My Holiday Break so far...

Listen to this article

Just within a few days, 2007 will be coming to an end and frankly, I do kind of look forward to it... though things will still remain the same, there is just this hope that with a new year, I can put some things behind me and forget about all about it while bringing with me the good memories into the new year.

This past year hasn't been easy, particularly with cell ministry, then I had my dad's health condition and many other unforgiveness issues, then my health also was a bit affected. Even though I am already on leave from last Wednesday, its not as restful as I though it would be, maybe because it is the pain in the leg, maybe it is because of my worry about cell ministry, maybe it is because of the unforgiveness I have harboured for a few loved ones... all these just made the past few days a little melancholy. I have come to a stage I do not know what is wrong, especially for cell ministry; it had been a rough year for cell ministry and it was time of crying out, time of being angry with God, time of giving up, yet time of being encouraged, time of seeing God work, time of deciding want to hang on and be positive only to have doubts again. I am frankly just hoping that 2008 will be a better year.

On Sunday, I went to my uncle's cremation and although I was not close to him, I just found myself being all so angry with a loved one; being angry that this person forever do not seem to get her priorities right, always putting other things first instead of her loved ones. Then, when you finally loses a loved one, why bother to cry? Why hurt other people and then come to cry when the person is no longer around? Frankly, I detest this person's behaviour but yet she is a loved one and I care for her too and sometimes feel horrible having to feel this way. Sometimes, I ask God why He put this person in my life?

This ill feeling just carried over to Christmas and I think this season, I am lamenting to God about all the things that went wrong in my life and was crying out "not fair!" to him... I remember going to church with a heavy heart. Deep inside me, I know it is supposed to be a joyous occasion since it reminds us of the birth of Christ our saviour but then I was just too preoccupied in my mind about all the things went wrong... my issue of unforgiveness for this loved one, my worry for cell ministry, my hurting leg... I remember going to church and not wanting to meet anyone because I just did not want to talk. Then later, after service, I went around to distribute gifts to my cell members. Then, the member who gave me a kick in my butt on MSN asked if I am going to lunch but I remember saying "no" because I just wanted to go home and rest and not talk to anyone. Anyway, I wasn't very comfortable going to lunch with him as well. The irony however, is that later, members from another cell group gathered together and asked me if I wanted to lunch with them and I went ahead. Boy, did I hope I have not joined them because that lunch gathering made me feel worse about my cell. Yes, this cell of seems to be struggling too but then as I sat there with them, I just can't help comparing my cell with their and lamenting about how my cell had turned out... that this cell is at least still gathering for lunch and how some even talk about organising outing etc. Frankly, I am jealous of my friend who is the cell leader but I know we both face different problems in cell leadership. Eventually, I did go for the dinner gathering with them yesterday and although I have had fun with them, especially with making "fried" ice-cream, I again can't help but think back about my cell.


But anyway, I still thank God for all the friends He had placed around me... amidst all these circumstances, I thank God for giving me friends. I thank God for reminding me that I have friends as I received Christmas greeting SMSes after SMSes, some from people who I have not kept in touch with for sometime. It's just good to be remembered. I also thank God for good friends who I spent time with on Christmas day. After service and the upsetting lunch, I went to join my friends who were tidying up their new home. Boy is it exciting having your own flat. I went to visit them and we just sat around and chit-chatted in their new flat. After that, we adjourned for a Bak Kut Teh dinner and movie at Balestier. We caught "I Am Legend", which kept my eyes closed for like about 10% of the show because it was real scary. I kinda like the movie because other than being one of those action-packed horror flick about how things went wrong and entire cities get wiped out, with man becoming these zombie-like creatures preying on the surviving humans..., it was also a show which sets me thinking:

One: about how humans need relationships in their lives... throughout the movie, you can feel the loneliness that Robert Neville (played by Will Smith) felt being the only survivor in his city; he placed mannequins around the places he frequented in the day just so he would not feel alone. You can even catch moments where he talked to the mannequins. (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)

Two: it showed about how some people can labour in love and pain but then they will never be appreciated by people who they want to help. In the movie, Robert Neville chose to stay in New York City in the hope of being able to find a cure for all the mutated humans. But then, at one of the final scene of confrontation between him and the mutated humans, you can see that despite what he is doing, the mutated humans just want him dead (kind of remind me of Christ). (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)

Lastly: which is something which I would not have expected in a horror flick like that, is the movie spoke to me about God and His purpose... there was a scene where Robert Nivelle and Anna (another survivor who came in much later) was talking about going to a colony of survivors but Robert kept insisting that there is no more colony. An argument ensued and Robert was talking about how God had not created all these but man had caused this unto themselves and Anna was telling him how she had heard from God to come here to him; "He has a plan," Anna says. "He sent me here for a reason." By the end of the movie, it was clear why she came... At one point, Anna even chided Robert by saying that "The world is quieter now. It's easier to hear God." Talking about purpose and God's calling. What a timing?! I had come to the show hoping to just watch a flick with my friends and relax (hmmm, on hindsight not a very appropriate genre of movie to relax with) but then ended up that there was this issue abut God and His calling... like what one of my colleagues say, "跑不掉的" or "I can't run away one". Sigh... (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)