Experiencing God Like Never Before

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My breath is getting shallower... not sure if it is caused by nervousness and stress or something else. But one thing is for sure, part of the reason for my shallow breath is because of the amazement at how God works and how real He is!! In fact there is part amazement and part awe and fear...

Throughout the week, I have been quite stressed about helping to co-lead cell tonight because my cell group leader is away. There are a lot of "what-if this goes wrong", "what-if that goes wrong" and as usual a lot of self-doubt; I kept asking myself whether I am hearing God clearly about the calling to be a CLT. But God just worked His hands in really miraculous ways...

Firstly, He blessed me and prepared me for cell discussion. I was to co-lead the cell group discussion on last Sunday's sermon on reaching new heights, by trusting God and taking small steps of faith. But later, I was so awed when I realised that God has indeed helped prepared me for tonight's discussion because the topics covered at the department devotion on Tuesday and the HQ devotion just today was so in line with the topic of last Sunday's sermon.

Tuesday's devotion (based on Our Daily Bread for 9 Jan 2007, on Proverbs 16:9) was on letting God direct our steps:

In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.

and today's devotion was on the keys to a fruitful ministry (I will separately blog about the sharing). And you know what? Out of millions and billions of bible verses, the same bible verses that were covered by the 2 devotion sessions during the week came out again and again during the cell group discussion. In fact, I knew that the bible verses would come in handy but somehow did not know how to use them. But out of the multitude of verses, the discussion flowed and the verses came out...

Secondly, He used the same sessions to not only help me prepare for cell discussion but the also, as if, to speak to me about my new CLT role. It reminded me to let God direct my steps, remember to have a fruitful ministry and be prepared for pruning.

Thirdly, things just flowed and I wasn't my usual self. I had prayed for God's presence to be upon the cell group and I was getting real worried as I made my way to cell group. Yes, it started quite badly and I was mostly quiet with my co-leader doing most of the leading. But it seemed that things just gelled together. I found myself, surprisingly, saying things that I would not have expected myself to say, prayed aloud during worship (deep inside me, there just seemed, at that time, to be such a great desire to speak out to pray) and although both me and my co-leader were being "grilled" by this one brother-in-Christ about bible verses to support our points, we were able to handle it well and the right verse just came along and supported by sharing by other fellow-cell group members.

Fourthly, I found myself the courage to also share genuinely about my testimony on grace and calling (3 in fact: one on calling to minister to my friend who is in cult; one to my current job and the last one to be CLT) and also the courage to relate my current struggles in being a CLT to the discussion.

I have been called to be CLT
But have not thought much about myself
to fulfill that very role
I doubted if it is indeed a calling
And asked "How do I know"
But you provided for and prepared me
Which really awed me so

In fact, I have experienced God in no way before today... I knew He was present and as we ended our discussion of the Word and went into worship, I sang the first song, Awesome in this place, with great thanksgiving. I did not know how to sing the song but I recall meaning every single word of the lyrics. My legs trembled at how amazing God works and also because of reverential awe and fear at how real God is.

I also thank God for sending me my "stitch-giver-colleague" friend to also pep me up for the cell group discussion. I really appreciate this friend and fellow sister-in-christ for spending time with me to have dinner and to encourage me on (and also to help me clear my bag). We were talking and suddenly came to the topic about how I sometimes find difficulty finding things in my bag. The next thing I know, I was "commanded" to empty my bag and there we sat in the foodcourt, going through my piles and piles of paper, deciding which to keep and which to throw... I thank God for this dear friend.

And when I went home, I further received news that my former cell-group leaders' dad is OK! Prayer works! Before this, she was quite down when they learnt that there is a lump at her dad's lungs and that there is a chance it might be cancer. Our cell prayed hard for healing. Her dad was scheduled for surgery today and after coming back from cell, I just found out that her dad is now OK and the lump is actually benign. Thank God for His healing hands!!

OK, anyway, got to stop here... have to attend a leaders' conference in church tomorrow, which is a long long conference, so better catch some sleep soon.

Praise the Lord!