I Hate Mornings!

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My mug reads "I hate mornings" and I couldn't agree more :)

My Giganto Stitch Mug Gift
My colleague friend recently bought me a real sweet gift featuring, none other than, my favourite disney character: Stitch! :) Actually, she caught me by surprise because we both went Christmas shopping for our friends after work and I didn't expect her to also get me a gift :) As we went about shopping, I saw the Stitch mug and exclaimed how the gigantic mug is so cute. The next thing I know, I got the mug... Really appreciate my friend's sweet gesture and I really also appreciate her as a dear friend and a sister-in-christ. Now, I got my giganto Stitch cup that exclaims how much I hate mornings. In fact, the inside of the mug also says "Mornings aren't pretty"... and I also agree... :)

My Giganto Stitch Mug...
almost 3 times the size of a normal mug :)

Burning Out
Somehow, I have gotten real frustrated and tired at work. Somehow I seem to not be as passionate of my work as I used to be. Somehow, I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and am starting to take taxi to work on some days. This really worries me because I have had similar symptoms just weeks before I left my last two jobs. But then, I can't leave because I have only been here for slightly more than a year; up till now, I don't seem to last more than two years in a job. Most importantly, I like my wonderful colleagues and to a certain extent, my work. My colleagues are all real nice people.

As if to motivate me on, one of my volunteers' mum came by recently to bless me with a Polar curry puff to thank me for helping to place her daughter and son in volunteer assignments. Now, I don't get appreciation from volunteers often because I do not work directly with them; my centres do. While it is not so much the appreciation (though that does help me feel appreciated), it is really, at the end of the day, the knowledge that people are placed to help in the right places and that they, the staff and beneficiaries are happy, this really thrills me. I guess this is really what I like about my work. (Picture from Polar Puff and Cakes)

But things hasn't been going well in the last few weeks and there has been conflicts between staff which I have been indirectly involved in. Several times, I had to also make a stand and become assertive because my centres are taking forever to follow-up with volunteers and on my end, I have to deal with upset volunteers who keeps calling me to ask about their placements. Some may be feeling I am not being nice and playing punk because I am taking an assertive stance these few weeks and am starting to enquire about the delay and copying the emails to their bosses. Personally, I do not like to do something like that but then the fact is that I am real tired of all the delays and I had given a lot of chances throughout the year, reminding them again and again to follow-up promptly. I have tried my best to support because I know that some of my coordinators at the centres are overworked. But the least they can do is not sit on the referrals; if you can't take a volunteer, tell me and I will work out other placements.

I am Sorry, I am Sorry
In fact, recently, I am getting so tired of apologizing on behalf of my centres when volunteers kept calling me to ask me about their placement status. Why apologize? Because I am part of my organization and so no matter who is at fault, I had to apologize on behalf of my organization. I remember the lesson I learnt when I was working in a hospital. I remember being barraged by a patient's family just after Chinese New Year period and it wasn't even my fault! Of course I felt horrible and felt that the whole thing is so unfair. It was a small issue that the doctor forgot to follow-up with but then my supervisor reminded me "the patient's family does not care whose fault it is, the fact is that they are frustrated because the hospital has done them wrong. So being part of the hospital, we have to take the blame". That did not go down well with me at all but then to a certain degree I understand what she meant.

Enough is Enough
Frankly, I can be all defensive and just forward all calls by upset volunteers to the centres, refusing to address the call but that would only fuel the volunteers' disappointment. But there comes a time that I can take no more apologizing. I just know that I have done my part of interviewing the volunteer and has referred them to the centres. With the volume of volunteers I am handling, I can't possibly track all the referrals. So, it really gets frustrating when one by one, volunteers keep calling to ask about their placement status just because my centres are not responding.

And recently, I had to also deal with a complaint by a volunteer about a coordinators' attitude... I mean, I have enough and seriously if this is all the resources I am going to get to do my job, I sometimes really want quits. As if this is not bad enough, I recently had 2-3 colleagues from other centres telling me that my job is not easy and how not many will want to take my "hot seat". I also had to, on a few occasions, do some damage control for a new colleague who can be rather impulsive at times.

OK enough griping... Maybe I am just burnt out. In fact, I sometime find myself being less hardworking and taking a more laid-back attitude in recent weeks. Enough is enough... I have recently applied for about a week's leave... I need some time away from work to "recuperate" before 2007 comes... hope this rest will help me calm down again... One of my colleagues asked me to go to Trengganu to see turtles to slow down hehehe... (Picture "Turtles 1" by troseph)

But one good news is that recently, my boss involved me in a budget meeting with top management and I managed to make my point, showing them that we handle more than 5000 volunteers a year. They were, of course, surprised and I really hope that this new insight will set the stage for them to better understand why I need more resources, if I do ask for them. And my boss also came to tell me the good news that I will be getting bonus... yoo hoo...

Great news but nonetheless I am still frustrated and burnt out...

Not Superman
Outside of work, I have also been helping to co-support this sister-in-christ who seems to have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)... It is really getting more and more challenging and difficult working with her. In fact, I have recently gotten quite mad with her, I became quite harsh.

Recently, I watched a documentary on OCD. While watching the documentary helped me to understand that people with OCD cannot help doing what they are doing; they know what they are doing is illogical but they just can't help it, there is still a limit to how much I can take with them. As if dealing with one OCD in my life is not enough, now I have to deal with another one... I am just so so annoyed how un-self-aware they can be and always takes a blaming stances towards others, which frustrates everyone around them... In fact, I got so frustrated with this sister-in-christ, I found myself telling myself one day "why don't she just leave the church, life would be easier for everyone". But then I realised how selfish I was. But dealing with her can be a real challenge... I am really committing the two OCDs who I have came in contact into God's hands... I really cannot handle it, afraid one day I will explode...

Oh, by the way, I want to just be fair to this sister-in-christ and clarify that I have indeed misread her for the part about church asking her to stop going to cell totally. Turned out that church did indeed asked her to stop cell totally, so she can concentrate on working on her issue with her counsellor. The church is continuing to support her through counselling and other ways. That I really misread her.

During this period, more and more people seems to be having problems and somehow I just seem to cross paths with these people. From friends with OCD, in cult groups, failed relationships, depression, health problems to friends being taken advantage of, my prayer list seems to be getting longer and longer. Although I am really saddened by all their problems, I realised I shouldn't take too much onto myself... I am not superman. I just have to work with God and trust that He will work in their lives. In fact, I thank God for my friend who has always continue to send encouraging bible verses to me despite not having met her for a very long time. Some of the verses she has sent to me recently really did come in handy while working with my friends. (Picture "Superman" by ebdot)

Wanting to Get into a Relationship
I recently completed my friend's wedding slideshow and somehow, while working on it, it really did make me wonder when I will get into a relationship... however, now is not the right time yet... still have some unresolved issues.

Taking Up Cell Leadership
Just a little update on my decision to take up cell leadership role. I have recently had two pep talks with a friend and my cell group area overseer. Both encouraged me to take up the challenge. I was encouraged to go ahead and even when I cited my introvertedness as a problem, I was reminded that leaders do not have to be extroverted, that God made each of us different for different purposes and also reminded that something can be learnt over time. My area overseer shared how he was also an introvert when he started but have now learnt to be a functional extrovert (well, this really surprised me since he looks so much like an extrovert). Anyway, I officially gave an answer that I accepted the role on 17 Dec and pray that I will walk with God and stay a faithful leader.

With All I Am
By Hillsong

Into your hand
I commit again
with all I am
for you Lord

You hold my world
in the palm of your hand
and I'm yours forever

CHORUS
Jesus I believe in you
Jesus I belong to you
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
with all I am

I'll walk with you
wherever you go
through tears and joy
I'll trust in you

and I will live
in all of your ways and
your promises forever

CHORUS

I will worship I will worship you forever

CHORUS

Prepare The Way
Jared Anderson

Prepare the way;
make straight the path for Him
Let the King of glory enter in;
Let the King of glory enter in;
Who is this King of Glory?

The Lord strong and mighty
The Lord mighty to save
The earth is full of His glory
Creation calls prepare the way;
His love endureth forever
His power without an end;
His strength is victory's treasure
Let all who call His name prepare the way
(2nd ending)

Let the King of Glory enter in;
Let the King of Glory enter in;
Let the King of Glory enter in;
Let the King of Glory enter in;
Who is this King of Glory?