I Feel Used...

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I feel so used over this weekend; used by God. It is amazing seeing how God uses people to minister to others and I am glad to be used by Him.

On Friday, I was talking to this friend of mine (who I wasn't very close to) and suddenly he poured out his heart and shared some of his struggles in his family and requested for prayer. In a way, I did face similar problems as he did and somehow that opened the opportunity for me to somewhat know how he was feeling. For the first time in my meeting with him, I prayed for him. It was amazing because I was not very close with this friend so when he started to pour out his struggles to me, I was really surprised. Secondly, even in our previous conversations, it was mainly "secular" talks and seldom do we talk about "spiritual" matters, but that day, he actually asked for prayer. Thirdly, I was surprised how God had used my similar experience to help me better understand his struggle and gave me the opportunity to minister and to encourage him on. I just thank God for that.

Later that evening, I went to cell and realised that I had only 3 members attending that night. Wow, that had to be the record for the lowest attendance so far. But somehow in me, I did not feel as upset because I have told God that I am leaving cell in His hands and will let Him lead this cell; letting His will for this cell be done. I remember telling God that regardless He brings me 3 or 30 members, I will still minister as He had called me.

Anyway, that evening, I thank God again for using me to minister to another person. I had this visitor to our cell who had not visited our cell for a very long time. However, it was surprising when I received his sms earlier that day, asking if he can join our cell that evening. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was again amazed because that night, I had decided that I will share my testimony about the New Life Encounter retreat and how it has helped me to come to terms with the unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart. Just as we were going around sharing about our week and our thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised that this visitor opened up to share about his struggle with unforgiveness, just before I share my testimony about the retreat. And similarly after that, the discussion somehow swayed to a discussion about faith and trust in Him; about letting go and letting God, about how God not only wants to reconcile with us but restores us (but only if we let Him). I can tell how this discussion was somewhat timely because it seemed to be ministering to this visitor and God seems to be using me and the discussion to say something to him. I do not know if this is the case but I do hope he was ministered to. In fact, I am glad that during prayer time, he later opened up and talked a bit more and we even, as a small group of people, went to Changi Village for supper :)

Earlier that day, I received a sms from another friend who was feeling very troubled about her career. I thank God that I had the chance to invite her to visit our church service on Sunday and I thank God for ministered to her during the service. I later spend some time chit chatting with her. Again, through all these, I just found it amazing again how God has used me because as we talked, I realised that it was a similar issue that I faced two years ago which had caused me to "plunged" into slight depression. I was so thrilled that God used this experience of mine to help me understand her situation. As we shared with one another, we just come to realise how God brings people together for a season for a reason. Hey that rhymes! (Reminds me the time I came up with another slogan, "It is never Good without God"). It was amazing how God used my past experiences, my current experiences and testimony to minister to people. It is even more amazing, as I exclaimed to my friend, the words that come out of my mouth during these sessions; words that I would never have catch myself saying. The right bible verses come to mind at the right time, e.g. Psalm 118:8:

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.

Closure
As a form of closure, I thought it would be good to recognise, for the record, how my previous bad experience at my previous organisations has taught me a few things about management aka how NOT to treat my staff. I have learnt:

• Staff welfare, once given is very hard to be withdrawn, unless you are ready to deal with a possible decline in motivation and increased staff dissatisfaction with you
• How it is important it is to keep salary figures confidential lest it lead to staff comparing, staff dissatisfaction and declined staff motivation
• Restructuring, if any, should not be allowed to drag on for long periods of time because negative feelings can dampen staff motivation
• How communication and addressing feelings are important during any restructuring exercise

In addition, I have also learnt:

• Never to work with friends; it is another thing if from colleagues we become friends but then one should never work with friends because different expectations at work during the working relationship can ruin the friendship
• Never put our trust and esteem in work and people. Man can fail us (Psalm 118:8) and so is work never stable. I have made the mistake of placing my self-esteem on my work and in the end, I was crushed. Now I have learnt to only place my trust in God whom I know will not fail me
• Never jump to conclusions because I saw how people had so much negative emotions and feelings when they jump to conclusions and conclude that people are "out to get them", when that may not be the case. I have seen how people had intense emotional reactions during the restructuring because they interpreted everything as an act to get rid of them.
  

Thanksgiving
I thank God for several things:

• For a presentation and professional sharing at a training that went well
• For a "new life" after the New Life Encounter retreat; I felt more confident when I talk to people, I enjoy relationships with people and I am generally a happier person once I have let go of years of unforgiveness and bitterness
• For showing me how much God can work and heal our lives when we allow Him to
  

Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner
On Saturday, I went with a few friends to catch a movie called "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". It was a funny show but then I was rather uncomfortable about the movie because it seemed to be a gay-sympathetic movie and portrayed Christians as a bunch of conservative and unforgiving people. Somehow, I did not really know that this weekend, there also happened to be some commotion and debate going on about the removal of section 377A from the Penal Code, which will allow for sex between men. Then, the next day, our senior pastor addressed the congregation about this matter and I was so glad that he was focused enough to remind us that as Christians, we should NOT be apologetic about "fighting" against ungodly values but we must NOT also be unmerciful, unloving and unkind to homosexuals. However, I was dismayed when I returned home that day to find that there were some Christians "gay-bashing". I am reminded that we should hate the sin not the sinner. Now how many Christians can keep that focus?

Fat Fat Fat
Oh no! Have been a long time since I last exercised and I am noticing that I am getting fatter. One thing's for sure and that is that my clothes, which used to fit me rather well, is now becoming real tight. I was preparing to go to a friend's wedding dinner and just realised that my shirt has gotten rather tight around the waist. I got to do something about this real soon!

Anyway, saw my alumni president at the wedding and had a talk with him. I do feel rather guilty that I have somehow gone MIA from alumni EXCO meeting for some time, with all my commitment at work and church. It seems that this nice guy has been hanging on for sometime now and at yesterday's meeting, there was only him (kinda reminded of the time I was alone at East Coast waiting for my cell group to turn up for cycling).