A Long Long Week

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A Painful, Hungry and Worrying Week
Been a week since I last came into the blog... This week has seem to be very very long long, maybe because I am fasting and this is my virgin fast :D Colleagues do tell me I look a little tired and restless after lunch. Hahaha, and the most ultimate test came on Thursday when I went with my colleagues to Toa Payoh Lor 8 market for lunch and I sat there watching them eat and was surrounded by food stalls, hehehe. Am trying to remain disciplined as I go about my fast and pray for my cell, for myself, my family and my friends.

Then to make things worse, I got this bad backache on Thursday because I haven't been sleeping in the proper posture. Aiyoh, the pain was so excruciating it hurts whenever I moved, sneeze and coughed. But by today, it is a little better, thank God.

Then on Friday, I had to accompany my dad for a simple day surgery. He was going for his biopsy because of some lumps on his eyelids and the doctor worries that it might be cancerous. So I took leave on Friday to accompany my dad to surgery and as I spent the day with him, I have come to realise that I have not been a good son... somehow I know that his health hasn't been so good but then it seems that it finally hit me that he is down with so many illness, from heart disease to diabetes, high blood pressure, eye problem. Hopefully the lump is not cancerous. Doctor did also say that his kidney is not doing very well. I am concerned, very concerned and pray that he will be fine. Have recently read about this lady who died from excessive bleeding after delivering her twin children, so it is little wonder I also worry about my dad as well, despite it being a simple surgery.

And then, I was at a total loss as to how to cover this week's cell discussion on Jesus as the Messiah, right up to the moment I stepped into cell group. I thank God I am surviving in my fast, thank God that my backache is slowly going away, thank God that the surgery is OK and that cell went well.

Cell Group Discussion & Outreach, Spiritual Impact
Sometimes, God work in wonderful ways that it really surprises me.

First, I thank God for a cell group discussion that went well. Throughout the week, I had prepared materials to cover this week's topic but frankly, even as I stepped into my CG member's house, I was still at a loss how to cover the topic. Coupled with that, I just learnt in the morning that no one seems to have been arranged to do worship (which made me a little upset) and so I selected the song and led worship, acapella style. I mean, we don't need to have music to worship God right? No need to be too ritualistic here and what matters most is our heart for God. So early in the day, I was worrying for my dad' surgery, worrying for the night's cell group discussion, had this backache, running a little temperature and was told that there is no one to lead worship that night and when I finally reached my CG member's house, I realised there was only 6 of us. I really felt that my day could not be any worst.

But I am really glad that cell group discussion and worship turned out real well. As usual, I think I was being a little preachy and was sharing about what I have learnt from my bible reading until a member posed a question "how do we know that Jesus is our messiah and really died on the cross for our sins?" and this really got everyone participating. Frankly, I am not offended at all because I am more than happy that people are thinking about things and want to participate. How I hope every cell meeting will be like that. It was a wonderful discussion and I was ministered by the session and I hope my members too. In fact, we even ended on a good note with my members agreeing to be real with God and with one another, rather than being overtly nice and sometimes hypocritical. They also ended with reminding me that I can call on them when I need help for cell. Wow this is good news because I am so happy I am not alone in this cell doing everything myself and that members care enough to feel part of the cell and want to do something. I really thank God for blessing the time and also for ministering through me because many of the things I said I would never imagine myself to say but then it just made perfect sense!

I also thank God for opening opportunities for me to reach out to friends - two this week. Doors just opened and will share more in time to come. I also thank God for using me to spiritually impact someone from work. I had this colleague who had been having a hard time at work and was all upset. I myself had been shouted at over the phone because she was so frustrated. Then one day, I suddenly decided to send some bible verses through sms to my cell members and also my friends. She later smsed me to let me know that the verse ministered to her :) I thank God for that and realised that everytime bible verses are sent through sms, there will always be someone who would be ministered by it. I say this because I myself had been ministered to. In a similar way, I have also heard from friends how sometimes they were ministered to by bible verses sent through sms in the past. So lesson learnt: never underestimate the power of bible verses sent through sms to minister to people.

I also thank God for an opportunity to talk to a friend about Christianity. Apparently he had a bad experience with a friend who, according to him, was trying to use friendship as a condition to get him to go to church; that if he wants to meet her, he must visit her cell and/or church. I can actually understand how disappointed he felt because I don't quite feel that this is a right way of evangelism. Frankly, I was quite dumb-founded and did not know how to respond to him when he told me about this and asked "are all Christians like that?" Well, the answer is "no". Yes, I was dumbfounded, yes I was quite at a loss for words but then I thank God that the session did not turn out all that bad and I had the opportunity to clear something about Christianity. Contrary to what most people think, Christianity (although classified as a religion in Singapore for administrative purposes) is not a religion but more of a relationship with God, one focused on restoring man's relationship with God.

Things at Work
Well, things have been OK at work. Though it has been a long week at work, I thank God for guiding me through. I thank God for the things I was able to complete at work. I thank God I had been able to finish off a report I had been putting off for a long time now and also managed to download over 700 documents for my boss from a website hahaha, legally of course (we had legal access to these documents but just scratched our heads how to download all).

On Tuesday, I received quite an interesting email from a volunteer who needed me to certify his CIP hours for our flag day. What is interesting is the way he wrote the email, in a tone that was demanding me to certify his CIP hours and he even gave me a deadline. Then, at a later part, he also mentioned he wants to claim another two hours for "taking to trouble" to coordinate with school.

Actually, I am appreciative of what he has done for us, making the effort to coordinate with the school but there is just something that did not go down well with me: (i) it has been months since the flag day and you have only came back to me for CIP certification so many months later, (ii) you have asked me in a tone demanding me to give you the CIP points and even gave me a deadline, (iii) you demanded two additional hours of CIP hours, I mean how long does it take to tell the teacher about the project and he did not even provide details what he meant by coordination or even means for me to verify with any teacher, (iv) using the term "taking the trouble", which make it sound like I asked him to do it against his will and so I would need to give him the points. Really, I can understand that students may lack experience in dealing with external organisation but then somehow I do not know to laugh off this incident or to be angry. Hahaha, in the end, I did write him a polite email to say we will give him the hours due but then he would need to provide us with more information and also get a teacher to verify.

Then, at work, I am starting to received calls from Asiaworks volunteers wanting to volunteer with us. But then, something really made me suspicious of them because most of them want to work with children and keep pestering us to get them started real quickly. And some of them, when I tried to probe why they were in such a hurry, was not ready to volunteer their information that they are from Asiaworks. They would just say they are from a private leadership course. Personally, I am not comfortable with Asiaworks because I had been for their graduation before and was just uncomfortable with what I saw. They promised total transformation in just three days of course and most of them are transformed (but I question whether this is permanent). And I was persistently pestered again and again to sign up for the course, which by the way is very expensive. Did some research on the internet and realised that some people have mentioned that their family members behaving very weirdly after the course. Also know that before the course, they are asked to sign something which "forbids" them from sharing what is learnt in the course so not much information is available. I had friends who attended and according to both, they tear you down in the first two days so there will be lots of crying and then they will slowly build you up and there will be lots of hugging. One of them felt so uncomfortable she left the course halfway. Eeek! Sounds scary.

On Thursday, my department went to Bottle Tree Village to celebrate a colleague's birthday. Hehehe, nice place and it was a wonderful experience eating seafood by the sea as the sun sets. As the sun went down, there was this wonderful tapestry of orangy-red, it so beautiful (see photo on left). Good scenery, good food and good company, what else I can ask for :) Of course, I "pigged-out" after a whole day of fast. Was also touched when they brought out the cake, a "awfully chocolate" cake to celebrate my colleague and my birthday :)

The Struggle of Being Cell Leader
Had the opportunity to meet up with a fellow brother-in-christ for a simple chit-chat. He was being called to cell leadership at the same time as me but I have became cell leader first because my cell leader is leaving soon. It was a wonderful time of sharing and providing support to one another. Frankly, for those of you who think being cell leader is easy, think again. We have to face rejection, uncertainty, administrative duties from church, shepherding people while trying to handle your own problems and challenges, prepare for cell, making plans for cell and also being thick skinned enough to "care-front" people when they are not stable in their walk or even to reach out to new-comers, just to name a few. As we talked, we realised that we both have similar problems of sometimes feeling rejected, burdened for our members' walk, being introverted and also not confident in leading word discussion.

But I really thank God for the session and for using us to encourage each another on. As I reflect upon the last few months, I have realised how God has, in His ways, helped me to grow and has helped me manage my workload so I have time to plan for cell too. Through the weeks, I have also learnt:

• To focus on God and commit the cell into His hands, trusting that the Holy Spirit will work in partnership
• To not focus on attendance and be discouraged when it is a small turnout; that if God sends 5 or 50, we will minister to them
• Emphasis on shepherding but also on the members' personal responsibility for their own spiritual walk; there is only so much we as cell leaders can do. We can make the effort to talk to them, pray for them but then ultimately they have to want to respond. No point forcing someone to come to church when the heart is not ready because the Christian walk is about relationship with God above anything else
• To ask God to speak through ourselves and minister to the members and not so much us ministering to them
• Commit every cell preparation in prayer and the session to the Lord
• Focusing on prayer to help members build faith and to pray as a cell for one another
• Encouraging members to share about their walk and about life application rather than just the study of the word
• That cell should not be exclusive and inward looking so much so it becomes cliquish; cell is not a social group but a group for learning from the word of God, ministering to one another as well as reach out to minister and help others.
  

Oh by the way, I am starting to wonder if the girl I am taking a liking for is indeed the girl for me because sometimes we just don't have much to talk to one another about :) We have a lot to say through SMS but face-to-face seems different.

OK 1am liaoz! Have to sleep liaoz!