6 Pecs or United Nations?

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Blog-less Days
Haven't blogged for some time now and by now, I have a whole list of backdated blog entries not properly typed up and published as yet; all waiting in queue. Since I do not have access to my blog 24/7, I use keywords to capture what I wanna type in that entry and will return to it sometime later to finish typing it when I have the time... but these days I am so tired that I hardly have time to do so... open my blog, see the list of unpublished blog entries and then "sianz", close my blog and go back sleep... Maybe recently not much insights, observations and interesting encounters (Picture "Drawing" by spekulator)

Newfound Laziness
But then again, don't understand why I am so tired? My work has slowed down tremendously and I recently found myself to really be taking my time to do work to the extent I sometimes feel guilty. I don't understand this phenomenon... I don't seem to be doing as much work as I did in the past and tend to take things slowly. This may sound stupid but I am rather uncomfortable with my "newfound" laziness (Picture "Lazy Frog" by emagnus, haha looks like me).

Take last friday for example, I actually did not touch a single piece of work and just sat at my desk and just stoned for almost the whole day after typing my blog entry... Well maybe to make myself feel better, I did do a little research for some stuff I wanted to implement at work but I did this knowing I had other more pressing matters like interviews to conduct, referrals to make, emails to respond, reports to write etc; yet I chose to put all these pressing issues aside and did research. But then again, maybe I wasn't feeling the best last Friday with somethings on mind and feeling a little lousy and disappointed about my previous night's meeting with my friend who is in a cult.

But I am just so concerned; concerned that maybe I am just losing passion in what I am doing... I stay late at work lesser nowadays, have very little referrals, lesser calls and I have sufficient rest. But somehow I still feel tired. Nowadays, I even get happier when I have less volunteers to place... somethings not right right? Well, my colleague told me that probably I am just mentally tired... think so... I just have so many things on my mind for work and a few other projects I am involved in as a volunteer outside... I sometimes just can't wait to just leave everything behind and go for a looooonnnnggg getaway... (Picture "After an Exhausted Day of Work in the Office 1" by mmagallan)

Here's what my friend sent me...

Click on image for flash file Source: 123greetings.com

I Want 6-pecs? Nah...
Anyway, I just came back from a tour of a new gym and I must say that I was impressed by what I saw. Tried some of the machines and I can really feel the effect of the workout when working on those fitness machines in the gym. Anyway, I had initially agreed to go visit the new gym with a couple of my colleagues just to check it out since they were keen to consider membership with the gym. I kinda of made up my mind that I will not be joining as a member even before I went; just wanted to have an eye-opener and visit the gym. As you may have guessed, I was psychoed, not only once but twice to sign up as a member... quite surprised in the end I stood my ground and said "no" despite 2 other colleagues signing up for it (well to begin with the trainer wasn't very persistent I joined too).

"Imagine yourself with six pecks, wouldn't you want that?" Well, of course given the chance, of course I wanted to look good but then I am quite happy (though not extremely happy) with my current body... True, I don't have six pecks but one united nation; true I have an extremely high BMI and also fats equivalent to the weight of almost 3 bags of 10kg rice, but I gathered that my motivation wasn't there in the first place (when asked to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 on how much I wanted a good-looking body, I rated a "6.5). Anyway, the financial commitment is quite a bit too, $79 per month and in the end I will spend like almost $1000 on the package even though it is paid by installment. Hah, and they tried to also persuade me to go for a package with personal trainers which would mean another $70 odd added to the already hefty sum of $79. I can't imagine spending $140+ every month on gym. My family is not exactly well-to-do so I decided I will give it a miss (Picture "In the Gym 3" by Maffu).

I gathered that I need to be healthy but am in no hurry to sculpt my body into a manhunt-lookalike body, so I guess I will just opt for the cheaper alternative of jogging at the park behind my office every week. I did however felt bad that another male colleague decided not to go ahead with the membership because I opted out... he was hoping I can join in so there we can work out together and encourage each other... but in the end of the day, I guess I just could not manage such financial commitments and he himself made a decision to not join.

Always So Quiet and Boring
I am struggling with something and in recent times it became more unbearable... I have always felt that I have problem sustaining conversations with people... somehow I always find problems talking to people and problems sustaining conversations... somehow I also find myself being very soft-spoken and sometimes when I talk noone seems to hear me...

An age-old problem I have been having but then it kinda feel horrible especially recently. I am still nervous when talking to my colleagues and usually have nothing to say to them, despite having been here for almost a year now... I kinda envy people who can talk to anyone and their conversations always seems to be so light-hearted and fun... when people talk to me, it just seems like serious talk. The only time I seem to be able to talk to people is when we are talking serious business or when people share with me their problems. Yet, I find that I am able to "talk" to my hearing-impaired colleague rather easily. Quite confused. Talking just seems to be a chore nowadays especially since I have been placed in this job which requires me to meet and talk to people. I just yearn to connect to people...