Feeling Like Running Away

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People who knows me well know I can't ___ (hint: bxxx).

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It's Been Donkey Years

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It has been donkey years since I last came in to blog, to the extent I am really finding it hard to get the momentum started again. But anyway, here goes...

Many things have happened in the last one month... one of the most significant things of course is that I am now officially attached. I thank God for blessing me with this relationship and for showing me how I can still accept and show love to people... although the last one month has not been easy with its challenges of attending to others' responses to the new relationship, I can see how God is working in each and every of the circumstances, some clearly God's work because the right things just happen at the right time.

Over the last month, I have also had to bid farewell to my colleague who had been helping me with volunteer management and right at this point in time, I am getting the full blast of work back again until a time another colleague comes back in to help me with my workload. But frankly, nothing much really nowadays... not sure... nowadays, I get rather tired easily and my memory is failing and my leg is killing me because of my slipdisc... But I thank God work has been tolerable but then sometimes I start to wonder where I am going in my work ministry... over the last few weeks, I have heard a sermon about how we sometimes have to leave our comfort zone and following that sermon, someone came to ask if I was interested in a job. Today, there was another offer... It kind of make me wonder so where am I going from here? I like my job here in my current place but then things are getting quite mundane and the satisfaction is not as strong as in the past... my motivation and passion has also dropped... not sure if I am tired with too many things happening in my life. But then, one thing is that I don't think I am ready to leave because this place has helped me to grow spiritually so much and the people here are wonderful... anyway, just a fleeting thought.

Then, recently, the sister-in-christ who made me lose my cool started contacted me again and started to ask me about others again. Then, when I replied to her that I would rather prefer not to answer questions about others, she sent me a long SMS scolding me and saying I am very cruel and how if the other person dies and she will not get to know how they are doing. Well, I am not so affected by her because I know her condition and felt I am not obliged to tell her everything because I respect the others' privacy...

Spiritually, I thank God for guiding me through thus far. Two weeks ago, I went to cell and was to have 8 newcomers from the tertiary congregation visit and I was nervous like crazy... In fact, moments before cell started, I did not even know how I was to lead the discussion for the sermon that week. But things flowed and people shared (despite being the first time in the cell). I just thank God for working through this cell and for continuing to bring people to this cell to be ministered to.

I was also recently asked to present my testimony to my church for the retreat I attended last year. I hesitated because it is to be presented to the whole congregation of more than, I think, a thousand over people and that is nerve-wrecking for an introvert like me... but then, I felt something in my heart which told me I needed to step forth to help encourage those who need healing to come for the retreat. I had been blessed by God and hope to step forth in faith to bless others as God has blessed me... So I thank God that I am also able to pen my testimony and submit it yesterday after weeks and weeks of brain freeze not knowing what to write. So I invite prayers for spiritual covering over me during these few weeks before I present my testimony.

In addition, I am also so glad to see a colleague of mine growing in faith. She had recently accepted Christ and is growing strongly despite having come from a Soka family background and still churhc visiting. Last week, I was so thrilled when she offered to join in to lead Tuesday devotion as well, yippee!

OK, frankly, I am a little tired now... I am tired because of all the challenges I have faced in my new relationship, I am a little tired sometimes trying to adapt in the relationship as we get to know one another and navigate through conflicts, I am tired with my current health condition (always pain pain here pain pain there), I am tired with my external commitments (I think I might need to do something about it soon), I am tired with ministry having to worry for people and what to do next, I am tired that my relationship with my sister recently seems to have hit rock-bottom and she seem so cold to me, I am tired of trying to make it up to her and yet she is still cold, I am tired trying to balance my work, relationship and external meetings, I am tired of going through spiritual attacks sometimes, I am tired at work... and I think it is showing up in my memory lapses and also in my health status... But I still trust God because I have seen Him deliver me time and time again in the past.

OK, enough for now...