How's Your Health?

Listen to this article

OK my blog has been a mess for quite some time and was feeling that it's time I attend to my blog before I am guilty of "blog neglect". So, had a tiny bit of time yesterday and cleaned up my template, removing a few things, updated my "birthday" indicator (it is now officially two years old and counting) and added my "weight-indicator" :)

How's Your Health?
OK, kind of get the message. Do not know why I have recently become the subject of "enquiry" and friends after friends keep asking if I am exercising or not. Out of the blue, some friends (who I have not kept in touch for some time now) would come online and we would be chatting and suddenly, the question! Or we will be talking face-to-face and then, the question! With all that is going on with my dad, these "are you exercising?" questions that kept surfacing, a kind of nagging feeling that I am getting fatter and a realisation that I am getting breathless easily, I think it is time I did something about my health. After all, it really has been some time since I last went for my healthy lifestyle with my colleagues. Our regular 2-times weekly jog at the park behind our office has kind of stopped because we were getting rather busy at work. And you know la, once we are busy, we can easily find excuses to "not go this time and wait for the next time".

Then last week, one of my cell members came and asked me if I have set my fitness goal and whether I have been keeping to my exercise regime. We had been talking online some weeks ago about exercising but then, sad to say, I have not started on anything as yet. So, this cell member gave me an ultimatum and told me that he wanted to hear my goal the next day 8pm. Well, thanks to this member, I am now starting to think very serious about it and am even tracking my progress on www.goalmigo.com. To hold myself accountable, this cell member has even volunteered to be my accountability partner so he can "hound" me :D In addition, I also asked my sister to be my other accountability partner. As if that is not enough, I placed a weight-indicator on my blog and openly declared to all on my MSN that I am targetting to reach 79.6kg by mid 2008 and 70kg by end 2008. I just needed badly to reduce my BMI and to drastically start doing something, because I am now extremely and terribly overweight by close to 30kg! Hope I can keep at it. I am committing to:

• Doing kinesthetic exercises at least 5 times a week just before leaving home
• Going for a jog at the park at least 2 times a week
• Taking a walk home (cardio) after work at least 3 times a week
• Taking the stairs everyday
• Taking less meat, more veggies and more soupy food everyday
• Taking fruits after lunch everyday
• Less snacks @ home

So, wish me success and gimme a little nudge if you feel I am not doing what I should be.

How's Your Spiritual Health?
Last Friday, I was on my way to work and I was listening to my mp3 on my new psp *GRIN*. As I listened to "How Great is our God" play, I was just reflecting about my spiritual journey thus far. 2 years on and things are so much different. Yes, my life has changed quite a bit, though I am still living the same life and facing trials as everyone.



I have always joked that God is putting me through intense spiritual growth to "pay back" for the 15 years of backsliding; He placed me in a Christian organisation and now, every week, I have 1 department devotion and 1 combined devotion at work, cell group gathering on Friday and Sunday service. But then, upon reflection, within the past 2 years, there had indeed been very intense spiritual growth taking place. One thing's for sure is that I have been spiritually stretched and challenged; the greatest challenge being to take up cell leadership. Within the past 2 years, I have faced severals ups and downs; I faced doubts in my faith, anger with God, challenged to take up cell leadership, been (and is still am) burdened by other's spiritual growth, met and was used by God to minister to people in ways I would never have thought possible etc. 2 years on, I have been healed of my unforgiveness and am beginning to walk with a renewed confidence in life. In a nutshell, I learnt more and more about the character of God:

• God the Healer - Perhaps, the biggest change is the "new lease" of life I can so readily testify to now, a new lease of confidence in life. It took me 2 whole years to be healed of unforgiveness from a soured friendship and working experience, along with years and years of unforgiveness, small and large ones. But now, I have been healed of deep pains I have had for years, which had prevented me from having the confidence to connect with people; a struggle which has crippled me in many sense and which has made me a rather depressed person. I have learnt that God wants to heal us of our pains if only we let him. Most times, we just want to rely on ourselves and leave God out of the picture. I can be pretty stubborn.
  
  
• God the Protector - When talking about God as protector, the one incident which keeps coming back to me is how He preserved my life when I was in China for missions work. You cannot imagine the fear I had when I realised what a close shave with death I have had when my coat was stuck in the van's door, which meant that the door was not shut fully and that means that I would have fallen out of the van as it made its way up the steep hill on narrow roads. But I didn't and I thank God for preserving my life. We also gave thanks that we were not in Yunnan Old Town when there was a stabbing incident (a week before we arrived) which left many tourist hurt. Other than that, I gave thanks to God for protecting me also in big and small ways, including how He never fails to place nice people around me to just help and support me. I also thank God for protecting me from the cult when I visited them unknowingly.
  
  
• God the Loving and Forgiving Father - I will always not forget how God has been gracious and merciful to me despite me having backslided for 15 years. I have turned away from God for 15 years but God did not forget me at all. What was even more amazing was how He sent me the most unlikely person, my ex-supervisor, who was a non-believer and who was rather against Christians, to bring me back to church. And once I agreed to visit, everything just slowly unfolded, including how the sermon and songs all spoke to me and the "lost wallet" incident. I remember hearing my supervisor said that God will never fail us, only we fail God. Everything that took place on that day was just so "drama".
  
  
• God the one who blesses and provides - Increasingly, I am also seeing God at work, in my life, my work ministry and my ministry in church. Over the months, I have always shared on this blog that it is just amazing how much I had been able to achieve at work with the grace of God. I had been called to this place and even though I have totally no experience in volunteer management, it is just amazing going through all that has been achieved within this short span of time. At appraisal every year, I can never fail to be amazed at the wonderful blessings God has given me at my workplace. The right things just happen at the right time, the right volunteers just appear at the right time. God's timing is indeed wonderful. It has come to the extent where you just realise that all these are just too much to be coincidences. Not to also mention the many other instances e.g. how I had been blessed with essence of chicken etc, which just goes to show how He provides and blesses.
  
  
• God the Teacher - Even in my cell leadership, I have also come to realise how God has been helping me to grow bit by bit, starting with first placing people around me that are supportive and who are able to help, then He placed me on a modular system in cell leadership, learning bit-by-bit about His character and about leading cell. Several times, I was also amazed how God even helped me prepare for cell meeting; whatever topic was to be covered that week, God spoke through devotional materials, Our Daily Bread articles, colleagues, friends and even devotions at work.
  
  
• God the Encourager - Back to cell leadership again, several times I had wanted to step down but God has always, without fail, spoke to me again, both indirectly and directly, again and again and helped bring people into my midst to aid me along. I recall there were three to four times I decided very firmly that I would step down and God will just intervene, speaking to me through the pulpit and through the bible. The last time, when I heard very distinctively from God asking why I doubted Him, was pretty much the last time I decided to step down again. Another incident which I remember is how God used a colleague who seldom sms me to sms me from 1 Cor 15:58 right after a upsetting SMS from my former cell leader etc
  
  
• God in control - I have come to learn how much indeed God is in control and perhaps Romans 8:28 sums it up nicely. Sometimes, I just find how it is amazing how some things just happen and nicely fall into place. Somehow, you just know that some things (although not all) happen for a reason and there had been several instances that things have happened this way, sprinkled all throughout my blog. I am still, continuing to be amazed how God works. Perhaps, the time when I saw how God is really in control is during my mission trip this year to China and all the things; from:
• how God sent two Singaporeans (who we did not know) to bless us by helping us with the baggage,
  
• how God used us to minister to one of them, who shared that all the backpacking has made her feel detached from the Christian community,
  
• how God amazingly used testimonies at a children's home to testify the faithfulness of God to another of the Singaporean who is a pre-believer (even though nobody knew that she is not a Christian),
  
• how God amazing brought the two backpackers with us to the children's home (even though it was not part of the plan) and how we later found out that it was not by chance they came, because while talking to the in-charge, we realised how the home was looking for someone to help with teambuilding. And guess what, this was exactly what these 2 Singaporeans were doing in Singapore,
• how God has amazingly put our missions team together despite our varying personalities and skills,
• how God had watched over us, including how He preserved my life on the van, how there a stabbing incident took place where we stayed a week before we came to the place
• how God used the stabbing incident and also the shooting in virginia tech to open doors for us to share about mental health to the authorities there
• how the authorities in the end decided to embark on a long-term partnership with the Christian organisation we were representing (after 10 years of knocking on their doors)
• how the 2 Singaporeans stayed behind in the school and later updated us that the student's hostel was burnt down and how they had later linked up with a Singapore team who was keen to explore volunteer work there and blessed these 2 Singaporeans with a donation of the exact amount that they blessed us with, when we parted with them
  
  Increasingly seeing God at work has helped me become sure how real He is and has helped to develop my faith in Him. Frankly, it is difficult to describe here but then if you were to live my life, then you will know what I mean.
  
  
• God Answers and Speaks - Just when I thought I am worshipping a quiet God (which sometimes makes me wonder if He is real), God speaks and answers back. The one which comes readily into my mind is how God had affirmed my calling to speak to my friend from the JMS cult on the day I was to meet him through another colleague and her "Knowing God's Will" book and subsequently, knowing that (given my character) I will feel horrible after the failed session with my friend, he prepared me for it and even ministered to me through Stitch Giver and the Sep 22 "Our Daily Bread" article. And throughout the blog, there are many other instances where God spoke through other circumstances, sermons, songs, devotionals and other people e.g. the NS guy who was like my mirror image and the pastor I met in NS. Another time which He responded to a question I had was during the 2 Timothy 2 conviction, when I asked why I am going through all these trials when my heart is for God.
  
  
• I have also learnt (from my spiritual walk):
• Stubbornness - We sometimes cannot have Him work in our lives if we do not "Let Go and Let God". This applies to healing too.
  
• The Big Picture - How we have fallen away from God in a moment of folly and the whole bible (and human history) is about God's attempt to reconcile with man
• Work in Progress - Being a Christian (unfortunately) does not take away life's struggles but it sure do gives assurance that God is around and can work in your life. In the same way, we don't become Christ-like overnight and should work on it. So when we do fail, we should run to rather than away from God. Man need to continue to do battle with satan who tempts and provides the opportunity for us to fall away (satan does not cause us to sin but gives us the opportunity to choose that way) and we need to continue to repent in the Lord, even after we are saved.
• Reliance on God - and not on man or even things e.g. career who/which can fail us (see Psalm 118:8).
  
• Repentence not Rituals - Isaiah 1:11-17, Micah 6:6-8 and 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us how it is important to cultivate a repentant heart than anything else because that's seems to what matters to God.
  
• God Uses People - and He can use you too if you let Him use you to minister to others. An example is the 2 Timothy 2 conviction and how He used my friend to minister to me and how I felt He also used me to minister to my friend.
  
• Importance of Testimonies and Thanksgiving - In Exodus 16:32 and Joshua 4:20-24, the Israellites are told to keep with them a reminder of the love, grace and mercy of God. You see, we are like the Israellites (or at least for me); many a times, God has worked a work of miracle in our lives but we forget and when we face trials, we lift our fists to Him, saying that He is an unfaithful God. But is it so? I have come to realise the importance of testimonies as a tool to remind us of God's work in our lives, tool to edify others and also to demonstrate God's love, mercy, grace and glory to others. Thanksgiving also helps us to put things into perspective how He had been working in our lives.
• My Calling - My calling seem to be that of ministering to backslided Christians as well as Christians who have been misled e.g. in cults. I thank God for the gift of discernment and wisdom, which have came in useful at times. I have never expected to have these gifts but then I am slowly honing it (still not very good at it). I also thank God for the gift that allows me to easily express myself especially through this blog. If you have a desire for a gifting from the Holy Spirit to do God's will, ask.
  
• Lessons on Spiritual Leadership - Among the many others: (i) It is not about me or what I need to say as a CG leader but what God need to say and how He ministers through me, (ii) it is not about being an ideal leader because God can use any kind of leaders. So don't stress yourself up by checking yourself through a list of "Ideal Leaders' Attributes", (iii) Leaders need to have high spiritual accountability and be focused on God or else he/she will lead people away from God
  
• Do not take God for Granted - Many a times, we remember God as one who is gracious and merciful but we forget that the God of the Old Testament and New Testament is one and the same God. Do not take His love, mercy and grace for granted. His anger is real, just in case you are wondering.
  

• Cell Went Well - I thank God once again for cell having gone well. Once again, I am always "gan jiong" before cell started and worried about what I am going to say (I know I know, I mentioned about it not being about what I am going to say but what God is going to say but I am slowly getting there :) now less uptight). But cell went well and I was really surprised how much I spoke and I even dared to joke.
  
  
• "We Will Be Visiting Other Cells" - Just received news this week that two of my members will be visiting other cells. Frankly, I am having conflicting emotions. On one hand, I am happy that they are starting to come back to cell again (they had been missing quite a bit of cell) and if it is a new cell they need for their spiritual growth, I will bless them. But on the other hand, of course it does not feel good being kind of "rejected" as a leader; it is the kind of feeling knowing that they don't take to my leadership well and hence want to change cells. But no worries, I am rather OK. At the end of the day, I just recognise that I am accountable to God and everyone is accountable for their own spiritual walk. I can't please everyone and if God has His plans to recompose the cell, then I let Him do it.
• Hectic Work - Work has been so hectic I am kind of scared to go back to work. But then, still have to la.
  
  
• Feeling like Jeremiah - The verse that brought me back to Christ is from Jeremiah 29:11. Today, sermon was on Jeremiah and somehow I can't help but feel but identify with Jeremiah's character. In fact, I had been encouraged several times by God's word through Jeremiah. In fact, the two persons who I seem to have rather similar character with is Moses and Jeremiah. According to our pastor, Jeremiah is a person who has been called by God to preach a very hard message and he was rejected. In Jeremiah, you can read how he oscillates to and from, on one hand knowing who God is but on the other hand laments deeply about his circumstances (sounds kind of familiar). But frankly, I do not want to end up like Moses (not being able to enter the Promised Land due to a moment of folly) or Jeremiah (hated by all and was sawn into half). Of course, the other person's life and ministry which spoke to me is Jonah because I can sometimes be as stubborn as him.
  
  
• Others' Spiritual Growth - I had mentioned about how I have increasingly been finding myself burdened for other's spiritual walk and had even lamented why I am sometimes so timid about confronting others about their spiritual walk. Frankly, I do hope that yesterday's message wasn't addressing that issue because I can't take the burden of having to confront people about their spiritual walk. But yet, deep inside me, I am sometimes sadden to see people walk away or even backsliding. But I also thank God for showing me how some are also growing. I was on duty serving holy communion yesterday and so had the opportunity to see my other cell members during service. As I watched them and my sister worship the Lord, I am indeed so joyful to see them growing with the Lord.

My Dad Smiled Like a Child
Took leave today to accompany my dad to the hospital for admission for clinical investigations to be done. Frankly, although I am mostly peaceful inside me knowing that everything is in God's hands (after all what can I do?), I am also worried for my dad and also whether we will be able to afford the medical expenses should he really be diagnosed with cancer. As I sat at the admission office waiting with my dad, there were three other guys sitting near to us, talking about bone marrow transplant (I think they have cancer too). All the talk just made me more and more worried. But I am still keeping my dad in prayers.

Today is also one of the first time (in a long time) I see my dad smile like a child. As we were having a drink in the houseman canteen, he was sharing about how he had once drank hot water while having a themometer in his mouth and the high temperature sent the nurse away to look for the doctor in a frenzy. Then there was also another time he walked out of the hospital in his hospital gown to buy roti prata, only to later be brought back by the security guard. As he shared, he smiled like a kid who had just did something cheeky. My dad ah, sometimes like a child. But I am glad to see him smile again and indeed, it had been some time since I last seen my dad smile like that. I must admit that the lack of interaction and also our busy schedules has caused us to seldom interact with each other. Anyway, I still hope my dad does not have cancer and I am praying that everything will just turn out well.