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We are all discoverers... travelling the world, learning its truths, its people and its meanings every single day. Grab your backpacks and let's embark on this journey of mine, one that holds a lot of meaning to me... Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

Saturday, July 22, 2006

 

Lost & Found, Lost Again?

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Blessed but Different
Recently, I haven't been feeling very good... not physically as in I feel unwell but then it just feels different; everything just feels different...


There had been no major crisises in my life but it just feels not the same anymore... Everything still went on relatively well; for sure, I can see how God is still guiding me in my work. On normal days, it is normal to receive quite a number of calls and emails on volunteering which disrupts me from my work but during this period, with all the projects on hand, it is just amazing that some days, there are just no calls and emails at all... and I mean really zero. This allowed me to really concentrate and finish off my growing pile of outstanding work. But yet amidst all these blessings, I know I am no longer at peace with God.

Distancing from God
It seems that the Da Vinci Code has caused considerable damage in my faith. Somehow, on the internet while surfing about, I have also came across some webpages on Islam and Antichrist which nonetheless fuelled the damage (though not major ones). Later, came a time where I started to distance from God because I became so busy at work and also missed cell, staff devotions sessions and Sunday service because I went to work on projects, attend meetings and on vacation. (Picture "Desert Road" by switt)

Staying with God
Just as there had been "forces" distancing me from God, in recent weeks, there had also been incidences that seemed to pull me back to God and also remind me of my calling (see here and here) yet again. Seriously, I haven't been very proactive about things and just somehow in recent months got lost in work and almost clean forgotten about it.

First came the Rick Warren dinner on the Purpose-Driven Life on 6 July. I went to the dinner with friends hoping that the dinner will be helpful for my friends and help them realize that God has a purpose for every life (and I thank God that they agreed to come) but in the end, it made me realized my calling yet again (and how I have yet to do much about it) and also how my priorities are placed on work yet again. Hours before the dinner, a friend who I invited to come called me to let me know that she has been ill for a few days and could not attend. In a frenzy, within three hours from the dinner, God brought the name of another friend into mind and I gave her a call. It was really great to hear her say "yes" to coming and even greater when she messaged me the next morning to tell me how the dinner has ministered to her and how she has decided to hang on, knowing God is with her.

And sermon that week of all topics had to be "Becoming an Outreaching Church", yet reminding me of the calling to reach out to people who have went far from God... backsliders and those in cults. In fact, for the following few weeks, sermons are on "Drawing Back to God", how timely for a person who is distancing from God this very moment. As I write down the names of people who I care for on the prayer card, I pray for God's blessing to be upon them and wish fervently for their salvation.

On 10 July, I was supposed to go to a school to do some judging for some competition involving student volunteers with 2 other colleagues from another centre. We ended a little earlier and went to a nearby cafe for a drink. It was just a simple chit-chat session which somehow turned into a conversation about reaching out to the misled e.g. those in cults. I was surprised how the chat eventually ended up in me asking whether there are ministries in Singapore working with backsliders and also those who are in cults and a call was eventually made to some pastor in some bible college... Three signs within five days... God, are you speaking to me? What is expected of me? I do not know where to start...

Sharing my Testimony; Affirming my Faith
In addition, God continue to send into my path people too share my testimony to and of course, in the process of sharing my testimony, I am reminded of God's grace for me... Over the next 11 days, God sent to me people I would least expect to share with me their personal struggles and gave me the opportunities to share my testimony. First was a friend who I have not met for years. This is a friend whom I known since primary school. One day, he contacted me over the internet and asked if we wanted to meet, mentioning how grateful he was for a treat I have given him a few years ago (though I really cannot remember) and told me no friend has ever done that for him. To cut a long story short, I eventually met up with him and get to understand that the last few years hasn't been easy for him, in fact since primary school (and I didn't know about it). I was surprised how the way was paved for me to share my testimony about how I came back to Christ; everything just fitted in nicely, one thing led to another and all the words just came at the right time... I later learnt that he is a Buddhist but wasn't resistant to the fact that I shared about my Christian faith. From this, I was reminded again of my encounter with Christ and learnt the lesson that God can send anyone anytime into your path to minister too... not much preparation is needed as God will bless the session. (Picture "Praying" by Blondie1)

A few days ago, I crossed path with a part-timer and although I did not know her well (only got to exchange less than twenty words before this), our conversation ended up in she sharing with me her personal struggle in her faith. What began as a simple question "how are things for you so far?" turned into a deep sharing. I was thinking to myself that God seem to gave me a gifting for people to feel comfortable to share their trials and tribulations with me (despite not knowing them very well and me not knowing what to say most of the time). This has indeed happened several times so far. Again, to cut a long story short, she shared with me how recently she had also had some struggles in her spiritual life and God seem to have brought her to this very Christian organisation I am working in now where she has started to walk closer to God again. This paved the way for me to share my testimony seeing that we had similar struggles and how God has also paved the way and brought me to this organisation as well.

That very evening, I was tasked to facilitate a small group discussion in cell; something which I would normally not initiate to do since I am always so introverted so let alone lead a discussion. Anyway, the group discussion saw all 3 of us sharing how we came to know and accept Christ and this of course again gave me the opportunity to share my testimony. God has also blessed the discussion and while many other small groups finished their discussions relatively quickly, our group just went on sharing and discussing and the right words and questions at the right time although I did not prepare for it. I have to thank God for that. At the end of the discussion, we realized that God's love has always and will always be great for us (since God created us for a relationship with us; for Him to love us and for us to love Him). Nothing compares to His love for us because with so many people sinning against Him every minute, he could have just destroyed us off the face of the earth just as He had sent the great floods to wipe out all sinners in the story of Noah. Instead, He sent His only son, Jesus, to come to die on the cross for us, so we may be justified and cleansed of our sins to be with God again. So, His love for all Man has always been there, just that it became visible when one accepts Christ into his/her life with true repentence.

Everytime I relate my testimony, I am once again reminded of His grace and want to continue running the race as a child of God. As I look back at my blog, I realised that there had been ups and downs in my spiritually life. Maybe this is the life of a Christian; one which will continue to be filled with spiritual dryness, trials and temptations, as shown in the following video that I just found this morning:



Yes, we have been saved by His grace and we will remain saved because God's love is unconditional. But God wants us to be more than saved, we are ultimate accountable to Him for what we have done as His child just as the parable of talents in Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-28 reminds us. The talent mentioned "means something very different today from what our Lord meant when He told this parable. The talent was the largest measurement of money in those days" (Source). Something for us as Christians to think about.

I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever

Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down. [Yeah!]

I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever. [Repeat]

Oh, I feel like dancing -
it's foolishness I know;
but, when the world has seen the light,
they will dance with joy,
like we're dancing now.



So You Would Come
by Hillsong United

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

 

Standing Firm

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I guess I had enough of stress at work and having work increasing several folds because the volunteer programme is just not responding fast enough to take in the volume of volunteer applications coming in.

It was like a pressure cooker the past few weeks... combining the fact that I had been out of office for conferences, volunteer fairs, meetings and projects, piling emails and voice mails and also some centres are not following up fast enough to place volunteers... a disaster was just brewing, waiting to spill over.

So, I made a decision yesterday and did something which I did not expect myself to do... I decided to be assertive and made a decision to stop active recruitment of volunteers and boldly sent an sent to all centres announcing the decision, stating that we are indeed not coping with the influx and there are currently many "unaccounted for" placements. Had to reiterate the importance of proper follow-up with volunteers.

I am generally a person who finds problem being assertive but then, with all the stress, I find myself in a situation where I needed to stand firm and proactively do something for myself... Surprisingly, a couple of colleagues wrote back to say that I did the right thing sending that email out and apologies for any oversight. First time I am assertive and yet don't feel guilty about it.

Monday, July 17, 2006

 

I'm Back!

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Boomerang by Marzie

Back in Action!

Just like a boomerang, I am back in action! Have MIA-ed for almost 2 months now... The past 2 months can be described as busy busy busy and at least 2 people have recently told me that I look different, somewhat troubled and quieter. Guess my work has been getting the better of me. Sad to say, work is getting unbearable and my priorities in life seems to be changing; spiritually I seem to be drifting further and further from God (not something I am very thrilled about) and I am trying my best to turn the situation around.

Work Woes
Anyway, I am making a conscious effort to not gripe about my work anymore and also do something to help myself cope with work. For one, I am making conscious efforts to try to say "no" so I will stop piling work on myself. Just last week, I called an EXCO member who I am helping out as a volunteer in her team and indicated my wish to play a more supportive role rather than lead a team... 3 days ago, I received a sms from my church choir asking if I am still keen to join (yeah!) but sadly, I had to decline as I wasn't sure I can cope handling my current workload while continuing to help out in some volunteer committees and having choir practice to attend every week. I am already stagnating in my spiritual growth and am so mentally tired I just wish to just stop and take stock (and of course a breather).

I have also decided just hours ago that I am going to stop recruitment of new volunteers for my organisation since my centres seem to be so slow in following-up with volunteers; I have to deal with new volunteers while having volunteers already referred out contacting me yet again to find out the status of their placement. Don't really like the idea of having to pick up the pieces when others are slow in handling their work which makes me look real inefficient. Projects and applications are piling real sky-high and I really don't like going to work everyday, operating in a mode to survive and clearing work to survive. But yet, surprisingly, I like my job... OK, stop griping.

Over the next few days, I am going to update the "lost" entries for the last few weeks.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

 

Sleepy Sunday

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Sleepy Sunday
Today is a really really sleepy day... I was getting so mentally exhausted I decided to come straight back after church service and some errands to sleep... slept through the afternoon and somehow still tired. Don't understand, have went on 2 short trips to Hong Kong and Malacca in the past couple of weeks but still exhausted. (Picture "Colored Pillows" by astin )


Some People Really Irk Me
Maybe being stressed at work has made me easily irritable and has lowered my tolerance level. Just this week, I got so mad with a couple of people I just can't understand why these people exists? Earlier in the week, I had this lady from some "lifestyle company" who called my handphone and told me that I have won some prizes and asked me to go to their office later the day to collect it. Apparently she was reading from a script and refused to give me a chance to speak and say "no". When I finally had the chance to speak, I gracefully told her that I am not keen. And then she asked "why" but while I was talking, she hung up on me! How rude can some people be!

Yesterday, I visited Harvey Norman at Millenia Walk and also met some appalling customer service yet again. I was looking for an extension wire for my earphone and seeing that they sell earphones in the computer section, I approached the staff to ask where I can find the extension wire. Was asked to approach the staff at the camera section for help and so I went over to the camera section. The lady at the section mentioned that they do have it and I can proceed to the TV section to ask if they still carry stock for it. I walked to the TV section only to meet a staff who was clueless to what I wanted and asked me to go to the camera section. I was really deeply upset with being sent here and there, so I told her that I have already been sent from section to section. Eventually, she got a colleague to attend to me and he told me to proceed to the staff counter in the TV section for help. When I reached there, the staff was on the line and so I waited. Soon after, the staff who directed me to this counter came but did not even bother to attend to me and just went about doing some search on the computer. I got so fed up and just left... Talk about bad customer service... Harvey Norman just lost another customer. Had initially wanted to buy a cordless phone from them but eventually abandoned the idea and went away.

Then, when I was making my way home, there were these couple of Indian nationals who were waiting for the train with me. When the train came and the doors opened, they just pushed their way in, refusing to give way to alighting passengers. This really got me really disgusted. Later on the train, there was this lady who could not stand the I encountered this lady who was openly demonstrating that she could not stand their smell (I think the smell of coconut oil) coming from the very Indian national who pushed their way through and openly demonstrated her displeasure by putting a handkerchief over her mouth and nose. I mean, yes I am disgusted with these Indian nationals for being so inconsiderate (one of them even leaned on the grab pole, making it difficult for me to hold on), but you do not have to embarrass people.

Hello, You OK?
Met up with a friend today to catch up at a cafe. He was talking halfway and suddenly stopped and looked blankly into the air. This really got me worried; wondering what's happening to this friend of mine and what I needed to do. Eventually he recovered but for the first few minutes, he was not making sense when he spoke... fully recovered a few minutes later... Not sure if it is stress-induced (somehow it seems that most of my friends are not having a good time at work) but am just glad he is fine now.

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