The Sweetness of Ministry

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Well, a couple of days ago, I blogged about the pains of ministry and here today, it is the exact opposite... Well, I still will not deny that ministry still involves pain, especially when I seem to sense that God is calling me to work with the backslided, broken-hearted and the misled, it will involve even more rejections... But then again, this is a calling which is very scary and I have just to check it out.

Ministry Plans (For Now)
This weekend is just so indescribable. Starting with cell on Friday. Somehow, after the recent saga, I have come to decide that I will hang on, especially when it became clear that I was NOT ready to dissolve cell; it would be a selfish decision. Anyway, many things seem to have happened to show me that God have wanted me to remain even though I had been defiant and had wanted out. I have also made the conscious decision to try to break out of my negativity for the sake of myself and the people I shepherd. All I can say is that I am saying "yes" for now but do not know for how long... frankly, I am not very keen on the next onslaught of spiritual attack or self-doubt so much as I want to give up again but then I am still entrusting this journey to God.

The Exodus Which Brings Relief
On Friday, cell was to take place and in a way, I was glad that I decided to have cell. I was chatting to the member who gave me a "kick in the butt"on Thursday evening and he told me that both him and his partner will not be coming to cell for the remaining of the month as they will be thinking about cell and whether to move on. I do not know why but then this piece of news brought me much relief. Do not get me wrong, I have nothing against this brother and his partner, but it is just that I have found myself to always be quite stressed up in cell because I feel I haven't been meeting up to their expectation for spiritual growth. Maybe I find that I could not compare to him in terms of spiritual maturity and so this has somewhat hampered my confidence and every session, I just worry if I am doing well enough to help them grow spiritually. I do know that they feel frustrated that they are not able to grow spiritually in this cell and I must say that it has somewhat made me feel bad. But then, I have come to realise that maybe it might be better for me and for them to move on to another cell, if it is within God's will. Frankly, I do not blame this brother and his partner in anyway though it is partly because of my own expectation to want to meet up to their expectation for spiritual growth which has caused myself much distress. Though it is tough taking the "kick in the butt" on Thursday, I do know it is done out of intention of hoping I will be encouraged, stay and grow (or at least I hope it is so). It would have been easy for him to just ignore me and move on to another cell, but he nonetheless confronted me about something. I must also say that through that conversation, I began to see the possibility of God toughening me up for my calling and of how recent events could have been spiritual attack trying to stop that from happening. To that, I say thank you to this brother. But one thing is true... when my AO and ZP spoke to me on Tuesday and mentioned how they might be moving some people out to other groups (mainly 3 others who have not been coming and possibly this brother and his partner), I must admit that I did feel a little relief. Maybe it is true that I have inherited this cell rather than coming in at the beginning, which may have been unhealthy. But it sure does feel funny to say that I feel relieved that these 5 people are moving off from my group, although the move might be necessary for everyone.

Thanksgiving for Cell
Anyway, back to cell. I thank God that everything went relatively well on Friday. Frankly, I felt less stress without the people who I felt I have not been able to meet up their expectations for cell. I thank God for bringing back a brother who I felt led to ask to come along back to cell and thank God he came. I could sense that God is trying to reach out to him and all I pray is that the cell had been able to because I did see him seem to be in reflection several times, especially during worship. It was like a new beginning for me and although I felt that I spoke 70% of the time, I felt led to share because God had shown me so much during this period about turning FAIlure to FAIthfulness.

I began by thanking God and as I looked through my blog, I realised I had so much to thank God for:

1. I thank God for work; how he had moderated my work these few weeks especially when I was feeling down... there are just days when my volunteer mailbox had no emails to attend to and this is just rare considering that it is supposed to be a peak period with my fundraising project going on
2. I thank God for my dad's health; that he is cleared of Lymphoma, TB and HIV, although there is a chance that his current medical condition may lead to Lymphoma but then there is nothing I can do now except to trust God.
   
3. I thank God for my bonus and the recognition I have received be it from management or from volunteers and their parents
4. I thank God for showing me how there are still nice people throughout the time I did kettling and for sending passionate volunteers to me to busk in their passion to help
5. I thank God for my leg that the pain seems to be going away (though it seem to come back again after standing to kettle for 2 hours)
6. I thank God for comforting me throughout the past 2-3 weeks and for speaking to me, by sending friends, bible verses to encourage and also through sharing by Nick Vujicic, Nanz-Chong Komo and today Datok Chua Jui Meng. I thank God for taking away quite a bit of my negative emotions last Saturday
7. I thank God for watching a friend spiritually
   

I thank God for bringing to me Isaiah 41:8-20 in time to share with cell. I was at a loss not knowing what to share for cell yesterday but God, you brought the verse to minister to me when one of my colleague opened his diary and there staring at me was Isaiah 41:10:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

It is interesting how so many bible verses were given but none spoke to me at such a deep level than this. Following my recent saga, sharing by Nanz-Chong and Nick Vujicic, it became clear that you had wanted me to share about the topic of failure. You brought me Isaiah 41:8-20 and showed me how (i) you have chosen us and not rejected us; in fact we sometimes reject ourselves (v8-9), (ii) that we should not fear as you are we us (v10) and (iii) that through our weakness, your glory will be shown as we stand as testimonies (v18-20). Following Nanz's sharing, it became clear to me upon reflection that I am still learning to hang in there and trust you because sometimes when the tough gets going, it can be tough to hang on. But, I have learnt that the following worked for me:

1. How I still trust that you are real and in control from how I see you work on a daily basis and trust that you have your plans for me (Jer 29:11)
2. How I stuck on in your community because it is tempting to just pack and leave and because you DO send people to uplift me, even though sometimes in surprising ways. I have also learnt that You can send people but then it is whether we sometimes open ourselves to help from them
   
3. How keeping a thankful heart (1 Thess 5:18) and seeing how you work in my life, through regular thanksgiving and through this blog has helped me to continue to have trust in You.
4. How I believe I can claim on Your promise made that You have your plans for my ministry and when you send me verses, circumstances, people and sharing to encourage me on, I can claim that promise

I continue to give thanks that cell even went on to discuss about the Christmas party next week and how for the first time I felt the discussion went well with people contributing ideas and agreeing to come together to make sushi, spaghetti and prepare for the game. Even though the cell started with a bit of awkwardness, I thank God for every single people He had brought this this cell because I can see how He does have a plan for this cell to reach out and minister to a special group of people; the backslided, heart-broken and misled. I also get the sense that God is saying that not all will stay and even though this cell will be a point of contact, it will be a critical point of contact for the person's spiritual growth. And I will hold on to that promise.

Thanks God for Cyber-Fellowship
Then, I also thank God for bringing me in touch with an old friend online who is overseas. I thank God for using us to encourage each other on. It is amazing how we have been chatting online and sharing testimony when we have seldom talked at such depth or at such length in the past. And bible verses and words just come at the right time, so much so I felt that the conversation was led by the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 15:23b (KJV) "and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!".

Thanks God for Showing My Passion for Return of the Lost
I also thank God for the wonderful experience at service today. Thank you for bringing Datok Chua Jui Meng to share his powerful testimony with us. Through his testimony, I have come to realise how You have your plans for Your people and how You can use them to bring people back to you. I can see how You had used a man like Datok Chua, a former Minister of Health for Malaysia and how you have worked in his life and his family. His story was really dramatic but everything from his possession, to the kidnapping of his son, blessing of child to his daughter-in-law who was barren, visions and prophecies, I have come to see how powerful you are.

And for once today, You have overwhelmed me to go down to pray for others and I thank You greatly for having the chance to intercede for others, as You send me to intercede for this teenage who wanted so much to rekindle his walk with you and this man who had knee problem. For once, I prayed and prayed and prayed and teared for the person in front of me, for once I layed hands on a person and he wept and wept, for once I felt the passion for other's lives. Thank you for the song today which had ministered to me, Jesus the Same, a song which had spoken to me and made me realise again how wonderful You are, showing me how You were a wonderful counsellor, mighty God, eternal Father through my recent saga. It also made me realise my passion to see the lost return. It was indeed an overwhelming experience as I sang the line from the Song Hosanna, " Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You" and I saw my friend who I have been praying for to return to You walk past to be seated by the usher. Deep inside me, I gave thanks for it. I have come to realise that you have been given the passion of seeing the lost return and this passion, I realise, was one which I have never had... which explains how my heart was giving thanks deep in my heart as I prayed for the youth who wanted to refresh his walk with you and as he wept, I teared along with him. Yes, you are Jesus the Same, the Saviour who is always faithful and who always longs for God's people to return. You are always the same, the same counsellor, the same loving father and mighty God.



Jesus the Same
Praise the name of Jesus
Perfect Redeemer, Star of the Morning
Yesterday, today and forever
Jesus the Same...

There's a fire that burns in our hearts
To see the lost return
To the Father
And it's a passion that's not of our own
We have seen it in the Son
In the face of the Son

Wonderful Counsellor
Mighty God, Eternal Father
Prince of Peace

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.


Rescue
You are the source of life
I can`t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of you

Chorus:
Cause I need you jesus
To come to me rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name
By which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you
I will follow you

My heart is your for life
I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in you

Bridge
I will follow you (This world has nothing for me)
I will follow you (This world has nothing for me)
I will follow you (This world has nothing for me)