The Joy of the Lord

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Funny how much difference a few hours can make... I remember feeling rather rotten yesterday, with everything that went horribly wrong. I know it wasn't really a big issue but it really bothered me.

Finding Peace in the Lord
(Picture "Cursi Words" by verzerk) But this morning, as I made my way to work, I somehow felt more peace. For the past few days, I have tried to find time, as I travelled to work on the bus, to have a little private chat with God. As usual, I was having this private chat with God when the words of a song in my mp3 player suddenly spoke to me. Just as I spoke to God and told Him that how weary I am and how I would just like to commit everything at work into His hands, I heard the words from the lyrics of two of my favourite worship songs, "Complete" and "One Thing I Ask of You"...

One Thing I Ask of You
Anyway, this song seems to be written by a Singaporean, Gavin.


From "One Thing I Ask of You":
One thing I ask of You And this is what I seek That I may dwell in Your House O God
Yes, just as I would like to dwell in the house of God, I would also like Him to dwell in me. How then can God dwell in me with all this anger?

From "One Thing I Ask of You":
I'll be joyful Lord always I will pray to You unceasingly I'll give thanks to You In all my circumstances

From "Complete":
So, I lift my eyes to You Lord In Your strength will I break through Lord Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me I know Your love dispels all my fears Through the storm I will hold on Lord And by faith I will walk on Lord Then I’ll see beyond my calvary one day And I will be complete in You

Yes, I would claim James 1:2-4 which says:

2. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3. because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James says that when, not if, one faces trials and tribulations, we should face it with joy because it helps develop us so we may be complete and whole.

Deep inside me, I was thinking to myself:

"Why am I so upset? I can't control how others think and feel, so why am I taking responsibility for the way others feel? Anyway, don't I used to believe that every experience, no matter good or bad, will always leave us with something that we can take away; a lesson. Ain't one of my philosophy in life 'giving others the benefit of the doubt'? So why am I not giving my colleagues the benefit of the doubt that both have reacted this way because they may be stressed up?"

A Good Day
In fact, the day turned out pretty well. Firstly, I give thanks that another friend of mine, who works in my neighbour department and who I also copied my email to her, did not take my email negatively. Then, I give thanks for the opportunity to clear the air when the director from my neighbour department called for a meeting to discuss the issues that we are facing. I do hope that things are indeed well now after the meeting. I also thank God for guiding the mentoring session I had with my new colleague. Today is the first time I am meeting her to see how she is doing at work and I thank God for a good session. I also had the opportunities to share with her about my concerns about the email she sent to the neighbour department yesterday and I thank God she took it rather well and even went on to acknowledge that God maybe teaching her about patience.

A Different Thanksgiving
At cell group meeting this evening, while most gave thanks for things that went well, I was surprised to find myself giving thanks for the problems I faced this week. I thanked God for granting me the wisdom and patience to not react to these challenges and to also provide support to my new colleague. I guess that when you really have the joy of the Lord in you, things would be relatively a breeze. Yes, we will still face challenges but we are assured that God will be watching over us and guiding us as long as we are doing God's will. I also thanked God for watching over my sister who nearly met with an accident when a car did not stop at the pedestrian crossing where she was...

I also thank God for blessing the cell group. It has been a rough few weeks and cell group attendance haven't been regular after we multiplied, mainly because of the dynamics I guess. Not only had we to deal with forging our own identity apart from the people who we have shared our Friday nights together with for a whole year, we also had to adapt to new members from another cell which has merged with ours. Cell groups have been rather quiet and my cell group leader was initially rather frustrated and disappointed.

But yesterday, I truly enjoyed cell, the fellowship and everything went well from ice breaking, to thanksgiving, worship, word and even supper. Everybody seemed to warmed up to one another even though there was a visitor to our cell. There was deep sharing about how God has made a difference in our lives and I think that helped to motivate everyone as well. I even openly shared my experience (again) about how I came back to Christ, my wallet incident and also the struggles of a backslider... In recent weeks, I also noticed that I seem to be praying in tongue though I cannot be very sure if I have really been given the gift of praying in tongue. But one thing is for sure, tongue or no tongue, I am a little more confident about praying now, though not in groups.

Scary People
There was to be some external high level meeting at the ground floor today involving heads of agencies from other organisations and they rented our hall for the meeting. It was tea break time and my boss came to ask me if I was keen to go downstairs to say "hi" to a few of my friends who were also here for the meeting.

I went downstairs but soon felt out of place and so uncomfortable. Other than saying "hi" to my friends and talking to them for a while, most of the time, I found myself standing there alone eating... Frankly, I don't really like such kinds of meetings because I can sometimes see so much "fakeness"and I just refuse to be part of it. For example, some people may have an opinion about something but it is surprising how quick their opinions change when they speak with someone who feels otherwise.

Then, there was this awkward incident which involved me talking to a friend and another person whom I am supposed to have met but forgot her name... we were talking and suddenly my friend asked the other person if she knows me and she said yes and went on to mention that we worked together before. I do find her familiar but since my memory is really failing, I can't recall where I seen her before, let alone her name... So I frankly apologise and asked her for her name. She then told me her name and it yes, it now rang a bell... I used to work with her organisation but it was a horrible experience and I didn't like their organisation. Then, my friend actually joked to say that I only remember pretty girls' name (seriously I also do not know why she said that). There was a bit of silence... I didn't know how to respond... maybe I was like expected to say something condescending like "no la, both of you are such pretty ladies, just my failing memory". Seriously, I don't do such stuff.... ooo scary people.

Thinking of Sabbatical
Seriously, so much have happened recently and with the job offers, I do find myself getting more and more exhausted... In fact, I was so tired of coordinating work I actually turned down my cell groups leader's request for me to co-plan a BBQ session for my cell group and a friend's request for me to coordinate his housewarming. Feels kind of bad but then I am just very tired and would like to take a break from coordination work.

I don't foresee myself leaving my current job because I feel that I have not finished what I have been called to do here by God and I still genuinely enjoy my work and the company here. It is just that I am very tired and am thinking of even proposing to take sabbatical leave to just recuperate.