A Sobering Email
Lunch now, but I have decided to skip lunch today because I am having a little headache now... Just received a sobering email from my cell group leader telling me frankly that I cannot keep using "no confidence" as an excuse to not lead cell.
I don't really blame her for sending me the email because over the past couple of weeks, I haven't seem to be supporting much and each time she asked me to lead word or cell, I would seem rather, well, reluctant is the word. Partly is because I am not confident and partly because I have been real stretched over these past few weeks with projects etc. I know I cannot use "no confidence" as an excuse and have to step up to take on more. I am already actively trying to cut down on my existing commitments so I can focus on cell leadership.
As I say, I don't blame her for the email since I can sense the frustration of having to do so much, planning cell activities, drafting cell announcement emails, going for meetings, preparing for missions, preparing to lead Word discussion for the week, all above her work as a social worker. And then, she has to deal with a CLT who seems to be taking forever to get ready; taking very small baby steps. Frankly, I really appreciate her for what she has done (despite being quiet about it) and I did send back an email to say my "piece"; to assure support and more involvement (and that I am trying to cut down on my commitments) and finally to also tell her how much I appreciate all her work.
Although I don't blame her for the email, but somehow, I still don't feel very good. One part of me, I understand what she is going through and empathise with her but on the other hand, I am like going "hey, I have just stepped up for barely a few weeks".
Stitch-giver did pop by earlier and after talking to her a little and reflecting a bit, it became clear that I am not feeling good because I feel kinda feel misunderstood and also guilty. Misunderstood that I am not fully not taking a step forth because I am not confident when the truth is that I have also been real stretched during this period. Guilty for leaving my CL in the lurch... Perhaps, it is really an mismatch of expectations problem; maybe my CL is expecting me to take over asap while I am expecting to slowly learn the ropes from her. May need to clear this up.
OK, few more minutes to end of lunch but just no mood to work le... sighh...
I don't really blame her for sending me the email because over the past couple of weeks, I haven't seem to be supporting much and each time she asked me to lead word or cell, I would seem rather, well, reluctant is the word. Partly is because I am not confident and partly because I have been real stretched over these past few weeks with projects etc. I know I cannot use "no confidence" as an excuse and have to step up to take on more. I am already actively trying to cut down on my existing commitments so I can focus on cell leadership.
As I say, I don't blame her for the email since I can sense the frustration of having to do so much, planning cell activities, drafting cell announcement emails, going for meetings, preparing for missions, preparing to lead Word discussion for the week, all above her work as a social worker. And then, she has to deal with a CLT who seems to be taking forever to get ready; taking very small baby steps. Frankly, I really appreciate her for what she has done (despite being quiet about it) and I did send back an email to say my "piece"; to assure support and more involvement (and that I am trying to cut down on my commitments) and finally to also tell her how much I appreciate all her work.
Although I don't blame her for the email, but somehow, I still don't feel very good. One part of me, I understand what she is going through and empathise with her but on the other hand, I am like going "hey, I have just stepped up for barely a few weeks".
Stitch-giver did pop by earlier and after talking to her a little and reflecting a bit, it became clear that I am not feeling good because I feel kinda feel misunderstood and also guilty. Misunderstood that I am not fully not taking a step forth because I am not confident when the truth is that I have also been real stretched during this period. Guilty for leaving my CL in the lurch... Perhaps, it is really an mismatch of expectations problem; maybe my CL is expecting me to take over asap while I am expecting to slowly learn the ropes from her. May need to clear this up.
OK, few more minutes to end of lunch but just no mood to work le... sighh...
posted by me at 1:10 PM
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