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Journey by vjham a.k.a vic hammond Pulled myself out of bed real early this morning; Sundays used to be days when I sleep in and wake up literally in the afternoon, since I need recuperation after a hectic week of work, especially these few dreadful weeks...
Had earlier on promised my ex-supervisor that I will visit take the opportunity of her church's opening ceremony to visit her church. All along, I had not been very keen to return to church since I feel ashamed for having backslided for so long; somehow feel that I will be looked down by other Christians for "abandoning" Christ for so long. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I have no more faith in Christ (I still do believe in Christ) but rather the fear of being looked down on that stopped me from going back to church. However, 3 days earlier, my ex-supervisor reminded me that the fact I feel this shame and remorse shows how much faith I still have and that I will always be welcomed back into God's arms; that God is always there in times of need, not failing us but we failing him. I guess that somehow planted the seed and made me decide to go along and see her church.
Met my ex-supervisor in Pasir Ris, as arranged, and took a morning stroll to her church just behind Downtown East... As I walked into the new compound, I couldn't help but be awed by the new structure and the turnout, nothing spectacular but somehow it felt modern, welcoming and yet cosy. My ex-sup met several other fellow worshippers along the way and introduced me to them. However, I tend to just acknowledge them with a handshake, a smile and eventually shyed away. I was thinking at the back of my mind: Why did I even agree to come and put myself in such an awkward situation since I fear meeting new people? However, as the service continued, I felt more and more at home... For once, I felt safe in the midst of people and not having to be wary of anyone... I had enough of this "being wary of people" and trying to "act tough" at work. I felt joy again as I rejoiced with the congregation and sang praises to the Lord... I felt welcomed by the family and sang the church's birthday song together with everyone. I felt like I am welcomed into this big family... The joy and peace I felt, made me decide that, despite the distance of the church from my home, I would really want to come back here again. I feel that I am in the process of rebuilding my life and that I have seemingly found that something which has been missing in my life; that connectedness to people and God.
I hope I have found my sanctuary where I can connect with God. I was really impressed at how they used a short skit to show how RiverLife (the church) would be like if they had forgetten their purpose; a church so superficial, unfriendly and ungenuine. This skit eventually lead into the sermon which spoke of the task of building of a house of prayer for all nations and how we should always be reminded of this purpose and not lose sight (Matthew 21:12-13). This gave me much reassurance as I can see where the church is going and could identify with that. Although the sermon reminded us to not lose sight of the purpose of the church, it also did speak to me about not losing sight of what my purposes, despite recent setbacks. This seems to be the theme for today: reorientating myself in my journey of life to find my purpose(s). The church was blessed. Seriously I was shocked to find 2 churches side-by-side each other... was thinking: how did this church get the approval to build here since there is already another church beside and the land on which it is built was earlier marked for a old age residential home. With blessings from God, this church has come to be. Yet another blessing was witnessed when a neighbour agreed for the church to use their land to relieve the parking problem faced by the church...
Shared my joy with some of my friends over SMS after I left the church. One of them brought to my attention that it seemed that my recent saga has happened for a reason: to bring me back to Christ. Skeptical as I may be at first but that seems to be the way. I had experienced so much negativity in the recent months but has been brought to this church on its opening to be reconnected with Christ. I was brought to this church to experience the joy and peace of that reconnection and to be given the opportunity to once again sing praises to the Lord. Coincidentally, the church is also organizing a series of sermons on burn out in the next few weeks, real appropriate for me! :D I was also given a book "The Purpose-Driven Life" by my ex-supervisor today and this is a 40-day spiritual journey in helping us find out purposes that God has in stall for us. Incidentally, the 40th day happens to be my last day at work in my current organization.
"The bible is clear that God consider 40 days a spiritually significant time period. Whenever God wanted to prepare someone for his purposes, he took 40 days: - Noah’s life was transformed by 40 days of rain.
- Moses was transformed by 40 days on Mount Sinai.
- The spies were transformed by 40 days in the Promised Land.
- David was transformed by Goliath’s 40-day challenge.
- Elijah was transformed when God gave him 40 days of strength from a single meal.
- The entire city of Nineveh was transformed when God gave the people 40 days to change.
- Jesus was empowered by 40 days in the wilderness.
- The disciples were transformed by 40 days with Jesus after his resurrection."
Perhaps, the biggest thing to happen to me today was me misplacing my wallet, something which had never happened to me before as I am always very careful with my stuff. Surprisingly, after I had left the church and found out that I lost my wallet , I panicked, but not as much as I normally would when I lose something… there is a kind of peace that seems to comfort me as I was trying to recollect where I misplaced my wallet, and having to rush to meet my friends at the other end of the island. Eventually, my ex-sup called me to tell me that they found my wallet in the church auditorium. She even jokingly told me that, despite having been "lost", I will be found in Christ, just like my wallet!" :D I myself had cheekily SMSed my friend that I was "literally going back to church again to find something I lost" when I realized I lost my wallet. Coincidence?
Anyway, the Declaration of Commitment I read at the end of the service, seemed to remind me that I have a purpose for living and that I should not waste my time and energy on senseless things.
"Declaration of Commitment
RiverLife Church’s 14th Anniversary & Phase 2 Building Opening Combined Services
14 August 2005
Today, I choose to live the rest of my life serving God’s purposes in our generation for His glory. I am stepping across the line.
I will use my life to celebrate his goodness, cultivate His character, participate in His family, serve in His grace, and communicate His Word.
Since my sins have been forgiven and I have a purpose for living, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead, I will magnify God, be an active member of His family, grow to maturitym serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission.
Because this life is preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, "we" over "me", character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessions, position, and pleasures. I know what matters most, and I’ll give it all I’ve got. I’ll do the best I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.
I won’t be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, weakened by problems, distracted by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I will keep running my race with my eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won’t back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I will just keep moving forward by God’s grace. I am Spirit-led and purpose-driven, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised and I shall not quit. I will fight the good fight, finish the race and keep the faith.
I have experienced God’s grace, so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for everyday, and generous with everything that God entrusts to me.
I have been given a new and eternal life by the Lord Jesus Christ and so I am prepared to do whatever the Lord asks, at whatever cost. I want to be used by Him in such a way, that on that final day I will hear Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"
A mouthful I know but each time I read and type it, I am reminded of the important things in life. Although I am still searching for my purpose, I have at least started to hopefully get my bearings correct. I have in a way, forgiven those who had hurt me these few months and acknowledge that although it is still hurting, I am on the road to healing… I shall try not to be angry with them and move on…
Heard a meaningful song in service today:
Journey
by Corrine May:
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you
Those of you keen on hearing the song can visit http://www.recordtrax.com/radiocor/radiocor.htm
Anyway, do hope to be able to stay in this mode and sustain it… hope I don’t find excuses not to go for service again… Met my friends later in the day and they remarked that I looked happier… true enough, I seem to be able to see beyond my past hurts and disappointment and interact in a more playful and joyous mood with my friends… something that was not the case in the past. Anyway, must really thank my friends also, K, D, C and B for their company today. Seemed to have had more fun today, as compared to other Sundays. Went KTV, then to "Gone Fishing" to eat, sang songs and reminisced old cheers and finally to Ikea for some shopping and Swedish meatballs. Haven’t had so much fun for a long time…
Still amazed with "Gone Fishing" the cafe... set in a very rustic environment, this place is really comfortable and quiet place just to sit, drink and watch the world go by... it feels so homely and the couple running the place has a great part to play for it, including the setup of the place (which resembles a flat with an open-concept kitchen) which makes you just feel right at home... not to forget the scribblings on all over the walls, documeting the playfulness, emotions, dreams, hopes and artisitc flair of many who had "gone fishing" :D
it is 1am but I am not tired. But anyway, will be turning in soon… Goodnight!
Gone Fishing!
but we welcome you...
