Sow the Seed and Wait Upon the Lord

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Now in office and somehow, I know I shouldn't be here blogging during office hours but I just needed to blog about yesterday and just can't wait till tonight to do it.

No, Not Me

Yesterday was a very very long day for me but also one which was, in many ways, miraculous. For the past few months, I have struggled with God when it seemed that He called me to reach out to my friend from the Korean cult. I kept giving excuses and asked questions like "why me, Lord?", "I have backslided and have just returned", "I am not well-versed with the Word, so why me?" I kept asking questions and kept running away but it just keeps coming back to me again and again, through sermons etc, as though to remind me what I was supposed to do.

Thanksgiving for Miracles
Yesterday, I was supposed to meet this friend of mine for a movie. I had previously tried to make an appointment to meet up with him but it has been postponed again and again because he had things on. But I thought I shouldn't give up and just kept suggesting new dates. I guess, deep within me, I wanted to talk to this friend. Anyway, for the first time in many months, I can see how God works in little ways all the way till I met him. I thank God for:

1. Confirming my calling - I had really been in doubts whether I am really doing God's will. Up till yesterday morning, I had been asking "God, how do I know this is a calling from you? Or is it just my will?" Throughout the day, I kept praying that, if this is God's will, I prayed for Him to bless me as I speak to my friend and also prayed for Him to use me to do His will. However, for the most part of the day, I was still left wondering if indeed this is God's will. But at the end of the day, God sent a fellow colleague to perhaps give the answer.
   
   As I was packing up for the day, I met a colleague who told me that she is heading to Clarke Quay to meet a friend. Since that was near to where I was heading to, to meet my friend, I decided to travel with her. My colleague's husband would usually come to fetch her but today, she will be travelling alone to Clarke Quay. Along the way, we talked and shared. I asked for her to pray for me and my friend and we started talking about God's will. She shared with me how sometimes when something is meant to be, it will keep coming back to us, just like the time when she was taking a train home and witnessed someone take a phone that does not belong to him.
   
   One day, my colleague was waiting at the train platform for the train. Seated beside her was a Malay lady who was talking on the phone. Along came a youth. He pointed at a phone left beside the Malay lady and asked her if the phone belonged to her. The Malay lady shook her head and so the youth took the phone and walked away. My colleague witnessed this and had wanted to approach the youth to see what he does with the phone and if he will hand over the phone to staff. However, the train soon came and she saw the youth enter the same train but had later lost him because of the crowd.
   
   On the train, she continued to read her magazine. Soon, she overheard 2 Malay ladies standing beside her and heard that one of them lost her handphone at the platform. Incidentally, my colleague understood Malay as she was from Malaysia. She felt that she really needed to do something. So, she turned to the lady and told her that she saw someone take a handphone at the platform. My colleague also went on to describe the phone and the lady confirmed the description. My colleague then pointed to the direction where she saw the youth boarded the train and, together with the ladies, tried to find the youth.
   
   As the train was approaching her stop, she saw a group of youth and told the lady that the youth who found the phone might be in the group. As my colleague will be alighting soon, she apologised for not being able to approach the youth with the 2 ladies. She did, however, make her way near to the entrance of the train carriage and as the train was preparing to pull off, she saw the lady approach the youth and the youth saying "oh, so that's your handphone".
   
   A long story but it just shows that God will sometimes send people to serve a purpose and although we may miss the opportunity the first time, He will still provide other opprtunities for the purpose to be fulfilled. As we talked, my colleague also shared that she had asked the same question a few times in church and one day, while visiting the church's library with her son, she chanced upon a book "Knowing God's Will" on the table while waiting for the librarian. It wasn't exactly a very attractive looking book since it is a thin book, all yellowish (the book was published in 1974, way older than me!) and the cover was even coming apart. But somehow, it caught her attention and she borrowed the book. However, since then, she has not been able to finish the book and the librarian extended the date due for her twice. As she spoken, she pulled out the book from her handbag and passed it over to me. Since I have a hour more before I meet my friend, I thought this might be good reading material and hopefully, I will be ministered by it.
   
   Oh ya, where was I? I guess I am saying all these to say that maybe God has sent someone to come to confirm the calling. Thereafter, I went with more peace knowing that I will be doing God's will.
   
   
2. Providing me with Opportunity - When I decided a couple of months ago that I am just going to go in faith and talk to this friend, I was perplexed at how I am going to do it because everytime I ask this friend out, he brings along another friend to try to "talk to me" about his founder and his church's doctrines etc. Finally one day, I had the idea that perhaps I can invite my friend out for a movie and this would ensure that there will not be anyone else coming along and would provide me the opportunity to talk to him. Turns out that I was blessed with 2 pairs of free movie tickets which had been exchanged using my visa points.
   
   
3. A valuable lesson - The whole incident has taught me and shown me how God works. Somehow, I would say that God has prepared me for how the evening will turn out. On hindsight, God had prepared me in many ways especially since I can be so sensitive about failures given the recent episodes:
   
   He sent good friends to encourage me. Even before meeting my friend, I felt at ease that many are praying for the meeting and for myself and my friend. My colleague, before parting with me at Clarke Quay station, reminded me that as long as we are doing God's will with good intention, God will bless us as we do what needs to be done. Even after meeting, my friends remained very encouraging and kept encouraging me through SMS and email e.g. "You have sown the seed and done your part as a friend, we will leave God to do the rest", "We inform, the Holy Spirit transforms"
   
   He also prepared me through the "Knowing God's Will" book which I was reading before meeting my friend. Somehow, the book is not easy to read because the writer tends to write very long sentences (which incidentally, so do I and now I know how irritating that can be). So, towards the end of the sentence, you will usually wonder what is the point he is making. Although I did not managed to finish the book, what struck me in the book is this:
   
   

   ... 'If this thing about leadings of the Spirit is genuine, we should see some
   real results from it; results that are more than would naturally happen'. But
   then another thought came to me, 'On the other hand, God should be able to lead us to do something where we would not see results at all. Maybe he just wants us to have a small part in what he is working out, and we cannot see the result of what we did.' ... (on his leading to speak to a freshman about Christ) it would have been a major miracle for that grad student to turn to Christ as a result of one conversation... Maybe, the Lord wanted me to just
   lay one brick in something he is building, and I will never get to see what the
   result will look like.

   Then, as if to ensure that I will be OK from the failure, since in the end, my friend didn't really buy what I say and insisted that he trusts his founder, God sent a colleague with an email to me. And surprisingly, when I came into office this morning, my mailbox just showed one new mail; something which rarely happens. Another friend of mine has sent an encouragement with today's Daily Bread reading which could not be more apt. The Sep 22 Daily Bread read:
   
   

   "Countless times I’ve heard myself say, “I’m going to bake a cake.” Then one day I realized that I’ve never baked a cake in my life—only my oven can do that. I simply mix the right ingredients and allow the oven to do its part. Through that division of labor, I have the joy of seeing others taste and enjoy delicious cake.
   
   God used my mixing-bowl musings to clarify a dilemma I once had
   after starting a neighborhood Bible study. It was one thing to bring my
   neighbors together to study the Bible, but seeing them believe and follow Christ was another. I felt powerless. Suddenly I saw the obvious. Like baking cakes, making Christians was impossible for me, but not for God. I had blended the right ingredients—an open home, friendship, love. Now I had to trust the Holy Spirit, through His Word, to do His work. When I cooperated with that division of labor, I had the joy of seeing others taste of God’s goodness.
   
   In Luke 18:18-27, Jesus so vividly described some hindrances to saving faith that His listeners began to wonder if anyone could be saved. Do you feel that way about someone? Be encouraged by the Lord’s strong reminder that there are some things that only God can do. Saving people is one of them. —Joanie
   Yoder"

   The reading ended off with "We sow the seed, but God brings the harvest."
   
   Somehow, cognitively I know all these; that I sowed a seed (or "seeds" since it seems that many have also approached my friend, expressing concern about his church) and need to let God take over; let go and let God. But somehow, at the end of the meeting, I just can't help but feel disheartened and to a certain extent frustrated that my friend is still in it and refuse to "budge"; maintaining that he still trust his founder despite all the bad press." To a small extent again, I feel I have failed to be a good counsel for the Lord but then again, I am reminded that I need to work with God and that the way of the Lord needs no defense or counsel". So, I am really greatly that God has sent all the "innoculation" so that I will not feel like such a failure again.
   
   
4. A meeting gone well - Despite my friend still maintained that he "trust his founder", I still thank God for an evening which went well. I thank God for helping me to find conversation topics throughout the evening. I am pretty much a quiet person and always finds it challenging to talk to people because I can never seem to sustain a conversation. But yesterday, I just wasn't the normal quiet me. I prayed for peace and for God to guide the evening and there were just very little "silent moments". True, I can still see my hand trembling a little when I finally got down to broached the topic but it wasn't as nerve-wrecking as I thought it would have been, there was just a bit of calmness and peace in me.
   I also thank God for ending the evening on a good note. Although there was a bit of awkwardness towards the end, I am glad that the friendship was still relatively OK. I ended off by saying that I will continue to keep my friend in prayer that God will one day reach him and so did he say he will keep me in prayer that I will come to know the "truth" as well. I also thanks God for providing the right place to allow me to share with my friend. When I met him, I was scrambling for a good place to sit down to talk and God brought us to Sakae Sushi at Marina Square and sitted us all the way to the back and corner, which was relatively a conducive place to talk.

Overall, it was difficult to get to my friend. He did not seem to be surprised at all when I brought this up. It seems that he might have other friends who expressed similar concerns to him and the church might also have prepare them that they will hear about such things. He mentioned that he is aware of such bad press about his founder but refuse to find out what they are about as he trust him.

I told him that despite not knowing him for very long and not very close to him, I feel burdened to know that he is in a cult and that many more might join. When he shared with me that they have started a registered society for culture and peace and are working with the CDC to do public performances in malls, I become more concerned that this might serve as tolls for them to bring more people into the cult. Just before leaving, I took out a booklet found in my bible, "The Way to God" and gave him the copy, reminding him that our Christian faith is about our relationship with God through Jesus Christ and not a relationship to man. He even pointed out to a picture depicting how Jesus Christ was like a bridge to God and said "see, man get to be in communion with God through another man, Jesus Christ", failing to see that Jesus Christ is not just any man, but the son of God in the form of man. I handed him the copy of the "Way to God" and parted ways.