Boss, sit down, I have something to tell you...

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I have been feeling rather burnt out at work recently. Initially, I thought that a shor break will help. Well, it did help and I did feel refreshed after coming back from my long leave. But it seems that recently, I have been feeling rather max-ed out yet again. It doesn't help that it is the beginning of the year and there are quite a number of resignations, adding a bit of grief that I have to say goodbye to people I have worked with. Then, I recently found out that there may be a vacancy for social worker and this set my mind thinking about engaging in direct social work practice again. In fact, I also have the crazy idea of even leaving to be in the missions field but then I know that requires a lot of thought, savings and as my stitch-giver-colleague-friend reminds me, prayer.

Today, as I was ironing my clothes, I made a decision that I would sit down with my boss to let her know how max-ed out I felt. Felt that, since she is like my supervisor, it is only fair that I should let her know how burnt out I am rather than one day just tendering in my resignation when things are really going bad; that would really catch her by surprise.

I kind of stuttered a bit and struggled a bit at the beginning because I didn't know how to start. Eventually, I shared how max-ed out I felt and how sometimes I feel great frustration in my portfolio. I know I have been called in to develop a system for managing volunteers but sometimes it seems to difficult given the current resources and manpower; it is as if I have reached the ceiling as to how much I can do and am now just scratching the surface of the ceiling... I have to also constantly deal with firefighting and with varying expectations of me to support this centre and that centre. Surprisingly, she shared to say that she is aware of the frustration (because she was once in my portfolio) and mentioned that my predecessor also felt the same way. It did help that she shared that and she also affirmed me. Well, this might just help me to feel a little better and I pray for God to sustain me if my calling has not "expired".

Ceiling on High Museum of Art by amandake

By the way, I have been feeling this congestion in the chest that has made me felt quite breathless recently; it's the kind of feeling like having butterflies in my stomach and this nervous feeling in the chest. I have been having this feeling on and off this week. Not sure if it is stress induced or that I have some health problems... hope it is the former...