The Wonderful Way God Works
I am continued to be amazed at how God works His hands. I have to say that in the past couple of weeks, I have been a bit troubled because I was having a tough time leading cell.
My Leadership Struggle
First, I was rather worried that I will not be able to rise up to the occasion, to lead cell and keeps worrying about this and that. Then, all these somehow come at a bad time when I was dealing with a few big projects at work and so I didn't seem to be proactive about taking over from my cell leader, causing my cell leader to send me a sobering email about how disappointed she is with me for "taking so long".
I am glad I managed to speak to her and clarify that it is not that I am unwilling but am really struggling with my confidence and also my work schedule, trying to tie up many loose ends so I can focus on sheparding. But somehow, after receiving the email and talking to her, I feel a kind of awkwardness talking to her when face-to-face and keeps feeling that I have let her down and feel compared to another cell group leader in training. Anyway, I made a decision to "buck up", so keep me in prayers.
Leaving Space for the Holy Spirit
But ultimately, I am greatly amazed at how God works through circumstances. I thank God for all the people who He has sent to me to encourage me on. I also thank God for the reminder from my cell leader that leaders, just as normal Christians, will never be fully ready and has to rely on God as well when working in God's calling. I learnt this the hard way and totally left no space for The Holy Spirit to work during cell group discussion last Friday. I was trying to rely on my own strength to prepare for the discussion and kept preparing the discussion for the sake of preparing it, trying to frantically find bible verses for back up. Compared to the discussion a couple of weeks back when I left space for the Holy Spirit to work and was amazed by how God used me to minister, it was so different. As you may have guessed, the cell group discussion on last Friday was horrible, if I may say, with quite a bit of awkward silence. So I learnt that I should not, in my walk with God, crowd the Holy Spirit out and start relying on my own might, but to work hand-in-hand with God. Easy to say but more difficult to accomplish.
Holy Spirit in Us as Yeast is in Bread
As I was preparing the cell group discussion on Friday, I thought of using the imagery of bread. The Holy Spirit is like yeast to bread... just one important ingredient but without it, the bread won't rise. With it, it can give rise to many types of bread...
In the same way, if we do not let the Holy Spirit in, we may be abiding by God's calling but it will be in vain with our own might... with the Holy Spirit, it will take shape and manifest in the forms of giftings in building the body of Christ. God made each and everyone of us different and granted us with different giftings to fulfill our purposes. So ask yourself, what is the giftings we have been given and how can we contribute to the Kingdom of God?
I am reminded by my cell leader that while it is good to have a good leadership role model to learn from, we all have our own leadership style and can never fully be the same as that leader. So quit measuring ourselves with other leaders. Concentrate on your gifting and God's purpose for you.
My latest concern is that I may not be as extroverted as my current cell leader who can joke with the members and make them relaxed. But then again, I am different so let's see where God brings me.
Hear Ye!
As I was saying, I am amaze how God works because even though I am going through a period of self-doubt whether I can be a good leader... God sent people to encourage me and sermons, department devotions at my work place and even cell group discussions that I prepare for, seems to minister to me about giftings. Sermons and cell group discussions were talking about the Holy Spirit and giftings and then today's staff devotion topic was on "The Right Comparison" form Our Daily Bread (29 Jan). It's based on 2 Corinthians 10:12-18:
12. We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
13. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you.
14. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ.
15. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand,
16. so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in another man's territory.
17. But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
18.For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.
The article is an apt and timely reminder for me that:
- It is not wise to compare ourselves with others as each have different giftings and called to different purposes by God
- Glory be unto the Lord for things that have gone well, that "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord"
- Remembering the Lord and remembering that struggles also means growth, for the article says:
Others may feel their spiritual growth is stunted because they don’t play a visible role. This is also wrong. Sometimes those who are growing the most may feel inferior to those who maintain a hypocritical façade of legalistic perfection. Spiritual comparisons are always unwise. Only the Lord is the true judge of spiritual growth.
So, I really thank God for Stitch-Giver for facilitating and sharing on this topic today. Somehow, Stitch-Giver seems unhappy. Hope she will be fine.
Feeling Repentant
On Sunday, I was feeling real distant from God and was in a way ashamed to come before the Lord. I had not been walking closely to the Lord and have sinned and even felt ashamed to raise my hands in worship of God.
However, halfway through the worship, the feeling of shame was slowly leaving me and in me was filled with a heart of worship and repentance. I felt convicted of my sins and started to enjoy worshiping God.
Sharing & Affirming My Christian Faith
I just returned from meeting up with an old friend. It seems that he is undergoing a rough patch and I really hope to see him overcome his current struggles. I thank God for a meaningful discussion about the Christian faith. We were talking and I frankly wanted to reach out to help but do not know how to. Somehow, the conversation went into a discussion of the Christian faith (my friend is a Buddhist) and I thank God for the opportunity not only to share about my faith but the long discussion also helped me to affirm my faith.
To some, it will be a sensitive topic to talk about but somehow we remained respectful of each other's faith and I learn a bit about the Buddhist faith as well. Things just seemed to flow and I had the opportunity to discuss and share about the similarities about Islam and the Christian faith, about Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham, about Israel and the various prophecy, about Jesus and his teachings, about revelations, end days and judgment day, about the Holy Trinity and about Holy Spirit and giftings. Frankly, I was astonished at how much I was sharing and it seemed that everything that was covered in sermons, cell group discussions, staff devotions and courses that I attended all fit in nicely during the discussion. And my favourite verse, Jeremiah 29:11, which has been the theme of my walk with the Lord also surfaced once again in the discussion, as he shared about how he also liked the verse.
Anyway, I have seen how God work time and again and each time, I am just amazed and awed by it.
Something that puzzles me this week. Apparently, someone has been telling my boss to be careful that I may leave... wonder who that it...
posted by me at 12:21 AM
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