Still Pressing On...

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I am really struggling to come in to blog... there is a part of me that wants to blog because it chronicles my walk with the Lord and also helps me reflect on life so far but then on the other hand, maybe because I do not have time and really feel exhausted by the end of the day, so I will always put off blogging.

Anyway, just ended my aqua aerobics class yesterday and in a way, I am kind of relieved because it is one thing off my schedule. But then, frankly, I do feel the difference to my physical health going for aqua aerobics (some also say I look slimmer :D) but then since I am already paying for my gym, I might as well use the gym. Just went to work out for more than an hour last Tuesday and would say it was a good workout... Together with yesterday's aqua aerobics, I am feeling a bit better in terms of health, at least my abs feel tighter though sore now... put on a little weight the past few months, maybe because of my busy schedule and having put off going to the gym for a while. Also resumed started to put in more effort in doing my physiotherapy exercises in the morning, so guess maybe that's why my back doesn't hurt that much anymore... so happy I am walking about rather normally nowadays... for a period of time, was kind of thinking, will I be living with this pain for the rest of my life? Scary thought.

Pressing on...
Anyway, this week's the final lap... will be presenting my testimony to the church this weekend... I was very hesitant at first when I was asked to share my testimony for the "New Life Encounter" retreat I had last year. But then, having come to realise the restoration work that God has done in me and how He had blessed me... I just feel that I need to bless others as well; to encourage them to have their struggles addressed through the retreat. So I told God I am going forth in faith... but frankly, addressing the whole church of 2000-3000 is setting off a whole garden of butterflies in my stomach. And yesterday, I had rehearsal with KM and the feedback was that it sounded a little monotonous because I was reading from the script I have written. Frankly, I don't like reading from scripts because I know myself that I will sound monotonous but then thinking that I am going to be up there addressing so many people, I might just freeze if I don't have a script. Even though I had, on many occasions, delivered presentations without scripts, I just don't want what happened in secondary school to happen again. I remember joining the oratorical contest and I was supposed to speak on a topic for few minutes but thinking I can pull it off, I did my research and wrote down pointers. But when I went onto stage, I just froze and stuttered. But then yet again, I had my fair share of presenting to many people before without scripts and have made it. I don't know, maybe it is just the devil toying with my mind to make me all jittery about sharing my testimony since it will be going against what he is doing; helping people to free themselves from their bondages. I will press on.

Thank God for a Blessed Presentation
Work-wise, I thank God for blessing me so far. So much have gone well and everytime I think about how much has been achieved in my work ministry, I remember God's mercy and grace to me and how He had blessed my hand. Starting from last week, I was to be a speaker for one of the seminars on volunteer programme management. I thank God for guiding me through the preparation of the presentation slides and even the delivery. I was all nervous facing a whole room of close to 70 volunteer programme managers and management people but then surprisingly, I was able to share confidently and things just come to mind one after another to share and respond to people's queries. I thank God everything went so well that even during the sharing, another management person mentioned how it would have been wonderful to have me on their staff team and also how people approached me after the seminar to chat and another large organisation also mentioned how they would like to visit our organisation to study our volunteer programme. To me, the seminar was a tremendous success and it was a great morale booster to me. But then I am sharing all these not so much to boast because it comes to a point when I know that all these are not of me because I can see how God has blessed my hands through this ministry and things just fall in place nicely.

Leave or Not?
Then, recently, I have also received another job offer from a friend who is running a social service centre, asking me to consider helping him out in a job with volunteer programme management and also a bit of direct social work. Frankly, I was a bit thrilled knowing that there is a bit of direct social work practice, though I am not sure if I would do well, considering how people have been commenting that I seem to have a gifting in administration and systems. Though I was a bit excited with the job offer, I did come to realise that there are a lot of things that I cannot let go here... It is here where God has called me, it is here where God has blessed my hands, it is here that God blessed me with wonderfully nice and genuine colleagues, it is here where I have grew spiritually tremendously, it is here where I see my passion and skills meet.

Relieved...
CCA-wise, I felt I need to be "relieved" some of my external commitments with the new relationship; it was just too difficult to cope with so many things on hand and just not fair for my partner. Anyway, I needed time to also spend on ministry with my cell members. Anyway, last week handed over my portfolio in my professional association and I felt so relieved. For the first time, I was able to confidently chair the whole meeting and was even delegated jobs (for the last time). And, it was amazing how the chairperson taking over from me shared how he heard from the Lord about taking over the portfolio. Maybe the Lord has raised someone up so now I can spend time on my ministry and relationship.

God Spoke...
God also spoken a lot through the last weekend. On Saturday, I was to work on the cell plan for 2009 with KM and as I did my devotion that Saturday, I was reading scriptures from John 3:1-21, 1 Chronicles 12 and Zechariah 2. 1 Chronicles 12 spoke about how God blessed David with warriors and the right people to establish his kingdom while Zechariah 2 spoke about growth as God gathers His people... With cell planning in hand, could it be a promise from the Lord about my ministry? I just told the Lord that I will just go ahead and do what I can and leave the rest into His hands. Then, I remembered being all willful again on Sunday and felt that I grieved the Lord again. I remember "battering" myself for grieving the Lord and wondering how can I, a leader, continue to grieve the Lord as such. But as I read from the devotion from that day, the verses from John 5:1-18 spoke about how God healed someone at the pool and later said "Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you."... it was like a warning call...

Pass It On

Sang this song during staff devotion last week. Brings back memories and now that I came back to the Lord, it just feels different listening to this song and understanding the meaning of it all.

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That's how it is with God's Love,
Once you've experienced it,
You spread the love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

What a wonderous time is spring,
When all the trees are budding
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming;
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend
This happiness that I've found;
You can depend on Him
It matters not where you're bound,
I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want the world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on.

I'll shout it from the mountain top
I want the world to know
The Lord of love has come to me
I want to pass it on.