Codfishy Turning Religious?

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I received a message from a fellow friend who told me that my blog was becoming religious.

Well, I thought about it and my blog is a mirror of my reflections, thoughts, experiences and actions for the day. Besides being a frank sharing of all these, it also serves as a place where I jot down lessons I have learnt and my observations of things in the world.

No doubt that the entries has been taking on a religious theme. I guess it is just that this seems to be what I am going through now. But one thing remains true and that is: codfishy is still a frank reflection of what I experience and what goes on in my mind as well as a frank sharing of lessons and observations. This is the spirit behind codfishy and it will not change. :)

King Kong Golfing!

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Had been some time since I last came in to blog... Funny thing is that I am not busy but somehow just didn't find time to come in to blog. Anyway, I went goofing... I mean golfing today and it was so fun :) (especially since I was golfing in a miniature golf course).

Singapore in 18 courses
Met my ex-colleague in the morning with her daughter and her daughter's friend and we took a cab to Lilliputt, Singapore's first themed indoor mini golf course, featuring 18 Singapore landmarks featuring Changi Airport, Sentosa, Haw Par Villa, Esplanade, Boat Quay, Turf Club etc... Felt like a big King Kong playing golf :) Too bad didn't bring my camera along so didn't managed to get any pictures taken. But managed to get the brochure from their website. Anyway, I almost "tore down" Haw Par Villa cause I hitted the ball so hard that my putter hit the entrance... fortunately it did not collapse :)

Mini Singapore in 18 courses (No, I don't mean 18 course dinner!)
Source: http://www.lilliputt.com

Awkward Lunch
After an hour of hard exercise (I know Lilliputt is indoors and has aircon but somehow golfing not easy ah, was perspiring quite a bit after the whole game :)), I tried to find an excuse to have lunch in a restaurant (because tomorrow is my ex-colleague's birthday and I wanted to give her a treat). However, she kept suggesting going to Haig Road Food Market because she has a craving for satay there :)

Nothing against the food centre la but then I was in long sleeve and had a wedding to attend later in the afternoon, so wasn't really thrilled about perspiring more... also, eating in a food centre would make me giving her a treat difficult because she would always reject one and refuse to let me pay; especially difficult to give her a treat since we have to order from many stalls. Anyway, we compromised and decided to go to KFC at Singapore Post Centre.

As expected la, she struggled with me to pay at the cashier but in the end I won and handed the $50 note to the cashier, my ex-colleague just looked :) Yeah, hahaha! Then suddenly someone tapped my shoulder... Turned around and there standing in front of me is the same committee member who I used to report to in my previous job and who had dinner with me with the friend who "was beginning to hate me"; the dinner which started everything going downhill and eventually led to my resignation. I just couldn't believe that he was standing in front of me, ordering food as well. How concidental can it get? There were 2 cashiers and there I was struggling with my ex-colleague to pay at 1 counter and there he was at the other counter ordering his food... and there was no queue.

My ex-colleague then invited him to sit together with us. I sat beside him. He seemed to have lost weight and was relatively quiet. I was quiet too. I mean, the matter has passed and it was last year but then I still sometimes feel hurt and guilty as well. I had worked rather closely with this boss and felt guilty abandoning the project. But I also felt hurt because of some incident that occurred towards the end of 2004 and he accused me of "misleading" someone else in the commitee (read the entry dated 12 Nov, this committee is the person called "G"). Anyway, he left soon after finishing his lunch.

Stop Calling Me!
This is really getting on my nerves... I have this friend whose young son keeps playing with her handphone can somehow like to call my number... Usually the frequency is low but today I received some 6-7 calls from her phone! Got me quite irritated! I mean, some parents ought to really teach their child what can be done and what cannot. A few calls are OK but so many calls a day?! Arggghhh!!!

Prayer Meeting

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Had my first prayer meeting today and my worst fear came true... was asked to pray aloud in a group... felt that I didn't do well and even the teenagers can pray better. Felt quite negative about myself... but one positive thing... at least I started praying aloud and am able to sustain for a while.

Jonah the Movie

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My colleague lent me "Jonah - A VeggieTales Movie". So cute!

Meet the Cast
From www.jonahmovie.com

Beginning the New Year on the Right Foot

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Today is the first work day of the year! Felt like a new beginning and SMSed my friends to wish them a good year with many good tidings and blessings.

Listening to Calling
My colleagues gathered for staff devotion today in my office and when I logged onto the "Our Daily Bread" website, I got a shock...

Today's daily bread spoke about committed Christians having to go through a 3-step conversion, "First to Christ, then to the church, and then back to the world." I have been thinking about how I can contribute back to church and I had been thinking of serving in the worship team since I like to sing but then came this, asking me to think how I will contribute back to the world, serving beyond the church?

I am thinking inside of me whether this is yet another sign of my calling to minister to my friend in the cult. I have seriously tried to put this at the back of my mind because I did not know how I am going to approach this matter. If you recall, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I went to a cult meeting and while I have decided that I will not go back anymore, I just feel uncomfortable that my friend and many others are being misled, but I just do not know what to do.

Then came what might be a first sign of the calling... one of my cell group mates passed me a book on mission which reminded on how we should share about God and his love to those who have yet to know him. Not ministering to these people is just like knowing the cure for AIDS but keeping quiet about it. It is no use doing many good deeds for people but in the end not bringing them to salvation. This made me remember my friend and his friends who are in the cult and it seems to say to me that I shouldn't be leaving this as it is, knowing they are misled.

Then came what might be a second sign of the calling when the first sermon of the year preached on calling using the book of Jonah in the bible (incidentally, a couple of weeks ago, my colleague was sharing with me about this cute cartoon they saw with their child, about the story of Jonah). The book of Jonah spoke of how God has called upon Jonah, his messenger, to go to Nineveh to preach His word. Jonah refused to, because Nineveh was a vicious town and instead of going to Nineveh, he went the opposite direction. He was then caught in a storm and was swallowed by a giant fish. He eventually repented and went to Nineveh. Is there a parallel?

Now this third sign. I am not sure whether is this my calling at all? What if it is not a calling, maybe I am mistaken? How can it be me? I am a re-dedicated Christian and I do not know the Word strongly to minister to my friend, let alone bring them back. I am very lost.

Celebration of Blessings
Staff devotion today was deep despite no one prepared for the session today. Everyone, including myself, shared our testimony and how we had been blessed in our own ways by God. One of my colleagues spoke of how, despite his physical limitations (deaf and colour blind), he was placed in a missions school by his father (even though his family is not christian) and has been blessed through his life. I also shared my testimony and even about my recent calling. Another colleague spoke about how he has yet to forgive his father but today's sharing spoke to him on what he has to do. A new colleague shared about how her life had been unhappy lately and broke down halfway and another colleague told us that after 7 years of being a non-Christian in a Christian environment and reviewing Christianity, that she is now ready to accept Christ.

Somehow the discussion ended up with talking about trials and tribulations and I shared about what I heard and seen at one of the sermon about us being in God's umbrella, about how we are simultaneously under the umbrella of the church, our family and God and how bad things sometimes cause our faith to become weaker and push us outside of the umbrella of God. We then lament and lament and lament. I also shared how at the start of a new year, we should not only be hopefully of good tidings and blessings but also be prepared for trials and tribuations which would test us. Shared with everyone my favourite verse which has spoke to me during my time of crisis:

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I even printed them on mini size cards and distributed them to my colleagues. :)

My First Movie
Spent one whole day yesterday playing my new game and made my first movie... check it out at http://movies.lionhead.com/movie/33935 :) This is fun!

Patching Up

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Was supposed to meet up with my friend and his girlfriend (who I became upset with yesterday) for cycling but spent the whole day playing game. We did in the end call each other and explained to each other. I apologized to them for reacting that way and explained why I reacted the way I did and they apologized too. I think the rest is history and maybe a bit of damage control will be needed... but I glad things worked out...

The Issue of Trust

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New Favourites (Worship Songs)

Son of God
Hold my hand and walk with me
You're the Light that makes me see

On this path my soul You lead
O my Shepherd walk with me

I need You more then breath
You're my hope in You I live

Angels workship at Your throne
Power and Glory to You alone

My Saviour
Glorious one
My Redeemer
Living in my heart
Now and forever
Your Kingdom come
Jesus Son of God
Jesus Son of God

Jesus,O Jesus
Holy is The Lamb of God
Jesus,O Jesus
Worth is The Lamb of God.

Open the Eyes of my Heart
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy
(Repeat two more times)

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy,
I want to see you
(Repeat five more times)

To the Ends of the Earth
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are

And I would give the world to tell You're story
Cause I know that You've called me
I know that You've called me
I've lost myself for good within Your promise
I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God.

Sermon on Calling
Today's sermon really caught me unaware. I had been struggling with my friend being in a cult and had tried to run away because I did not know what to do. As the pastor spoke about calling and challenged us to listen to our calling and heed it for the new year, I found myself asking "God, is this my calling?" and "It can't be, I am not prepared".

Towards the end of last year, I had thought about how I would like to serve in the church but it seems now that there is a calling to ask me to serve in another way... This is the 3rd sign, if it is really a calling.

The sermon spoke of Jonah who has been called upon God to preach his Word in Nineveh, a notorious town. IF this is indeed my calling, then in a similar way Jonah has been called upon to minister to the people of Nineveh, I am being called upon to minister to the people in the cult.

My pastor mentioned that God will send warnings to people to ask them to repent their ways.

Jonah ran away from God and went the opposite direction of Nineveh to escape the assignment. I had been trying to bury this at the back of my mind and not think about it.

I thought to myself "This can't be possible. I am just being thick-skinned, thinking that God has called upon me to do this. There are more dedicated and faithful Christians out there; they are stronger in the Word and will be able to minister, not me. How do I do that?!" Then the pastor mentioned "If God gives you an assignment, He will give you the resources".

Then the pastor shared about how Jonah ran away and things went "down, down, down" and how there were so many contradictions. This really also got me worried that I will go "down, down, down" if I do not heed this calling.

Seriously, I am still doubting whether this is a calling?

Forgiveness - An Irony
I remember waking up and telling myself that it is a new year and I shall just forgive all who have hurt me but have I really forgiven? After church, I went to a friend's house to help him recover his PC from an antivirus attack and I sat in front of the computer for some 5-6 hours before things were OK.

Just as I was about to reach home, I received a call from my friend's girlfriend who asked if I wanted to meet at the Hong Kong cafe for a while for chit-chat because her boyfriend "was too busy to be with her". Sensing something was wrong (since it is New Year's day and she is not with her boyfriend), I thought it would be a good thing to go down to provide support just in case they quarrelled. I messaged her boyfriend (my friend) to see where he is and he replied that he is with another friend. So I decided to go down to the cafe to meet her, just in case.

Just as I was approaching the place, I messaged my friend's girlfriend and she told me that she is 3 train stops away. This got me suspicious because 3 stops away will either be Sengkang area, which she has no busines being there, or town area where my friend is. Sensing that it might be a joke, I messaged her

"Do not lie to me because I am sensitive about being lied to."

I guess that I had been hurt last year when I could no longer trust a good friend and just became very sensitive about being lied to. I just didn't like the idea of being lied to or the feeling that I could not trust someone, especially if this person is someone whom I had trusted in the past.

Not long later, I received a reply that it is a joke and that she is with her boyfriend and that they are making their way down to meet me.

I reacted immediately and was so angry that I called them and told them that I wasn't in the right state to meet as I was upset by the whole thing. I told them that I will be going home and hung up, boarded the bus and went home. I guess this is the first time I reacted so "violently" to anything and on hindsight, I am shocked I reacted in such a way too. Throughout the journey home, I kept receiving messages from my friend's girlfriend, apologzing for the joke, not knowing that I am so sensitive about it. On one hand, I felt bad for spoiling their evening but on the other hand I was so hurt by the whole thing I just wanted to go home.

Looks like I have not forgotten and forgiven.

New Year, New Hope, New Resolution

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A new beginning!

2006 is here and it signifies a new beginning with new hopes and new resolutions. Spent the last few moments of 2005 with my cell group and we counted down together, popped party poppers and sang auld lang syne...

My resolutions for the New Year:

• Save more
• Maintain a healthy lifestyle i.e. exercise more and eat moderately
  
• Do my best at work
• Serve in ministry
  
• Strengthen my faith
  

My wishes for the new year:

• Be more sociable
• Well wishes for all loved ones
• Family happier
• Be a Christian stronger in faith
  
• Grow more at work and do better