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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Saturday, January 21, 2006

 

Rudely Awaken

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I rarely dream (or at least don't remember dreaming) when I sleep. But today, I was awakened by a weird dream so much so I must blog about it... Maybe I am tired, maybe I had been too worried about something or maybe it is really an indication of something.

I dreamt being in this building, at the lobby with 2 other friends and we can see there were beautiful coloured flashes outside. It would first be green, then yellow, then orange (I can't remember the sequence but then something like that). Then it became pink and I can see pink smoke coming... everybody started screaming and running for their lives but I remember being calm and asked: "So this is it? This is the end?"


Now of course I didn't take photo of the smoke in my dream
but I tried to find something on internet to illustrate what I roughly saw:
Source: www.joehuffman.org/images/


Surprisingly, my friends and I were OK and somehow survived. I remember stepping out of the building to survey the area outside and as I walked around, I saw these beautiful coloured crystal flowers embedded to the floor, almost as if formed by the coloured smoke that was hovering here moments ago.

Then I remember hearing screamings yet another time and this time, I turned back... fearing the worst and indeed I saw gushes of water coming towards my direction. I feared water alot (having almost drowned once) and I remember that my heart was pounding very fast as I sprinted away, trying to find high ground. I ran into my friends ago and remember shouting to them... "save more souls, save more souls!"


Equally that I did not manage to get a picture of the smoke,
so did I not of the flood, but here's something similar though.
Source: http://www.foxhome.com/dayaftertomorrow


We ran frantically to some sort of an alley way where we saw many gathered and I remember seeing my friend going around to ask people if they have accepted Christ and went on to find those who have not had the chance to. I remember seeing this scene where my friend would place his hands on a guy's head and push him backwards as he uttered a few sentences before moving on to the next person. This was when I recall having this thought on my mind: "What unfinished business do I have? Maybe the conflict I had with my friend last year didn't matter at all anymore". As I reached for my phone and wanted to call him, the surrounding quietened and I recall staring out of the gate and saw that the "flood" was over.

This was when I woke up.

Friday, January 20, 2006

 

Distanced from God (Again)

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First Cell Group for 2006
Seems like forever since I last went to cell, kinda missed cell. Had pretty good attendance today and there must have been some 15 people there.

Distanced from God
Anyway, I feel so distanced from God this period. As I sang worship songs and prayed, I just didn't feel that close a connection to God as a few weeks ago. Deep in my mind, I am thinking: Could it be that I am, like Jonah, being stubborn and refusing to do what we had been called upon to do? Frankly, I have seen how blessed by God I had been in the past few weeks and I fear losing these blessings (though I keep telling myself that I should worship God for what he has done for me; showing me with his Grace).

Fear of Contradictions
Well, I still do feel grateful to God for His faith in me and the grace and mercy He had shown to me but somehow the connection is not as close anymore. I really fear "contradictions" just as Jonah faced contradictions when he turned away from God's calling:
  • How Jonah was willing to be thrown off the ship and risk dying to save a few sailors (because Jonah has caused the storm with his defiance) than to preach the gospel to Nineveh
  • How non-believers (the sailors) showed more compassion than Jonah
Tussling with Calling and Commitment
As the cell shared about what they think God's calling for them is for 2006, I took courage and shared about my "calling" to my cell. Throughout all the discussions, it became clear to me that we are sometimes hindered by so many things when fulfilling our callings e.g. over-rationalization, fear, putting our desires before God, refusing to come out of our comfort zones etc. For me, it is the issue of "what ifs"; I am asking a lot of "what ifs":
  • What if this is not a calling, just me reading too much into "signs"?
  • What if I am not able to minister correctly since I am so weak in my study of the Word
However, by sharing with my cell on the calling, I hope I am taking a small step forward by stating my commitment. My cell leader encouraged me to take a small step at a time and a few of us agreed to fast on Wednesdays for dinner for quiet time with God. I am also praying that God will pave the way for me to minister and that I will remain disciplined to continue read up about the cult and study the bible. I am praying for forgiveness and for self-discipline and determination to accomplish this.

Of course if things work out then maybe the vision I have for a ministry for people who have backslided and mislead can come true. :)

Nerve-Wrecking Meeting
I think my presentation skills are all rusty, haven't been using it for a while. Was called by my boss to do a short presentation during a meeting with the heads and reps of all our centres and it was so nerve-wrecking my colleague told me that he saw my thumb trembling while I was presenting (though many came to encourage me that I did OK). I am always so stressed during meetings... so many unfamiliar faces and it feels like people are evaluating me... anyway, pray that I will be able to present with confidence in time to come.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

 

The Longest 4 Minutes

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Too Persistent and Demanding?
Had a meeting today to discuss the volunteer management database. Prior to the meeting, I had took some time (the past 3 months) to compile a 17 page document on the requirements and the data fields for the database. Guess I should have took sometime to also understand the system; what is possible to have and what is not possible to have.

Hence, you can guess how shocked I was when I found out, at the meeting, that some of the requirements I have put in will not be feasible to implement. Think I might have presented myself as too demanding and persistent also, maybe because having spent 3 months reviewing the current workflow and thinking about the database, I might have set unrealistically high expectations of the database. I guess I was too anxious about having a "perfect" system to help address all the gaps I sawand was also worried about additional tasks added onto my currently portfolio, one which I was barely coping with.

Kind of felt bad about being so persistent and demanding during the meeting and did apologize to my IT colleague for such reckless behaviour.

The Longest 4 Minutes
We were going to celebrate a fellow colleague's birthday today and he had craving for pork knuckles. So we planned to go to Vil'age (vee-lay-jay), a Marche-style restaurant at China Square.

As my colleague drove into China Square carpark, we realized that we were 4 minutes away from 6pm (cheaper parking after 6pm: $2 per entry). And so we did something crazy. We stopped just in front of the gantry and waited and the 4 minutes seems like forever. We were basically counting down to 6pm :) And the surprising thing is that, all these while, there were no cars coming into the carpark (maybe they were all waiting elsewhere)!

In the end? 6pm came, we cheered and drove in. And most important of all, we saved on parking hahaha...


Source: http://www.roadtraffic-technology.com/
contractors/parking/zeag/zeag2.htm


Chocolate Fondue

Finally got to try my chocolate fondue! Anyway, we (all 8 of us) had a real full dinner that day. We shared one whole pork knuckle, 2 pizzas, 1 bowl of fried greens, 1 bowl of mushroom salad, soup, 1 plate of hokkien mee, 1 plate of rosti (fried potatoe shreds), stingray, lamb stew with mashed potato, drinks and of course, 2 servings of chocolate fondue!

No wonder my colleagues told me that people in my department seldom maintain or lose weight once they come into this department hahaha. My department just loves food... :)


Chocolate Fondue

 

A Lesson from Music

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I have always felt that music is one of the most wonderful things that God has created. I always love listening to music, paying special attention to how different musical instruments come together to form a wonderful melody that is able to just "speak" to you...

I think it also teaches a fundamental lesson here on how great things can be achieved when people work together... I mean, you don't expect to get that kind of effect with just one person blowing away with his/her trumpet or just someone playing his/her violin right? It may sound nice but nothing nicer than when a few instruments come together for the common goal of presenting something as beautiful as music...

OK, codfishy, you are getting all philosophical again. Somehow, I was just thinking this morning: despite knowing this, why is Man (sic) always not united? There will be people who want to succeed badly that they engage in politics and stuff or do so at the expense of others. Maybe people are just more self-focused nowadays or maybe they are surrounded by people who are like that and for the sake of survival, they are conditioned to be like them? The reasons could be many but one thing remains true...

there is a lot we can learn and emulate from music.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

 

I am no High Class Person!

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Why I Hate "High Class" Functions
I may not be in top management but in my line of work, I have my fair share of "rubbing shoulders" with some people from relatively "high" places. And you know one of the reason why I really hate going for such "high class" functions is the fact that I feel so uncomfortable and dislike all the "fakeness" around...

The "High Class" Ritual
People clad in suits and evening gowns, pretending to be on good terms with everyone (even though they may hate the other person's guts and speak negatively behind his/her back), approaches the person, shaking his/her hand and proclaiming "hey! nice to see you, how have you been? blah blah blah..." at the same time trying to act professional, prim and proper and observing the many social etiquette that would present one as "high class".

"High Class" but Fake doesn't Appeal to Me
Well, I came from one such event today and felt so uncomfortable I just withdrew "to one small corner" and did not speak much... I just feel so overwhelmed with so much ingenuineness around... the decor may be nice, the programme successfully executed, the gifts wonderful but somehow, something is missing... the genuineness. I must admit... I am no high class person. Given a chance, I would choose not to attend such functions. Kinda remind me that I must never fall into the same trap of organizing successful but fake large-scale volunteer appreciation events, missing the real meaning of having the event in the first place.

Repulsive Woman
To make things worse... I met a lady which I have almost forgotten that I detest her... Yes, may God forgive me, I detest her... Very much repulsive because I remembered being "reprimanded" by her before despite not being her staff and I have this feeling that she looks down on people. Big size lady power dressed with scarf and with very heavy make-up and dark green eye shadows... she would literally walk past you, without even acknowledging you, if you are someone not important, to shake hand with someone who is from "high places" standing behind you. I do not know why I detest her so much but maybe because she told me off before for something minor (and she not even my superior or even working with me) and because of the way she behaves that somehow puts me terribly off.


Source: MobileFun

Blessing of Nice People
In contrast to these people, my boss, who was sitting with me on the same table, really stood out. A friendly, genuine (though serious) lady really seem a farcry from these people and this has somehow made me appreciate my boss more and thank God for blessing me with such a boss. I also thank God for blessing me with wonderful colleagues who are as nice as could be, sheltering me from all those scary politics, hypocrisy and ingenuineness. Call me simple but being a "discoverer", this is one area I would rather not set my foot in and hope to never encounter the need to set my foot in.

Angry People x 2
I met 2 angry people today and despite the fact that I am not the cause of their anger, it has somehow affected my day. The 1st was encountered at work and I was kind of shocked when she interrupted a meeting I was in and kinda confronted us. This kind of burst my bubble of being around nice people and reminded me that I still have to be careful not to step on others' toes. I am still glad that my immediate colleagues are nice, understanding, sensitive etc people :)

I encountered the 2nd at the "high class" dinner this evening. He is the boss of my former workplace and came over to sit beside me to chit-chat. After a while, I kind of get the idea where the conversation was going and get the idea that he wanted to ask for some IT support and "consultancy" work given my experience of working there. I had previously declined and mentioned that I am not comfortable to commit because:
  1. I did not want to overpromise and underdeliver, which would be unfair to him. I have basically just started my work and with all the work and projects, I just don't think I have much energy to commit volunteering there (and ironically I am a volunteer coordinator, encouraging others to volunteer).
  2. I did not want to be unfair to my organization and boss since I might be devoting a bit of attention on external commitments, even though it is outside of work hours.
  3. There are still some people whom I have had bad working relations before and I just do not want to be a hypocrite and work with them again, pretneding nothing has happened.
  4. I am not sure how my involvement will be perceived by staff since what I will be doing coincides with one of the job functions undertaken by a staff.
  5. I feel I am not able to contribute much since I am now an outsider and may not have the insight needed for the work which needs to be performed. The work also requires someone to constantly work on it full-time so that it is aligned with the organization's goals and objectives and I do not think I am the right candidate.
I shared this with that person and somehow I think he took offence and abruptly ended the conversation and went back to his seat. Seriously, although I suspected that he is unhappy, it didn't really occur to me that he is upset until I called him later and he apologized for his action earlier.

Think he is too stressed at work, managing the expectations of so many people and feel unsupported. I felt the same way when I was the only executive staff in that organization then and felt like the whole world was coming down on me, making all kinds of expectations and I just feel unsupported. Somehow, I can emphatize with how he felt and can kind of understand why he reacted in that way. I nonetheless assured him of my support but told him I can only support within reasonable limits; more of backend nature kind of work and if it does not affect my work.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

 

New Features!

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Haha, let's welcome new additions to codfishy's blog... I have added:
  • A search function
  • Email subscription service to receive codfishy in your mailboxes
  • 2 bloglets which describe my "blogging type" (my blogging personality) and "inner blood type" (my personality)
These can be found on the right column.

Monday, January 16, 2006

 

New Street Named

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New street named in Singapore... Codfishy Boulevard... well OK OK, not exactly... just a joke... just playing around with graphic editing:


Photo of Fullerton Hotel here by
Nagesh Belludi

 

The Cheer is Back!

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How Great Thou Art
I have never thought that a worship song would actually bring a bit of my cheer back. Remember a couple of days ago, I mentioned that I seldom smile nowadays, as compared to the "old" me who is always smiling? Well, a bit of the cheer is back; I am smiling radiantly and I am enjoying the smile (again) :)

On thursday, the song "Heart of Worship" has taught me to worship genuinely from deep within my heart. During Sunday service, as we sang "How Great Thou Art", I came to realization how I am surrounded by God's wonderful creations and how I am also part of this masterpiece of His; that I am also a significant part of this wonderful creation of His. This indeed did change my perception of things...

How Great Thou Art
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

************
CHORUS

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

************

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

CHORUS

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

CHORUS

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

CHORUS

How Great is our God
Indeed, this made me rejoiced and proclaim "How Great is our God" as we sang:

How Great is our God
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

************
CHORUS

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

************

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

CHORUS

God Ministers through Me
As I made my way to church on Sunday, 2 friends (who also, like me, backslided) suddenly came to mind and I messaged them.

It is unlike me to type those "christiany" type of message but somehow thoughts just flowed and I was sharing with these 2 friends that God has not forsaken them and that God is a God of forgiveness; how I have been "saved" by His grace again despite many years of going wayward.

These few days, I am also slowly finding research materials on cults and should hope to be able to minister to my friend who is currently involved in a cult. I just do not feel comfortable having people being misled from Christ but yet I have been moving very slowly, putting it off several times. In fact, during service, I even had this silly idea of starting a ministry for people who have backslided or are/have been involved in cult... something like a healing ministry... had even wanted to approach my pastor about it but then... maybe it is just too ambitious an idea.

God bless me as I minister to others and help me path the way in planting the seed.

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