Choices Choice Choices

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Just as I prepare for cell group this week, I realised that the "theme" for this week seems to be about "choices", or at least it seems I tend to focus on this theme this week. Starting from Saturday:

• On last Saturday, my friend talked to me about his career choices
  
• On Sunday, the sermon was on the book of Judges and Ruth in the Old Testament and the focus was on choices, on how the Israelites once and again went into a vicious cycle of crying to the Lord to be delivered, then forsaking the Lord. On the contrast, we also read about Ruth in the book of Ruth, who despite being a non-Jew, made a decision to follow her mother-in-law after the death of her husband and later becoming part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.
  
• On Wednesday, I met a friend who, despite his physical limitation, decided to make a choice to serve others and take up social work as a career. Even though that means having to take up a degree course all over again and having to forsake his pay during the time he comes for his attachment
  
• On Thursday, I has a prospective volunteer who sometimes calls me to say how he has decided to live on and not let the devil tempt him to suicide. He has some struggles and have suicide ideations once in a while, but he made the conscious choice to want to live on despite the persecution he faces.
  
• Perhaps, the most personal one is the choice which has some sort of resulted in a cold war between me and my sister.

In a nutshell, she has found a job working with autistic children and she seems to be all excited about it (thank God for her being able to find a job which she seems to like). But that would mean also she coming back to me almost every night, having things to share and questions to ask. Now, here's the "duh!" part about me... have been quite stressed up with work and cell group so sometimes when I reach home, I needed some space to rest. So on Wednesday, I was blogging (as a form ot having some time to myself to rest and relfect), but she came again and again to talk and ask questions here and there, which made made quite irritated. In the end, I jokingly told her to stop bothering me and go talk to the wall. On hindsight, ouch, that must have heard. OK, I made a silly choice.

I don't know how true this is but then I feel that relationship nowadays are so fragile... I mean, everyone is just so stressed up and uptight and sometimes, they just want to be left alone; they flare up so easily with other people and often are quick to think that people are out to make life difficult for them. OK, back to my ordeal with my sister. I didn't think much about it and went back to blogging. The next day morning, she had wanted to call me over for something, but instead of talking, she used her index finger to try to call me over (something like how angry people will sometimes put one hand on their waist and use the other hand to beckon you over). I got so mad and told her that she is very rude in doing that, frankly, I felt quite degraded to be called over this way, as if I am a pet or what? Again, I thought nothing of it and left for work.

That night, I came home and realised that she is very quiet; something must be wrong because I hate cold wars and I just can sense one taking place. Just this morning, I made a choice to rather let the matter rest, to confront it and asked her why she seem so upset? She refused to answer me. This really made me feel even more irritated. I left the house for work and again made the choice to sms her. In the sms, I apologised for my behaviour the previous day, explaining that I am very stressed and sometimes want some personal space and also shared how upset I was by the way she gestured me over yesterday morning. Those few moments after I sent the sms were so intense that everytime a sms came, I would wonder if it is from her and what she would say. Thank God, things are OK now and she apologised through sms as well, also explaining herself. "So we are quits?" came the next message from her. Yes, we are quits!

Hahaha, well, I made a stupid choice to ignore her on Wednesday night and she made a unpleasant choice when she used a rude gesture to call me over on Thursday morning. But one thing I learnt from the whole thing is that, sometimes, we make the wrong choice, but we have the choice to right the wrong. It is up to us whether we want to do it. I am much happier now than yesterday night and this morning (I just hate conflicts!). So glad my little cold war with my sister is over now... minor issue but good reminder. We are making hundreds and thousand of choices each day; from which path to take to work, what time to wake up, what to say to people, what to wear, where to eat etc, so what are the choices you are making today? How are they affecting your life and other's life?

Just the perfect reflection for tonight's cell meeting on choices...

The Need for Space

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As I reflect about my job... yes there are stressful moments, yes there are high volume work periods, yes there are periods where I can literally scream out "I am stressed!", yes sometimes I lament the fact I am not doing direct social work and wonder if one day I would return to it, but then the conclusion is: I still love my work.

Maybe I am just trying to justify staying in this job because of a recent job offer. But then, frankly, at this point in time (I repeat, at this point in time), I can say "I love this job!". Why le? Maybe, it is my interest in working and establishing systems. There is just this part in me which find thrills putting together things and also finding solutions for problems, despite my interest in helping people directly. One of my supervisors have even shared with me that my skills seems to be in indirect social work. Well, it is sad to know that since my interest is in direct social work but then now, I am starting to see how things just fit together. In a way, I felt God has led me to this place and so far, things seem to work for good and there seems to be a good fit between my skills and the programme. Of course, there are things about me that could be better e.g. I could be more extroverted so it is easier to interact with my volunteers etc but then this is not what I would like to focus on now...

I really thank God for a good boss who gives me leeway to exercise my creativity. In this job, my boss has given me lots of autonomy to develop my volunteer programme. Let's see... so far, my boss have given me free play in my job to:

• redesigning volunteer management workflow,
• develop a very simple database to track volunteer statistics,
• develop and refine forms,
• revamp the volunteer report to management,
• develop a volunteer opportunities bulletin,
• start a volunteer coordinators' update to all my VCs,
• plan training and meetings,
• use instant messagers for volunteer recruitment,
• put together a pictorial yearbook to capture the essence of volunteer work in my organisation,
• develop a mission statement for volunteer involvement,
• start looking into developing policies and a volunteer handbook,
• study response time for volunteer placements and
• most recently, I am proposing to start a blog for my volunteer programme

Rarely will my boss say "no' to an idea and I guess this is really what i treasure in a job -- the autonomy to be as creative and to be given free space to put things together but yet, knowing that support is round the corner when I need it.

I also thank God for sending me my colleague who is now helping me with the admin stuff, leaving me more time to spend thinking about how to make things better in my organisation's volunteer programme.

For this reason, I would say "I love my job!"

Thank God!

What's with these people?

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I think there will always be people out there who will always take advantage of others...

Quite some time back, I was lamenting and expressing disgust with people who use others, especially charities, for their own interests. And just some time back, received an email forwarded by my boss notifying me about an attempt by someone who is impersonating a staff, arranging for adoption of a child from our home. Apparently, this person was writing to someone overseas and even attached photos of the children and the home...

Then recently, I learnt of a case of a person who complaint that we were selling our books too expensive. We spoke to a volunteer who was there and apparently, this person even tried to tamper with the price and when my volunteer realised and took the book back from him, he became verbally very hostile and threatened to complain. Following this case, I think it points to the fact that sometimes, people working in social services (volunteers included) are not being protected again abuse, threats and violence from service-users. We always talk about beneficiaries not being abused and clients' rights but we have seem to forgotten staff and volunteers' rights as well.

Did a little research and it seems that the US has recently started looking into this and made recommendations for policies to be put in place to protect staff. In the same way, made my point to my boss and recommended that policies be put in place regarding representation as well as our volunteers' right to not take abuse, threats and violence. Well, people who always take advantage of others will always exist but we can do what we can to prevent any misfortunes caused by them.

Ol' Friend, I Salute You!

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There's always this sweet feeling about meeting old friends; friends who you have not met for a real real long time... Today was such a day... Early in the morning, I made my way to Harbourfront to collect my office's camera from servicing because the image sensor was faulty. Thank God, they repaired it for us free even though the warranty is over. Talking about good customer services, this kinda leave a good impression in me and I am quite sure I might get canon the next time :)

Oh yes, as I was saying... I decided to make a detour to visit one of my centres nearby to observe a volunteer project and also collect some photos for my volunteer yearbook. As I stepped into the centre, I realised that the centre was teeming with activities. The student volunteers had started the elderly on some simple craftwork (things I know I will be horrible in) and I just like it when I see volunteers and beneficiaries having a good time together. I guess there is this kind of job satisfaction to know that I have made a match between volunteers and their assignments and everyone is having a good and meaningful time... I sometimes really don't mind being where I am. Although sometimes I think about doing direct work but then sometimes seeing happy faces and knowing that I have played a part in making this possible makes me happy enough.

Then, I was asked to join a group already working on their craft in a corner; this group mainly made up of staff and two social work attachment students. As I was being introduced to the students, one of the student kept having this "focused" look at me... then he blurted out... "Were you from..." Turn out that he is my friend from my first three months JC class! Now talking about how small the world is... we sat there and talked abit, trying to catch up. As I mentioned, somehow there is this sweetness meeting an old friend you have lost touch with for a long time...

Well, there are still awkward silence some times but soon, I was distracted and went off snapping some photos of the volunteers at work. Then, after a while, at the corner of my eye, I saw my friend stand up, grabbed hold of his clutches and inched his way to me... Deep in my mind, I was wondering why he was limping and I assumed that he had maybe recently hurted himself in some accident or something like that...

"You must be wondering why I am using crutches ah?" my friend gave me a faint smile and spoke in an almost nonchalant manner. Then, what he was to say jut caught me by surprise that I did not know how to respond, not even with my social work training and past experience in counselling... "I had a tumour in my leg after graduating from poly. Now you know why I have also chosen to take a course and considering a career in this line (social work)." I was seriously dumb-founded... I really did not know what to say. I don't know whether to continue talking about it, to talk about something more cheerful or just be a bit irrelevant and switch topics quickly. Immediately, this sweetness of meeting an old friend soon became this sour sour feeling... in my mind, I kept thinking how different this person was a few years ago and in just a few things, so much has changed... but frankly, he did inspire me... I do not know how and why but then somehow, I felt that despite his condition, he has chosen not to be all miserable about himself and dedicate himself to serve others... that was enough to make my heart cringe; the thought about him making his way around for home visits and not letting his limited physical mobility obstruct him. I really salute him...

OK, today is relatively a short day because I literally spent quite some time travelling here and there and by the time I returned back to office, it was almost knock-off time. Decided to pack up early to come back home to blog... have been some time since I blogged and I just had so much to blog about... just like I still have my trip to blog about and it has been so long! Sighhh, don't know how I am going to complete all the blogging. Maybe not. Oh yes, have also decided to voluntarily go on a simple fast on Wednesday nights. Would be a way to perhaps lose some weight and also I am making a commitment to fast and pray for my cell... pray that God will help me guide my cell.

When Saying No Sometimes...

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One of my friends have ever commented that I have problem saying "no" and I can't agree more... In NS, I was called the "Yes-Man" who would say OK to everything my boss asked me to do... well not a very nice name to have but the reality of it is that, I do indeed have a problem saying "no". Just at the time I thought my problem with "no" is not such a big issue, I am being confronted with two dilemmas. (Image "No" by Nathan Gibbs)

When Saying "No" Sometimes is so Difficult I must thank God for blessing me with a good job and also for job offers. Never in all my career have I received job offers until now. Recently, another friend has called to ask me if I would like to help him out in a new programme he is trying to set up; a first-of-its-kind programme which he is working with a government body. At first, I thought he had meant whether I can help him as a volunteer but it soon became clear to me that he meant as a staff. He was offering me to take charge of the programme. to work on it with him and ultimately take charge of the staff under the programme. See, that's where the problem lies. Immediately, I knew that it is going to be a "no" because I enjoy my job here. I was thinking about it and there is just no "push" factors to push me away from my current job:

• Firstly, I enjoy the work and the autonomy my boss has given to me in developing the volunteer programme here.
  
• Secondly, the people here are real wonderful and I just can't bear to leave them
• Thirdly, my boss has been treating me very well and I do not wish to disappoint her by leaving. Several times as we talked, she mentioned that hopefully I am not thinking of leaving so I can stay and grow with the organisation
• Fourthly, I sensed I was called to this place by God and can see how much He had blessed my work. I have also grown spiritually significantly here and just can't give this up
• Fifthly, my organisation has lots of opportunities to grow and also for me to move back into social work should I be keen
• Sixthly, I have invested a lot of effort into my volunteer programme and it would be a shame to leave it now. It would also not be fair and I would like to stay to see it take shape
  

Even though I had not listed them out, but I knew deep in my heart all the factors that are keeping me and which would make me say "no" to the offer. But I agreed to think it over when my friend told me to, not wanting to reject my friend outright. Then today, I made a decision to tell him "no" and told him that I am happy at my work and there is just no push factor to make me leave. But he seem like he would not take "no" for an answer and requested that I go back to think about it again... sigh, on hindsight, the offer does sound interesting and it does sound like a significant leap upwards in my career progression. Tempting as it is, it still seem not strong enough to pull me over. But one thing remains clear, it seems that as much as my interest is in doing direct social work... my skills and even the things that I am doing always has to do with developing systems and programmes... sighh... don't know to be happy or sad...

When Saying "No" Sometimes Makes me feel Horrible
In February this year, I have made a decision to step down as a council member from a professional association I was helping out in. I was getting a bit burnt out having to deal with too many things at a time and decided to just step down. Just yesterday, I met up with my successor who has kindly agreed to take over my portfolio. As I went through the minutes with him and shared with him the work I did with my committee, I just came to realise how much there is to do. Somehow, I felt horrible inside for saying "no" and now he has to take the buck and for not doing better when I was in office. OK, as stitch giver reminds me, I need to sometimes know how to draw lines... On hindsight, I can just console myself that as long as I did my best, I should not take the responsibility of the work for other people now that I have handed over.

A Weekend of Fellowship

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This weekend was really awesome... There was enough time to do some volunteer work, meet up with a friend to talk about his career, meet up with a fellow cell leader for a heart-to-heart talk, endure a 1.5 hour bus ride to Tec-Man at Bras Basah to buy birthday gifts for my cell member (only to realise that they are closed on Sundays), loiter around Life Bookshop in Suntec for another 1.5 hours trying to get the right gift for my cell's birthday boys and finally, meet up with a group of ol' friends for makan and games!

It was a good and hilarious game of munchkins and everyone were just so so friendly until the very end when everyone realise that someone had to win :) You should have checked out all the kind of bargaining going on throughout the game. Boy, I love my transferral potion card hahaha, managed to "steal" a monster from my friend and won the game hahahaha... love the card! It's really good to be able to meet up with friends once in a while for some chit-chat and good fun. We even agreed to save up for a vacation to Sweden next year, so we can go and visit another friend who is going over for studies. :)

Good view from my friend's room in Conrad (Saturday)

View from my friend's flat,
where we had good food and games (Sunday)

That, in a nutshell was my weekend.