The Essence of the Gift

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Hahaha... finally went down to reward myself with a Christmas gift. Dropped by a CD store yesterday on the way to help a friend at the Christmas Kettle Pot and picked up a copy of Corrine May's Christmas CD. Heard her CD on the car of the friend "who was beginning to hate me" (yes, we are talking to one another again though there is still occasional silence) and I just love her somewhat melancholic rendition of the songs. Her song "Journey" was also the very song which has brought me back to Christ... It is a meaningful song and you can hear it on the right side of this blog.


I also thank God for a gift I received this morning... a little bottle of essence of chicken. Though a small gesture, I truly thank God for the God-sent gift to help perk me up after a late night's talk with my friend.

My colleague has promised me a bottle of essence of chicken to perk me up after knowing that I was helping a friend at the kettle pot last night but little did she know that the bottle of essence of chicken went a long way to help a sleepy person :) I shared with her my thanksgiving and thanked her...

"... I guess when God sent you to comfort someone in need, He also sent someone to take care of you..." she responded.

The essence of the gift is much appreciated...

Wake Up, Wake Up!

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I have just finished an online conversation with a friend who I have not contacted for a very long time... In fact, I was surprised when he approached me on MSN to ask if I do counselling.

Apparently, he is going through a rough patch in his relationship and I thank God for sending him to me. He has in fact have thoughts of hurting himself and had tried before. I thank God for guiding our conversation and I was amazed at how my social work training came in handy, including a bit of the suicide counselling skills I learnt during my attachment, despite haven't been able to use them for a while now. But frankly, I found it difficult to counsel this friend and several times I just wanna "shout" in his face to ask him to wake up and see how the other party is just manipulating him. He has lost so much to this taiwanese girl who is making so much financial demands on him and now he is in debts. I really find it difficult to balance between being an empathic counsellor and a concerned friend and kept oscillating between them.

In fact, I feel so burdened after talking to him. Even though I am not close to him, knowing a friend who is thinking of hurting himself is no small thing. I was so lost and was on verge of crying and I started to look for prayer warriors online (at this unearthy hour). I eventually found a friend and thank God he agreed to pray for this friend even though he did not even know him. I am just so sad and very lost now... all I can do is pray for him and maybe check back to see how he is doing.

And I am very angry with this lady and just can't understand how there can be such kind of manipulative people without conscience?

Dear God, please watch over this friend of mine and give him strength to persevere through it all. Give him wisdom to make the right decisions and guide my conversations with him.

Oh no, foresee I am going to dread going to work tomorrow... surely going to have difficulty waking up.

I Truly Adore and Praise You...

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I love the worship session today at service and the songs are just so apt in expressing how I feel about God. God has indeed made a difference in my life and touched me (as has been evident over the past few months) and I want to proclaim His love and exalt His name on high...

I Adore
By Hillsong United

The universe is at Your feet
Gives You praise
Evermore
The stars will light the sky for You
Always
God be praised
And we sing
The Lord is on high
The Lord is on high

I adore You
I adore You
And there's none that compares
To Your majesty O Lord
I adore You
I adore You
And I stand
In wonder of Your love

We will crown You
King forever
Living Saviour
Jesus Redeemer
Lord of Heaven
Robed in majesty
Crowned in glory
Creation adores You

Holy Holy
God almighty
And forever the Lord is exalted
Hear the angels
Shout His anthem
Ever-living
God we adore You

All the Earth
Words and Music by Andrew Ulugia (Parachute Band)

Father, into Your courts I will enter
Maker of Heaven and Earth
I tremble in Your holy presence
Glory, glory in Your sanctuary
Splendour and majesty Lord
Before You, all life adores You

All the Earth will declare
That Your love is everywhere
The fields will exalt, seas resound
Hear the trees’ joyful cry
Praising You and so will I
A new song I’ll sing
Lord I will glorify and bless Your holy name

Till now, I am not sure what I should do about CLT and my job but the episode I had this morning with my sister-in-christ about how she had misread intentions also made me think twice whether I have misread God? Maybe I just have one calling instead of two... Have to discern...

I'm Sorry But I am Going to Lose My Cool!

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A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I was working with a fellow sister-in-christ and asked for God to grant me patience. Well, I'm sorry but I lost my cool today; I totally cannot tolerate it anymore and for the first time, I was very very harsh with her.

I just get so annoyed at how she continues to sabotage herself and every time whenever I share insights with her about this, she gets all reactive and I basically get some very harsh messages from her. Despite being told to avoid contact with a sister-in-christ which she was developing some unhealthy attachment to, she keeps snooping about and keeps messaging different people in cell to ask questions after questions about this sister-in-christ. I have even learned about how she had once showed up at the sister-in-christ's office, hid herself downstairs the sister-in-christ's house "just to see her"and also recently called her at her house only to keep quiet. I also find her very manipulative and have on several occasions used emotional blackmail with quite a number of cell group members to try to gain pity.

In fact, I have recently became a bit assertive with her and told her that I will not respond to any irrelevant sms questions that she asked me and which I feel will not help her resolve her issues. She seems to then targetted other cell group members as well to get information. She has this habit to keep messaging different people asking questions after questions about the sister-in-christ, so much so you feel interrogated and nothing but an information kiosk for her.

I know she cannot help it but I just can't stand when she just keeps sabotaging herself. She has the tendency to always misread intentions and always focuses on the negatives. Just like this morning. She messaged me to say that the church has labelled her as having psychosis and told her to avoid cell totally and to get a part-time job instead of a full-time job.

I do know that church is working with her and has got her a counsellor to work with her on her issues. She has been told to avoid the cell where the sister-in-christ who she developed an unhealthy attachment to is in, but is able to visit other cells. She has also been jobless for ages and seems to be very picky about jobs. However, when I asked her if church did indeed say she has psychosis or did she read it as such, she became all reactive and said something to the effect "if you do not know anything, keep quiet" and maintains that I am "judgmental and misread her". I know she cannot help it but then somehow I also cannot help it and told her that if she find me judgemental and if she is unhappy, she can stop messaging me! I had enough with her and when she later messaged to say she is not obsessed with anything, my last response to her is "whatever!". Minutes later, I found out that she messaged another of my cell group mate to say that she is no longer going back to church (yet again).

I am seriously very very angry with her and cannot tahan her anymore. I still care for her as a sister-in-christ and pray that she will one day overcome her issues. I do not care if I become her enemy but will still keep her in prayers, praying that God will work a work of miracle on her.

I am sorry but I need to ventilate...