Minor accomplishments...

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springboard 4 by torvald

OK woke up today and did a bit of work... received an email from my committee member informing me that my acting head was very upset when she heard that I will be paid honorarium for the work I am doing. He did tell me not to be worried as this matter has been settled.

Wrote back to say that I am willing to forego this payment as I am prepared to treat this as voluntary work done on goodwill for my profession should it be too troublesome to claim honorarium. In the end, I do not want to upset anyone.

Wow, did quite a bit in a day. Besides doing work, I had also taken the time to meet a friend who came back from Shanghai 2 weeks ago and will be returning tomorrow. Was great catching up with him and a few other friends during lunch. Was a hearty lunch where we ate and laughed, ate and laughed :D He is still the humourous him, making fun of me. Wasn't a bit affected by it though, guess I am so used of using myself to "entertain" others, been so in the past and so now as well.

Also did a bit of "renovation" work on my blog, adding a tag board. It seems that blogging is now becoming quite a part of my life. I take pride in my blog that I am now finding ways to enhance it, with pictures, counters and the latest addition, my tag board! Keep in touch with me and other visitors to my blog through the tag board. However, I do ask people who post to the tag board respect my blog and not to post offensive remarks or irrelevant stuff like ads there.

OK what I am going to say may make you giggle: For once, I went out alone... I know, I know that I am old enough to go out on my own but then usually I will spend the day at home resting rather than to go out without company, seems to be a lonely affair doing so. However, today made my way to bishan to get a birthday gift for my friend while doing a little bit of shopping around. It does feel kind of lonely going out without company but then I am left to take in the sights and sounds at my own pace and go where I want to.

While out, received a sms from that friend who smsed that he is beginning to hate me (wow, what a mouth full). Anyway, he asked me out again and again I rejected him, telling him that I am not comfortable meeting him. In the end, I think he left after not seeing me... messaged me, saying that he wish I know what I am doing and where I am heading though he do not know why I am behaving in this way...

On my way home, I had also made the commitment to be as christian-like as possible. Let's see how this will work out... Need to be spiritually congruent...

Torn Apart

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Somehow, was awakened early this morning at 6.30am (surprisingly earlier than my normal days). Laid on my back, enjoying every moment of my "new-found freedom" since I am no longer employed... told myself that I will want to take things easily from henceforth and give myself a lot of rest during these couple of weeks.

Received a sms from my colleague who just woke up and she was responding to my sms sent last night. Mentioned that the office will no longer be the same again and asked me to take good care of myself, saying that she is tearing while typing the sms. Somehow, this sms had affected me and I could not get back to sleep, so I switched on my laptop and decided to create a photo slideshow with photos we had taken together as a parting gift for my colleague. However, as I reviewed the slide show with the song "Remember me this way"... I can't help but ask myself: "how did things turn out this way?" As the slideshow went on, I can't help but started to grieve the loss of bond with my colleague...

Remember Me This Way
Jordan Hill 
From Album : Casper Motion Picture Soundtrack

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down

Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found

I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way 

Got out of bed at 8am and started to prep for the day. Even though I am unemployed, I had to go meet one of my management committee members to discuss some work... After the meeting, I made my way back to office and gave my ex-colleagues there a pleasant surprise :D (they never expected that I would go back office today).

Anyway, throughout the day, I continue to receive sms from that friend who sms-ed me a few days ago that he is "beginning to hate me". He asked me out for dinner, however I am not prepared to meet him as I felt there is no need to anymore, I just want to move on... the sms exchanges went on a couple of times through the day and I kept mentioning that I am not able to meet him as I had prior appointments made in the evening and am not comfortable to meet him. Came back home at the end of the day, dead tired and fell asleep soon after. Woke up shortly after to find that he had came by my house and waited for me for dinner but left not long after when there was no sight of me... mentioned in a sms sent soon after that I wasted his "time, petrol and emotion". Do not know how to respond to that message... Maybe there is no need to...

Anyway, my evening was ruined totally by my acting head yet again... was in a mid-autumn festival celebrations when I received news that my acting head was very upset when she found out that I am being paid "honorarium" for the extra work I am doing now, without her acknowledgement. Of course she did not confront me directly but seemed to have confronted the committee member I met this morning. Not again. Just end of last year, a conflict had resulted between me and my colleague, this committee member and the acting head which has caused much tension between the 4 of us and started things going downhill, resulting in my resignation. This time again, she has done it yet again...

Well maybe I should not have told my colleague that I will be paid honorarium for the work that I am now doing. It is because of this that she accidentally told my acting head who became so upset that she confronted the committee member who offered to pay me... He ultimately called me to say that things are fine (which was how I eventually found out about this). However, this "saga" has caused a few people to feel bad... I feel bad that I told my colleague about the honorarium and put my committee member in a spot... my colleague felt bad for causing this saga... I am indeed affected, though not as much as before since I do not have to face my acting boss again.

I really do not know how to feel towards my colleague. On one hand, I grief our parting but on the other hand, I am affected by her telling my acting head about the honorarium and upsetting everyone in the process. Well on hindsight, maybe I should not blame her as she did not know my acting head knew nothing of this arrangement and she had to deal directly with my acting head's strong reactions.

Torn Apart by heartkiss

Chapter Closed!

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Just finished work and returned home...

As expected, the last parting was the most painful one... Throughout the whole evening, both me and my colleague were laughing and joking away and having so much fun. A few times, she jokingly mentioned that she don't feel much as she felt that I am going on "leave" only.

However, when it came to the time we left the centre and she was locking up, she wished me "all the best" and started to tear... seeing her cry made me tear as well... my eyes were so painful that I teared for a few minutes... 2 volunteers helping us lock the place up described us like "mother and son" parting :D In the end, we parted ways and me walked towards the carpark with my luggage bag behind me... I made my way to my volunteer's car (he offered to send me home) and never did look back...

I think I will miss this colleague of mine as we have came a long way since 1 alomost 2 years ago when we first met... then we were squashed up in a small office. It was a rough beginning and there were several misunderstandings but we later agreed to be honest and genuine with each other... since then, we became very good friends who confided with each another... she also trusted me and my working style... we have came a long way...

Just sent her a sms saying that although we are no longer colleagues, we can now be good friends... asked her to take good care of herself and that I will come back to hound her again :D

Friends by crazed2ins
(Friends to the end)

All the best my dear colleague!

Towards the end of the Chapter

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I am sitting now at my now-empty table, listening to Emi Fujita's song as I type this blog. All the staff have left, leaving only me and my fellow admin colleague in the centre, waiting for another meeting. Up till this day, I still can't believe that I am leaving...

I remember the journey here to work this morning... it felt so surreal... was also listening to emi's song on the way here and so much memories came flooding back... today is the day I am closing this chapter of my life, hopefully to move on to something better. This had been such a bad experience so much so my friendship has been affected. Just 2 days ago, received a sms from the friend mentioned in the blog entry "de Fences Up!... Safe in a Crazy World". He mentioned that he is frankly beginning to hate me... I replied to say that it is good because things haven't been going well between us and we should move on. Just this morning I messaged him again to say that "hate me he should but do not harbour the hatred for long as I am not worth it. We should all move on..." I also thanked him for the wonderful memories and friendship he had given me. Just didn't want to leave this chapter in a bad note.

I really hope that when I leave this centre later, I won't tear... I have fought many a "battles" here and similarly, I have grown a lot here too.

Received a piece of good news 2 days ago too. Was approached by a christian social work organization to apply for a job that deals with volunteers and training. I know I did decide to leave this field and was kinda lost I asked God for guidance. In fact, when I received the call, I was so thrilled with the job because I can be closer to God while staying in the field. I can also do something which I am interested in, training, and if so decide to go back to social work, I can always apply for an internal transfer. I guess I will give this job a try despite saying I will leave the field.

Praying for strength...

Stories...

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Colored Balloons by wwskies

Carrying Bloonz

There was once a man who sells balloons; these balloons were his livelihood. He does not have "state-of-the-art" gadgets to help him inflate his balloons and thus he stood in a corner of the street, taking out balloons and started to blow into them to inflate them.

He inflates his first balloon. Out of a corner, a little kid appears with a pin and "poked" a hole in the balloon. Being kind-natured, the man simply cut a piece of scotch tape and taped it over the small hole to mend the balloon, he went on inflating it. The kid appears yet again with the pin and as expected, punctured a hole in the balloon. The man followed through his normal motion and took a piece of tape to mend the hole. This went on for a couple of times until the man got so fed up and took another new balloon out and started to inflate the balloon. The same thing happened again: the kid appearing to puncture the balloon.

Question:
1. Was the 1st balloon fully deflated?
2. Was the man still holding on to the 1st balloon?
3. What could the man have done to prevent the kid from upsetting his balloons?
4. Was the balloon tied on properly in the first place and was air already escaping and causing the balloon to deflate?

Beachside Hut in Mexico by vandorsten

The Man who was Unhappy with his House

A man lived by the beach. His house had a wonderful view but he was nt happy with the decor of his house. As such, he was constantly renovating his house and experimenting with different interior design styles.

One day, a storm brewed and wrecked his house. He was so unhappy that his house was wrecked and decided to pack his old stuff and bring it out to sea to throw them away (despite a mini storm outside). As he packed the old stuff into a box, he was covering his left ear with his left hand and packing with his right.

In the midst of hurried packing, he accidentally packed his favourite radio into the box and with one hand over one ear and the storm outside, he could not hear the radio blasting away. He had not the courage to remove his hands from his left ear. He finally brought the box out to the beach where he threw it into the sea.

Then a friend came by to check on this man, to see if everything was alright since he stayed by the coast. AS he came by, he grabbed the man by his arm and pointed him to an object floating on the water surface not far ahead... it was the man's favourite radio...

Question:
1. What should the man do?

Fellowship & Workship

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I am going to celebrate my achievement! It has been 3 weeks and I am still going to church, minus the "inertia" and excuses :D

Anyway, today's theme seems to be "ships": fellow-ship and wor-ship.

Today, the sermon series on burnout took a break and the topic today was on the "delight of giving". Well, I didn't feel good about the sermon at first since it appears to be talking about money and how important it is to give to the church... felt like it is some lecture telling us the importance of contributing to the church (but then again, to be fair, the church needs to be upkept). However, by the end of the service, I brought away with me 2 important lessons:

1. We should beware of the scarcity attitude "I don't have" and adopt the language of abundance, recognizing God as our provider.

2. Worship takes all forms and that I should not be too preoccupied about how others are worshipping and constantly worried whether I am doing the "right" thing.

On Worhsip
In fact, I kinda left myself in the hands of God and requested that he provide me guidance during this critical period. I had also started to be more comfortable with my gesture of worship (with palms open) at service. After reading a few chapters of the "Purpose-Driven Life", it becomes clear that worship is not done only in church but in everything we do, from the work we do to the minute things we do every day. I thus have decided to worship by asking God, our provider, for guidance to my purpose so that I could use my giftings for the purpose and worship God in the process. I guess I had been too uptight about "how" I worship in the past (well I still am but lesser now) rather than "why" I worship; to give thanks.

On Fellowship
Amazingly, I was contacted by so many friends today to meet up. This had never happened before! I was contacted by my best friend of close to 20 years, whom I had not maintained contact with for almost a year, and was asked if I would like to meet up. In the end, we met up and had a wonderful time catching-up and reminiscing old times.

Was also invited to join my friends' cell group for lunch after service. Nice bunch of people! Even though my friends wasn't there (they left me with the group), I enjoyed their company a lot and might really consider going to cell group (although it is in pasir ris :)).

In the evening, I also met up with another group of JC friends for dinner and again we went to Gone Fishing and played a game of RISK :D
I had also earlier went out with a couple of these friends on Saturday and all 3 of us wore Mickey Mouse T-shirt (different colours la) hahaha, cute ah :D

Today is a meaningful and fulfilling day.

My fav worship song for now:

I Offer My Life

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Chorus:
Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You.