Of Blues and Thanksgiving

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February Come & Go
It's nearly Chinese New Year and frankly, it's not really a holiday that I really like because people keep asking about whether I have girlfriend and/or 'remind' me that I am getting bigger (in age and also size) every year. In fact, I hope that February will quickly come and go because it is also a busy month for me and I am getting very very blur and confused about all my appointments. Just the other day, I made a decision that my cell is going to visit a fellow members' house for CNY on the second week and we were almost confirmed. Then, another cell sent me an sms inviting us to their BBQ on the same day. I thought they are on separate days and went ahead to send a sms to all my members about it. Then came a little confusion and the cell member, who invited us to her house for CNY visitation on the same day, smsed me to ask me "what's the confirmed plan?".

Felt quite bad about the mixup but then that's the reality of my mind this month; all messy. There's Chinese New Year, then also there is a zonal event coming up in mid Feb, also a reunion to plan for my professional association, several other meetings, a short devotional gathering with another member who is returning from China during this period, a staff appreciation dinner at work and tonnes of other ministry concerns. So I really can't wait for February to pass by quickly.

Oh, by the way, the year of the pig is going off soon and in will come th year of the rat. So a friend of mine helped disguise Man-nie into a rat :0)


Grumblings and Thanksgiving @ Work
Work-wise, some things haven't been going on as smoothly as I would like it to be. Two weeks back, we had budget meeting and since my budget went through relatively quickly the previous round, I was pretty confident it would be so this time round. But no, the budget was scrutinized and there were cuts in several areas of it. I can accept the cut because I know we are all doing our bit to keep costs down. But what upset me was the tone and the way in which one of members of the review team spoke to me; using this harsh and "no-you-are-wrong, i-am-right" kind of tone. Then later, I was questioned by someone else about an item in my budget for teambuilding for my team of volunteer coordinators, citing that it should not be under me but another department. Anyway, I just felt the whole budget meeting did not go well and did not feel good about it; I just hope that this reduction in my budget does not goes to mean that volunteer management is taking a backseat in its importance in the organisation; something which I hate to see happen.

Then, I also became somewhat upset when I saw how there were some grey areas at work and how people sometimes are not willing to take up matters, citing "this is not within my jurisdiction and so I do not want to do it" as a reason. As a result, the ball usually lands back in my court although it is not my area of work. I am somewhat disappointed and sometimes wonder why did I even put myself in this situation in the first place? Already, last year, when I was kaypoh and put my finger into an issue regarding police licensing for fundraising/collection drive projects because I had wanted to make it easier for volunteers to organise such projects. But never would I have thought that this issue will come back to haunt me and every time it happens, I feel "trapped in the middle". To this date, this issue is not settled yet and I am getting rather sick about it. In fact, in a related incident, I felt bad for having to say "no" to a supporter who wanted to donate to us some tickets for their fundraising event. However, due to operational issues, we couldn't take up the offer. I felt bad for saying "no" to them but most of all, I felt bad that the ball was again in my court to take up the matter because no one wanted to take it up. It's really disappointing.

Then, I was also asked to help out as the Chinese emcee for the upcoming staff appreciation dinner but I had to say "no" because I just wasn't confident about emceeing before a group of 400 people. Moreover, I know that the emcee is a very important person because he/she sets the mood for the event and I know I am not the most interesting person around; just did not want to jeopardise all the effort put into the event. Nonetheless, I feel bad about saying "no".

But anyway, I still thank God for an understanding volunteer who did not lose his cool despite all the complications with the licensing issue, a wonderful boss who tried to help me defend my budget and for wonderful colleagues who cares for me. I thank God for:

• Wonderful colleagues who made me feel cared for when I am feeling lousy; sometimes all it takes it just a simple gesture e.g. asking you whether you want to 'da bao' lunch, to make me realise how God has placed nice people around me
• Fun colleagues - Just the other day, we went out for lunch and someone suggested buying MacDonald's ice-cream. So some went to buy the ice-cream while me and two other colleagues made our way back to office. When we were back in office, we suddenly heard commotion and apparently, the ice-cream was starting to melt in my colleague's car on the way back . It was really funny seeing everybody running towards the office and scrambling to pass everyone their ice-cream to chomp down before it melts further. We were all laughing our hearts out seeing how comical the whole scene was :)
• Teambuilding event that went well - Just last week, I was supposed to put together a teambuilding and fellowship event for all my volunteer coordinators. I decided to put together a board gaming event for them at one of the local board game cafe. But since this is the first time we are doing something like that and there seemed to be very little planning between me and the cafe owner, I was kind of worried things will not turn out well. But thank God, things not only turned out well and people had fun, I also realised I was like super extroverted that day; so much as I was horribly mentally exhausted by the time I returned to office at 2pm and I literally dragged myself back home after that.
• Ideas @ Work - I still thank God for also having different ideas for work and they just keep welling up, making me all excited about work every once in a while; after all, I cannot keep doing the same kind of work for long because before long, I will be bored and will be on the lookout for something else. Recently, I found a interesting web service, Ning.Com which allows anyone to create social networking websites like facebook. Am thinking of using this to unify my volunteers and build a base of volunteers for my organisation. But first, will need to explore to see if it is usable first.
• Watching Over Relationships @ Work - After the incident with my friend "who was beginning to hate me", I have come to realise how sometimes the slightest thing can easily jeopardise even the deepest friendships. I thank God that both me and my colleague were quite mature about a recent incident when a receipt for my claim for some special certificate paper went missing. I thank God that we did not finger-point but went back to try to find the receipts because she could not remember me passing to her my receipt while I specifically remembered passing her the receipt. It did not help that that very morning, I had misplaced one of my receipts for another claim and I decided not to claim for that expenditure. But thank God in the end, we managed to find the receipt and both of us handled the episode well and maturely.
  

Things with KM
At one point in time, I was rather sad because things seem a bit awkward with KM e.g. I can find her constantly talking to my sister instead of me, making appointment to meet up with my sis without asking me along (even though I am just sitting beside them) and also seldom does she look my way. I do not know if I am sensitive because it might be due to the "gym incident" and/or she might be sensing I am interested and trying to get close to her and hence, may be trying to avoid me. But then, I thank God that things seems to be back on track (as in our friendship) and we are talking, joking and having occasional chats on the phone with each other again. I am happy that things are like that even though if nothing develops out of it.

Things @ Ministry
Ministry-wise, it has been rather OK recently. I still thank God for wonderfully leading me to lead cell group these two weeks as well as minister to others He brings to me. It has come to a stage where I can see how God works through situations; I thank God for:

• Continuing to bring new visitors to the cell group week after week and how he maybe indeed be using this cell to reach out to people who needs spiritual restoration. The culture of the cell has indeed taken a sharp turn.
• Ministering to others through me including how a simple SMS has helped me connect with a brother-in-christ who had left the cell for a long time. On that particular Sunday morning, I was forwarding some bible verse to my cell members and just felt led to send the message to him as well. Pretty soon, I received a sms from him to say how much he needed the message. In the past two weeks, I have met up with him for 2-3 times and never would I have thought that I will one day be sitting down with him for a chat, because I always found difficulty connecting with him at that time, me being such an introvert. But, it is just amazing how things turned around and now we are meeting up a bit and chatting with one another. In fact, I could see how this brother-in-christ has changed quite a bit and seemed to have matured spiritually quite a bit.
  
• Giving me joy in seeing people settle down spiritually in church and cell and growing with the Lord. I have mentioned some time back that I have recently had this burden for other's spiritual growth and it is always just amazing seeing people turn their hearts back to the Lord. My heart cries out in joy as I watched them settle into cell.
  
• Giving me open outreach opportunities to share about the gospel with an old-friend, when he asked about it, although we are from different faith groups.
• Putting in my life a wonderful support for my ministry, KM, who continued to support and encourage me and also continued to help me draw people in cell together with her cheerfulness and initiatives to put gathering together. I am starting to see how God had placed different people with different gifting together during different seasons of time for a purpose.
  
• Continuing to lead me week after week in leading cell because materials and verses just come and discussions just happen and the right words just come. It is difficult to describe in words but then I can sense God working through it all.

Somethings are just keeping me a little upset:

• How there is still no news from my friend from the korean cult. It seems that the latest news states that the cult leader will be extradited from China back to Korea and I sent him yet another email with the newspaper cutting and some bible verses. Seeing that Asiaone website carried the news, I have also wrote in to them to inform them that this group is operating in Singapore but again, just like last time, there was no reply.
• Seeing how a fellow leader is having difficulty leading his cell and how his passion seems to be waning with every struggle he faces. On one hand, I want to help but on the other hand, I do not know how to.
• Witnessing how 2 people ignored me on last Sunday and it seems that whenever we meet on our way to church, I would always try to smile at them but they would always treat me and my sister as invisible. It sure doesn't feel good being ignored but then really I am thinking, do you have to be like that? Did I offend you in any way?
  

Miscellaneous Thanksgiving:

I thank God for:

• My colleague's spiritual growth - It's amazing seeing how much she is growing despite coming from a family with pioneering roots with the Soka. In fact, it was amazing to note how she insisted we say grace when we forgot about it during lunch one day.
• God blessing another colleague in his health that he is OK now
• A job offer
• Continuing to work with my friend who is currently in transition in her job
• A wonderful time of LAN gaming and fellowship with my friend and his wife last week
• Staying disciplined with gym so far
• A wonderful time of fellowship, filled with laughter and joy, when we celebrated Stitch-Giver's birthday
  

Prayer Request
Please keep me in prayers for:

• Joy in serving the Lord
• God to continue to shape me gradually to do His will
• Continuing to focus on God
• Spiritual covering from spiritual warfare
  
• My leg, there is still minor nagging pain
• My dad's health - the doctors has started him on some tests again
• To be able to cope with work, ministry and any other external CCAs, especially since I had recently took back a chairperson portfolio in one of my professional association.
  
• People God has sent me to reach out to, including my friend from the cult
• Wisdom and discernment to know how to co-lead an upcoming devotion with my former cell-leader who is back in Singapore; I always get jittery with her around.
  

Rude Call
Just a couple of days ago, I received two missed call within the span of a couple of minutes, one was from a handphone and one from a land line. I called the land line first and a lady picked up the phone. Upon realising she might have called the wrong number, she apologised and we hung up. Then, I called back the handphone number and I thought that the sound from the other end sounded familiar. However, the lady just hung up on me rather abruptly. Now, I do not know what came over me because I would usually let the matter rest. But that day, I decided to pursue the matter and called back the handphone and told the lady how rude she was in just hanging up the phone abruptly when all she could have told me is that she has got the wrong number! How would I have known both the land line and handphone numbers are yours? Duh! But it sure did feel good finally to be able to confront someone about what they have done wrong because I have always closed one eye and walked away.