What's Gotten Into Me?

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Somehow, I do not know what's gotten into me? This week is a gloomy week; maybe because it started off on a bad note. Yesterday, I was just so restless at work, not in the mood the do much... in the end, I just felt that it wasn't a productive day at all, I totally didn't do much in office. Somehow no mood. Things has gotten so bad, I decided that it would be pointless to go to work today in this current state and so I took leave. Feel kind of guilty not doing much at work so I rather be at home resting and preparing for cell group later. And the funny thing is that I don't even have a lot to do at work recently.

So much so I was contemplating to do a little spring cleaning in my office yesterday because my office was becoming a real mess (just like my home). I felt real bad when my boss walked in on Wednesday evening and casually remarked and requested me to maybe clear my in-tray, which had piles of paper on it, so much so the top tray is bent, threatening to give way anytime. No, don't be mistaken. Those are not work but rather things and documents I have put aside to work on at a later stage. But that day seems to never come. Somehow I kind of feel bad not being a good steward to the room that was given to me. I am indeed blessed to be given a huge office to myself but I do not seem to be taking care of it. Although my boss was not upset and made that request in an almost joking manner, I can't help but feel like the servant, in the parable of talents (Matthew 25:14-28), who dug a hole to hide the talent (which was believed to be money during that time).

The Parable of the Talents
14. "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them.
15. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.
16. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more.
17. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more.
18. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19. "After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.
20. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21. "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22. "The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23. "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24. "Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.
25. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26. "His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?
27. Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28. " 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents.
29. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
30. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

Even though I would hate to admit this, but cell leadership, at this point in time, is taking its toll on me liaoz. I do not know whether it is because of the combined effect of this week's gloom that I am feeling this way but then as usual, I keep telling myself that I cannot do it because it is just so difficult. But even as I type this, it is clear that things hasn't been easy but then one thing is true: that God has again and again for the past few weeks, allowed different parts of the bible to minister to me as I prepare for cell. This has been so week after week.

The Lesson from Naomi
This week, for various reasons, I decided to cover about the book of Ruth. But rather focusing on Ruth and Boaz, which was the characters discussed during sermon, I just seem to have the feeling that I should cover Naomi instead in the book of Ruth. It was a radical choice (and last week's sermon, which was to be covered for cell today, is on radical obedience, demonstrated by Ruth and Boaz) because nothing much is written about Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, except that:

• she had moved away from Bethlehem down to Moab to escape a famine,
  
• she lost her husband and two sons,
  
• lamented that her life is bitter,
  
• was blessed with Ruth (her daughter-in-law, a Moabitess) who decided to stay with her and follow her back to Bethlehem and
  
• later advised Ruth how to go about expressing her love for Boaz

But what we know is that Naomi:

• Has suffered badly because she had moved away from Bethlehem (God's land) for a Moabite land (similar cases also seen in:
• Abraham - he moved down to Egypt to escape a famine [Gen 12:10-20],
  
• Lot - who chose the "greener pastures" when the quarreling beween the herdsmen of Abraham and Lot made it necessary to "split ways". He chose the "greener pastures" which seemed like a good choice, but it was near Sodom and Gomorrah, full of sin and which was later destroyed by God. He also lost his wife [Gen 13 & 19]. And from later a family tragedy between Lot and his daughters which caused them to be pregnant by their father, who became the father of the Moabites (drama right?)
• Jonah - who refused to hear God's call to preach the word of God in Nineveh but went the other way, only to be swallowed by a big fish)

• Had been such a powerful witness of the reality of God so much so Ruth decided to follow her and her God.
  
• Does things in love, even the request to her daughters-in-law to leave her when Naomi lost her husband and her two sons and later even advised Ruth to express her love to Boaz

I have decided to cover Naomi, instead of Ruth and Boaz for various reasons: (i) I somehow had the feeling to cover Naomi and when I read in my bible commentary:

"obviously, Naomi's life was a powerful witness to the reality of God, Ruth was drawn to her - and to the God she worshipped... she (Ruth) became the great-grandmother of David and an ancestor in the line of the Messiah. What a profound impact Naomi's life made!"

I just suddenly felt compelled to cover Naomi, despite the sermon being otherwise, (ii) it would tie in with the line of cell discussion so far: two discussion ago it was about choices, then last week was about gifting and so this week about being an impact in others' lives and lastly (iii) it would tie in nicely with the call to our cell to reach out to people for the upcoming outreach event.

Naomi Laments about God & her Life
Yes, sometimes God do seem far away, as lamented by Naomi (Ruth 1:20-21):

20. "Don't call me Naomi, " she told them. "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.
21. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."

Psalm 9:10 and 112:4 reminds us of God's presence that all who are righteous will have light even in darkness:
Psalm 9:10: 10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 112:4: Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

Having God in our lives doesn't mean it will be free of trouble but that we have someone Almighty within us when we are in darkness, trusting that He will deliver us in one way or another, just like Job, when he was tested by satan.

Sometimes, we turn away from God and God allows trials to help us grow. Leviticus 26:40-45 tells us:

40 " 'But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees. 44 Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them. I am the LORD their God. 45 But for their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I brought out of Egypt in the sight of the nations to be their God. I am the LORD.' "

Ruth further illustrates this point that sometimes God do not deliver in miraculous ways but will sure do, guiding our every day lives.

Naomi As Having Spiritual Impact
Then passages about God's salvation being for all people keep coming out:

• Ruth, who is a Moabite but became part of lineage of Jesus Christ
• Jonah who refused to preach to the people of Nineveh who he thought was evil and worthy of God's salvation, and also
  
• Isaiah 56:3-8

3. Let no foreigner who has bound himself to the LORD say,
"The LORD will surely exclude me from his people."
And let not any eunuch complain,
"I am only a dry tree."

4. For this is what the LORD says:
"To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose what pleases me
and hold fast to my covenant-

5. to them I will give within my temple and its walls
a memorial and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that will not be cut off.

6. And foreigners who bind themselves to the LORD
to serve him,
to love the name of the LORD,
and to worship him,
all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it
and who hold fast to my covenant-

7. these I will bring to my holy mountain
and give them joy in my house of prayer.
Their burnt offerings and sacrifices
will be accepted on my altar;
for my house will be called
a house of prayer for all nations."

8. The Sovereign LORD declares—
he who gathers the exiles of Israel:
"I will gather still others to them
besides those already gathered."

Naomi has had a profound spiritual impact on Ruth so much so they became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ. What about us? What have we been doing/are going to do to become a spiritual impact?

Philippian 2: 14-15
14. Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15. so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Mark 4:21:
21He said to them, "Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand?

Then I remember a devotional I came across some time back: Let your Light Shine.

Yesterday, our devotion was on Mark 13 and the second coming of Christ, starting with the first word spoken by Jesus: "watch" and ending with the last word in the chapter "watch". Now this morning, I am reminded of the parable of the talents.

What are we doing with our gifting? Are we letting our light shine and are we behaving in Christ-like manner? Are we joining the ranks of people like Abraham, Noah, Joshua etc?

OK, what has began as a grumbling entry has showed me how God has continue to guide me in cell preparation. Yes, it is tough and I will still continue to lament sometimes because I have not learnt to let go and let God. Let's see how it goes. For now, I pray for tonight's cell discussion.