Everything in its Time

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E V E R Y T H I N G I N I T S T I M E
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo & Carole Bayer Sager Copyright 2001 Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP) / All About Me Music adm. by Warner Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time


S A F E I N A C R A Z Y W O R L D
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Listen to the Album: http://www.corrinnemay.com/safe/flash/index2.htm

de Fences Up!... Safe in a Crazy World

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Old picket fence by sxn

Last sunday's sermon was on combating burnout by ensuring that we have enough time for dinner (and relationship building) as well as sleep. Was introduced the concept of the biblical day planner and how we should spend about 12 hours a day working (e.g. 6am-6pm), 4 hours on relationship and recreation (6pm-10pm) and 8 hours of rest (10pm-6am). I remembering telling myself that I had been too burnt out because of an "imbalanced" day and that I needed to be back in balance... come on, my life was like only revolving around 2 things: work and rest, no wonder I always feel tired...

Anyway, I had been spending the last 2 evenings in the previous 2 days on recreation and relationship building... not an easy task to say "that's enough for work" and leave work to meet friends but anyway did it! I definitely didn't regret the decision as I had so much fun doing so.

Went to Gone Fishing again 2 days ago, this time with one of my JC classmate... that eveing was really well-spent as we had dinner in a quiet cafe tugged away from the rest of the world in a serene environment playing Corrinne May's song... we chatted and played with her digital camera. Just yesterday evening, I met up with another friend and his girlfriend and despite it being just a simple dinner and shopping at a supermarket, I have so much fun being amidst friends who I feel are genuine and can trust. Felt so much like back in school again, my friends even played "hide-and-seek" with me in the supermarket, always running away from me and hiding hahaha... now when was the last time you had fun and done that? After my bad experience, chronicled in the last entry, this really made me feel safe again. I just have to be very careful on my choice of friends.

Just this morning, I have decided to avoid contact with this friend who had dinner with me 2 evenings ago with my committee member. I and him were supposed to be "brothers" for another friend's wedding at the end of the year. I have decided to pull out of the "brothers" gang. It is just not worth it anymore. The gruesome find at Orchard MRT station yesterday of a woman's severed head and limbs reminds me that this is really a crazy world and there are people out that who are just cruel and dangerous to be with. I just need my sanity back and will withdraw...

Attended a staff meeting today at work. I know, I know, I mentioned that I will never want to be involved in the "wayang" meetings anymore right but somehow I was caught by surprise yesterday morning and did not know how to respond when my acting head asked me in for meeting. Anyway, sat in. Most of the time, I just kept quiet. Yet another colleague (the last profession staff after me) resigned yesterday and this is on-the-spot resignation. Throughout the meeting, she and my acting head were shouting to each another and poor me, sitting beside my colleague, my ears definitely suffered quite a bit from the deafening shouting... Anyway, I was told that I will be granted 2 week's off by the committee in appreciation of my work and my last day will be next Thursday. The rest of the day was just like frantically running about to hand over matters and clearing my tables etc... Felt so "drama", took a photocopying paper box and starting packing my things on the table, just like in the movies :D

Time to close the chapter and move on...

Retreat!

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exit icons by JR3

Today is shitty... just returned from a dinner appointment with someone from my management committee and a friend... really regret agreeing to go for the appointment, should have declined the offer...

Had really wonder what the "agenda" of the dinner and wondering is it another attempt to persuade me to stay in my job. Anyway, I had prepared myself to stand firm on my decision to leave. Was fortunate that this committee member was not persistent about asking me to stay... all I ask is for people to respect my decision to leave... the whole experience of staying and working here has been so bad that I need to move on and start afresh... I know I may have issues to resolve but I just need to move on... why can't anyone respect my decision?

Anyway, the most disappointing thing from the whole dinner is my friend... Too much have been going on these few months and I had shared with him quite a bit about what is happening in office, holding him in confidence as a friend. But today, I seen too much. I had my doubts whether I could trust this friend and in a way, was prepared that this dinner might be a revelation for me. I, however, did not think that it would turn out so bad... I left the dinner feeling so insecure...

Throughout the whole dinner, I felt like a teapot sitting there while my friend and my committee member spoke among themselves... of course I know I was quiet, so much so others may find it difficult to engage me. However, I had seen too much today and feel very uncomfortable with what I observed...

• I saw how my friend behaved so different towards this committee member compared to how he behaved in front of me.
• I saw how my friend discussed other people behind their backs with this committee member.
• I saw how several times he somehow sided with this committee member.
• I see how much happier he was talking to this this committee member and all these made me wonder how much of what I had told him was discussed with this this committee member...

To me, I need to feel secure among friends and this just makes me feel uneasy... My friend had once said that if he was to choose who to have living in his world, he would choose this committee member and another friend... So maybe, I am just a "friend of convenience", one who has some value to make use of for now... Don't get me wrong, I am not jealous at all... I just cannot help but feel uneasy when there is a possibility that someone is not genuine towards me. I have put in a lot as a friend...

Can't help but feel that maybe with me coming into the picture, I had made things difficult between thes 2 people... now with me leaving the picture, hopefully things will be better for them.

I need to retreat! From this job, from this friendship... I need sometime alone to work through these issues in a safe environment... too much bad things have happened...

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