Is It From You Lord?

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Even though I have recently accepted to take up the challenge to be cell leader in training (CLT), I still in many ways have doubts about myself; I don't really see myself as a leader and worry that I will not do a good job...

The past few days, I found myself to be constantly asking myself if it is indeed a calling from the Lord and I have my share of worries and concern about this and about that. How am I going to cope since I am such an introvert? Is this new commitment going to add on more stress to my already mentally tiring life? Am I a good enough testimony to be a CLT?

As I stood in church service last Sunday singing the hymn "Be Thou My Vision", my heart cried out to the Lord with each verse I sang...

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Be with me and be my vision so I can see and do your will.

Not sure if it is coincidence but then just as the worship songs spoke to me, so did the sermon that Sunday, on desiring that God's will be done, hearing God, taking the step of faith, facing the fears, being prepared for spiritual attacks and keeping our eyes on the Lord. Then again, when we gathered for department devotion on Tuesday, the verse for the day was from Proverbs 16:9:

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

This is not the first time that God seems to have spoken to me through circumstances and through the pulpit (my friend told me that God speaks through the pulpit, through prayer, through His word and through circumstances). In a way, the verse seems apt, as if to assure me that God will direct our steps. I am helping to facilitate cell group discussion this week and am kind of lost as to how to cover the topic... this came just at the right time.

Anyway, so any things to want to thank God:

• Thank God for 2 days that went well. Last Friday, I was needed to go to a JC to observe a few hundred volunteers do some handicraft to help us raise funds. I thank God that I was, surprisingly, extra extroverted that day; I found no problem talking to the teacher and also mingled with a few students. In fact, I watched the students work on the handicrafts with great joy. And the "extrovertedness" lasted till Saturday, when I met my Zone Leader to talk about my new CLT role...
  
• Thank God for a good pep talk by my Zone Leader and I learnt so much from him. I am glad how he helped me to understand the role of a CLT and was open with me, sharing that it is not a bed of roses. I am also thankful how he checked my expectations and helped me to understand that leaders are humans too and they do not have all the answers and need not be bible scholars.
• Thank God for a successful icebreaker session during cell group last week. I was tasked to do icebreakers for cell group and my friend gave me some ideas to have pieces of paper pasted on our backs and have people write affirmative statements about us. Everything went well and I thank God for that and for my friend for giving me the suggestion
• Thank God for maintaining my sanity. Initially, I was supposed to co-chair a major Volunteer Coordinators' meeting at work on this Friday and then I was later asked if I can facilitate cell discussion on the same Friday because my cell leader was going to be away... Super stressed but thank God, another major meeting was planned for last minute at work, forcing me to change the date of my coordinators' meeting. Yeah, can't imagine having to facilitate two group discussions in a day.. super heavy. Then, I also had a friends' gathering on Wednesday and this clashed with my meeting with another CLT to plan and prepare for Friday's cell. The gathering was in the end cancelled, leaving me time to plan for the cell discussion.
• I also thank God for a good and fruitful discussion with my bro-in-christ who is also a new CLT
  

Anyway, I know that I must not rely on my own strength but have to work with God to lead the cell... I am really committing the cell meeting into the hands of the Lord.