My Anger is Burning, Here's the Ultimatum!

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It's was as if God has given an ultimatum...

Last week, as I shared about my mission trip during my staff devotion, it became clearer to me how real God is, so much so I began to feel tears well up as I shared and sang the worship songs... I came to realization that God is ever-present and how we should not go around looking for isolated dramatic experiences of Him because He can be experienced everyday. Then, this week, I felt distant from him because I had taken his grace for granted.

Last week, I was all happy with all the good news and blessings I received and I gave thanks for all of them. But this week, I felt more burdened and empty, literally empty inside me, as if God has departed from my life. In the past few days, I have felt so much burdened... burdened when I see my friends and cell members drifting away from church and cell, burdened when I heard about my friend going through a divorce, burdened when my volunteer called to say he has suicide intent again, burdened when I read the news about Jung being arrested; again feeling burdened about my friend in the cult and burdened whether I should inform the press that JMS is also operating in Singapore... on one hand, do not want to invite more problems but on the other hand, I just can't let go knowing that more might get involved with the cult if I do not do anything.

This morning, my boss also came to me and told me that she read in the meeting minutes from my former organisation (she is an exco member there) that I was considering a job there. Thank God, I prepared her a couple of weeks back and shared with her how I am puzzled about the rumour that I am considering to go back to work there. We laughed about it and I thought the matter was over. Then later in the afternoon, she brought the minutes to show me what was written in the minutes about me agreeing to go back to consider the job offer. I really didn't know what to say and wonder why have they minuted it?! The fact that my boss showed me the minutes may mean that she is not really OK with the matter. "Cham" la! Die la!

Last week, I prepared for cell and was talking about the law of God and how He has given us His law because of His love for us and here I continue to take His grace for granted...

On Sunday, when Joshua was being preached at service and it was mentioned how God had pronounced judgment on the Canaanites who sinned by sending Joshua and the Israelites to wipe them all off... and then the chapter ending with Joshua asking for us to choose ourselves who we will serve and reaffirms that he and his household will serve the Lord... It is as if it was an ultimatum from God asking who I will serve, him or the devil? It seems that God is saying "Now that you have taken cell leadership, I expect more from you and will not tolerate you taking my grace for granted!"

The cost and empty feeling was too great to bear and from deep within me, I cried out and prostrate at the face of the Lord in repentance and asking for forgiveness...

I think I now understand why some people say, you won't know what you are losing till you lose it... just in this case, I was at risk of losing having God in my life when his anger "burnt against me" for taking his grace for granted...