Torn Apart

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Somehow, was awakened early this morning at 6.30am (surprisingly earlier than my normal days). Laid on my back, enjoying every moment of my "new-found freedom" since I am no longer employed... told myself that I will want to take things easily from henceforth and give myself a lot of rest during these couple of weeks.

Received a sms from my colleague who just woke up and she was responding to my sms sent last night. Mentioned that the office will no longer be the same again and asked me to take good care of myself, saying that she is tearing while typing the sms. Somehow, this sms had affected me and I could not get back to sleep, so I switched on my laptop and decided to create a photo slideshow with photos we had taken together as a parting gift for my colleague. However, as I reviewed the slide show with the song "Remember me this way"... I can't help but ask myself: "how did things turn out this way?" As the slideshow went on, I can't help but started to grieve the loss of bond with my colleague...

Remember Me This Way
Jordan Hill 
From Album : Casper Motion Picture Soundtrack

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down

Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found

I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way 

Got out of bed at 8am and started to prep for the day. Even though I am unemployed, I had to go meet one of my management committee members to discuss some work... After the meeting, I made my way back to office and gave my ex-colleagues there a pleasant surprise :D (they never expected that I would go back office today).

Anyway, throughout the day, I continue to receive sms from that friend who sms-ed me a few days ago that he is "beginning to hate me". He asked me out for dinner, however I am not prepared to meet him as I felt there is no need to anymore, I just want to move on... the sms exchanges went on a couple of times through the day and I kept mentioning that I am not able to meet him as I had prior appointments made in the evening and am not comfortable to meet him. Came back home at the end of the day, dead tired and fell asleep soon after. Woke up shortly after to find that he had came by my house and waited for me for dinner but left not long after when there was no sight of me... mentioned in a sms sent soon after that I wasted his "time, petrol and emotion". Do not know how to respond to that message... Maybe there is no need to...

Anyway, my evening was ruined totally by my acting head yet again... was in a mid-autumn festival celebrations when I received news that my acting head was very upset when she found out that I am being paid "honorarium" for the extra work I am doing now, without her acknowledgement. Of course she did not confront me directly but seemed to have confronted the committee member I met this morning. Not again. Just end of last year, a conflict had resulted between me and my colleague, this committee member and the acting head which has caused much tension between the 4 of us and started things going downhill, resulting in my resignation. This time again, she has done it yet again...

Well maybe I should not have told my colleague that I will be paid honorarium for the work that I am now doing. It is because of this that she accidentally told my acting head who became so upset that she confronted the committee member who offered to pay me... He ultimately called me to say that things are fine (which was how I eventually found out about this). However, this "saga" has caused a few people to feel bad... I feel bad that I told my colleague about the honorarium and put my committee member in a spot... my colleague felt bad for causing this saga... I am indeed affected, though not as much as before since I do not have to face my acting boss again.

I really do not know how to feel towards my colleague. On one hand, I grief our parting but on the other hand, I am affected by her telling my acting head about the honorarium and upsetting everyone in the process. Well on hindsight, maybe I should not blame her as she did not know my acting head knew nothing of this arrangement and she had to deal directly with my acting head's strong reactions.

Torn Apart by heartkiss