Have I Really Achieved Anything?
I felt a great sense of achievement this week but have I really achieved anything at all?
My two buns were still intact
I managed to succeed in my first ever fast. OK, did cheat a bit and drank some water but managed to not touch food from the time I started work at 8.30am till 10.30pm when cell ended. I have fought off all temptation through the day to eat; at least I passed the test of perseverance. By evening, I was really so hungry that it became difficult to continue with the fast but I pressed on nonetheless.Did I tell you how food seems so colourful when you are hungry? Went with my colleagues to Junction 8 for lunch today and they ate Yoshinoya... instead of eating, I drank a cup of green tea. Throughout the whole time, I can't help but notice how colourful the food looked... bright green broccoli, bright orange carrot "coins" together with white white rice and golden brown fried chicken or fish... *stomach growls*
The culprit!
Then they proceeded to Secret Recipe next door which was jammed-packed with people buying their cheesecakes (there was this one-for-one offer in October). There was this queue because people were literally buying boxes of cakes to take advantage of the offer. And you know what?! My friend was just buying 2 slices of cake but we had to wait because people before us bought boxes of cake... so I ended up standing ther admiring the cakes... *stomach growl growl*
Accused number 2 and 3
Anyway, so proud of myself that I managed to survive through it all and out of the 3 mini-buns I bought in the morning (1 of which I ate before going to work at 8.30am), the last 2 remained intact through the day until the evening when it was offered to another cell mate who was hungry.
Eventually, broke fast at 10.30pm. Tell you, seems like I have not eaten for ages and have missed the taste of food... we are so blessed. In the end, I ate 1 fishball, a sandwich, 2 chicken wings and 1 "popiah" (spring roll). After that, my cell went to Chomp Chomp for a feast to celebrate the breaking of fast, haha. We ate share 1 stingray, 20 sticks of satay, 2 chicken wings and a plate of carrot cake. Think we ate too much hor? My friend commented that it seemed like food for a week hahaha.
The "Systemic" Me @ Work
I noticed my strength seems to be in setting up systems and throughout the week, I had managed to read through quite a bit of the files in my office cupboard. Throughout the span of 1 week, I compiled my observations for my centre visits, drafted 2 new workflows for handling volunteer management, created several forms and template emails as well as thought through the structure for the new volunteer management system. All these while handling calls from public inquiring on volunteering, coordinating volunteer placements and projects etc. Think I acheieved quite a bit, for just being a 2-week old "baby" in this organization...
The Issue with Trust
Although I felt real good about myself by the time I left work to go to cell, this did not last long. I seemed to have achieved much in the area of work but not in the area of relationships. Today's cell was on building a lasting relationship (although targetted at couples, it still have many learning points for relationships in general). According to the speaker, a lasting relationship has 4 pillars:
In NS, I trusted my friends and got into trouble with the police, accusing me of car theft. We did nothing illegal just that they were smoking in NS uniform and I was standing next to them. The next moment, before I knew it, they forsaken me and ran away when they saw a patrol car, leaving me confused (why they ran away). Subsequently, the police thought that we behaved suspiciously and "interrogated" me. They had really got me into trouble! The police even called my Commanding Officer to tell him that they found me behaving suspiciously and was accused of possible car theft. Luckily my CO believed in me and laughed when he heard that. And that day happened to be the day I collected my "A" levels result so at school when I saw my "friends" again, they rebuked me for being "stupid and not run with them".
During my "industrial attachment", my fellow attachment mate complained to my supervisor that I copied her work and presented it as my own. I was really caught by surprise when my supervisor confronted me on this in front of my attachment mate. I think I may have offended her the day before because I was trying to combine both our research into a paper but then because we had problem putting them into a coherent document, I stupidly (but unintentionally) suggested putting those parts that could not fit into Annex. Of course I later found out that these parts happened to be her part but it was too late, she had taken offence. The next day, I was accused of "copying" her work. Sigh.
I guess these 2 incidents has caused me to not trust people that easily and now the recent incident involving my friend who I had doubts about. No wonder I always find it so difficult to survive in social situations; always find it difficult to warm up to strangers because I am afraid of being hurt again.
The Lesson
We were asked to take the parts of our relationships that needed healing into the hands of God and pray for healing... I guess that is so important because we always want control, want to have that sense of being in control and being able to achieve things on our own, we often forgot that we cannot handle everything and need to humble ourselves and trust in the grace of God. I am praying for healing for this friendship.
Eventually, broke fast at 10.30pm. Tell you, seems like I have not eaten for ages and have missed the taste of food... we are so blessed. In the end, I ate 1 fishball, a sandwich, 2 chicken wings and 1 "popiah" (spring roll). After that, my cell went to Chomp Chomp for a feast to celebrate the breaking of fast, haha. We ate share 1 stingray, 20 sticks of satay, 2 chicken wings and a plate of carrot cake. Think we ate too much hor? My friend commented that it seemed like food for a week hahaha.
The "Systemic" Me @ Work
I noticed my strength seems to be in setting up systems and throughout the week, I had managed to read through quite a bit of the files in my office cupboard. Throughout the span of 1 week, I compiled my observations for my centre visits, drafted 2 new workflows for handling volunteer management, created several forms and template emails as well as thought through the structure for the new volunteer management system. All these while handling calls from public inquiring on volunteering, coordinating volunteer placements and projects etc. Think I acheieved quite a bit, for just being a 2-week old "baby" in this organization...
The Issue with Trust
Although I felt real good about myself by the time I left work to go to cell, this did not last long. I seemed to have achieved much in the area of work but not in the area of relationships. Today's cell was on building a lasting relationship (although targetted at couples, it still have many learning points for relationships in general). According to the speaker, a lasting relationship has 4 pillars:
- Love
- Trust
- Honour
- Understanding
- Time
- Appreciation
- Commitment
- Spiritual Commitment
- Communication
- Conflict Resolution Skills
In NS, I trusted my friends and got into trouble with the police, accusing me of car theft. We did nothing illegal just that they were smoking in NS uniform and I was standing next to them. The next moment, before I knew it, they forsaken me and ran away when they saw a patrol car, leaving me confused (why they ran away). Subsequently, the police thought that we behaved suspiciously and "interrogated" me. They had really got me into trouble! The police even called my Commanding Officer to tell him that they found me behaving suspiciously and was accused of possible car theft. Luckily my CO believed in me and laughed when he heard that. And that day happened to be the day I collected my "A" levels result so at school when I saw my "friends" again, they rebuked me for being "stupid and not run with them".
During my "industrial attachment", my fellow attachment mate complained to my supervisor that I copied her work and presented it as my own. I was really caught by surprise when my supervisor confronted me on this in front of my attachment mate. I think I may have offended her the day before because I was trying to combine both our research into a paper but then because we had problem putting them into a coherent document, I stupidly (but unintentionally) suggested putting those parts that could not fit into Annex. Of course I later found out that these parts happened to be her part but it was too late, she had taken offence. The next day, I was accused of "copying" her work. Sigh.
I guess these 2 incidents has caused me to not trust people that easily and now the recent incident involving my friend who I had doubts about. No wonder I always find it so difficult to survive in social situations; always find it difficult to warm up to strangers because I am afraid of being hurt again.
The Lesson
We were asked to take the parts of our relationships that needed healing into the hands of God and pray for healing... I guess that is so important because we always want control, want to have that sense of being in control and being able to achieve things on our own, we often forgot that we cannot handle everything and need to humble ourselves and trust in the grace of God. I am praying for healing for this friendship.
posted by me at 11:59 PM
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