Of Scares and Irrationalities

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Today had been a long long day. My list to to-dos is getting so long that I am kind of afraid of going back to work. Then, in the morning, I received news from my dad that the doctor has confirmed the diagnosis as Lymphoma. That basically set my mood for the day and I simply had no mood to work at all, despite tonnes and tonnes of work that needs to be done. (Picture "To do list... or not to do-lis" by urbaneye)

Then, later in the evening, I went to visit my dad in hospital and this time he told me that the doctor suspects that he either has Lymphoma or TB. What a scare he gave me! I am in a way, heaving a sigh of relief knowing that there is still hope and I am strongly praying that let it be TB since TB is not as life-threatening. Guess I lost my mind because my friend pointed out that I should be hoping it is neither rather than hoping it is TB. Well, guess I had been too prepared for the worst I was ready for either and other diagnosis just never crossed my mind. Yes, I am praying that it is nothing life-threatening. However, on one hand though I heave a sigh of relief that there is still hope, on the other hand I am rather annoyed about how I had been given a scare. My dad ah, sometimes can't really trust what he say one la, must double-check :) (Picture "Stethoscope" by alaasafei)

Also took the chance to meet up with a former cell member and as I made my way there, I was praying that it will not be an awkward meeting because I am not very close to this friend. However, somehow I had recently felt that maybe I should ask him out to just find out how he is getting along and also pass him his birthday gift, which is overdue for 5 months now. Anyway, I thank God everything went well and although there were times when there were a bit of silence, we talked majority of the time and for the first time, I could talk to him with confidence and much ease. I am really happy to see that he seemed settled down in a church and cell group now and he even has a girlfriend. Generally he seem happier and I wish him well, knowing that he is receiving spiritual nourishment somewhere. Dear Lord, I give thanks for how things have turned out. (Picture "New York Bagels 1" by woodsy)

Now, even though I had mentioned that I have literally have a new lease of life after the church retreat, I must admit that I still have a part of the old me still lingering around. I just realised that I am still as sensitive with relationships I value a lot. Since last Sunday, I had this bugging feeling that a friend was upset with me for not replying his message (yes, I can be rather irrational at times when it comes to valued relationships). Turned out everything is OK and I thank God for that. Recently, I also have this feeling that the "girl who I was starting to take a liking for" may also be upset with me because she seldom message anymore and when I do message, there is no response at all. On one hand, I tell myself that maybe she is busy but on the other hand, I also worry that maybe (i) she is upset with me about something or (ii) maybe she does not have an interest in me at all and has realised that I am starting to make a move, thus is starting to avoid me or (iii) she is no longer interested in me because I seem to not have indicated interest in the past. Whatever it is, I realised that this "ultra sensitive" part of me still remains. Guess relationships mean a lot to me and so I am always worrying about how the other person is feeling about me.

On a slightly positive note, my healthy lifestyle seems to be going on rather steadily. Well, haven't the chance to go jogging yet but then at least today, I managed to have soup Bak Chor mee and requested for no oil and more veggie, took a 20 mins fast walk home instead of taking the bus and covered 1.35km, took the stairs, did some kinesthetic exercises in the morning for 10 minutes before leaving for work. But then my weight is still the same. Nonethless, hope to keep at it :)
(Picture "A tale of orange shoes 3" by mooncat)