My Body on Strike

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"Stop, in the name of rest"
My body has decided to finally go on strike today; came down with fever and flu. This is rather surprising considering it was just a long weekend a few days ago and I was only back in office for just a day before I feel ill... Seriously, am beginning to feel the toll of work on me

But I just can't believe I let it happen to me again... was burnt out last year before I left my ex-workplace and now I let it happen to me yet again... sighhh, just don't seem to learn my lesson.

I still like my job but recently i feel I am getting "lazier" and I do start to dread to go to work on some days. Compared to the first few months at work, I seem to have relatively more to do then but somehow the pace has slowed down now... maybe my body and mind is telling me to slow down since I seem to be going in all directions everyday, with so many things on mind...

But I don't think it is the work that is the culprit since I am working relatively less hours nowadays compared to my ex-workplace; I force myself to finish work by 8pm latest and on most days I go home relatively on time. The real culprit: me thinking and worrying about the work all the time; my mind is forever ticking away and it becomes so difficult to stop... I can be thinking about work, projects and volunteers this moment and about my volunteer work with my association, personal matters at another moment...

Even today, I still keep thinking about work while I was at the doctor's; I had even thought of coming back to do a bit of work. Eventually, I struggled to force myself to rest and sleep and just do nothing... No wonder my body gave up on me... When I called this morning, my colleague "scolded" me for working nonstop... "See la, see la... told you don't work till so late, you don't listen".

OK OK, I get the message... will pace myself. Maybe I just need to impose "speed limits" on myself and pace myself. Need to keep reminding myself now that I had recently joined a taskgroup for media relations & publicity with my professional association and another committee for a recrutiment & programmes for a new association for volunteer managers.

Work Satisfaction
But sometimes, the hard work pays off and it just gives me satisfaction knowing that a piece of work is well done. Guess that is what I can't let go of; the work statisfaction, which explains why I am a workaholic.

Just 2 days ago, my boss told me that someone had suggested I be seconded back to my ex-workplace to help out. Of course my boss didn't agree and I wasn't comfortable with that as well since I will most probably get myself into more trouble and will most probably not be able to cope on both sides.

Yesterday, a friend from the committee contacted me and again wanted to sound me out to see if there is any chance of me going back to help, either as a full-time staff or as a committee member. I told her frankly that I am not ready for it because it will just not be fair to my current organization and my boss. Moreover, it won't look good on my resume since I seldom stay more than 1.5 years in an organization. Didn't really consider joining the committee as well since I have some emotional buggage that I had brought along with me after I left the workplace; I just wasn't ready to work with some of these people again. I did however affirmed my support to them and mentioned that I will help "behind -the-scenes" in all ways I can. I too want to do my part for my profession. All these just show that my work is at least appreciated (although a bit too late) and I can be at peace with myself that I have did my best.

Back in my current organization, I had someone who had seen a piece of work I had done recently and commended me through email, saying that it is impressive and I that I seriously deserve a raise but not without also asking me "which planet I came from?". Well, OK, that felt good but seriously I have to think whether it is really worth it if eventually I burn out again... anyway, don't really want all these praising to get in my head and start being complacent...