I am in Love!

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The night ended yesterday relatively in a bad note, with me feeling heart-wrenched after having recollected on the series of events leading to the souring of a friendship.

Feeling Victimized
As I made my way to church for service this morning, I tuned into my regular chinese radio station. They played the regular pop songs; some of which are "sad-sad" songs relating to emotional struggles that people face when in relationships. I had liked listening to such songs especially when I am down because somehow you can relate to the lyrics; I remembered listening to some of these songs during the time I experienced difficulty in my friendship. Looking back, this almost seemed like "wallowing in self-pity" and it since the songs was mainly on emotional struggles, it is no wonder one can sometimes feel victimized and spiral downwards. As the train pulled over in each station, I just felt more and more heart-wrenched...

Falling in Love
However, things took a change for the better at service. For the first time, I felt overwhelming love for God while I sang the worship songs for today... songs which has reminded me how I was reborned and saved by His grace at a time when I was most down... I felt such great appreciation that I wanted to proclaim my love for God, several times, almost tearing (and almost fell to my knees)... I was in love and I was in an eternal relationship with God... I am once again reminded that despite my relationship with my friend soured, I should still keep in mind my relationship with God; a relationship in which He is faithful to me but I have been constantly been failing him again and again. I felt love for God and I felt loved...

Worship Songs

How Could I Live
Hillsong United

How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free

Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and die
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life

For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
Noone else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You

It's All About Jesus
Planet Shakers

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way he changed our lives
It's all about Jesus
The power of his blood can't be denied
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the convenant he made
It's all about Jesus
Victorious he rose up from the grave

We lift our hearts to him
He is the reason that we sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
We praise your name

It's all about Jesus
It's all about the way he set us free
It's all about Jesus
Bearing all our sins at Calvary
It's all about Jesus
It's all about the gift of love he gave
It's all about Jesus
The precious lamb of God was slain

We lift our hearts to him
He is the reason that we sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name
We lift our hearts to him
He is the reason that we sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We praise your name

As the Deer

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship thee

You alone are my strength, my shield
To you alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship thee

Unto You
Planet Shakers

I live for You
All of my days belong to You
You draw me to
Your tenderness, You make me new
Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free in the
Grace that I found in You

Unto You
Be all Glory and Praise
How my heart seeks Your Face
As I'm waiting on You

Only You
Are my strength and my tower
Fill my life with Your Power
As I stand here in awe of You
I stand here in awe of You

Important Lessons from Sermon
Incidentally, today's sermon was on divorce and remarriage and although I am not going through a divorce, there are also important lessons which I have learnt from the sermon which could be applied in this instance... 2 particular verses were useful:

When in need, cry out to God (Hebrews 4:16):
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Ask for and offer forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31-2):
31.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32.Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

To this day, deep in my heart I am trying to offer forgiveness despite how hurt I had been. I guess that is all I can try to do at this point in time so that I can move on... At the end of service, there were continously call for people to come forth if we need prayer and I had wanted to go but hesitated... in the end, I did not manage to garner enough courage to go forth but myself prayed for God to guide me as I go for the wedding next week and meet this friend whom I had fallen out with; praying that I know how to behave in front of him.