Supersize "Sensitive" Me

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My sensitivity has worked for me but unfortunately has also worked against me.

For the last few days of the week, I have been feeling really really really bad about something, to the extent my interaction with people has somewhat been affected. Well, I was coordinating this in-house training for next week and somehow, the idea came that maybe I should invite a fellow colleague of mine to come along to join me in the training. I asked and this colleague indicated that he is keen to join me. But when I aproached my boss about this, she wasn't the bit thrilled since that would mean taking another person away from work. And maybe it had been the way I had put it, she might have thought that this colleague approached me about it. Think she eventually approached my colleague about it. I do not know if my colleague is angry with me but then I just feel so so bad putting him in a spot. But I do feel better having explained and apologized today; I smsed him and will just leave the rest to God. Boy, do I hate conflicts and I can sometimes get so sensitive it gets the better of me. Sometimes, I just wished that I am not so.

But, on the other hand, my sensitivity is also been a gifting from God. It seems that in recent times, God have been sending to me people who are troubled and who have backslided or have been misled by "unconventional christian groups". I remember that, despite working in a christian organisation, I had been rather resistant about ministering to others in my work earlier this year (see here); I saw my work as the secular part of the organisation. But increasingly, God has sent, again and again, people who have backslided or have been misled by "unconventional christian groups" and again and again, I had been given the opportunity to share my testimony. Somehow, the interviews with these people would usually turn into a long conversation with them sharing with me their struggles and about their faith and this just provided the opportunity for me to share my testimony about how I have backslided and how, by the Grace of God, returned to Him.

In fact, recently, I have a new volunteer and I found out that he was keen to visit a "supposedly" cult church; the same one that my friend is in now. It was really an ethical dillemma as I worked through it with him during the volunteer interview; on one hand, I was concerned about him as a brother in christ but on the other hand, I am asking whether how much it is appropriate for me to intervene, in the capacity of a volunteer coordinator. In the end, I decided to be genuine and share with him how concerned I, as a brother in christ, was about him going to that church. But he ended up asking me for the address of that church and when I had refused to give to him (since I do not know), he seemed disappointed. Did I do the right thing? I am really really confused.

But one good thing is that, I am making progress with my friend in the cult. I have been, in a way, running away from this calling of mine and it has been difficult talking to my friend about it. There was just no opportunity because everytime I decide to talk to him about it, he brings another friend along to try to psycho me to join his church. So recently, God blessed me with a pari of movie tickets and the idea that I should invite him to a movie. This should provide me with the opportunity to talk to him in private. So, I plucked up the courage and asked if he would like to catch up with a movie and to my surprise, he agreed. I am praying that God will just bless me to say the right things at the right time in the right way. The thought that people are using religion for their own interest really pisses me off!

I also realized that I have been very very busy lately and everyday of my schedule has been filled with meetings and appointments (and some of these appointments actually clash with one another). Starting to really feel tired and bad about rejecting friends each time they wanted to meet up with me. Have recently made a decision to just do something for myself and I pulled out from 2 portfolios I was holding outside of work... I just wasn't coping and needed some rest.