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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Thursday, December 27, 2007

 

My S$160 Getaway

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Just came back from a one-day getaway to Batam with a friend; the same friend who I went with for a spiritual retreat in September. But this time, we decided to go back to Batam for a leisure trip, to just shop and eat, shop and eat :) I would say that this time, it was a rather memorable trip with many light-hearted and interesting moments, including:
  • how we always get so confused with the local currency because everything costs thousands and thousands of dollars; we always struggle with their notes and several times, we gave the wrong notes.

    Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Indonesian_Rupiah.jpg

  • how we went around with our limited knowledge of bahasa and trying to guess meaning of words... but in the end, we learnt important words like sapi (beef), cumi (sotong), gratis (free) etc :)
  • how my friend always get stopped by this group of men in Mega Mall trying to promote their hand cream (the same thing happened in September when we visited Mega Mall) and we just laughed about it when they approached my friend again
  • how we drank Ades water :)
  • how we realised that they were playing the song "One Way Jesus" over the PA in the supermarket and boy did we wonder (with glee and amazement) how they are so liberal in a muslim country :)
  • how we managed to order food (using our broken bahasa and pointing) when we ate at local coffee shops despite our lack of mastery of bahasa indonesian
I also thank God for the trip going well even though I had nightmare about cell on Wednesday night:
  • the rest I have got during the trip (and even the time to just sit back and catch some old SBC serial on channel 8 and have fun reminiscing old serials and talking about how different the artistes look)
  • For a patient travel-mate who is so patient and who beared with my "blur-ness"
  • that no conflicts happened between me and my friend
  • that we went and came back safe, without any incidences e.g. robbery, being cheated etc
  • that we managed to find cheap transport (about Rp 40,000 or S$6 per trip) to bring us from place to place
  • that we did not get lost and managed to find our way around the area rather easily
  • that we did not suffer from diarrhea or food poisoning even as we were daring enough to go into a local food place to try the food
  • for an interesting dining experience at local food places despite not knowing how to speak bahasa indonesian. However, in the end, we managed to try interesting local cuisine like batagor (yum, it's really nice). Batagor is actually BAso TAhu GOReng (literally means, fried meatballs & beancurd) is made from blended fish and beancurd, with a special peanut sauce. It resembles our Gado Gado but I think the guy who took our order might wonder what we were talking about since "Gado" in malay seems to mean "quarrel" :)

    Source: http://flickr.com/photos/tya/260383020/ and http://www.photoblog.com/dapurku/2007/04/22/batagor.html

  • got the chance to taste A&W waffers and root beer float (boy do I miss A&W)

  • managed to find a Christian CD shop (Pondok Pujian, in Mega Mall) which was really very well-organised and there are sample CDs for all their CDs and listening stations to listen to the sample CDs. Each single CD seems to cost (Rp 75,000 or about S$11.90) and the staff were really friendly though they did not know much English.
OK here's the breakdown of my S$160 getaway to Batam:
  • Hotel Accomodations @ Mercure Batam (S$30)
  • Ferry (S$35)
  • Taxi fares (ferry terminal-hotel, Nagoya Hill Shopping Centre-Hotel and hotel-ferry terminal) (S$8)
  • 4 meals @ local eatery Nusantara, Godiva Cafe and A&W (S$16)
  • 6 AA batteries (S$3)
  • Messenger Bag (75% discount @ S$3)
  • Dessert (S$2)
  • 2 dozens JCo Donuts (S$14) (love these donuts because they are so soft!)


    Source: http://www.jcodonuts.com/
  • Brownie (S$4)
  • Massage (S$16)
  • 2 +1 free bottle of hair wax (S$4)
  • 2 boxes of cereals (S$7)
  • 2 worship CDs (S$20)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

 

My Holiday Break so far...

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Just within a few days, 2007 will be coming to an end and frankly, I do kind of look forward to it... though things will still remain the same, there is just this hope that with a new year, I can put some things behind me and forget about all about it while bringing with me the good memories into the new year.

This past year hasn't been easy, particularly with cell ministry, then I had my dad's health condition and many
other unforgiveness issues, then my health also was a bit affected. Even though I am already on leave from last Wednesday, its not as restful as I though it would be, maybe because it is the pain in the leg, maybe it is because of my worry about cell ministry, maybe it is because of the unforgiveness I have harboured for a few loved ones... all these just made the past few days a little melancholy. I have come to a stage I do not know what is wrong, especially for cell ministry; it had been a rough year for cell ministry and it was time of crying out, time of being angry with God, time of giving up, yet time of being encouraged, time of seeing God work, time of deciding want to hang on and be positive only to have doubts again. I am frankly just hoping that 2008 will be a better year.

On Sunday, I went to my uncle's
cremation and although I was not close to him, I just found myself being all so angry with a loved one; being angry that this person forever do not seem to get her priorities right, always putting other things first instead of her loved ones. Then, when you finally loses a loved one, why bother to cry? Why hurt other people and then come to cry when the person is no longer around? Frankly, I detest this person's behaviour but yet she is a loved one and I care for her too and sometimes feel horrible having to feel this way. Sometimes, I ask God why He put this person in my life?

This ill feeling just carried over to Christmas and I think this season, I am lamenting to God about all the things that went wrong in my life and was crying out "not fair!" to him... I remember going to church with a heavy heart. Deep inside me, I know it is supposed to be a joyous occasion since it reminds us of the birth of Christ our saviour but then I was just too preoccupied in my mind about all the things went wrong... my issue of unforgiveness for this loved one, my worry for cell ministry, my hurting leg... I remember going to church and not wanting to meet anyone because I just did not want to talk. Then later, after service, I went around to distribute gifts to my cell members. Then, the member who gave me a kick in my butt on MSN asked if I am going to lunch but I remember saying "no" because I just wanted to go home and rest and not talk to anyone. Anyway, I wasn't very comfortable going to lunch with him as well. The irony however, is that later, members from another cell group gathered together and asked me if I wanted to lunch with them and I went ahead. Boy, did I hope I have not joined them because that lunch gathering made me feel worse about my cell. Yes, this cell of seems to be struggling too but then as I sat there with them, I just can't help comparing my cell with their and lamenting about how my cell had turned out... that this cell is at least still gathering for lunch and how some even talk about organising outing etc. Frankly, I am jealous of my friend who is the cell leader but I know we both face different problems in cell leadership. Eventually, I did go for the dinner gathering with them yesterday and although I have had fun with them, especially with making "fried" ice-cream, I again can't help but think back about my cell.


But anyway, I still thank God for all the friends He had placed around me... amidst all these circumstances, I thank God for giving me friends. I thank God for reminding me that I have friends as I received Christmas greeting SMSes after SMSes, some from people who I have not kept in touch with for sometime. It's just good to be remembered. I also thank God for good friends who I spent time with on Christmas day. After service and the upsetting lunch, I went to join my friends who were tidying up their new home. Boy is it exciting having your own flat. I went to visit them and we just sat around and chit-chatted in their new flat. After that, we adjourned for a Bak Kut Teh dinner and movie at Balestier. We caught "I Am Legend", which kept my eyes closed for like about 10% of the show because it was real scary. I kinda like the movie because other than being one of those action-packed horror flick about how things went wrong and entire cities get wiped out, with man becoming these zombie-like creatures preying on the surviving humans..., it was also a show which sets me thinking:

One: about how humans need relationships in their lives... throughout the movie, you can feel the loneliness that Robert Neville (played by Will Smith) felt being the only survivor in his city; he placed mannequins around the places he frequented in the day just so he would not feel alone. You can even catch moments where he talked to the mannequins. (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)

Two: it showed about how some people can labour in love and pain but then they will never be appreciated by people who they want to help. In the movie, Robert Neville chose to stay in New York City in the hope of being able to find a cure for all the mutated humans. But then, at one of the final scene of confrontation between him and the mutated humans, you can see that despite what he is doing, the mutated humans just want him dead (kind of remind me of Christ). (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)

Lastly: which is something which I would not have expected in a horror flick like that, is the movie spoke to me about God and His purpose... there was a scene where Robert Nivelle and Anna (another survivor who came in much later) was talking about going to a colony of survivors but Robert kept insisting that there is no more colony. An argument ensued and Robert was talking about how God had not created all these but man had caused this unto themselves and Anna was telling him how she had heard from God to come here to him; "He has a plan," Anna says. "He sent me here for a reason." By the end of the movie, it was clear why she came... At one point, Anna even chided Robert by saying that "The world is quieter now. It's easier to hear God." Talking about purpose and God's calling. What a timing?! I had come to the show hoping to just watch a flick with my friends and relax (hmmm, on hindsight not a very appropriate genre of movie to relax with) but then ended up that there was this issue abut God and His calling... like what one of my colleagues say, "θ·‘δΈζŽ‰ηš„" or "I can't run away one". Sigh... (Photo from http://www.allmoviephoto.com)

Sunday, December 23, 2007

 

Is It Supposed to be So?

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I have just returned from my Area Overseer's Christmas party, something which he threw for all his 3 cell groups. It was great fun and I truly enjoyed the people, the songs, the games, the food etc. I would say that the party went pretty well and I had my fair share of laughs and just kept laughing and laughing as my partner, another guy and I were trying to act out "birth of Christ". I did not know what to expect and he just told me to sit back and relax and then he dived out and started to cry, boy was that really dramatic. Only then did I realised I was Mary, I just kept laughing and laughing, boy was that scene hilarious and classic :)

Then, the carolling went well as we even tried to sing parts and when the person leading tried to sing "Silent Night" with "Stand by Me". Sometimes, there just come a time when a song touches you and so far, there are 2 very heartwarming Christmas songs which are just wonderful... one of it is a song I had liked since a long time ago (though we did not sing it today), "Grown-Up Christmas List" and another song, "We Are the Reason", both sounded so lovely.

Grown-Up Christmas List


Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I'm all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

[Chorus:]
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a hurting human soul

[Chorus]

What is this illusion called
The innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief
Can we ever find the truth

[Chorus]

We Are the Reason

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find

But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

He is my reason to live

I also thanked God for my segment of the games going well when everyone came together to make their own Christmas tree. It's just amazing seeing their masterpieces in just 10 minutes! I was real worried it will not turn out well and frankly, there was even one point in time when I shared a joke and hardly anyone caught it (well, I guess sometimes when different people share jokes, it has different effect and for me, I am just not the kind who can make people laugh, kind of disappointing but then I recognise that it is just not "me" la). Lastly, the gift exchange was wonderful, first we all drew our gifts and then everyone was given the chance, one by one to "exchange" gifts with each other and finally, after opening the gifts, a group of lucky 7 got to exchange one final time... it was so fun seeing how people going around to "stalk" others to change gifts while others can only look in "disbelief" as their stuff was exchanged :) all in the name of fun...

So it was a wonderful night but then what I feared most indeed happened. I had tell myself that I will try not to get disheartened in anyway when I see the other cell groups but then the fact is, I felt alone the moment I stepped in. Other cells had tonnes and tonnes of people and I only had like 4. I did not want to mingle around really and just wanted to hide in a small corner and just watch the party go by, somehow, not in the mood today to interact. Several times when people ask me where my cell members are, I did not know how to respond. It hurts more to even see how everyone was enjoying one another's' company, having fun and being crazy together while I am reminded how my cell is now... Every single thing pricked my heart and made me feel hurt... from:
  • people asking me how many cell members are coming (I only have 4) as compared to about 15 each cell from the other two cells.
  • seeing how the members from the other cell groups were so close to each other and so crazy with one another, having fun,
  • carolling and making me realised that it had been a long time since I last had someone played the guitar during worship (though I know it is the heart, not the music that matters) since we had been singing acapella, but I do miss worship that way which prepares the hearts and allow everyone to worship and praise God while setting the stage for cell discussion,
  • celebrating birthday of some cell members with cakes and such and it had been a long time since we last celebrated with much fanfare and fellowship
  • seeing people pass on a card to appreciate their cell leader (I do not serve for such thing but then the thought would indeed be sweet)
  • seeing my cell members and not knowing what to say, somewhat feeling horrible that I am not able to provide them with this kind of fellowship and camaraderie in cell
I am sorry but then, it am feeling horrible once again... I do not know why I am always going back to this mode? Is my cell going to be like that forever? Is it the purpose of God that He wants my cell to be different? I have to admit that sometimes, all these just make me wonder if God is real? I know God is real but then sometimes, (maybe the devil is responsible) some thoughts in your mind just goes "maybe He is not real, it is just a figment of your imagination, so are all these struggle worth it? If He is not real, then why bother?" But I know He is real because there are just so many instances of experiencing Him at work in my everyday life but this itself does not stop such thoughts from creeping into my head.

On a side note, I managed to gift-wrap most of my presents and I am feeling all so great about it. Also designed a mini card for every gift and written messages to everyone... I think I did write something to "the one" to hint a bit, something to the effect that I would like to be able to care for her as she had done so for me and others". Don't know how things are going to turn out la, she may get the hint , she may not get the hint but then what if she is not keen in me? Will that jeopardise anything? Maybe, I am just thinking too much or maybe I should not go into a relationship since I fear so many things.

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