisees were like the President’s scholars of Jesus’ day. They were knowledgeable men who
studied the Law of Moses under the most famous teachers. The ancient historian Josephus tells us that they were deeply religious, known for following the Law carefully, and had the favour of the common people...

... The Sadducees, on the other hand, were from another Jewish sect, and clashed with the Pharisees on the interpretation of the Torah. They were known to be stricter, and drew support from the wealthier classes...

... But John the Baptist reserved some of his harshest words for this group of religious people. Think about it: the people who claimed to know God the most, missed the day of His visitation completely. Why? Because they had religion but no revelation...

... They were proud and pleased with themselves...

... ponder this: Self-conceit is dangerous. It is the road to deception. It will cause our hearts to turn hard and cold. Those who glory in their own achievements, social standing, educational background, clerical rank, denominational origin or family connections soon have no room for God in their hearts. The Lord is not impressed with any of these. If need be, He
will raise up sons and daughters from stones.

Chariots of Fire
There you go, another devotional on heart for God. Then, as I was doing research on the Christian walk being like a race, the story of Eric Liddell surfaced. His true story of how he won a Olympic medal and broke a world record. Wikipedia said:

During the summer of 1924, the Olympics were hosted by the city of Paris. Liddell was a committed Christian and refused to race on Sunday, with the consequence that he was forced to withdraw from the Men's 100 metres, his best event. The schedule had been published several months earlier, and his decision was made well before the Games began. Liddell spent the intervening months training for the 400 metres, an event in which he had previously excelled. Even so, his success in the 400 m was largely unexpected. The day of 400 meters race came, and as Liddell went to the starting blocks, an unknown man slipped a piece of paper in his hand with a quotation from 1 Samuel 2:30, "Those who honor Me I will honor." He not only won the race but broke the existing world record with a time of 47.6 seconds.

He subsequently returned to China as a missionary and died during World War 2. His story later became the movie "Chariots of Fire" which, unfortunately, I have not watched. Yet another story about developing the heart for God.

Work Ethics
And this week's theme also seems to be about my heart; my heart for God and work. Frankly, I thank God for an affirmation that I received from a fellow colleague this morning, about my work ethics. I shared with her that it is really by God's grace that I had been able to achieve so much thus far because the fact is that I have never worked as a volunteer coordinator before. But the fact that I have achieved what I have so far amazes me even. So, I thank God for guiding me and blessing me in my work. As I reflect, my work ethics is simple: I just believe in doing my best and committing it to God. I have been called to this role and this organisation and so seek to glorify God's name through my work. I may have undoubtedly placed high expectations on myself and in the process causing myself to feel real tired, but it is amazing how God blesses the work I do when I commit it to Him.

But at times, my work ethics will also land me into trouble. Take for example within this week, I have got into trouble with others because of my work ethics. Yesterday, I got into a minor situation with a colleague. Well to cut a long story short, it is one of those kind of "you don't do this, I can't do this" kind of minor problem. I guess the tension occurred because we were both focused on different aspects of the problem. On her end, she was feeling I was too uptight about the matter and felt that she will get down to it once she finishes her other tasks on hand. But my view is that we should always work to avoid lapses in systems; that work processes are intertwined and there is a reason for certain work sequence. Once work sequences get messed up, problems will occur. Yes, I am rigid and I guess it is the "J" part of my ISFJ personality acting up. But, one thing I am also glad about is my work ethics and belief that I should, as far as possible, sit down to talk things through when I sensed that there is a possible conflict with anyone at work. I apologised to my colleague and tried to clarify that I am not doubting her but was concerned about workflows. I am glad things are OK.

Then, yesterday, I was shocked when I received a call from a volunteer telling me she is confused whether they can go ahead with a project they are proposing to our organisation. On one hand, I and another boss said OK to the project but then this colleague called the volunteer yesterday and asked her why she is creating so much trouble for herself, when she can just simply come to sort donations. According to the volunteer, this staff sounded angry over the phone. That got me so upset because the miscommuncation reflected bad on my organisation and this is not the first time I have to firefight because of this colleague. Also, I believe that if a volunteer has a passion in something, do not dampen it and we can see how we can partner them, as long as they learn something from it and the beneficiaries also benefit from it. I made an effort to speak to this colleague to get her side of the story. Maybe, I am expecting too much on others with my work ethics.

Today, I was also approached by my boss to caution me to not, in my eagerness to help, unintentionally overstep my work boundary into other department's function. I know she had good intentions in reminding me this but then I was kind of surprised she was talking to me about all these in the open office. I also felt bad defending myself there and then too, sighhh... It all started with a group of volunteers wanting to organise some fundraising projects but because they are lost as to what to do, I have decided to put together an infokit and a template for them to guide them along. But on hindsight, I would agree with my boss that I seem to have overstepped my work boundary into the functions of my fellow department.

Actually, as I type all these, I find that maybe my work ethics would need some changing. Maybe, I should just be less "kay poh", less demanding on others and on myself and also less uptight about systems and structures. The more I type, the more horrible I feel about my work ethics, OK time for some change.

Thanksgiving
I thank God:

• for passionate people in my cell group, who motivates me to carry on leading the cell,
  
• that things turned out well for this sister-in-christ at her accident trial yesterday morning
  
• that I was able to sit down to talk about the tension with my colleague
• that I was able to share my testimony with another colleague, who seem to not be walking steadily in her spiritual walk
• for being ministered to by a little book given to me by another colleague on accepting Jesus Christ to make a home in our hearts
• for appointing me to cell leadership and for realising how He is blessing my leadership, speaking to me every week and helping me to learn more about Him every week
• for a colleague who happens to be going to J8 and so helped me to collect my Ajisen card, which saved me the extra trip there
  
• that I am doing well in my fasting
• that I am learning more about cell leadership; that it is the heart to seek God, to serve and to minister and not so much the "ingredient" or doing the "right things". I pray that I will not lose this heart to seek, serve and minister.
  
• for peace amidst all the troubles recently