Things so Far...

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Don't really know what to put for my blog entry title because it is really many blog entries for the last 2 weeks all rolled into one.

OK, I am entering the peak period of my work again and the last 2 weeks have been nothing but hectic hectic hectic, right from the time I returned from my In-Camp Training, many things have been screaming for my attention at work. In fact, I remember last Friday that I was so stressed, I almost could scream out in office; the kind of feeling of having a thousand and one things needing your attention.

What have I been up to? Well, mainly preparing for a quarterly meeting for volunteer coordinators in my organisation, preparing for the launch of a volunteer scheduling system for an upcoming large-scale project with my colleagues (which saw us working late nights to have the training, user manuals and system finetuned), preparation statistics for my programme report, handling volunteer interview, presentations and placements and the list just goes on. As I said, it was busy busy busy all the way. But still, I give thanks to God for:

1. Inspirations from the NVPC Conference - Frankly, I did not quite enjoy the NVPC conference this year as much as last year and there were times when the panel discussion just went off-track; so much so I find myself constantly asking "how is this related to the topic at hand?" But I am glad to have been able to hear from two particular speakers which kind of gave me some inspiration.
   
   The first being this guy, Jack Sim, who is the founder of WTO - the World Toilet Organisation. Jack is really a funny guy and it is amazing how witty and courageous he is. According to him, he was a business man but then one day decided to come into the non-profit sector, founding the Restroom Association of Singapore and subsequently the World Toilet Organisation. And he is just amazing, having such healthy self-esteem to laugh along with people when talking about his work. I recall last yeat, at the NVPC conference, he went unto the stage right after Microsoft finished their presentation and he wittingly joked that in fact they both are in the same business; the "spreadsheet (shit)" business. This year, he had his fair share of jokes e.g. speaking about "faec-sibility study" and how he was so tempted to spell "pool" in "talent pool" without the "l", while he was talking about volunteer management. But what impresses me a lot is his "never-say-die" attitude which has helped him to achieve many things. Well, what he is doing is indeed not something that most people would readily talk about (although, as the emcee aptly put it, it is something very basic to all of us) and people can laugh at him. But the amazing thing is that he laughs along but still remain focused on his passion. With his "never-say-die" attitude, he managed to have founded WTO and initiated partnerships with many UN organisations and restroom organisations worldwide to look into sanitation and hygiene in countries including third world countries. They even organised a World Toilet Summit. Then he went on to tell us about his World Toilet College, which was set up with little cost. He went to a polytechnic to request for a place to conduct his lessons and endorse the certification for the course; applied for funding help to bring in trainers, got a volunteer architect to design his college building; spoke to another non-profit organisation to offer him a piece of land for the building (and offering them usage of the building for the rest of the other 180 days his college is not using the building), and spoke to the ITE next door to help build the college. And wah lah! World Toilet College! I understand from my friend that he is a person who is not afraid of knocking on doors to forge partnerships.
   
   The other inspirational speaker is Jane Goodall. Compared to Jack and the other speakers, she is not as funny and interesting as them. But then, you can see the passion in her as she speaks with her gentle and slow voice. I remember he greeting us with chimpanzee language as she started her address (and that quite gotten my attention). She is the UN Messenger of Peace and studies chimpanzees in the Gombe Stream National Park. Frankly, I can't remember what her speech was but I do remember thinking that "here is a passionate lady". All I remember was how she was urging us to make a difference as an individual. I cannot remember her address but then was searching around the web and managed to find an address she made at another conference, similar to what she shared at the NVPC conference:
   
   

   About 40 years ago, a chimp was born in Africa. His mother was shot. He was shipped over to a North American zoo. He lived for a long time by himself in an old-fashioned zoo cage. And, finally, a new zoo director arrived and decided to make a big enclosure, the biggest in North America. He got 19 other chimps, introduced them to each other carefully, and then finally let them out into this beautiful new enclosure.

   It was fine for a while. And then one of the young chimps challenged the senior one, as young chimps will. The senior one was Jo-Jo, he who had lived for about 11 years by himself. What did he know about fighting? He was terrified. He ran into the water. And in his fear, scrambled over the barrier erected to stop the chimps drowning in the deep water beyond. He disappeared under the water. He came up, spluttering for breath three times, and then was gone.

   A keeper was watching from the other side of the moat. He knew Jo-Jo weighed 130 pounds. He watched. But luckily for Jo-Jo, there was a man there, Rick Swope, who visits the zoo one day a year with his family. And he jumped in, even though the keeper tried to stop him, and told him he would be killed. And he felt about. He found this 130-pound dead weight, got it over his shoulder, scrambled over the barrier, pushed Jo-Jo up onto the bank, and turned to rejoin his slightly hysterical family.

   And suddenly the woman there video-taping with the video camera—she didn't remember filming—the people started screaming at Rick to come back, "You're going to be killed." From their high vantage point, they could see three of the big male chimps charging down to see what was going on. And at the same time, Jo-Jo is sliding back towards the water, because the bank was too steep.

   And you see Rick standing there. The camera goes amazingly steady. And he's got one hand on that barrier. And you see him look at his family and you see him look up towards where these chimps are coming. And you see him look down at Jo-Jo, who has just gone under the water. And for a moment he's motionless. And then he went back. He went back and again pushed Jo-Jo up. And Jo-Jo is trying feebly to grab something he can hold on to. And, just in time, grabs a strong clump of grass and manages to pull himself up. And, just in time, Rick scrambles over that barrier.

   And that evening, that little bit of film was shown all over North America. And the Director of my Institute, the Jane Goodall Institute, called him up. He said, "That was a terribly brave thing you did. You must have known it was dangerous. Everyone was telling you. What made you do it?" And he said, "Well, you see, I happened to look into his eyes, and it was like looking into the eyes of a man. And the message was, `Won't anybody help me'"?

   And you see, that's the look I've seen in the eyes of little chimps for sale in the African marketplaces, in the five-foot-by-five-foot prison cells of the medical research labs, from under the frills of the circus chimps, with their pulled teeth and their electric collars. I've seen it in the eyes of so many suffering animals, but I've seen it in the eyes of little children whose parents were killed in the ethnic fighting in Burundi and other parts of Africa. I've seen it in the eyes of children in our inner cities, who are caught up in gang violence, with no where to go.

   And once you've seen that look and felt it in your heart, you have to try and do something about it. And here is the real hope. The real hope is that all around the world, as I travel, there are more and more people who not only see that look but feel it in their hearts and are trying to reach out and help. And the worst thing that's happening in the world today is this apathy. We know what we should and shouldn't do for the environment, for society.

   But I'm one person. The little things I do can't really make any difference. It's just me. So there are millions of people around the world thinking "It's just me." Turn it around: millions, and then more millions and more millions of people, all doing what they should do. What a difference it will make.

   
   
   Perhaps the most inspirational part of the conference was when a charity shared their winnings with another two charities. There was to be a part of the programme called "The Pitch", in which 3 charities will vie for $50,000 funding for their programme. The charity will make their presentations to the audience and the judges and thereafter, there will be 2 prizes, Judges' Choice ($35,000) and Audiences' Choice ($15,000). Well, IMH won both prizes for The Pitch. But what was amazing was how the rep instantaneously said that she will share the prize money with the other two charities. It was a wonderful scene and many stood up and gave a standing ovation. It was so touching.

2. Blessings @ Work - I thank God for blessing me at work and the meetings and training sessions which I was supposed to conduct just went surprisingly well with little hiccups. And I also thank God for helping me to survive through this period. As I mentioned, work was up till my neck and at one point last week, I was really stressed up because I had so many things to do by Friday evening and had not even prepared for cell group which was to take place just a couple of hours later. In addition to work, I was to help with some volunteer work to design some stuff for International Volunteer Manager Appreciation (IVMA) Day on 1 November and also struggle with leading and preparing for cell. But, it is just amazing how so much have been accomplished in the end. All my presentations, reports and projects just went on well. It has been tough but then by the grace of God, I managed to achieve (and this continue to amaze me).
   
   I also thank God for being recognised for my work during IVMA Day. Just as I decided to skip Thursday devotion for the first time in a long time (because I had to get some last-minute preparation done for a training session that was to take place after the devotion), my #1 boss announced that it is IVMA day at the devotion (only to find that I wasn't around). But the thought of being remembered and acknowledged at staff devotion was nonetheless wonderful. Throughout the day, I continued to receive congratulatory messages from colleagues.
   
   I also thank God for the good news that there will be a goodwill bonus for staff this December, a well-received news *BIG GRIN*

3. Blessings for Ministry - I than God yet again for blessing cell. Last week, I was really stressed at work and to make thing worse, by evening time on Friday, I had not even have the slightest inkling what I wanted to cover in cell. As if that wasn't bad enough, I will be having a new visitor in my cell that night and my Zone Pastor will also be coming along to visit the cell. Coupled with my long list of "to-do" at work, I was on the verge of breakdown. But I thank God that cell just went well surprisingly and thoughts just flowed, the right words just came, discussion went on smoothly and people were relatively engaged. Even the attendance that evening went up to almost ten. I thank God for leading the cell and for answering my prayer. My new prayer during this season is that I will serve God with joy.

4. Welcome Back - Oh yes, I am glad to see a colleague back in devotion again. I can't explain the joy seeing this *BIG GRIN* I thank God for working in wonderful ways.
   
   
5. New Life - I thank God that so far things has been wonderfully well since my retreat. It is as if I was liberated and I no longer find it as much a challenge and struggle in social situations. It is as if I had a new lease of life...
   

Really a lot has happened during this period:

1. Stopping Communications - I initiated to stop communication with the sister-in-christ who made me lose my cool. Frankly, I felt burdened after the exchanges of SMSes with her and that very Sunday, my heart was still heavy. I received her SMS asking for my forgiveness and in the same way, I SMSed back asking for her forgiveness as well. In addition, I had also asked to stop communication with each other because I recognised that maintaining contact with her is not going to help because I have my baggage of people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and tend to be rather unempathetic to them. Anyway, it seems that my responses to her had somehow fed her craving for care and that's where the problem comes again and she will then hinge on to you and start having various expectations of you. After that, there were, as you may have guessed it, some very hostile messages that followed but I just messaged back for the last time to communicate my hope for God to work to heal her as He had and is still healing me. Even though I no longer keep in touch with this sister, I am still keeping her in prayer.
   
   
2. Dad's Health Condition - Just received a phonecall from my dad yesterday and apparently, the doctor is suspecting that he may have lymphoma, a type of cancer. This adds on to his list of pre-existing illnesses of diabetes, heart problem, eye, lungs and kidney problems. He mentioned that he would need to be admitted into hospital for 10-14 days next week for investigations. Many questions come across my mind and indeed there is a lot of uncertainty. I do not know why this is the case that I feel little anxiety. There is still anxiety about the future and about how my dad is taking the whole thing but then there seems to also be a sense of calmness knowing that God is in control. All I can do now is perhaps spend more time with my dad and pray for him.
   
   
3. Little Pockets of Rest - I thank God for little pockets of rest for me to recharge. Just last Saturday, I met up with a group of my friends to play Wii and boy was it fun. I have learnt how my friend's friend (who loaned him the Wii console) has bought the console for his parents so they can have a little bit of physical and mental exercise at home. This gave me an idea and got me all excited about getting a set for my dad too, since he is always at home. But it seems that that has to wait because of my dad's medical condition. So, no big purchases and more savings. I thank God for the coming bonus and hope that it will be enough for whatever medical bills that is coming our way. Of course, I do hope it is not cancer but if it should happen, I need to be prepared for the medical costs. I also thank God for good rest yesterday with K and D. Bought a new card game (Calaboose) and played with them. Am always glad to have fellowship with them and my good friends.
   
   
4. My Health - I am also getting fatter and I can feel it too. My clothes are getting tighter and it has been some time since I last exercised. Just last Sunday, a friend from church also commented that I seemed to have grown a bit. Anyway, haven't been in the pink of health recently also, concurrently being plagued with ulcer, pain in the arm (from playing Wii too seriously) and this feeling of tiredness in my thigh
   
   
5. Love Matters - Well, what about matters of the heart? Well, as a friend has commented, it is amazing how at the same time, I am taking an interest in someone and someone seems to also be taking interest in me and both these ladies are the same age. Anyway, this has been rather perplexing that there is this girl who keeps looking for me and "act cute". I do hope she is not taking an interest in me but then the vibes I get seems to be that way. This really perplexes me because I do not know how to respond to her or tell her that I am not interested in her. Well, I recently had the chance and she asked me why I am still single and I did take the chance to let her know that I am interested in someone. Hope this works. As for the other girl, I have not been meeting up with her and keeping in touch with her through SMS for some time now. I had recently asked her out for dinner but then she later cancelled the appointment (the second time). What has prompted me to ask her out is because I realised that I might have "competition" because someone else seems to also be interested in her. Well, now that she has cancelled our dinner appointment twice, maybe she is not interested in me or maybe she was but then because I am such a block-head, she gave up.
   
   
6. Spiritual Walk - Recently, I am finding myself real concerned about my member and friends' spiritual walk again. I do not know but then the burden just came back again. Recently, I asked one of my cell members if she was coming to cell this week and she mentioned that she and another member will not be coming. Then, almost as if not wanting me to ask more, she wanted to end the call. It sometimes makes me really wonder why is this the case. Why is it that people are walking away from this cell? Is it because I am not a good leader, one who makes cell interesting, one who overtly expresses my care for members? Why do I find it so difficult to talk to people about their spiritual growth and allow them to walk away? Why can't I be more daring and confront? Why Why Why?