In Faith, I Trust

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On Faith
"How do you trust something which you do not see?" asked a friend's sister, who I was sharing Christ with yesterday... It is really something I cannot explain... somehow, over the months, I have been convinced that there is a God and that He is at work in my life (my this very blog is the very testimony of that). Of course, my journey has not been one which has been very dramatic but I have continued to see how God has worked in many small ways, blessing me... It was a sharp contrast to when I had went into spiritual desert after my baptism, a whole 15 years.

Faith = Dangerous?
Actually, I have been thinking about this for a very long time... faith is indeed a dangerous thing and of course, faith in the wrong things can destroy you, just like how some people have used faith and religion to deceive many, e.g. in cults. Thus, I can understand why sometime people remain cautious about religions; because it puts you in such a vulnerable position that you can be used by people. But, to me, it seems almost clear to me that as long as your faith has been placed and focused on something which is undeniably true, it is no issue. People becomes vulnerable when their faith is placed on shakeable and fallible things, like humans, who have the power to sin and destroy, who have the power to be corrupt in mind and yield to the devil and exploit others for their own good. It is after all, normal, since the time when Satan tempted Eve to go against God and Satan will continue to go about destroying that very thing that is precious to God. But not the faith between yourself and God. Which is sometimes why I tend to frown upon people who focus too much on the songs and pastors of a church, so much more even more than God. There is a tendency to be vulnerable because we can never know when man becomes fallible. Pastors, sermons and worship sessions are meant to be a time to bring us in closer communion with God and the focus should all still be on God.

Faith and Fear
OK, why have I digressed? My initial intention was to come in to type a short thanksgiving to God for guiding the cell group discussion session but somehow, it got me thinking about faith. I guess, this period, my struggle seems to be that of faith... I mean, things haven't been smooth flowing for me and I have not always trusted God (see the time my faith was tested when by the movie, The Da Vinci Code)... I had my moments of doubt and as I was being called to become a cell leader recently, my faith is again put to the test... I relied much on my own strength and had always lamented that I could not feel God in my life... How to when I refused to let go... One thing that I always remember is that faith and fear goes hand-in-hand; when fear dominates us, it is often faith is low but when we live in faith that God is in control, we fear less (not become fearless).

I known this very well but still struggle to let go and let God. I have experienced how He has come to touch a cell group discussion I have first led a few weeks ago but yet relied on my strength in subsequent meetings I facilitated. But yesterday, I let go and let God. I did all I could, preparing for the meeting yesterday but prayer fervently that God will come forth and bless the meeting. Just before leaving for my cell group, my colleague came to encourage me with a verse from Philippians 4:6-7:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Thanksgiving
The result: well, for one, I felt less anxious throughout the week (initally, I could not even sleep well during the week when I led cell). Then, at the cell group itself, I was asked by my cell group leader if I could take over the whole cell instead because she was exhausted. To my surprise, I did not lament and make noise (I usually would); there seems to be that little bit of calmness that reassured me that I could do it. Well, the cell group went relatively well and for once, I still not stammer and led the group from beginning till end... somehow, I was also not at a loss for words. For once in a very long time, I also became less anxious about praying and once again, I was made to realise that in prayer, it is not the words that matter but the communion with God. It is only when I focused on God that words came naturally into prayer as I prayed yesterday; no more thinking way in advance how to pray or what to say. In addition, I also became less uptight when talking to people and for once, in a very long time, I was able to connect with people, talking to them about their spiritual walk and praying for them... Although the experience yesterday wasn't as strong as the cell discussion I led a few weeks ago, I nonetheless felt the peace of God with me and thank and praise God for ministering through me... I do not know how long more I can maintain this faith over my fears but then I am reminded:

2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

In fact, I thank God for speaking to me as I was preparing for cell and for giving me the inspiration for an activity to ask everyone to draw a timeline from the time they known Christ till now, to indicate the defining moments in their walk... I do not know how much that ministered to them but I was frankly real happy when I saw many talking and sharing about their walk with one another in their small groups... For me, it made me realise how real God is and how He has worked in my life... it is a good exercise to do once in a long while to remind us abut our walk with God.

Never would I have Imagined...
God has helped me to grow in many ways I would not have thought possible. Never would I have imagine that I would one day work in a Christian organization, never would I have imagined I would be seriously studying the bible, never would I have thought that I would be called to be a cell leader, never would I have imagine that I would be able to pray in front of others, never would I have imagined that God will use me in my life to speak to people and to minister to them, to say the right things at the right time.

Anyway, some updates on my personal life... I am getting a bit worried about my health (not my size) and so, I have started to be regular in my jogging regime after work every Monday and Thursday... Just last Thursday, I was able to job for 2.8km none-stop and although it is not a very long distance, it was still a feat for me to accomplish it without stopping. Was so tempted to stop so many times along the way but pushed on... Me and two of my colleagues also made a pact to start eating soupy stuff for as long as we can, whenever we have the choice... let's see how this will go. I have also visited sister Jane yesterday and I can see that she is still in pain. In fact, when we arrived at her house, she said that she is in a bad state and could not take visitors... Anyway, her family has started to give in to her request for certain kinds of food e.g. ice-cream... think everyone knows she is slowly slipping away so everyone is trying their best to make it easy for sister Jane...

I was looking at Friendster recently and am quite curious... As I was looking through my testimonials given by others... I wondered how I have changed and whether I am still the same old codfishy?