Lost & Found, Lost Again?
Blessed but Different
Recently, I haven't been feeling very good... not physically as in I feel unwell but then it just feels different; everything just feels different...
There had been no major crisises in my life but it just feels not the same anymore... Everything still went on relatively well; for sure, I can see how God is still guiding me in my work. On normal days, it is normal to receive quite a number of calls and emails on volunteering which disrupts me from my work but during this period, with all the projects on hand, it is just amazing that some days, there are just no calls and emails at all... and I mean really zero. This allowed me to really concentrate and finish off my growing pile of outstanding work. But yet amidst all these blessings, I know I am no longer at peace with God.
Distancing from God
It seems that the Da Vinci Code has caused considerable damage in my faith. Somehow, on the internet while surfing about, I have also came across some webpages on Islam and Antichrist which nonetheless fuelled the damage (though not major ones). Later, came a time where I started to distance from God because I became so busy at work and also missed cell, staff devotions sessions and Sunday service because I went to work on projects, attend meetings and on vacation. (Picture "Desert Road" by switt)Staying with God
Just as there had been "forces" distancing me from God, in recent weeks, there had also been incidences that seemed to pull me back to God and also remind me of my calling (see here and here) yet again. Seriously, I haven't been very proactive about things and just somehow in recent months got lost in work and almost clean forgotten about it.
First came the Rick Warren dinner on the Purpose-Driven Life on 6 July. I went to the dinner with friends hoping that the dinner will be helpful for my friends and help them realize that God has a purpose for every life (and I thank God that they agreed to come) but in the end, it made me realized my calling yet again (and how I have yet to do much about it) and also how my priorities are placed on work yet again. Hours before the dinner, a friend who I invited to come called me to let me know that she has been ill for a few days and could not attend. In a frenzy, within three hours from the dinner, God brought the name of another friend into mind and I gave her a call. It was really great to hear her say "yes" to coming and even greater when she messaged me the next morning to tell me how the dinner has ministered to her and how she has decided to hang on, knowing God is with her.
And sermon that week of all topics had to be "Becoming an Outreaching Church", yet reminding me of the calling to reach out to people who have went far from God... backsliders and those in cults. In fact, for the following few weeks, sermons are on "Drawing Back to God", how timely for a person who is distancing from God this very moment. As I write down the names of people who I care for on the prayer card, I pray for God's blessing to be upon them and wish fervently for their salvation.
On 10 July, I was supposed to go to a school to do some judging for some competition involving student volunteers with 2 other colleagues from another centre. We ended a little earlier and went to a nearby cafe for a drink. It was just a simple chit-chat session which somehow turned into a conversation about reaching out to the misled e.g. those in cults. I was surprised how the chat eventually ended up in me asking whether there are ministries in Singapore working with backsliders and also those who are in cults and a call was eventually made to some pastor in some bible college... Three signs within five days... God, are you speaking to me? What is expected of me? I do not know where to start...
Sharing my Testimony; Affirming my Faith
In addition, God continue to send into my path people too share my testimony to and of course, in the process of sharing my testimony, I am reminded of God's grace for me... Over the next 11 days, God sent to me people I would least expect to share with me their personal struggles and gave me the opportunities to share my testimony. First was a friend who I have not met for years. This is a friend whom I known since primary school. One day, he contacted me over the internet and asked if we wanted to meet, mentioning how grateful he was for a treat I have given him a few years ago (though I really cannot remember) and told me no friend has ever done that for him. To cut a long story short, I eventually met up with him and get to understand that the last few years hasn't been easy for him, in fact since primary school (and I didn't know about it). I was surprised how the way was paved for me to share my testimony about how I came back to Christ; everything just fitted in nicely, one thing led to another and all the words just came at the right time... I later learnt that he is a Buddhist but wasn't resistant to the fact that I shared about my Christian faith. From this, I was reminded again of my encounter with Christ and learnt the lesson that God can send anyone anytime into your path to minister too... not much preparation is needed as God will bless the session. (Picture "Praying" by Blondie1)A few days ago, I crossed path with a part-timer and although I did not know her well (only got to exchange less than twenty words before this), our conversation ended up in she sharing with me her personal struggle in her faith. What began as a simple question "how are things for you so far?" turned into a deep sharing. I was thinking to myself that God seem to gave me a gifting for people to feel comfortable to share their trials and tribulations with me (despite not knowing them very well and me not knowing what to say most of the time). This has indeed happened several times so far. Again, to cut a long story short, she shared with me how recently she had also had some struggles in her spiritual life and God seem to have brought her to this very Christian organisation I am working in now where she has started to walk closer to God again. This paved the way for me to share my testimony seeing that we had similar struggles and how God has also paved the way and brought me to this organisation as well.
That very evening, I was tasked to facilitate a small group discussion in cell; something which I would normally not initiate to do since I am always so introverted so let alone lead a discussion. Anyway, the group discussion saw all 3 of us sharing how we came to know and accept Christ and this of course again gave me the opportunity to share my testimony. God has also blessed the discussion and while many other small groups finished their discussions relatively quickly, our group just went on sharing and discussing and the right words and questions at the right time although I did not prepare for it. I have to thank God for that. At the end of the discussion, we realized that God's love has always and will always be great for us (since God created us for a relationship with us; for Him to love us and for us to love Him). Nothing compares to His love for us because with so many people sinning against Him every minute, he could have just destroyed us off the face of the earth just as He had sent the great floods to wipe out all sinners in the story of Noah. Instead, He sent His only son, Jesus, to come to die on the cross for us, so we may be justified and cleansed of our sins to be with God again. So, His love for all Man has always been there, just that it became visible when one accepts Christ into his/her life with true repentence.
Everytime I relate my testimony, I am once again reminded of His grace and want to continue running the race as a child of God. As I look back at my blog, I realised that there had been ups and downs in my spiritually life. Maybe this is the life of a Christian; one which will continue to be filled with spiritual dryness, trials and temptations, as shown in the following video that I just found this morning:
Yes, we have been saved by His grace and we will remain saved because God's love is unconditional. But God wants us to be more than saved, we are ultimate accountable to Him for what we have done as His child just as the parable of talents in Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28 reminds us. The talent mentioned "means something very different today from what our Lord meant when He told this parable. The talent was the largest measurement of money in those days" (Source). Something for us as Christians to think about.
I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever
Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down. [Yeah!]
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever. [Repeat]
Oh, I feel like dancing -
it's foolishness I know;
but, when the world has seen the light,
they will dance with joy,
like we're dancing now.
posted by me at 8:12 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home