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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Thursday, November 08, 2007

 

The Word of God Says This... You are Wrong! (Part 2)

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This topic has always interested me. Not because I am a person who wants to be a bible scholar but I have come to recognise how important it is to ensure that we are getting the right teachings from the right sources. Following the last discussion I had with my friend, I have yesterday come to have another discussion with another friend on spiritual nourishment.
Frankly, I have became quite dismayed learning that there are so many people out there who can, for a lack of better word, "misrepresent" God and present wrong teachings. Even sometimes within the Christian community, we have seen cases where people interpret different bible verses differently (and sometimes this may also cause rifts). My basic premises are simple:
  • Bible as Primary Source - I am for reading "Christian" books and other sources e.g. websites to help us grow spiritually and to help us illuminate our understanding of the word of God and I trust that God speaks through them as well BUT this should not be a substitute for the Word of God because that is STILL the Word of God. But, with the wealth of books, blogs, devotional materials, tapes etc out there, it can sometimes get difficult to determine if a book or website is indeed inspired by God or it contains false teachings, either intentionally or unintentionally.

  • Wisdom & Discernment - Believe it or not but God speaks through His word. I believe that no one can truly profess to know everything and even what is on God's mind. Even bible verses can also be misquoted out of context. I remember seeing a video created by an atheist on youtube and he/she was trying to show how evil Christians are and misquoted several verses. So I still believe that only God can grant wisdom and discernment to gain insight into his Word. We should treat devotionals, blogs, books, websites etc with caution as we are careful with the things we eat. Just as we do not take risk to take food we suspect may not have been prepared in a hygienic manner, we should also pay careful attention to where we get our spiritual nourishment. Ask God for wisdom and discernment in order not to be misled. I believe that God, who wants His people to come back to Him, will help His people to have wisdom and discernment, to continue to walk closely with Him, just as He had granted Solomon wisdom and discernment.

  • Track Record - While track record can help us determine if an author is reliable, I also believe that everyone have to work out their spiritual walk. It does not mean that a person who have been walking steadily will not fumble and fall. I am not saying that we should be unforgiving to these people when they fumble (didn't Christ forgive us again and again when we fumble too) but then we should have the realisation that man fumble too and thus we should not ALWAYS talk what they say to be gospel truth. Even my pastor reminded us that we should fully trust God and not man because man, including himself, can fail.

  • The Big Picture - The easiest way is to know the character of God (through reading and illumination by God) and when we know His character, we will know what is consistent and what is not consistent to the character of God. For example, I have learnt today through reading the bible that God is not a person who delights in rituals and sacrifices but more on a repentent heart:

    Isaiah 1:11-17 (NIV):
    11
    "The multitude of your sacrifices—
    what are they to me?" says the LORD.
    "I have more than enough of burnt offerings,
    of rams and the fat of fattened animals;
    I have no pleasure
    in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats.

    12 When you come to appear before me,
    who has asked this of you,
    this trampling of my courts?

    13 Stop bringing meaningless offerings!
    Your incense is detestable to me.
    New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—
    I cannot bear your evil assemblies.

    14 Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts
    my soul hates.
    They have become a burden to me;
    I am weary of bearing them.

    15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
    I will hide my eyes from you;
    even if you offer many prayers,
    I will not listen.
    Your hands are full of blood;

    16 wash and make yourselves clean.
    Take your evil deeds
    out of my sight!
    Stop doing wrong,

    17 learn to do right!
    Seek justice,
    encourage the oppressed.
    Defend the cause of the fatherless,
    plead the case of the widow.

    Micah 6:6-8 (NIV):
    6 With what shall I come before the LORD
    and bow down before the exalted God?
    Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
    with calves a year old?

    7 Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
    with ten thousand rivers of oil?
    Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,
    the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

    8 He has showed you, O man, what is good.
    And what does the LORD require of you?
    To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.

  • False Teachings and Prophecies - Christ spoke of false prophets and teachers out there. But for those who has been anointed in position to minister to God's people, God warns them (in Micah 3) about misleading His people.

So where are you getting your nourishments? All it takes is just a little bit to derail you.

 

Devotion on Patience

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We covered the topic of "patience" at a recent department devotion:

God is often more patient with us than we are with ourselves. We assume that if we fall, we aren't born again. If we stumble, then we aren't truly converted. If we have the old desires, then we must not be a new creation.

If you are anxious about this, please remember, "God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again". (Phil. 1:6)


"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts." Romans 5:3-5

"We have around us many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect." Hebrews 12:1-2a

"My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need." James 1:2-4nds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need." James 1:2-4

Why does scripture says that we should have joy and be full of joy when we face trials?

  • It is not saying that we should deny our negative feelings about trials and feel joyful that we have trials
  • Difference lies in that we can have the assurance of Christ in us and in our lives, that He has His plans for us and will see us through

Why are there trials?
  • I guess that is a question no one can answer but we can be certain that trials are part and parcel of life because we will (i) face trials when we go through the different stages in life and (ii) the devil do taunts you as well along the way, and/or (iii) sometimes we can be stubborn and refuse to "let go and let God", among many other reasons.
  • But one thing about the scriptures is that it says "trials produced patience and patience produced character and character produces hope" (Romans 5:3-5)
  • To me, the last 2 years of spiritual growth (ever since I have returned to the Lord from backsliding) had been most intense. Sometimes, I go through trials e.g. my trials in leading cell, and cry out to the Lord, not understanding why I am made to go through these trials. But upon reflecting, through the trials, I have learnt:
    • How God uses me and my experience to minister to others - Just like how He recently used my experience facing career crisis to minister to a sister-in-christ, who was going through a similar situation. Both of us placed our self-worth on our jobs rather on God. By the end of the session and sharing, we both come to recognise that we can choose to place our self-worth in people and jobs (which may fail us at times) or on God (who never fails)
    • How to rely on God - At times, maybe due to stubbornness, we refuse to "Let go and Let God" and it is through the various trials I faced these 2 years which have helped me to learn the hard way to rely on Christ and indeed, He never fails, just like how He is blessing my cell leadership now and I thank God for that
    • How God uses trials to build character, both for ourselves and for our ministry
    • How God is in control and has His plans for us: Jeremiah 29:11
How do we respond in times of trials?
  • Trials are for certain here to stay but then the important thing is how do we respond to God when we face trials? Sometimes, we trust God and hold on, sometimes we start to doubt God, sometimes we lament to God, sometimes we lift up our fists to God etc
  • But we have seen how God has sustained people and used people's trials for good e.g. Nick Vujicic and Joni Eareckson. I cannot imagine myself living their lives. In the words of Nick, "it is not as if one morning he woke up and have this confidence but it is a journey, it is character building". He had the willingness to let God use him to share the gospel
  • So how do we we respond? Is it: Trials-Triumph (in Christ)-Testimony (of God's grace, faithfulness and work in your life)
  • Do we beat ourselves up, despite having been saved, that we still stumble and sin? But we are reminded that we are work-in-progress and Phil 1:6 reminds us of that. But do we suffer from the, as Sy Rogers call it, "Dirty Diaper Syndrome"; when children mess up, some run away from parents (because maybe they fear being scolded) but all the parent want to do is clean you up (and maybe nag or scold a little).

    So when we mess up, do we run from or to God? Do we become so disappointed that we run away from God? If God can send Christ to die on the cross and forgive all who have yet to even ask for forgiveness, what more the power of coming before the cross, confessing our sins and repenting?

    Romans 5:5 reminds "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." He has and will continue to do so.
Psalm 37:23
23. If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24. though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

 

Radical Trust

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Here's the wonderful discussion we had in cell last Friday on radical trust:

Isaiah 43:1-13 (NIV):
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.

6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-

7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."

8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
who have ears but are deaf.

9 All the nations gather together
and the peoples assemble.
Which of them foretold this
and proclaimed to us the former things?
Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
so that others may hear and say, "It is true."

10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.

11 I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.

12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.

13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?"

How many times have we found ourselves facing someone in crisis and saying "Don't worry, God is in control". But the question is really, why do we need to have trust, or rather radical trust in God?

In this week's OTC reading, we read about Hezekiah and how he was faced with a threat of attack by Sennacherib, King of Assyria, and despite being chastised by him (2 Chronicles 32:10-19),
Hezekiah nonetheless responded in trust in the Lord and "cried out in prayer to heaven about this";

Isaiah 37: 14-20 (NIV)
14. Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD.
15. And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD :
16. "O LORD Almighty, God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.
17. Give ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD, and see; listen to all the words Sennacherib has sent to insult the living God.
18. "It is true, O LORD, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste all these peoples and their lands.
19. They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by human hands.
20. Now, O LORD our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all kingdoms on earth may know that you alone, O LORD, are God. "


And we read that in the end:

2 Chronicles 32:21 (NIV)
21.
And the LORD sent an angel, who annihilated all the fighting men and the leaders and officers in the camp of the Assyrian king. So he withdrew to his own land in disgrace. And when he went into the temple of his god, some of his sons cut him down with the sword.


Perhaps radical trust would mean to have having trust in something which under normal circumstances, others would not have. I check with the dictionary revealed that the word "radical" has quite a few meanings, one meaning "extreme" while another referring to that forming a basis or foundation. But I do agree with yesterday's discussion that the focus should not be on the definition because "radical trust" would be different for everyone at different points in time. For someone, radical trust might be trusting in God for matters ranging from exams to going away to serve full-time as a missionary. As one of you points out, someone may find "going to cell on Friday night while others may spend it resting or chilling out" radical. I believe God meets each of us at our varying levels of our faith.

But back to the fundamental question on why is "radical trust" in God necessary? Some have shared how having radical trust in God, though nerve-wrecking because sometimes it does not make human sense, helps us live out our lives according to God's purposes and plans. I have shared how Jeremiah 29:11 have brought me back to Christ after having backslided away from Christ for 15 years. Just at the point in time I was facing crisis in some relationships in my life and in my work, I remember telling myself I will not work in a Christian organisation (because I had backslided) but God had His plans to,
within a few days bring me back to Christ and subsequently to a Christian organisation to work. But how do we build trust?
  1. Testimonies - hearing testimonies help us know how real God is in others' lives as well as our lives. Hearing from others help us build our faith while sharing our testimonies help edify another while remind us of how God has worked in our lives. Do we remember God's faithfulness or are we like the Israelites in the bible who constantly forgets God's faithfulness and/or take it for granted?
  2. Reading the Word of God - I believe that God sometimes seek to encourage and assure through His Word and by reading His Word, we will come to open up communication channels with God
  3. Prayer - Some have also shared how prayer with God also helps build faith as we commit our lives and circumstances into His hands and keep communication channels open
  4. Believing in and Obeying God - Some shared that it is not enough just to only read the Word of God if we do not know and fear God. Trusting in God also means obeying Him under every circumstances. Once you know God for who He is, we will come to know His character as our Father and how real He is. He comforts, assures, encourage but also disciplines. Obeying Him may sometimes mean doing His will even if it does not make human sense. Some have also shared how obeying Him in every little small decisions and big decisions and making it into a lifestyle has also helped to build trust.
  5. Learning from Other's Faith - Some even shared how they learnt from others' faith, even faith of children and loved ones who show us what it is to simply have faith in God.
But another question which crossed my mind is that whether does radical trust have a negative flipside to it? Can trust be misplaced? Well, the answer is fundamentally yes. We can simply ask ourselves, where do we have our trust in? Sennacherib asked in 2 Chronicles:10 "On what are you basing your confidence, that you remain in Jerusalem under siege?" In Isaiah 7:3-9, the Lord spoke to Isaiah and asked him to speak to Ahaz about an impending invasion:

Isaiah 7:7-9 (NIV):
7. Yet this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
" 'It will not take place,
it will not happen,
8. for the head of Aram is Damascus,
and the head of Damascus is only Rezin.
Within sixty-five years
Ephraim will be too shattered to be a people.
9. The head of Ephraim is Samaria,
and the head of Samaria is only Remaliah's son.
If you do not stand firm in your faith,
you will not stand at all.'


Where is your trust in? Who is your head? Is it the Lord or man?

Psalm 118:8 (NIV):
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man

I watched a recent movie called "Rendition" and it was indeed sad to see how a terrorist group was made to believe that they have to sacrifice their bodies, blowing themselves into pieces, for the sake of God; to be answerable to God how they have used the "weapon" God has given them for His sake. Deep within me, I was rather uncomfortable how God can be used and/or misinterpreted by man to cause pain and terror.

So what is your level and trust and where is your trust in?

He Never Sleeps


Great is Thy Faithfulness


Still

 

Things so Far...

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Don't really know what to put for my blog entry title because it is really many blog entries for the last 2 weeks all rolled into one.

OK, I am entering the peak period of my work again and the last 2 weeks have been nothing but hectic hectic hectic, right from the time I returned from my In-Camp Training, many things have been screaming for my attention at work. In fact, I remember last Friday that I was so stressed, I almost could scream out in office; the kind of feeling of having a thousand and one things needing your attention.

What have I been up to? Well, mainly preparing for a quarterly meeting for volunteer coordinators in my organisation, preparing for the launch of a volunteer scheduling system for an upcoming large-scale project with my colleagues (which saw us working late nights to have the training, user manuals and system finetuned), preparation statistics for my programme report, handling volunteer interview, presentations and placements and the list just goes on. As I said, it was busy busy busy all the way. But still, I give thanks to God for:

  1. Inspirations from the NVPC Conference - Frankly, I did not quite enjoy the NVPC conference this year as much as last year and there were times when the panel discussion just went off-track; so much so I find myself constantly asking "how is this related to the topic at hand?" But I am glad to have been able to hear from two particular speakers which kind of gave me some inspiration.

    The first being this guy, Jack Sim, who is the founder of WTO - the World Toilet Organisation. Jack is really a funny guy and it is amazing how witty and courageous he is. According to him, he was a business man but then one day decided to come into the non-profit sector, founding the Restroom Association of Singapore and subsequently the World Toilet Organisation. And he is just amazing, having such healthy self-esteem to laugh along with people when talking about his work. I recall last yeat, at the NVPC conference, he went unto the stage right after Microsoft finished their presentation and he wittingly joked that in fact they both are in the same business; the "spreadsheet (shit)" business. This year, he had his fair share of jokes e.g. speaking about "faec-sibility study" and how he was so tempted to spell "pool" in "talent pool" without the "l", while he was talking about volunteer management. But what impresses me a lot is his "never-say-die" attitude which has helped him to achieve many things. Well, what he is doing is indeed not something that most people would readily talk about (although, as the emcee aptly put it, it is something very basic to all of us) and people can laugh at him. But the amazing thing is that he laughs along but still remain focused on his passion. With his "never-say-die" attitude, he managed to have founded WTO and initiated partnerships with many UN organisations and restroom organisations worldwide to look into sanitation and hygiene in countries including third world countries. They even organised a World Toilet Summit. Then he went on to tell us about his World Toilet College, which was set up with little cost. He went to a polytechnic to request for a place to conduct his lessons and endorse the certification for the course; applied for funding help to bring in trainers, got a volunteer architect to design his college building; spoke to another non-profit organisation to offer him a piece of land for the building (and offering them usage of the building for the rest of the other 180 days his college is not using the building), and spoke to the ITE next door to help build the college. And wah lah! World Toilet College! I understand from my friend that he is a person who is not afraid of knocking on doors to forge partnerships.

    The other inspirational speaker is Jane Goodall. Compared to Jack and the other speakers, she is not as funny and interesting as them. But then, you can see the passion in her as she speaks with her gentle and slow voice. I remember he greeting us with chimpanzee language as she started her address (and that quite gotten my attention). She is the UN Messenger of Peace and studies chimpanzees in the Gombe Stream National Park. Frankly, I can't remember what her speech was but I do remember thinking that "here is a passionate lady". All I remember was how she was urging us to make a difference as an individual. I cannot remember her address but then was searching around the web and managed to find an address she made at another conference, similar to what she shared at the NVPC conference:

    About 40 years ago, a chimp was born in Africa. His mother was shot. He was shipped over to a North American zoo. He lived for a long time by himself in an old-fashioned zoo cage. And, finally, a new zoo director arrived and decided to make a big enclosure, the biggest in North America. He got 19 other chimps, introduced them to each other carefully, and then finally let them out into this beautiful new enclosure.

    It was fine for a while. And then one of the young chimps challenged the senior one, as young chimps will. The senior one was Jo-Jo, he who had lived for about 11 years by himself. What did he know about fighting? He was terrified. He ran into the water. And in his fear, scrambled over the barrier erected to stop the chimps drowning in the deep water beyond. He disappeared under the water. He came up, spluttering for breath three times, and then was gone.

    A keeper was watching from the other side of the moat. He knew Jo-Jo weighed 130 pounds. He watched. But luckily for Jo-Jo, there was a man there, Rick Swope, who visits the zoo one day a year with his family. And he jumped in, even though the keeper tried to stop him, and told him he would be killed. And he felt about. He found this 130-pound dead weight, got it over his shoulder, scrambled over the barrier, pushed Jo-Jo up onto the bank, and turned to rejoin his slightly hysterical family.

    And suddenly the woman there video-taping with the video camera—she didn't remember filming—the people started screaming at Rick to come back, "You're going to be killed." From their high vantage point, they could see three of the big male chimps charging down to see what was going on. And at the same time, Jo-Jo is sliding back towards the water, because the bank was too steep.

    And you see Rick standing there. The camera goes amazingly steady. And he's got one hand on that barrier. And you see him look at his family and you see him look up towards where these chimps are coming. And you see him look down at Jo-Jo, who has just gone under the water. And for a moment he's motionless. And then he went back. He went back and again pushed Jo-Jo up. And Jo-Jo is trying feebly to grab something he can hold on to. And, just in time, grabs a strong clump of grass and manages to pull himself up. And, just in time, Rick scrambles over that barrier.

    And that evening, that little bit of film was shown all over North America. And the Director of my Institute, the Jane Goodall Institute, called him up. He said, "That was a terribly brave thing you did. You must have known it was dangerous. Everyone was telling you. What made you do it?" And he said, "Well, you see, I happened to look into his eyes, and it was like looking into the eyes of a man. And the message was, `Won't anybody help me'"?

    And you see, that's the look I've seen in the eyes of little chimps for sale in the African marketplaces, in the five-foot-by-five-foot prison cells of the medical research labs, from under the frills of the circus chimps, with their pulled teeth and their electric collars. I've seen it in the eyes of so many suffering animals, but I've seen it in the eyes of little children whose parents were killed in the ethnic fighting in Burundi and other parts of Africa. I've seen it in the eyes of children in our inner cities, who are caught up in gang violence, with no where to go.

    And once you've seen that look and felt it in your heart, you have to try and do something about it. And here is the real hope. The real hope is that all around the world, as I travel, there are more and more people who not only see that look but feel it in their hearts and are trying to reach out and help. And the worst thing that's happening in the world today is this apathy. We know what we should and shouldn't do for the environment, for society.

    But I'm one person. The little things I do can't really make any difference. It's just me. So there are millions of people around the world thinking "It's just me." Turn it around: millions, and then more millions and more millions of people, all doing what they should do. What a difference it will make.



    Perhaps the most inspirational part of the conference was when a charity shared their winnings with another two charities. There was to be a part of the programme called "The Pitch", in which 3 charities will vie for $50,000 funding for their programme. The charity will make their presentations to the audience and the judges and thereafter, there will be 2 prizes, Judges' Choice ($35,000) and Audiences' Choice ($15,000). Well, IMH won both prizes for The Pitch. But what was amazing was how the rep instantaneously said that she will share the prize money with the other two charities. It was a wonderful scene and many stood up and gave a standing ovation. It was so touching.

  2. Blessings @ Work - I thank God for blessing me at work and the meetings and training sessions which I was supposed to conduct just went surprisingly well with little hiccups. And I also thank God for helping me to survive through this period. As I mentioned, work was up till my neck and at one point last week, I was really stressed up because I had so many things to do by Friday evening and had not even prepared for cell group which was to take place just a couple of hours later. In addition to work, I was to help with some volunteer work to design some stuff for International Volunteer Manager Appreciation (IVMA) Day on 1 November and also struggle with leading and preparing for cell. But, it is just amazing how so much have been accomplished in the end. All my presentations, reports and projects just went on well. It has been tough but then by the grace of God, I managed to achieve (and this continue to amaze me).

    I also thank God for being recognised for my work during IVMA Day. Just as I decided to skip Thursday devotion for the first time in a long time (because I had to get some last-minute preparation done for a training session that was to take place after the devotion), my #1 boss announced that it is IVMA day at the devotion (only to find that I wasn't around). But the thought of being remembered and acknowledged at staff devotion was nonetheless wonderful. Throughout the day, I continued to receive congratulatory messages from colleagues.

    I also thank God for the good news that there will be a goodwill bonus for staff this December, a well-received news *BIG GRIN*

  3. Blessings for Ministry - I than God yet again for blessing cell. Last week, I was really stressed at work and to make thing worse, by evening time on Friday, I had not even have the slightest inkling what I wanted to cover in cell. As if that wasn't bad enough, I will be having a new visitor in my cell that night and my Zone Pastor will also be coming along to visit the cell. Coupled with my long list of "to-do" at work, I was on the verge of breakdown. But I thank God that cell just went well surprisingly and thoughts just flowed, the right words just came, discussion went on smoothly and people were relatively engaged. Even the attendance that evening went up to almost ten. I thank God for leading the cell and for answering my prayer. My new prayer during this season is that I will serve God with joy.

  4. Welcome Back - Oh yes, I am glad to see a colleague back in devotion again. I can't explain the joy seeing this *BIG GRIN* I thank God for working in wonderful ways.

  5. New Life - I thank God that so far things has been wonderfully well since my retreat. It is as if I was liberated and I no longer find it as much a challenge and struggle in social situations. It is as if I had a new lease of life...
Really a lot has happened during this period:
  1. Stopping Communications - I initiated to stop communication with the sister-in-christ who made me lose my cool. Frankly, I felt burdened after the exchanges of SMSes with her and that very Sunday, my heart was still heavy. I received her SMS asking for my forgiveness and in the same way, I SMSed back asking for her forgiveness as well. In addition, I had also asked to stop communication with each other because I recognised that maintaining contact with her is not going to help because I have my baggage of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and tend to be rather unempathetic to them. Anyway, it seems that my responses to her had somehow fed her craving for care and that's where the problem comes again and she will then hinge on to you and start having various expectations of you. After that, there were, as you may have guessed it, some very hostile messages that followed but I just messaged back for the last time to communicate my hope for God to work to heal her as He had and is still healing me. Even though I no longer keep in touch with this sister, I am still keeping her in prayer.

  2. Dad's Health Condition - Just received a phonecall from my dad yesterday and apparently, the doctor is suspecting that he may have lymphoma, a type of cancer. This adds on to his list of pre-existing illnesses of diabetes, heart problem, eye, lungs and kidney problems. He mentioned that he would need to be admitted into hospital for 10-14 days next week for investigations. Many questions come across my mind and indeed there is a lot of uncertainty. I do not know why this is the case that I feel little anxiety. There is still anxiety about the future and about how my dad is taking the whole thing but then there seems to also be a sense of calmness knowing that God is in control. All I can do now is perhaps spend more time with my dad and pray for him.

  3. Little Pockets of Rest - I thank God for little pockets of rest for me to recharge. Just last Saturday, I met up with a group of my friends to play Wii and boy was it fun. I have learnt how my friend's friend (who loaned him the Wii console) has bought the console for his parents so they can have a little bit of physical and mental exercise at home. This gave me an idea and got me all excited about getting a set for my dad too, since he is always at home. But it seems that that has to wait because of my dad's medical condition. So, no big purchases and more savings. I thank God for the coming bonus and hope that it will be enough for whatever medical bills that is coming our way. Of course, I do hope it is not cancer but if it should happen, I need to be prepared for the medical costs. I also thank God for good rest yesterday with K and D. Bought a new card game (Calaboose) and played with them. Am always glad to have fellowship with them and my good friends.

  4. My Health - I am also getting fatter and I can feel it too. My clothes are getting tighter and it has been some time since I last exercised. Just last Sunday, a friend from church also commented that I seemed to have grown a bit. Anyway, haven't been in the pink of health recently also, concurrently being plagued with ulcer, pain in the arm (from playing Wii too seriously) and this feeling of tiredness in my thigh

  5. Love Matters - Well, what about matters of the heart? Well, as a friend has commented, it is amazing how at the same time, I am taking an interest in someone and someone seems to also be taking interest in me and both these ladies are the same age. Anyway, this has been rather perplexing that there is this girl who keeps looking for me and "act cute". I do hope she is not taking an interest in me but then the vibes I get seems to be that way. This really perplexes me because I do not know how to respond to her or tell her that I am not interested in her. Well, I recently had the chance and she asked me why I am still single and I did take the chance to let her know that I am interested in someone. Hope this works. As for the other girl, I have not been meeting up with her and keeping in touch with her through SMS for some time now. I had recently asked her out for dinner but then she later cancelled the appointment (the second time). What has prompted me to ask her out is because I realised that I might have "competition" because someone else seems to also be interested in her. Well, now that she has cancelled our dinner appointment twice, maybe she is not interested in me or maybe she was but then because I am such a block-head, she gave up.

  6. Spiritual Walk - Recently, I am finding myself real concerned about my member and friends' spiritual walk again. I do not know but then the burden just came back again. Recently, I asked one of my cell members if she was coming to cell this week and she mentioned that she and another member will not be coming. Then, almost as if not wanting me to ask more, she wanted to end the call. It sometimes makes me really wonder why is this the case. Why is it that people are walking away from this cell? Is it because I am not a good leader, one who makes cell interesting, one who overtly expresses my care for members? Why do I find it so difficult to talk to people about their spiritual growth and allow them to walk away? Why can't I be more daring and confront? Why Why Why?

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