When Saying Goodbye is Difficult

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I had actually come to a decision recently to put off blogging for a while because I found that I was kind of spiraling downwards in my entries. Also, I was finding it a little difficult relating to others, maybe because I was spending too much time with my "confidante blog" that I forgot how to interact with others.

Anyway, it was getting kind of tiring maintaining a blog amidst my hectic life schedule, so as I chose to step down from a lot of my external commitments, so did I decide to stay away a bit from my blog for the time being. But today, I just felt an impulse to blog after visiting a friend who has decided to return to the Lord and give up on her fight with cancer.

Over the past few days, quite a few colleagues from my department were feeling a little down. There was literally grief in the air and people are just not as chirpy as they used to be. We had recently learnt that a fellow friend and sister-in-christ (who used to work in our department before my time), has decided to give up on her fight with cancer, after 3 long years. It was getting far too painful for her now as the cancer cells has spread to her bone.

Sister Jane came across to me as a person who is ever so chirpy despite her condition. When I saw her the first time, I would not have guessed that she has been inflicted with cancer because she was all chirpy, cheerful and always so smiley. She was strong and fought the illness. By God's grace, she has lasted 3 long years, which I was told was a record for her illness.

I cannot forget how recently we had met up for a new year gathering and she treated me to half a packet of seaweed which she has brought with her. I remember that as we departed from the new year gathering, she mentioned that her leg was hurting, only to find out days later that the cells have spread to her legs. She had recently decided that she will no longer fight the illness and had wanted to return to our heavenly Father. She even called our office to say goodbye to one of my colleagues. Now that must have been tough for my colleague because to have someone say goodbye to you over the phone is definitely not an easy thing to endure.

Anyway, me and my colleagues decided to visit her today in her home and we were going to sing her some worship songs, because she did say she loves listening to others sing worship songs. When I saw her today, she looked so frail but yet tried to stay cheerful. As we sang the songs we prepared for her, some teared at the thought that they are going to lose a friend. But all these while, she remained calm and tried to prop herself up to hear us sing. It was like she is filled with peace from God, knowing that she will be going away soon to meet our Father.

I don't understand, I just don't understand. Despite not being very close to her, it really pains me to see her like that... At several points while singing the song, I teared and to a certain extent, couldn't bear to say goodbye to this brave friend. We sang three songs but one song kept staying with me and I guess this will be so for a long time to come... everytime I sing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus", I would be reminded of this solemn scene when we gathered around our dear friend's bed to sing for her as we prepare to say goodbye.

Everyone really could hold their tears no more when another colleague came and hugged her and both of them started to sob. It was a heart wrenching sight and I couldn't help myself from crying either. But sister Jane did try to liven up everyone when she eventually joked that she will stand at the gates of heaven to ask for them to leave a space for a fellow colleague who has recently accepted Christ. When that colleague joked that she wanted to see handsome angels, sister Jane smiled and said angels have no gender :)

As we prepared to say our goodbyes and make our way home, she hugged everyone. She also wanted to hug me, calling me "fat codfishy"... I was dumbfounded because firstly, she remembers me despite only meeting her a few times and I was also lost and didn't know what to do (I seldom hug people). I nearly burst out in tears.

Sister Jane, I wish you all the best and may God continue to be with you to lessen your pain. I promise you that when I next see you in heaven, I will be a slimmer codfishy :) Take care!



Thinking of Sister Jane and how she has lasted so long, I am reminded that God is indeed mighty to save. I was recently ministered by this song but somehow did not have the chance to blog about it.



I continue to pray for all my loved ones and hope that they will be saved soon and also walk closer to God.

Meanwhile, I am still struggling with cell leadership and also terribly concerned about my upcoming mission trip. It haven't been easy but please do pray for me. Thanks.