The Issue of Trust

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New Favourites (Worship Songs)

Son of God
Hold my hand and walk with me
You're the Light that makes me see

On this path my soul You lead
O my Shepherd walk with me

I need You more then breath
You're my hope in You I live

Angels workship at Your throne
Power and Glory to You alone

My Saviour
Glorious one
My Redeemer
Living in my heart
Now and forever
Your Kingdom come
Jesus Son of God
Jesus Son of God

Jesus,O Jesus
Holy is The Lamb of God
Jesus,O Jesus
Worth is The Lamb of God.

Open the Eyes of my Heart
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy
(Repeat two more times)

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy,
I want to see you
(Repeat five more times)

To the Ends of the Earth
Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are

And I would give the world to tell You're story
Cause I know that You've called me
I know that You've called me
I've lost myself for good within Your promise
I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God.

Sermon on Calling
Today's sermon really caught me unaware. I had been struggling with my friend being in a cult and had tried to run away because I did not know what to do. As the pastor spoke about calling and challenged us to listen to our calling and heed it for the new year, I found myself asking "God, is this my calling?" and "It can't be, I am not prepared".

Towards the end of last year, I had thought about how I would like to serve in the church but it seems now that there is a calling to ask me to serve in another way... This is the 3rd sign, if it is really a calling.

The sermon spoke of Jonah who has been called upon God to preach his Word in Nineveh, a notorious town. IF this is indeed my calling, then in a similar way Jonah has been called upon to minister to the people of Nineveh, I am being called upon to minister to the people in the cult.

My pastor mentioned that God will send warnings to people to ask them to repent their ways.

Jonah ran away from God and went the opposite direction of Nineveh to escape the assignment. I had been trying to bury this at the back of my mind and not think about it.

I thought to myself "This can't be possible. I am just being thick-skinned, thinking that God has called upon me to do this. There are more dedicated and faithful Christians out there; they are stronger in the Word and will be able to minister, not me. How do I do that?!" Then the pastor mentioned "If God gives you an assignment, He will give you the resources".

Then the pastor shared about how Jonah ran away and things went "down, down, down" and how there were so many contradictions. This really also got me worried that I will go "down, down, down" if I do not heed this calling.

Seriously, I am still doubting whether this is a calling?

Forgiveness - An Irony
I remember waking up and telling myself that it is a new year and I shall just forgive all who have hurt me but have I really forgiven? After church, I went to a friend's house to help him recover his PC from an antivirus attack and I sat in front of the computer for some 5-6 hours before things were OK.

Just as I was about to reach home, I received a call from my friend's girlfriend who asked if I wanted to meet at the Hong Kong cafe for a while for chit-chat because her boyfriend "was too busy to be with her". Sensing something was wrong (since it is New Year's day and she is not with her boyfriend), I thought it would be a good thing to go down to provide support just in case they quarrelled. I messaged her boyfriend (my friend) to see where he is and he replied that he is with another friend. So I decided to go down to the cafe to meet her, just in case.

Just as I was approaching the place, I messaged my friend's girlfriend and she told me that she is 3 train stops away. This got me suspicious because 3 stops away will either be Sengkang area, which she has no busines being there, or town area where my friend is. Sensing that it might be a joke, I messaged her

"Do not lie to me because I am sensitive about being lied to."

I guess that I had been hurt last year when I could no longer trust a good friend and just became very sensitive about being lied to. I just didn't like the idea of being lied to or the feeling that I could not trust someone, especially if this person is someone whom I had trusted in the past.

Not long later, I received a reply that it is a joke and that she is with her boyfriend and that they are making their way down to meet me.

I reacted immediately and was so angry that I called them and told them that I wasn't in the right state to meet as I was upset by the whole thing. I told them that I will be going home and hung up, boarded the bus and went home. I guess this is the first time I reacted so "violently" to anything and on hindsight, I am shocked I reacted in such a way too. Throughout the journey home, I kept receiving messages from my friend's girlfriend, apologzing for the joke, not knowing that I am so sensitive about it. On one hand, I felt bad for spoiling their evening but on the other hand I was so hurt by the whole thing I just wanted to go home.

Looks like I have not forgotten and forgiven.