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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Thursday, October 25, 2007

 

They Need Christ, I Need Christ

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I began the day today with a rather heavy heart. Somehow, I do not feel that the session I had with my friend last night was good because I was mainly talking to him at the cognitive level, trying to help him feel better about the death of this person who he did not even know well. In fact, I felt that I might have gained more out of the session than him, seeing how God really brings people together for a season for a reason.

Then this morning, I received a sms from the sister-in-christ who has made me lose my cool. In fact, it has been quite some time since I last kept in touch with her. Anyway, she messaged me again this morning complaining about how our church has been inconsiderate and, from what I sensed from her, rather insincere about helping her; putting work on a higher priority than her. Then, in an attempt to trying to explore with her whether this is the case or has she been misreading into things, I replied to her message asking her if indeed that has been communicated to her or whether maybe she has misunderstood things?

She then snapped back at me, calling me not understanding, saying that I sound a bit defensive and asked me to stop messaging her, period. But then, she continued to message me and later even message to tell me that I should communicate like a friend, showing trust and empathy. Frankly, I am rather affected by her messages and that has somehow ruined my morning and day. I started to realise how I am starting to build up some unforgiveness again. Yes, I am angry with the message, I am angry with her, maybe also partly because of someone who have had a mental condition and who have hurt me. I can feel the unforgiveness building up again and true enough, I kinda of reverted back to my old self, lack of confidence etc. I can feel it.

Then, morning devotion came and at the devot
ion, someone read the lyrics to a song and this ministered to me:

They Need Christ
There are people living in the world out there…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ;
There are children crying and no one to care…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.
And they’ll go on hurting in the world out there,
And they’ll go on dying, drowning in despair,
And they’ll go on crying, that’s unless we care:
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.

There are people living who would rather die…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ;
And their Christian neighbours simply pass them by…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.
There are people sitting by a silent phone,
People cold and hungry, people left alone,
Suicides for reasons that remain unknown:
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.

There’s the prostitute and there’s the prisoner too…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ;
There’s the ‘skid row’ fella who has lost a shoe…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.
The compulsive gambler dreaming of his yacht,
And the lad that’s stealing just to get his ‘shot’,
And the kid that’s pregnant and pretends she’s not:
They need you, they need me, they need Christ.

There are runaways who want a place to go…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ;
There are alcoholics who don’t seem to know…
They need you, they need me, they need Christ;
There are God-less people who have lost their way,
And they need God’s love but they’re afraid to say.
If we close our eyes perhaps they’ll go away
Without you, without me, without Christ;

They need you, they need me, they need Christ.
Copyright © John Gowans

The more I listen to the lyrics, the more I realised how I might have been unkind and un-Christ-like in the way I handled the matter. And I thought I sensed that the calling for my cell seems to be to reach out to the "unreachables" and here, as cell leader, being unkind and unaccepting to people around me. I then realise that what began as unforgiveness of this sister-in-christ has somewhat turned into unforgiveness of myself for behaving this way. And it was ironic that during department devotion this week, I was sharing about how wise and kind words and how God speaks to us and through us.

Now the part about it is to forgive this sister-in-christ and also forgive myself. How I wish that would be easy to do.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

 

Missing the Good Ol' School Days

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So far, today has been an exciting day. Recently, I have received quite a number of calls from groups who want to volunteer and so I had to schedule meetings with them to explore further. Since I am going to be out of office, I thought that it might be a good idea to schedule all these meetings on the same day so I don't have to travel in and out of office so many times. So, I went to schedule three meetings today and told my boss that I will not be coming into office today, since I will be running all over the island to meet people.

A Day @ the Campuses
Then, this morning, I realised that all my 3 meetings are going to be in different school campuses. I was to be in NUS in the morning, then in SMU in the afternoon for a volunteer project site visit and finally ending in International School Singapore at Orchard Road. Boy am I dead beat after a whole day's meeting and running around the island. Haven't had lunch, so have settled myself down at Mac's in Orchard now, eating and blogging :)

Thanksgiving
So far, the day has been exciting and fun. Since I was going to meet people in school campuses, I decided to dress myself to "blend in", hahaha aka dressing in jeans and shirt la. And I thank God for blessing my day so far, everything just happened and went smoothly, buses came on time and there was ample time for me to hang around a bit with the different people I met, travel around and yet arriving on time at the various locations without having to stand around dragging time. Meetings went well and I was exceptionally extroverted today, having fun meeting people and talking to them (somehow, I just feel that the healing I have received from my church's New Life Encounter retreat has helped me to let go of my unforgiveness and bitterness, so much so I am experiencing "new life" now; surprising change).

Reliving the Good Old Days

Anyway, it was cool taking bus 151 again to NUS. The good old feeling of sitting amidst people studying and sleeping on bus as the wind blows at your face (seems that things never change from the time I was a student in NUS; majority of bus 151, if not all, seems to still be non-aircon bus). Wow, boy, NUS sure look so different now. As I made my way to the Arts canteen, I realised how different and spacious it looks now. But the ice lemon tea still taste the same! Realised the stall owner is still the same guy but he looks so much older with white hair. As I sipped the ice lemon tea, I just found the taste so familiar and it was almost I was back in the old Arts canteen again. After meeting the student volunteers, I was in the mood of reliving the good old days in NUS and decided to take a little short walk around, before heading to my next destination. Ah, the familiar stairs after stairs (no wonder they call it NUS, the National University of Stairs. No wonder I was so much slimmer last time). Haha, I must be really be in a bad state because I turned breathless easily after a while, climbing all those stairs.

I decided to pay the Social Work department a visit and say "hi" to my lecturers. But then, I soon find myself going round the whole faculty looking for the department, because it moved. But the walk was wonderful and as I climbed the stairs and walk past study benches, the memories of walking along the corridors with friends and sitting around, talking with them while waiting for our next lecture, all came back into my mind. Oh, how I miss my studying days! Eventually, I found the Social Work department at AS3 but then alas, my lecturers were all not around. Sigh... guess I will come back another time. OK, off to SMU. As I waited at the bus-stop, I just can't help but tell myself again how much NUS has changed. The place is so much of a farcry from the NUS during my time and the whole place was bustling with activity; you have people walking in all many directions and the roads were busy with big orangy-blue NUS buses plying it. So different, so different.


These 2 Bags?
Took an hour's bus ride over to SMU, another uniquely different campus. Met my volunteers who were supposed to run a stall to collect second-hand items for our organisation but it seems that when I reached there, the stall was not up yet. Sat around for a while and managed to meet the team leader. He's a nice guy and somewhat was apologetic that the stall wasn't running because all his team members were busy with project meetings etc. He then led me to the students' CCA room to retrieve the stuff and to meet his other team members. I really appreciated their wonderful gesture and effort in this project. But somehow I hope I did not make the students disappointed. I went with them to the students' CCA room and realised that over the past two days, they have collected only two bags of clothes, a pair of shoes and some books. They seemed disappointed with the result and I kind of regretted that I did not encourage them for their effort and if I am not wrong, I remember saying something like "so are these the only these 2 bags?", pointing at the bags and asking if I can bring them back with me. I hope I did not make them feel disappointed because I really do appreciate them for their effort, putting together the whole thing, even though the results were not as ideal as they would have liked it to be.

They are all wonderful people and I guess that's what I really appreciate about my job; the ability to meet nice people who just want to do their part for charity. But then I guess I was caught rather unaware by the 2 bags since I had expected 2 large bags of items and we have arranged for our trucks to come by to collect them. In the end, I had to call to cancel the trucks since it was only 2 small bags and the person doing the collecting would have to rush all the way from the west. But having said that, I still appreciate them and just regretted if I made them feel bad about the results. Did sent a sms after leaving the campus to encourage them on and they have also done a wonderful job initiating an interesting project with a local company to help us fundraise.


Last Stop
The last stop for the day was at the International School Singapore and it was wonderful meeting the nice teacher at the school and discussing how we can engage her students in community service work with our organisation. But I must say it has been a tiring day of meeting people, but yet it had been most interesting, especially seeing how things just fall into place, meetings going well and most of all, marveling at the healing work God has done in my life through the retreat, so much so things are so much more different now; me more confident of speaking to people and relatively more extroverted (or at least functionally so). I should hope this will last...

Prayer for Wisdom
A friend had messaged and he seemed terrible troubled about the recent death of someone who he does not know very well. Somehow, he seemed troubled about the fragility of life and seem to be really troubled by it. May God bless me with the wisdom to know what to say and how to encourage him later. So, meanwhile, will continue to sit here in Mac and wait for him.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

 

I Feel Used...

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I feel so used over this weekend; used by God. It is amazing seeing how God uses people to minister to others and I am glad to be used by Him.

On Friday, I was talking to this friend of mine (who I wasn't very close to) and suddenly he poured out his heart and shared some of his struggles in his family and requested for prayer. In a way, I did face similar problems as he did and somehow that opened the opportunity for me to somewhat know how he was feeling. For the first time in my meeting with him, I prayed for him. It was amazing because I was not very close with this friend so when he started to pour out his struggles to me, I was really surprised. Secondly, even in our previous conversations, it was mainly "secular" talks and seldom do we talk about "spiritual" matters, but that day, he actually asked for prayer. Thirdly, I was surprised how God had used my similar experience to help me better understand his struggle and gave me the opportunity to minister and to encourage him on. I just thank God for that.

Later that evening, I went to cell and realised that I had only 3 members attending that night. Wow, that had to be the record for the lowest attendance so far. But somehow in me, I did not feel as upset because I have told God that I am leaving cell in His hands and will let Him lead this cell; letting His will for this cell be done. I remember telling God that regardless He brings me 3 or 30 members, I will still minister as He had called me.

Anyway, that evening, I thank God again for using me to minister to another person. I had this visitor to our cell who had not visited our cell for a very long time. However, it was surprising when I received his sms earlier that day, asking if he can join our cell that evening. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was again amazed because that night, I had decided that I will share my testimony about the New Life Encounter retreat and how it has helped me to come to terms with the unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart. Just as we were going around sharing about our week and our thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised that this visitor opened up to share about his struggle with unforgiveness, just before I share my testimony about the retreat. And similarly after that, the discussion somehow swayed to a discussion about faith and trust in Him; about letting go and letting God, about how God not only wants to reconcile with us but restores us (but only if we let Him). I can tell how this discussion was somewhat timely because it seemed to be ministering to this visitor and God seems to be using me and the discussion to say something to him. I do not know if this is the case but I do hope he was ministered to. In fact, I am glad that during prayer time, he later opened up and talked a bit more and we even, as a small group of people, went to Changi Village for supper :)

Earlier that day, I received a sms from another friend who was feeling very troubled about her career. I thank God that I had the chance to invite her to visit our church service on Sunday and I thank God for ministered to her during the service. I later spend some time chit chatting with her. Again, through all these, I just found it amazing again how God has used me because as we talked, I realised that it was a similar issue that I faced two years ago which had caused me to "plunged" into slight depression. I was so thrilled that God used this experience of mine to help me understand her situation. As we shared with one another, we just come to realise how God brings people together for a season for a reason. Hey that rhymes! (Reminds me the time I came up with another slogan, "It is never Good without God"). It was amazing how God used my past experiences, my current experiences and testimony to minister to people. It is even more amazing, as I exclaimed to my friend, the words that come out of my mouth during these sessions; words that I would never have catch myself saying. The right bible verses come to mind at the right time, e.g. Psalm 118:8:

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.

Closure
As a form of closure, I thought it would be good to recognise, for the record, how my previous bad experience at my previous organisations has taught me a few things about management aka how NOT to treat my staff. I have learnt:
  • Staff welfare, once given is very hard to be withdrawn, unless you are ready to deal with a possible decline in motivation and increased staff dissatisfaction with you
  • How it is important it is to keep salary figures confidential lest it lead to staff comparing, staff dissatisfaction and declined staff motivation
  • Restructuring, if any, should not be allowed to drag on for long periods of time because negative feelings can dampen staff motivation
  • How communication and addressing feelings are important during any restructuring exercise
In addition, I have also learnt:
  • Never to work with friends; it is another thing if from colleagues we become friends but then one should never work with friends because different expectations at work during the working relationship can ruin the friendship
  • Never put our trust and esteem in work and people. Man can fail us (Psalm 118:8) and so is work never stable. I have made the mistake of placing my self-esteem on my work and in the end, I was crushed. Now I have learnt to only place my trust in God whom I know will not fail me
  • Never jump to conclusions because I saw how people had so much negative emotions and feelings when they jump to conclusions and conclude that people are "out to get them", when that may not be the case. I have seen how people had intense emotional reactions during the restructuring because they interpreted everything as an act to get rid of them.
Thanksgiving
I thank God for several things:
  • For a presentation and professional sharing at a training that went well
  • For a "new life" after the New Life Encounter retreat; I felt more confident when I talk to people, I enjoy relationships with people and I am generally a happier person once I have let go of years of unforgiveness and bitterness
  • For showing me how much God can work and heal our lives when we allow Him to
Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner
On Saturday, I went with a few friends to catch a movie called "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry". It was a funny show but then I was rather uncomfortable about the movie because it seemed to be a gay-sympathetic movie and portrayed Christians as a bunch of conservative and unforgiving people. Somehow, I did not really know that this weekend, there also happened to be some commotion and debate going on about the removal of section 377A from the Penal Code, which will allow for sex between men. Then, the next day, our senior pastor addressed the congregation about this matter and I was so glad that he was focused enough to remind us that as Christians, we should NOT be apologetic about "fighting" against ungodly values but we must NOT also be unmerciful, unloving and unkind to homosexuals. However, I was dismayed when I returned home that day to find that there were some Christians "gay-bashing". I am reminded that we should hate the sin not the sinner. Now how many Christians can keep that focus?

Fat Fat Fat
Oh no! Have been a long time since I last exercised and I am noticing that I am getting fatter. One thing's for sure and that is that my clothes, which used to fit me rather well, is now becoming real tight. I was preparing to go to a friend's wedding dinner and just realised that my shirt has gotten rather tight around the waist. I got to do something about this real soon!

Anyway, saw my alumni president at the wedding and had a talk with him. I do feel rather guilty that I have somehow gone MIA from alumni EXCO meeting for some time, with all my commitment at work and church. It seems that this nice guy has been hanging on for sometime now and at yesterday's meeting, there was only him (kinda reminded of the time I was alone at East Coast waiting for my cell group to turn up for cycling).

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